“I can’t sit about and do nothing. If you cared for me at all, you’d understand that.”
“Firecracker, it’s because I care that I can’t let you,” he said, voice low.
She arched an auburn brow at him. “You never asked me what I wanted. What I was willing to risk? You assumed that, like you, I shouldn’t risk anything. You’re not even being honest about why you won’t permanently join Bram. So I’m not surprised that you can’t be honest with me about your feelings.”
Before he could reply, Bram and the others spilled into the hallway. Caden bit his tongue, wanting to tell her there was so much she didn’t understand. But even if she did, Sydney still wouldn’t comprehend not diving in with total passion. Despite what had happened to Anka, she still insisted on doing what she believed was right. He’d known soldiers who prayed for such courage. She both amazed and terrified him.
“We’re going to brief Tynan on Mathias’s attacks and any other relevant information. Joining us?” Bram asked.
Caden shook his head. “I’m searching for Anka. My brother isn’t improving, despite Sabelle’s efforts.”
Bram hesitated. “Yet.”
“Can you spare anyone to help me?” He glanced over to Tynan, who was still wearing an eternal glower. Something inside him twinged when he saw how naturally the O’Shea bloke fit in with the others. Even after weeks, Caden almost always felt like an outsider. But Tynan had melded with the group after less than an hour. “Or do you no longer need me now that you have someone new?”
Bram frowned. “We need every hand we can get. You and I have had our differences, but we share a common goal: doing what’s best for Lucan.”
“As long as that doesn’t interfere with your war.”
Nodding, Bram didn’t make any apologies. “It can’t. Will you stay and fight? I’ll send the others out with you tonight, regardless. After that I have to devote all the resources I can to defeating Mathias if you won’t remain.”
They had planned the attack on Mathias’s compound. As soon as Shock surfaced again, they’d finish their plans and implement. He didn’t want to tie himself any closer to magic than necessary, but what if Anka had been recaptured? Could he let this opportunity pass?
“Yes,” he muttered.
Bram smiled. “Until then.”
“In the meantime, she has nothing to say that you should hear.” Caden pointed at Sydney. “Are we clear?”
“Damn you!” Sydney spat.
Bram fought a smile. “Indeed.”
Then the wizard turned away, gesturing to Tynan to enter his office. Marrok followed, closing the door behind them. The feeling that they were shutting him out intensified. Foolish, since he hadn’t wished to join in the first place.
“Where to?” Ice asked, slipping on a pair of leather gloves to ward off the November chill.
Caden had no idea.
Standing alone in the hall, Sydney huffed at the closed doors. All the men were now gone. Not only had Caden cut off her access to Bram, he’d abandoned her again—after trying to tell her what to do. Bloody prat!
It was stupid that magickind knew nothing of their worst enemy returning from exile to wreak havoc on them all. They should be informed not only of the truth, but of safety precautions, ways to reach out in case they were attacked, who to contact in the event of a Mathias sighting. Something.
Thinking about that almost kept her mind off Caden and the fact he wanted her body and sought to protect her, but held back from truly being with her. What was in his head? She’d chalk it up to a typical fear of commitment, but he wasn’t entirely immune to her emotionally. There was some . . . tug between them. Or had her entries in the diary created some artificial emotions in him?
With a sigh, she left Aquarius lying amid fresh ice packs and meandered into the library. It looked different with the lights blazing. Sabelle and Olivia now occupied the sofa. Did they have any notion what she and Caden had been doing there an hour ago?
“I didn’t until you thought about it,” Sabelle said with a teasing smile. “Join us?”
Aquarius was resting, and Sydney had set aside the loads of notes about her story. She could do something now if she could talk to Bram or his sister. “Thank you.”
With a nod and a smile, Sabelle gestured to Sydney to sit in a nearby chair. As she did, the witch said, “Talk to me about what?”
“A way I can help magickind. Caden is furious, and may . . . I don’t know, paralyze my mouth if I say this, but—”
She burst out laughing. “Caden is out, so he can’t overhear.”
True, but that worried Sydney as well. For all anyone knew, Mathias could be searching for Anka. If he was, if Caden found both of them and there was trouble. . . . She worried about him, too. But she hadn’t tried to prohibit him from doing what he must.
“Caden, Ice, and Duke are large wizards. Experienced fighters. Mathias is currently weak,” Sabelle said.
“But they’re all helping.” Even if Caden didn’t want to. “Caden expects me to do nothing but cower in the name of safety.”
“Wizards can be overprotective,” Sabelle added. “My brother epitomizes that.”
“Amen,” Olivia added. “I love Marrok—most days. Then he brings on the ‘me big warrior, you little woman’ attitude. I have to remind him that I’m not playing that game.”
Sydney smiled. She could actually see the little brunette standing up to her massive husband, and him backing down . . . eventually. He loved her to distraction; even Sydney had noticed. And she was green with envy.
Caden had his moments. While making love to her earlier today, he said something more romantic and poetic than any man had ever said to her. Become a part of me, as I become a part of you . . .
“He said what?” Sabelle demanded.
Wincing, Sydney flushed red. “Sorry. I need to keep my thoughts to myself.”
Sabelle waved away her apology. “He said, ‘Become a part of me, as I become a part of you’?”
“Yes.”
The blond witch and Olivia exchanged a glance. Uh oh, something was afoot.
“Is that a problem?”
Sabelle hesitated. “Did he say anything after that?”
Sydney scanned her memory. “ ‘Ever after, I promise—’ then he stopped and turned into an overbearing lout.”
Sabelle’s raised brow and another look at Olivia said she understood. Good. Perhaps the witch could enlighten her.
“Indeed,” Sabelle said. “When a wizard takes a mate—a wife, in human terms—he speaks words. A Mating Call. What Caden said begins the wizard’s vow to his mate. Not the overbearing lout bit, though that comes with the territory.”
Heart beating in triple time, Sydney gasped. “So he speaks those words and poof, we’re mated? For life?”
“Not quite that simple, no. You have to answer his Call.”
“And then?”
“You’re mates for up to a thousand years. No worrying about picking the right china pattern.”
A proposal and a wedding all at once. Efficient. Had Caden really meant to “propose” to her, or had that been the diary’s influence?
“I’m confused. Human males can take an annoyingly long time to decide if they’re in love and want to marry. Caden and I have known each other just over a week. I love him, but . . . is a wizard any different than a regular man?”
Olivia snorted. “Want a list?”
Sabelle giggled. “Indeed. Magic cuts through a great many human mating rituals. A wizard knows his mate by taste. Instantly. One kiss, one taste of her—any fluid—and he knows. Often, her taste compels the words immediately.” She looked behind her, ensured the door was shut, then whispered, “It happened to my brother just before Caden came to work with you. He met a woman in a pub and brought her here—most unlike him. By morning, they were mated, and she had run off. Bram told me, one kiss and he could hardly keep the words to himself.”
One kiss? That explained so much. And it nearly c
rushed her. “Caden has never kissed me. I thought maybe he wasn’t the kissing sort or something. So often, we were rushed or he was frenzied.” Sydney flushed, realizing how much of her personal life she was spilling. “But he never tasted me in any way. Why would he think I’m his mate?”
“Instinct. It would tell him eventually. A kiss would tell him more quickly.”
From the first, he’d been avoiding locking lips with her. Pain stabbed her chest, shattered her heart. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t swallow. Tears were an ice pick in the back of her eyes. She tried to keep them in, but they fell anyway. Caden had squashed his instinct once he’d suspected she was his mate.
Or was she? Maybe writing her sexual fantasies of him in that bloody book had wrought some lust cloud that prompted those mating words. Maybe he hadn’t finished them because he hadn’t meant them.
“If he spoke even a few of the words, he knows,” Sabelle assured.
“That I’m his mate?”
“Yep,” Olivia added. “No doubt that scares the crap out of him. In case you haven’t clued in, he doesn’t want to be here and doesn’t want anything to do with magic.”
“I gathered.” And it was tearing them apart.
“Sorry.” Sympathy softened Sabelle’s face.
Sydney bit her lip, but knew she had to ask the question. “Is there any chance he feels this way because I wrote about him in that red book? Twice?”
Sabelle and Olivia both stilled.
“What did you write?” Olivia asked.
How to put this delicately without sounding sex starved?
With a smile, Sabelle said, “Did you ask to be his mate forever or for the night?”
“Just the night,” she assured.
“We really don’t know,” Olivia finally said. “But probably not. Our theory is that the diary grants one’s true desire if you write it, and that you must have enough passion and power to make it come true. But it’s only a theory.”
She sniffed at her tears, wishing she had more answers. “Do you have a book that describes this mating ritual?”
“Absolutely. Feel free to take anything in the library you want. Bram and I have been adding to the family collection like mad of late. Fiction is in that corner.” She pointed to the far left. “The rest is nonfiction. Human history, science, technology, et cetera, on the near left. The right and back wall are all magical tomes. What you want will be there. Let me know if you need help.”
Sydney’s ears perked up. She’d wandered the library once, but the number of books had been overwhelming. She could arm herself with information and occupy her maudlin thoughts by tackling the article about magickind once it was safe—but more information would help.
“Bram will never let you print such an article,” Sabelle vowed. “But as long as you’re going to stay among us, you should have more information.” She rose to her feet and headed for the library door. “Night.”
She’d argue with Bram about the article later.
Olivia followed behind Sabelle, but paused in the doorway. “Marrok will likely be hours with Bram and Tynan. If you want someone to talk to, I’m here. I know what it’s like to be among all these guys and have no idea what’s going on. I’ve recently been through the mating thing, so . . .”
She appreciated the other women, really. But she wanted to read up so she could verbally skewer Caden when he returned. She would also wait for Bram’s meeting to end so she could talk to him about transcasting. The issue of her article for Out of This Realm aside, magickind needed information. And dangerous or not, she was the woman to give it to them.
Sydney awoke suddenly, head tilted awkwardly onto the arm of the sofa, a book still open in her lap, a terrible cramp in her neck—and the magical Mating Call running through her head.
Noises sounded just outside the door. Loud ones. Shouting. Marching. Good God, what time was it? Judging from the weakness of the sunlight outside the northern window, it was early.
With a frown and a pull at her sore neck, Sydney rose and approached the library door. Someone had closed it during the night. The voices streaming down the stairs and in the hall were slightly muffled, but emphatic.
“You’re certain?” Bram asked in clipped, authoritative tones.
“Indeed. Saw him myself.” Duke. No mistaking that quiet upper-crust speech. The man scarcely ever raised his voice; as if he expected his words to be obeyed, so didn’t bother shouting.
“Splendid. Shock returned five minutes ago. Let me see . . .”
Bram’s voice trailed off. Pounding footsteps.
What the devil is going on?
Sydney opened the library door and peeked into the hall. There Duke stood, wearing chocolate trousers and a pristine white shirt, both meticulously pressed. He had wide shoulders and a perfect patrician profile. In a glance, she could see why he was one of England’s most eligible bachelors. Funny that few humans knew just how special he was.
A moment later, Bram emerged from his office, Shock in tow.
“Where is Zain?” the tough guy growled.
“Below,” said the blond wizard. Despite his disheveled hair, rumpled striped shirt and designer jeans, he maintained that air of authority.
Now if she could just figure out what they were talking about, she’d be loads happier.
“Let me go down,” Shock said.
Bram shook his head. “I want to hear where you’ve bloody been. And he shouldn’t see you here. Let Duke get him. We’ll need him upstairs anyway.”
Shock ground his jaw and crossed his arms, looking quite brassed off. Sydney wondered why. He’d been absent of late. Was he angry that Bram had tracked him down? Or because the Doomsday Brethren’s leader demanded a command performance at some ungodly hour of the morning?
After a quick gesture to Duke, who acknowledged with a nod, Bram turned back to Shock. “While we’re waiting, want to tell me where you’ve been these past days? Bloody hard to plan an attack on the enemy when your only spy doesn’t see fit to appear.”
Sydney smothered a gasp with her hand. They were planning to attack Mathias? Sabelle said they had information that the evil wizard was weak now. It would make sense.
“You summoned me before the sun rose to interrogate me? I’m not at your beck and call.”
Bram crossed his arms over his chest. Though Shock was both taller and bigger, Bram carried a knowledge and a lethal aura that even Shock, with those dark sunglasses, couldn’t miss.
“So you only answer to Mathias, then?”
“Do you doubt that I have to make my loyalty look real?” Shock tensed, then cursed. “I explained all this. Are you a simpleton?”
Tapping his toe, Bram paused for a long moment. “Simpleton, no. Suspicious, always. Your family reputation isn’t the best, Shock. Your parents were rabid Mathias supporters. Your brother still is. When you disappear for days at a time with no communication, I’d be a fool not to wonder if you were really spying on our side for Mathias, rather than the other way around.”
A double agent? Sydney’s eyes widened. She could completely understand Bram’s skepticism. He hardly struck her as Mr. Upstanding.
Suddenly, the object of her thoughts turned his head and looked in her direction. She suspected he was looking right at her, but with those sunglasses, she couldn’t be certain. Still, a flush of embarrassment crept up her body, to her face, heating her cheeks. Bugger!
“I would hardly call you upstanding, either, considering you’re eavesdropping and have been since I joined this conversation.”
“Shock, go to my office. Zain shouldn’t see you here now. We’ll finish this chat in a bit.” As Shock groused, Bram turned to her with a scowl and a raised brow. “You’ve no need to know Doomsday Brethren business. It’s not for you to print in your newspaper. These warriors could die if you leak information.”
She would never intentionally hurt anyone, but inadvertently she already had. Shame smote Sydney. She understood now how people could die. Bram had n
o reason to believe that she wanted to help them. But she had to try.
“I’m not listening so that I can steal information for my next story. I’m willing to put that aside and help. When Mr. O’Shea arrived last night, I realized that magickind knows nothing about Mathias’s return. I want to help resolve that. I’m an experienced journalist. I’ve done more than work for a tabloid. I interned at the BBC for a summer, so I can—”
“This is the ‘nothing’ Caden didn’t want me to discuss with you, I presume?”
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