Idol

by Carrie Duffy

  ‘Surprise!’ Amber giggled. She threw her arms up in the air.

  Zac looked mortified. It felt like some kind of nightmare. Most of the crew had now noticed her arrival, and although they were pretending to carry on as normal, he knew they were all watching. The conversation had dropped to a low hum; people sneaked sidelong glances as they ate.

  ‘Can someone find her a seat?’ Ryan asked, trying to lighten the atmosphere. ‘She can’t be standing at her boyfriend’s birthday.’

  Something clicked in Amber’s brain as Ryan’s words registered.

  ‘Of course, Zac’s birthday! That’s why I came. Happy birthday, baby!’ She slid onto his knee and kissed him elaborately.

  Zac didn’t return the gesture. ‘I thought you were working.’

  ‘I couldn’t miss out on your birthday, could I?’ she pouted. ‘I managed to get some time off.’ Indefinitely, she didn’t add.

  ‘Great,’ Zac smiled lamely. He took a long slug of his beer, then summoned a waiter to get him a double dark rum. The only way he was going to get through tonight was by being as drunk as possible.

  Angela Lee was sitting at her desk, flicking thoughtfully through Jenna Jonsson’s file. It was late – almost 11 p.m. – but she didn’t intend to go home yet. She couldn’t until she’d spoken to Paul. They needed to talk, and Angela had decided that tonight was to be the night.

  As though she’d summoned him with her thoughts, Paul appeared out of his office. He looked tired – dark bags hung under his eyes, and there was a smattering of stubble along his jaw line. His shirt was creased after the long day. Angela knew he was having some difficulties at work; that he’d been having regular meetings with William Davis-Wright and he feared for his job. She hoped her news might cheer him up a little.

  ‘Mr Austin …’ she began.

  He marched across the outer office, prepared to pass her without saying a word.

  ‘Paul!’ she called out in desperation.

  ‘Not now,’ he hissed, infuriated by her familiarity. He walked out, slamming the door behind him.

  Angela bit her lip, but was determined not to be put off. She waited a few seconds, then slipped out from behind her desk and followed him. She knew where he was going. Walking briskly, she headed for the lift. It didn’t take long to arrive – the building was practically empty – and she got out on the top floor, heading up a final flight of steps that led to the roof. Tentatively, she pushed open the emergency door and stepped out. The view was incredible. The whole of London was spread out before her, offering a bird’s-eye view of the London Eye and the Oxo Tower, Parliament and Canary Wharf. Planes flew overhead, criss-crossing the cloudless night sky.

  Then she saw him. He was silhouetted against the darkness, the tip of his cigarette glowing orange.

  ‘Mr Austin,’ Angela called out.

  The cigarette halted in mid-air, and she heard him mutter something under his breath.

  ‘Mr Austin,’ she approached him slowly. ‘There’s something I need to tell you.’

  Paul turned on her. ‘What’s so important that you had to stalk me across the whole building? I can’t even get away from you up here. We’re not in a relationship, you know,’ he ranted. ‘What happened was an accident, and you can’t carry on—’

  ‘I’m pregnant.’

  Paul looked as though the wind had been knocked out of him. For a moment he couldn’t speak. ‘Is this a fucking joke?’ he asked finally.

  ‘No,’ Angela said quietly, shaking her head. ‘It’s my twelve-week scan tomorrow. I thought you might … I thought you might like to come with me.’

  Paul threw back his head and roared with laughter. ‘Bullshit,’ he declared, dropping his cigarette and stamping on it with his heel, grinding it into the concrete until it was completely destroyed. ‘Fucking bullshit.’ He looked angry now.

  ‘I can assure you—’

  He took a step closer, his air menacing. ‘Are you lying? You’d better be fucking lying.’

  ‘No, sir.’ Angela shook her head, feeling the tears start to build. He was scaring her.

  ‘Jesus Christ,’ Paul swore under his breath. He thought about asking if it was his, but knew instinctively that she was telling the truth. Angela Lee didn’t sleep around. He would have bet money on the fact that she hadn’t got laid the entire time she’d worked for him. Hell, she didn’t get the chance to. She never left the office. And then, like a fool, he’d had his moment of madness and now …

  ‘Get rid of it.’ Paul’s voice was calm, matter-of-fact.

  ‘What?’ Angela was shocked. The conversation wasn’t supposed to go this way. He was supposed to tell her that he loved her, that he’d leave his wife so they could start a new life together.

  ‘You heard,’ he repeated coldly. ‘Get rid of it.’

  Angela reacted instinctively. ‘No,’ she stated defiantly. ‘No. I’m not getting rid of this baby.’

  Paul rolled his eyes, like she was an inconvenience to be dealt with. ‘For fuck’s sake, Angela, why do you have to be so difficult about it? There’s obviously no way you can keep it.’

  ‘Isn’t there?’ Angela asked sadly. She felt as though her world had come crashing down. All her hopes and dreams, the secret fantasies about their new life together – he’d destroyed everything with his words. ‘I thought you loved me.’

  Paul laughed incredulously. ‘Why the fuck would you think that?’

  Her voice was small, hardly audible. ‘You slept with me.’

  ‘What is this, the nineteen fifties? It was just sex, Angela. I didn’t feel anything for you.’ His lip curled as he looked at her with contempt. Pregnancy didn’t suit Angela. Far from being the glowing mother-to-be, she looked tired and dishevelled. Her skin had broken out, and her hair was lank and greasy.

  ‘Just like the others …’ she whispered unhappily. She’d genuinely believed that she was different. She worked with him, and he’d relied on her every day for almost two years. She wasn’t a fly-by-night like those other women.

  ‘Now come on, Angela,’ Paul began, a little more kindly, as he placed a hand on her arm. His skin was cold and Angela flinched. ‘Let’s go back inside and talk practicalities. I’ll pay for everything, of course, and you’ll have the best medical care, okay? I can arrange for you to take an extended period of leave on full salary and—’

  ‘It’s not about that!’ Angela howled, yanking her arm away from him. ‘Don’t you get it? I want this baby! I don’t have anything, Paul. At the end of the day, you go home to your wife and your boys and your perfect life and I don’t have anything.’

  ‘So I’ll buy you a fucking kitten,’ Paul sneered. ‘You can’t have a child just because you’re lonely.’

  Angela looked him firmly in the eye. ‘It’s our child. I’m going to bring it up and care for it. And it’s going to know that its daddy was handsome and clever, and that Mummy loved Daddy more than anything else in the world.’

  Paul pressed his fingers to his temples, trying to take in what she was saying. How the fuck had this all happened? Of course he’d noticed Angela following him around recently, but he’d never imagined she was hiding something like this. His wife would leave him. He’d be a laughing stock among his friends and colleagues. One thing was certain: there was no way he could have this child.

  With a sudden movement, Paul grabbed Angela’s wrists, holding them tightly as he pushed his face up against hers. ‘Get rid of it,’ he snarled.

  Angela twisted from side to side, trying to get away. His nails were digging into her arm. ‘Get your hands off me,’ she warned him. If he wanted to play hardball, so could she. ‘You think you can threaten me? Well I can threaten you. I had a phone call yesterday from Sadie Laine. Remember her?’

  Paul’s eyes narrowed in recognition. He had a bad feeling about this.

  ‘She had some questions about Jenna Jonsson’s account.’

  Paul stared at her, his breathing coming fast. ‘What did you tell her, bitch?’
>
  Angela smiled, feeling the balance of power shift. ‘I simply scanned a few documents and emailed them over. She seemed very interested. She wanted to see more.’ Angela waited, letting the moment hang. ‘And if you don’t let me keep this baby, I’ll show her the rest.’

  Paul laughed hollowly. ‘You wouldn’t dare.’ He meant it as well. Mousy little Angela, who hardly dared raise her voice above a whisper. Where the hell had this hard-nosed bitch come from?

  Angela looked at him sadly. ‘What have I got to lose?’

  Paul let out a roar as the red mist descended. All he knew was that everything was going wrong in his life and everywhere he turned there was Angela. He was about to lose his job and his wife and it was all her fault.

  ‘Bitch! Fucking bitch!’ he yelled, shaking her furiously. Angela screamed, but Paul clamped a hand over her mouth. His grip on her was vice-like, and she struggled furiously, desperate to get away. She was fighting for more than just herself – she was fighting for their baby.

  Summoning all her strength, she brought her arm forward, then drove her elbow back into his stomach. It worked. Paul doubled over in pain, releasing his grip on her. Angela ran as hard as she could. She could hear him behind her, his laboured breathing gaining on her. With a yell he launched himself at her, grabbing the back of her blouse. She felt it rip as she sidestepped him, but within seconds he was on her again. He caught her shoulder and fell heavily against her, their bodies crashing to the ground and slamming into the metal barrier that marked the edge of the rooftop.

  The impact shocked the breath out of them, but Angela knew she had to get to her feet. Paul was out of control; there was no telling what he might do. Stumbling, she pulled herself upwards. Beside her, Paul groaned as he tried to stand. But the collision had unbalanced them. There was the noise of loose stones as feet scrabbled to stay upright, then suddenly there was nothing to hang on to any more, nowhere for feet to get purchase.

  A loud scream rent the night sky, then everything fell silent.

  32

  Ryan had loaded his plate with food from the barbecue pit when he felt the phone in his pocket vibrate. He balanced it under his chin as he made his way back to the table. It was a little quieter now; people had moved from the food area to where the limbo competition was taking place, cheering raucously as they supported their friends.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Ryan, it’s Clive.’

  ‘Hey Clive,’ Ryan greeted his manager. ‘What’s up?’

  ‘A lot,’ Clive warned ominously.

  ‘Shit, that doesn’t sound good.’

  ‘It’s not. Look, is Zac there? He’s not picking up his cell.’

  ‘Yeah, he’s right here. You want me to get him for you?’

  Clive hesitated. ‘Is Amber there?’

  ‘Yeah, she’s here too.’

  ‘I thought she might be,’ Clive said in disapproval. ‘How’s Zac taking it?’

  ‘Taking what?’

  ‘He hasn’t told you?’

  ‘Told me what?’ Ryan was getting increasingly frustrated. Leaving his food on the table, he got up and walked away so he could hear more clearly.

  Clive sighed. ‘It’s all over the news. Guess have fired Amber. The official line is that they’ve released her from her contract, but unofficially there’s all sorts of shit going round. Some British tabloid’s running a story that she was off her face at the latest shoot. Turned up high as a kite and snorting lines on set.’

  ‘Jeeesus …’

  ‘There’s a rumour someone got it on camera phone, but I’ve not seen any footage as yet.’

  Ryan shook his head, not knowing what to say. ‘She just turned up,’ he stammered. ‘About a half-hour ago. Said it was a surprise for Zac’s birthday.’

  Clive exhaled, blowing out the air in his cheeks. ‘So you really don’t think Zac has any idea?’

  Ryan glanced across to where Amber was curled up on his knee, feeding him a piece of mango. ‘I really don’t think he does.’

  ‘Well that’s just awesome.’ Clive’s tone was sarcastic. ‘They’re looking for a statement from me. They want to know if they’re still together, whether Zac’s using too, if he’s going to support her … No one knows where she is but they’re guessing she’s hiding out with Zac and I need to know what to say. The place’ll be crawling with paps before long.’

  Ryan looked over at Zac. He seemed utterly miserable, staring blankly ahead as Amber wrapped her skinny arms around him and whispered in his ear. ‘Leave him for a few hours,’ Ryan suggested gently. ‘I’ll tell him, and get him to call you. Can you handle it till then?’

  Clive grunted in assent. ‘I’ve known you a long time, and I respect you, Ryan. You’re one of Zac’s best friends, so yeah, I’ll leave it a while. But I can tell you this for nothing – being with Amber is killing his reputation. That girl is a walking time bomb and the sooner he gets shot of her the better.’

  Jenna was in the car, speeding towards Lihue airport.

  Thank God she was finally out of there, on her way back to London and able to have some time to herself at last. Her emotions were raging out of control; she was furious over the way Nick had treated her. He seemed to have regressed a decade, behaving like they were in high school. Ever since Jenna had called off the Vegas wedding, it was as though he’d been trying to show her what she was missing out on, making the point that there were plenty of others out there who would take what she’d turned down. The way he’d been flirting with that girl tonight, in front of everybody – it was totally humiliating.

  Well, he can go screw himself, Jenna thought furiously – there was no way she was going to let him treat her like that.

  She squeezed her eyes shut, resting her head against the tinted window. The air conditioning was blowing lightly, and the glass felt pleasantly cool against her skin.

  And then there was Zac …

  Jenna let out a low groan. What the hell was happening between them? Every time she was around him it made her more confused than ever. The chemistry between them was intense, the way her body had reacted when he touched her … He was Nick’s band mate, for Christ sake. It didn’t bear thinking about …

  Lost in her thoughts, it took her a second to realize that her phone was ringing. She delved in her bag and pulled it out.

  ‘Where are you?’ Sadie didn’t bother with preliminaries.

  ‘On my way to the airport,’ Jenna began. ‘I was just about to call—’

  But she never got to finish her sentence as Sadie cut her off. ‘He’s dead.’

  ‘What?’ Jenna asked in confusion. ‘Who?’

  ‘Paul Austin,’ Sadie repeated. ‘He’s dead.’

  ‘What?’ Zac demanded incredulously. ‘Are you sure?’

  He was standing with Ryan, a short distance from the bonfire. Ryan had requested a private word and Zac had sent Amber on ahead, back to the bungalow. He wanted to get her away from people as quickly as possible, before she could embarrass herself any further.

  ‘I’m sorry, man,’ Ryan said awkwardly. ‘I just thought it might be better coming from me, y’know …’

  ‘Yeah. Yeah, thanks for telling me, I appreciate it.’ Zac was fighting to stay calm.

  ‘Don’t do anything stupid, yeah?’ Ryan tried to joke, recognizing Zac’s expression.

  Zac didn’t reply. He set his jaw firmly and stalked off towards the villa.

  Paul Austin was dead.

  He was dead.

  The refrain rang in Jenna’s head until it was all she could hear.

  Suspected suicide, Sadie had said. He’d jumped from the top of the Broadgate Tower, and his mangled body had been found by a passer-by as daylight broke. The building was 500 feet high, and there hadn’t been much of him left to identify.

  Jenna stared out of the car window into the darkness, grateful for the anonymity it provided. She felt her distress must be written all over her face.

  A nagging, insistent voice whispered at the back of her mi
nd – what if Paul had discovered that she and Sadie were about to expose him? That he’d rather take his own life than face the shame of ruin? He had three kids, for Christ’s sake! Jenna remembered seeing the photos on his desk. Three young boys who would be growing up without a father …

  Shit, she could relate to that. She knew what it was like to grow up without a father. And to lose a parent so suddenly, so unexpectedly …

  Jenna doubled over in the back of the car. It was as though someone had literally knocked the air out of her and she struggled to catch her breath, a wave of grief sweeping over her. Every time she thought she was finally getting a handle on her mother’s death, something happened to trigger a memory, and all the pain came flooding back.

  Life was so short; it was so fucking short. She could be dead tomorrow. Any of them could. And she and Nick had parted on bad terms. Nick, who loved her, who had asked her to marry him …

  She sat bolt upright, her breathing coming fast as she realized what she had to do. An event like this threw everything into sharp relief, reminded you what was important in life – and it certainly wasn’t how famous you were or how much money you were making.

  Quickly, Jenna checked her watch. Screw it, she could always take the next flight.

  She leaned forward and tapped on the glass partition that separated her from the driver. It slid down smoothly and silently.

  ‘Turn the car around please,’ she requested.

  ‘I’m sorry ma’am?’

  ‘Could you turn around, please,’ Jenna repeated shakily. ‘I want to go back to the hotel.’

  ‘Certainly ma’am.’ The driver gave a little shrug and the partition moved up again. The road was quiet and he executed a perfect U-turn.

  Jenna sat back in her seat, feeling calmer now she had put her plan into action. She was going to find Nick and tell him how she felt. He was the one for her, she was sure of it. Hell, they could even get married right there and then if that’s what he wanted – and this time she wouldn’t back out.