He takes a blanket from the edge of his bed and pulls it over my body, making sure to tuck it around me. Then, he climbs onto the bed and carefully curls his body around me. I lean into him and release a deep sigh.
The same deep sigh I am releasing now in the present.
Little Nate takes his hand, strokes the top of my head, and rest his own head on the pillow we share.
As I continue to watch these two small forms huddled together, I realize this girl has found peace with the help of a boy that would be her constant from that very moment on. She had no idea that he would be her constant. And, Even though they would not meet again for many years, the connection, the bond they had formed would remain strong. Stronger than any manufactured link produced.
I pull my palms from my face and lean my head back against the cold, stone wall of the facility. The sobbing takes over as my body quakes uncontrollably.
Feeling the need to release every emotion coursing through me; my love for Nate, love for Xander, the love they both have for me, and the choice bearing down on me; to release one of them.
A door slamming echoes down the hall and the sound of footsteps approaching end my emotional deluge. I look in the direction of the sound of footsteps approaching just as Xander rounds the corner, shirtless, hair disheveled, eyes narrowed, and striding toward me. Damn it, I don’t want him to see me like this. I pull myself up and walk swiftly in the opposite direction.
Xander growls after me, “Jes, stop!”
I move faster. “I’m fine, just leave me alone, please, Xander.”
I’m in a full on run when his hand wraps around my arm, whips me around, and pulls me into his chest. Our lips almost touching, Xander’s voice is deep and low when he speaks, “No, I won’t leave you like this.”
This closeness between us, his lips barely graze mine, sends a surge of heat coursing through me. I put my palms on his chest and push back enough to look into his eyes; eyes that are red and blood shot. Was he crying? He slides his hands up my arms and rests them on either side of my face. His thumb slides over my damp cheek, attempting to wipe away my sorrow. “Jes, I know your heart is torn.”
My body stiffens when I hear him say what I have been struggling with in my head.
In my head.
He has been in my head. When? Just now? How long? I think of the moments he has seemed short and frustrated, even angry with me lately. Angry now myself, I try to push him away further, tell him that I have no idea what I am feeling for them right now. He won’t have it though. Stubborn as ever, Xander pulls me in closer. I open my mouth to yell at him to let me go, but snap it shut when I see the torturous sorrow in his viridian eyes.
I place my hand on his rising and falling chest, but Xander quickly pulls away from me all together and rubs his eyes roughly with the back of his hands. Before he pulls his hands away, he turns abruptly away from me so I can’t see him; his pain. Then, he looks up at the ceiling of the facility and roars, “I said I wasn’t going to do this!”
Do what? I move toward him again and touch his shoulder. With that touch, Xander turns on me and pushes me up against the wall hard enough the breath is knocked from me for a second. His entire body is pressed against every part of mine and his heated and rapid breath saturates my face, my mouth. His face is full of sorrow and pain; emotions that I put there, evidence of my thoughts, my torture on him. He has seen my memories, been in my head. Blindly, I reach up to touch his face, comfort him. I don’t want to hurt him and I can see that I have. God, I don’t want to hurt either of them. Roughly, he catches my hand before I can touch his grinding jaw and pulls it in against his chest. The tears are sliding down the side of his face, but doesn’t try to hide them this time.
Searching my face, Xander whispers between ragged breaths, “The love that you have given freely to Nate and I has been pure, Jesca. Unreserved, uninhibited, undefined.”
He is panting between words and my breath quickly matches his; fast and out of control. Intoxicated by his presence now, I can’t think, only feel. New, hot tears spring from my eyes and roll down my cold, damp cheeks. Xander releases my hand, but I keep it on his chest; his heart. He brings his hand up to rest on the wall beside my head. His eyes drift to my hand still on his chest, not pulling away. Then they stray to my neck, travel to my lips and hover there for a moment. He wants to claim them; he does not hide this thought. His eyes return to mine with the same reckless passion I saw that night he opened his heart and soul to me without expectations. Deep and determined, his voice makes my legs go weak. “A love so raw, so pure, that it could capture and save someone like me.”
Unable to contain what his words are making me feel, I move closer, needing to feel his lips against mine now. “Xander…”
He pulls his face back from mine, shakes his head, and whispers gently, “Please, just let me say this.”
His wavering voice makes me want to cry out for him, but I bite my lip to keep my sob from escaping.
Xander’s voice shakes as he tries to whisper sternly, “The time is coming, Jes, when that raw love will need to be defined.” Unable to stay away, he closes in on me again. “Jes, promise me you won’t ignore that defining moment out of fear of hurting one of us.”
I lean in and run my lips against his gently again.
Xander sucks in a breath that hitches on a sob. “The one that holds your heart and soul, Jes, will be the only remaining constant in this screwed up evolving world.”
Just as he always does, Xander has stripped away my defenses, leaving my soul bare and enrapturing me with a passion that surprises and scares me all at the same time. The fear is what I decide to act on, I try to pull away from him, run away from how naked he has left me, but Xander blocks my escape and takes my face in his hands forcing me to look at him. His eyes narrow and his voice quivers with that raw emotion I have planted within him. “Promise me, Jes, that you will not run and hide from that moment.”
I can’t promise him this, not now. I just can’t! I try and pull my face out of his hands, but he holds me firmly. I close my eyes and whimper, but not from physical pain; it’s the pain the truth being revealed to you brings. “Stop it, Xander, please.”
Xander relinquishes his hands and backs away from me. I turn my body away from him, still leaning against the wall. Every thought and emotion that I have felt in the past few weeks with him and Nate, he has felt too.
He has kept it hidden up until this moment for my sake, but why did he reveal all of it now? My thick voice shakes, “You knew everything I have been thinking and you didn’t say anything. Why now?”
Xander replies, “I tried to let you figure things out on your own. I didn’t want to interfere or influence you in any way. Watching you breaking just now, your thoughts and feelings racing through my head, the memories, I couldn’t sit back and let you tear yourself apart any longer.”
I turn and lean my back against the stonewall again and fix my eyes on Xander. I shake my head slowly back and forth. I was not going to make the promise Xander wanted me to. “The only promises I can make to you, Xander, is that I will get Nate, Ezra, and you back here safely and fight for our world. I can’t promise anything else.”
Xander rests his hands on hips and looks down at the ground in front of him. His sigh is deep, tired, and frustrated with my response. Yet, he surprises me and nods, walk backwards, and leans against the wall across from me. We must stare at each other for a good minute, not out of anger or spite. In a daze of exhaustion, I push off of the stone wall and walk back to my room.
Telling Xander I couldn’t make promises beyond getting Nate and Ezra back and protecting our world was the truth. I couldn’t promise him that I would choose between Nate and him. What if we didn’t survive beyond the veil? My choice of who I truly love with all my heart and soul wouldn’t matter, would it? Everything beyond ascending the veil was uncharted territory.
When my head hits the pillow on my bed, it takes a matter of seconds for me to physically feel l
ight as a feather and my mind eager to drift into a blind and silent oblivion.
Chapter 12
Jesca
The sound is peaceful perfection when it pulls me from my oblivion. Swift moving water moving over rocks, flowing through crevices and inlets as it makes progress to an unknown destination; a stream. I don’t want to open my eyes. I just want to listen and be still with the constant soothing sound. Then, a splash interrupts the peaceful constant. Another splash, and another. Quick breathing paired with the repetitive splashing of someone drudging through the water. As quickly as it started, the splashing stops. The breathing is no longer coming from someone outside of myself, it is coming from me. Opening my eyes, I see something that I never expected. A familiar lake, near a familiar wood that I hiked and ran with Roan in Georgia.
I scan the placid lake; no movement, no one. The sky is overcast with heavy, white clouds and the sun is poking through here and there. I listen, no birds, just the sound of the wind blowing the leaves in the trees all around me.
I have only been on this outlet a handful of times. The last time was when I was being chased by something and I came upon Ezra fishing in the lake. I look off into the distance and see something I had never noticed before in that handful of times I had been up here. Beyond the lake, lies a meadow, and then a river. Just beyond it lies a steep ridge cresting into a plateau housing one large mound with two smaller ones nearby. I can only make out the mounds for a moment. They begin to disappear as fog settles over them.
In the blink of my eyes, I’m not perched on the outlet anymore. I am standing on the bank of the river, the intense wind is whipping my hair around my face. I look up at the steep ridge on the other side of the river and see a series of silhouettes. The whispering is light and fleeting, barely audible. It isn’t English, I know that for sure. Someone grabs me from behind, covering my mouth with a palm. I panic and try and pull away. Instead of holding me tighter, I am thrust forward into the water, but the thing is...My face never hits the water.
I am falling,
falling,
falling,
Sucking down panting breaths and reaching for empty air as I plummet deeper into nothingness. The silence around me is the only barrier between me and what is beyond the darkness. Only the sound of my heart and my thick, ragged breaths are my companions.
Without warning, my body is yanked backward, rebounding, pulling every ounce of air from my body. There is a change in the air around me. It is no longer compressed and dismal, but rather thinned and hopeful. This mysterious transformation fills me with the sensation of promise. Feeling the dream lifting away from my mind, I open my eyes, focusing on the ceiling above me. A silhouette moves into view and I scramble backward in the bed to put distance between it and me.
A static whisper hisses in the air between me and the silhouette, “Jesca.”
I feel her energy pass through me; it’s Anna. I relax a little and breathe out slowly. I should feel at ease, but I don’t because the last time I saw her, Michael Sanderson had tossed her against the wall of the cabin and she disappeared.
My voice is shaky, “I didn’t know if you would be able to come to me again.”
Anna’s form stands and walks to the night stand. I hear the click of the lamp and the room is illuminated in a soft light. Anna turns to me and folds her arms over her chest. A small smile spreads on her face. I lean closer to her, concerned now. “What if he finds out you have come to me?”
Anna shakes her head. “Who?”
How can she not know? “Michael Sanderson.”
Anna replies, “Michael Sanderson? What?”
I think of what Daniel was saying, the likelihood that Anna is not in the same universe as Michael and Sam. Her confusion confirms Daniel’s thoughts more soundly. She doesn’t understand because when Michael sent her into that wall in the cabin, he must have sent her somewhere beyond the veil. Somewhere other than where Michael dwells now.
Thoughtlessly, I reach for her hands and tug on them to bring her to sit next to me. It is a strange sensation to hold pure energy from a soul in your hands, a light electrifying weight, not the weight of a material hand. I shake my head, sending the thought out of my mind so I can concentrate on quickly telling her what has happened. “After he sent you away, the intersection came. Michael was there at the site.” I feel tension begin to build and radiate from Anna as I continue.
“I tried to kill him. I thought I had until Sebastian and Balthazar told me they couldn’t find his body. Sam, he tried to pull me into the vortex. There was a struggle, Ezra took hold of Sam and he released me. Nate tried to hold onto Ezra; to keep him from falling into the wormhole. The combined pull of the vortex and Sam was so strong. Xander and I tried to hold on.”
My voice starts to crack as I relive the trauma of that night. “Nate told Xander to protect me before he, Ezra, and Sam were consumed by the wormhole. We think that Michael slipped through the vortex during our struggle. We think Michael is in the same realm as Nate, Ezra, and Sam. ”
Anna’s eyes scan the ceiling, like the answers to her questions can be found there. “This is not good. Nate’s, Ezra’s, and Sam’s physical bodies are an anomaly among the souls in that realm.”
I close my eyes remembering what Daniel said. “...When they ascended, they made a ripple...”
Anna nods, having heard my thoughts. “They are being stalked.”
I recall Daniel’s description of the occupiers, how they are demon-like taking hold of a host and feeding on its soul. “So you know about this other universe and the beings there?”
Anna’s stares into my eyes and nods. “What you are thinking, Heaven and Hell, angels and demons...”
Anna looks down at our hands, and then raises her glassy eyes back to meet mine. “You are on the right path.”
Suddenly, Anna pulls away and stands. “I have to go. I have to find them.”
I gulp past the knot in my throat now. “Wait. How will you find them? You aren’t in the same realm as they are.”
Anna closes her eyes briefly. “No, I am not, but we are all beyond the veil of your universe. The properties of our existence are different beyond your universe. We are outside of your bubble. Time, space, and the physical body have no significance among us here. The only challenge will be finding Nate’s and Ezra’s soul under the cloak Michael will have masked them with.”
Anna opens her eyes and is silent for a moment, letting me take in her explanation. “You had a vision tonight. It was meant to prepare you for your legacy. When I was young, I had them too. Sebastian, he helped me understand why I was purposed with them. He will help you understand too, in time.”
She knows what I saw. “You mean the mounds? It is a premonition, isn’t it?”
She nods. “For centuries ancient people have constructed monuments as guide, symbols for us to follow. A possible means to our origins and our salvation. You have experienced one of these monuments in your lifetime, not just in your visions. It has been revealed in your vision because you are connected to it.”
I have so many questions. I rise and ask the most obvious as a desperate plea, “Why me?”
Anna replies, “The answers will come, just not now, Jes.”
She turns to walk away again, but I stop her. “Wait, Michael has turned against Sam. I think Sam wants to make things right with everyone he has hurt, including you and Ezra.”
Anna turns back to me. “He does…always been swayed by power…I…careful…will...try to reach…when…to them.”
Her voice is breaking up, just like Ezra’s and Nate’s did when something tried to break our communication. Michael.
Anna’s silhouette begins to fragment and dissolve into darkness. Her parting words, “I will find them. Then find you.”
Every piece of her dissolves into the darkness now. I stand there in the silence, feeling heavy; heavy head, heavy body, heavy heart, heavy chest, heavy eyes. I sit down on the edge of the bed and close my eyes, holding onto t
he visitation I just had from this angelic being; my mother’s soul.
Pound, pound, pounding on my door pulls me from my lethargy. Sluggishly, I get it together, go to the door and open it a small crack. It’s Xander. He pushes the door open and rushes past me with Corinna in his arms; one hand wrapped around her waist and the other around her shoulder. Out of breath, Xander says, “I was coming to check on you and I saw her standing in the middle of your hallway. When I reached her she collapsed. I don’t know how she got out of her room or past the staff.”
Xander takes her to my bed and sits her down on the edge. Her eyes are pinched closed and she is rocking back and forth. She says my name over and over again breathlessly, “Jesca, Jesca, Jesca, Jesca.”
I sit next to her and cradle her as best I can while she rocks. I brush her hair away from her face and hush her. “Shhh. Corinna, I’m here. It’s Jesca. I’m right here.”
Her rocking stops and she grasps for my hand with both of hers; they are shaking so badly. Her eyes are still a beautiful pale blue as they meet mine. They are rimmed with dark circles though and her face is ashen. She looks like death has warmed over her. Her voice is wavering and weak, “It’s Sam. I can feel him all around me.” Corinna releases one of her hands from mine and pounds her chest three times. “I can feel him within me here.” Then she taps her palm on the side of her head. “And here.” Her eyebrows narrow with concern. “Sam is not himself. Acting possessed, controlled. Someone...” Corinna doesn’t finish her sentence before she turns ghost white and whimpers, “Michael Sanderson has done this.”
Everything about her is frightening me as I continue to look at her actions and her appearance. “What did Michael do Corinna?”
Corinna twitches, and then looks at me with fear in her eyes. “I need to show you. It’s Sam.” Corinna reaches her hand out to me.
I look down at her shaking hand, and then up at Xander wondering if I should. I look back at Corinna. Her lips are making small movements, like she is talking to someone, but no sound is coming out. Whatever is going on inside of her right now, it is slowly breaking her, trying to come out. She said it is Sam. Maybe he is using her to tell us something.
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