by P. S. Lurie
“We all deserve to live,” Theia says, picking up from where she left off a few hours ago.
Then it strikes me that I don’t know whether she refers to the dead couple because now there are six of us - Melissa, Theia, Maddie, Selma, Jack and me – but we still don’t know how many spaces are left.
We wait with suspense for the revelation.
The elevator returns and, after a lag, the door opens spelling out our fate.
“Four places remaining,” the automated voice says, decreeing the end of the line for two of us.
Selene
“Tell me there’s a side entrance to the Utopia,” I say, aware that I want to be reunited with my mother. I have to believe that she will be able to board. “It’s not too late to change your mind.”
Nathaniel takes the helmet off. “It’s hot in this thing. No, Selene. We’re too late for the Utopia. I’m just a policeman with no special privileges. Sorry to disappoint.”
“Let’s go back and board with the others. We can marry,” I say reluctantly and it’s obvious a last-ditched attempt to sway him. “I’ll do anything you want.” I hate that I’m begging.
“Not a chance, princess.”
“Where are we going then?”
“Somewhere where we can die at the same time. It will be me and you forever. No one can ever take that from us. Rather poetic, isn’t it?”
He nudges me forward with the gun.
“It’s hardly romantic when you’re forcing me to die.”
“I know you love me. You told me for months you did.”
“You’re crazy. That wasn’t me talking. We could go back and join the others.”
“I don’t want to. Not if you’re pretending you don’t love me. Why didn’t you just love me, princess?”
I’m beyond belief with irritation at his insanity. “You’re choosing to die just so you can punish me? And you’re pretending it’s for some romantic gesture?”
“What am I going to live for? Sailing around for the rest of my life, alone, missing you?”
“You can’t miss what you never had.”
“I had you. You told me you loved me.”
“Nathaniel. How many times do I have to say it? You tricked me.”
He ignores the truth and speaks with condescension. “It saddens me that you’re acting like this. You’re in a wedding dress, as beautiful as ever. Our lives should have been so different up there. Anyway, here we are.”
I laugh because of the ludicrousness of the situation. I’m battered and sore and the dress is ripped to shreds and stained with all sorts of dirt and various people’s blood. It’s how I prefer it but I’m by no means beautiful. Or in the right state to be anyone’s bride. Then Nathaniel says something that scares me, not only because he’s again reading my mind but the sincerity in his voice makes me believe him.
“Think what you want, but I know how you look. Despite the mess, you really are beautiful to me.”
I’m left stunned into silence because despite his methods I think Nathaniel has convinced himself her really doesn’t want to live without me.
“We’re here,” he says, and I look around at his chosen standpoint, specifically at one distinct feature.
We have stopped in front of the Fence, some distance from the arena. I hadn’t realised but there’s another glass panel built into the wall and I wonder how many there are throughout the Upperlands. I crane my neck up at the gloomy water but then my eyes rest on something near the base at head height and Nathaniel lets me walk away from him, towards it. Before I’m close I know what it is: a device, attached to the cement, just to the side of the glass, with some wires and a number counting down. Twenty minutes left until detonation and I check my watch, which places the detonation at a few minutes after five o’clock. I look each way at the never-ending Fence and spot bombs spread out along the entire stretch. The Upperlanders are really going to destroy their city.
I fast-forward and can already feel the impact as the bomb explodes, the glass dam bursts open and Nathaniel and I are knocked backwards from a tsunami. Whether I die from the explosion or the force or starved of oxygen as the water fills my lungs after some time I don’t know.
I remember floating on the sea, under the moonlight, naked and alone, peaceful and free. My eyes well up.
“I thought you love me,” I try to say with conviction, because I don’t want to die. “If you love me you’ll save me.”
“Too late for that.”
I approach Nathaniel, shaking. “We could try. Let’s go to the Utopia. I love you.”
Nathaniel leans in and hungrily kisses me, and I force myself to kiss him back, his tongue pushing against mine as his nose squeezes against my face. I keep my eyes open but his are closed. I feel repulsed but pretend to be impassioned and the kiss continues, until he opens his eyes and sees me staring. He breaks it off then laughs in my face. “I don’t believe you.”
I stare at him, amazed at how sadistic one person could be.
“Besides, Selene, I’m telling the truth that there’s really no way onboard. It’s over. This is your fault.”
“I hate you. I wish...”
The bullet shoots past me and Nathaniel clutches his neck. “What the..?” he manages to say as he’s taken by surprise but only grazed. I turn to see my mother running, with the gun I gave Theia in her good arm, as she shoots again, but the bullet misses Nathaniel completely and hits the cement.
“You bitch,” Nathaniel says, and shoots back at my mother. He’s a better aim and the bullet slams into her. Only the sound of my scream overpowers the blast.
Ruskin
Four places and five of us remain in the arena, following Selma ruling herself out, taking the gun and running after Selene and my brother’s killer. I play back whether I should have convinced her to stay but I can’t help but be relieved that there is one fewer of us to scramble for the remaining places; I imagine if Erica and Marcus were with us. And Jack’s mother. And countless others that didn’t deserve to die in the prison. Theia tried to stop Selma but no one argued too hard. It was the most difficult for Theia and Melissa to let her go, understanding the little I do about how they had to rely on one another this past year in order to survive. With too many of us, Selma and Selene can’t come back here, so we have to hope that they can find another way onto the Utopia.
Theia made sure Selma took the gun and told her about her idea of waiting out the flood at the top of one of the buildings. “Gather supplies and ride out the initial floods, then try to get up to the building at the top of the mountain.” It’s out of sight behind the Utopia but I know that it should be immune from the flood because I was flown to it this morning, not that it will be an easy climb considering the sheer cliff-drop leading up to the fortress.
“Maybe we should all do that,” Melissa says, shortly after Selma departed, but none of us chooses to leave so instead we have another problem to contend with: which of the five of us should board.
“Be my guest,” Maddie says, ushering us in, ignoring the automatic message conveying that there is one too many of us. At least Selma took the gun because, considering what Maddie did to the people in front of us, I don’t know whether she’d turn on us. She catches me staring at her and throws me a hopeful smile, which makes me feel terrible that I’ve judged her. I’m learning a lot about loyalty today.
Jack steps into the elevator. “There’s plenty of space.”
“They said it will only take one person at a time,” Theia says, realistically.
I know it’s a futile attempt as Theia’s right because otherwise the three people before us would have travelled up together but what have we got to lose by trying? I step inside to humour Jack and he holds his identification watch up to the panel inside. The doors don’t budge. Somehow the technology recognises there are two of us in here. “One person at a time. Four places remaining.”
“The helicopter,” I say, looking up but we’re too close to the Fence that the top is out of sight. “We cou
ld fly to the fortress,” but I trail out realising that we’d have to get up there first and that, if we could do that, we could get onto the Utopia. The Fence is too tall to scale and there are no other obvious paths up. Even if we could operate the helicopter, I don’t trust any of us to manoeuvre it down here and then back up again.
“Time to decide,” Melissa says. “Anyone else could be heading here from the prison. We won’t be the only ones.”
“You all go,” Theia says, looking like she’s forming a plan. “We’re running out of time before the bombs detonate.”
“Speaking of which,” Maddie says, pointing at a series of devices along the Fence that I hadn’t seen until now. So the Upperlanders were serious; they’re really going to destroy their city.
“Theia, you’re the one with family to find,” Melissa says. “You have to go.”
“It’s my fault you’re here.”
“Why do any of us want to go?” Maddie asks. “Maybe Theia is right. Maybe we should hide.”
Jack steps out of the elevator and nods in agreement because he’s no longer convinced running towards the Upperlanders is the best option. “Exactly. We were Rehoused from the Middlelands and we had to believe the Upperlanders would look after us. They used us as their slaves, they took away our freedom, and now we killed even more innocent people for them. What do you think is waiting for us? We might have been naive a year ago to think they were our saviours but none of us is that foolish now.”
I think back to the morning I left the Middlelands and the note I put under the doormat for Henry. “Hope.” I take Jack’s hand. “There’s always hope.”
Maddie speaks up. “I’m not breaking the happy couple up. And despite what you think I actually admire you Melissa. You made tough choices that none of us could. We would never have made it here with Marcus. Theia, I know you’re being a martyr and that you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders but you shouldn’t. You have to go find your brother and sister. It’s been an honour but I’m done playing their games.”
“What are you talking about?”
Melissa ignores Theia, respecting Maddie’s decision. “It’s been fun. I was just getting to like you.”
“Thanks,” Maddie says sincerely.
Jack gives Maddie a hug. “Good luck.”
“Where are you going to go?”
“I’m the queen of this city now. I can go wherever I feel like.”
“That’s the spirit,” Jack says.
“Good luck,” Maddie shouts, as she runs off, with a knife in her hand, across the arena and through the tunnel until she is out of sight. Four of us remain.
“Let’s do this,” Theia says.
“Ladies first.” Jack clears the way for Melissa to enter the elevator.
“See you up there. I’ll wait and we’ll all cross the bridge together.” She holds her wrist up to the panel.
“Melissa Wren. Status: approved.”
Melissa looks apprehensive as the doors close in front of her and she’s lifted upwards.
We check around us but no one else is coming. If Maddie sees anyone she’ll deter them either through force or by telling them it’s pointless heading this way. Jack, Theia and I are left here. No one else approaches, neither any new threats nor Selene and Selma.
“You think they’ll all be alright?” I ask Theia, which is unfair because why should she know, and especially when the answer is so bleak.
“They’re fighters,” she replies, and I believe her.
“Three places remaining,” the elevator announces on its return.
We look up but Melissa is out of view, waiting at the top by the elevator shaft for us before crossing onto the Utopia.
“Not much time until five o’clock. The bombs blow soon after,” Jack says.
“But we made it. We actually made it.”
“After you,” Theia says, seeming to hesitate.
I kiss Jack and he enters, leaving Theia and me alone. It’s a subject we’ve avoided but I know I need to broach it. “What would Henry have made of all of this?”
Theia shrugs. “He would’ve protected us no matter what. Me, you, Selene and everyone we cared about.”
“He loved you.”
“I know. He told me.”
“He did?”
“I was with him as he died.” Theia starts to well up. “I miss him so much. It’s been so hard.”
“Two places remaining.”
“He was so in love with you.”
She smiles. “I left it too late to tell him. Don’t ever stop telling Jack if that’s how you feel.”
“I won’t.” The idea of Jack, that we are both entering whatever new danger awaits together, reassures me beyond anything else. “He means the world to me.”
“Go then,” she says. “I’ll be right behind you.”
“Sure?”
“Sure.”
“Theia, before I go. I don’t blame you for Jason. What he did was his decision. You have nothing to feel guilty for.”
“I needed to hear that. Thanks, Ruskin. See you up there.”
I enter the elevator. “Ruskin Peters. Status: approved,” says the automated voice and, for the first time since the field this morning, after the doors close, I am on my own. I take in everything that happened today: all the lives lost, all the heroic people I met, all the injustice. Every path I take in my mind leads back to hope because without it I would have given up a long time ago. Like the boy in the cell that ran out of fight, and Darren who forgot who his real enemy was, or the Upperlanders that lost their sympathy towards their fellow man, it’s easy to lose hope. Fighting for hope is what kept it alive.
The doors open on the other side of the elevator and I see Melissa and Jack who have crossed the width of the Fence, with their backs to me, staring out to the flooded world. The Fence is so wide that I can’t see past its edge, but Melissa and Jack have a clear view of looking out towards the submerged Middlelands. The wind picks up at this altitude and I steady my feet. I look to the side, at the helicopter on top of the Fence and then not as far as that at the bridge leading to the Utopia behind me. I turn to the Upperlands and see the whole city, larger than I realised, spanning on past the Utopia. Everything but the ship will soon be destroyed. The fortress stands proudly in the background. As soon as Theia is here we need to get away from the Fence before it’s destroyed.
Melissa and Jack still don’t turn around. Do I want to see where our homes once were and where my parents were drowned? I don’t know but I walk towards them all the same but, as I do, I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that something is not right. I join them and take in the astonishing view.
Theia
I take a deep breath as I look around the arena, the only time I have been alone here, and think about everything that has come before it.
Before I had any idea what the Upperlands would be, I dreamt of this place. During the humdrum days of wishful thinking that we would be Rehoused, all I imagined is protection from the sea. I never thought the world could be this vastly different. And then we were granted a safe-haven from the flood, but with it came conditions. Only some of us could come, leaving the bodies of the people we left behind. But not their ghosts. They came with us.
Their spirit too. I had to live on for them. Now I have to retaliate for them. What would my mother say? I should protect Leda and Ronan and stay out of trouble? Wouldn’t that be what’s best? Isn’t that my responsibility?
No, it’s my duty to fight back. Keeping my head down didn’t work, and it won’t suffice for the Upperlanders, that much I’m certain of because the last time we were Rehoused I was too blind to see the truth. There’s no compassion in keeping us alive. President Callister wants us bound by their rules, happy to oblige, making examples of whomever steps out of line. Whether I understand their grand plans or not, one thing’s for certain: it’s not for our benefit.
I was Rehoused a year ago, naive that the very people that made us kill our loved o
nes did it for a greater good; this time I’m moving ahead fully alert.
I take in the silence, a marked difference from this morning, when the arena was full of the last people on earth, optimistic to be finally boarding the Utopia, the people around us relieved that we were the source of trouble and they were ignored, those looking down on us unfazed that the world was all but flooded and so many people unfairly died leading up to this point. Why couldn’t the Upperlanders have built a larger ship? Or more of them? Why did I have to lose everyone I cared about for a few of us to survive? Why should I have been grateful for that?
I told myself to live for those that lost their lives but now I’m living to find my siblings and to exact revenge on our oppressors. I will not stop until those that commanded all of our deaths are punished. I will play their games of gratitude and loyalty for as long as it takes if that’s what I need to do to bide my time. Defiance is what kept me going and the Upperlanders couldn’t take that away from me. They never will.
It’s a fair compromise for what my mother would want and what I need to do.
The elevator doors open – “One place remaining” – and I enter and take a last look around before I log in with my watch. The words I dreaded for a year unlike everyone else, the very thing I had to do to prevent Kate from allowing me to hear now bellows out: “Theia Silverdale. Status: approved.”
As I enter the elevator, I am aware that I will never step foot on dry land again. It strikes me that I might be the last person to stand on the earth. The last person on solid ground. It is a terrifying thought but also a triumphant one because it means that I haven’t lost yet however much the odds were against me.
As the doors close, and I think the nightmare of today is finally over, I’m given two more reasons to feel guilty: a couple l don’t recognise but I assume are from the prison run into the arena. They are too late. We took their spots. Selene and Selma have no chance to enter this way. So I may not be the last person to stand on the ground but soon I could be the last person alive to do so.