“I’d like to talk to Mac when you get hold of him,” Andi said.
Something flickered in Chase’s eyes. He punched in the last number, then closed the phone. “All right. Can I ask what you want to talk to him about?”
“I want him to include me in that operation tonight. I want to be there when they capture El Diablo.”
Chase stared at her and felt his face grow cold, echoing the coldness that settled around his heart. For a long time he couldn’t say a thing. Finally he cleared his throat.
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, Andi. You just finished a grueling trek through the jungle, and you need to take some time off before you start another job. You know the agency regulations.”
He tried to keep his voice neutral and his face carefully blank. But his heart was crumbling.
She didn’t look at him. “This isn’t a new job,” she said, a defiant tone in her voice. “It’s the culmination of this one. And I want to be there when it’s finished.”
“Look at you, Andi. You’re worn-out. You’ve been on the move through rough terrain for four days, and last night was the first decent night’s sleep you got. Why would you want to go on a dangerous mission like capturing El Diablo and risk getting hurt because you weren’t one hundred percent?”
“I have to do it.” She clamped her lips together and turned her back to him. “Don’t you understand? The time I spent in Chipultipe, Paloma’s life, it was all to catch El Diablo. How can I sit on the sidelines now?”
“Mac will make sure the agents he sends are the best,” Chase said, watching the tension in her spine, seeing the urgency vibrating from her body. As he watched her, he felt his dreams dissolve and disappear. “El Diablo will be captured whether you’re there or not.”
She spun around to face him. “I have to be there, Chase. I have to be.”
He’d been a fool. Jumping off the bed, he went to the grimy window that was barely covered by a dirty set of curtains. He stared blindly through the crack in the curtains onto the street below. He’d begun to hope that Andi felt something for him, that she would be willing to give up this life and make a new life with him and Paolo. Now every word she spoke was a club, dashing his hopes into tiny pieces.
“Why do you have to be there, Andi?” he asked quietly.
“Because I do.” He heard the hesitation in her voice and turned around to look at her. Her face was full of anguish.
His head told him to back away, to let her go. She would never have stayed, anyway. But his heart made him go to her, to take her hand. “Tell me.”
Her hand tightened in his, and he thought she was going to pull away. Then she sighed. “Let’s sit down. This could take a while.”
The pain in his chest eased just a little. At least she trusted him enough to tell him why it was so important to her. He was willing to bet she wouldn’t have told him four days ago.
“What’s going on, Andi?”
She pulled her legs close to her body and wrapped her arms around them, staring into the distance. “Do you remember the bombing of the U.S. Embassy in the Middle East twelve years ago? It got a lot of coverage at the time.”
He frowned. “I remember it. But I’ve forgotten the details.”
“Twenty-five people were killed and more than a hundred injured. The bombing was the work of an unnamed terrorist who was working for one of the fundamentalist groups in that area.”
He nodded. “Yeah, that’s right.”
“My parents were two of the people killed in that bombing.”
“Hell, Andi. I’m sorry.” He wanted to reach out and hold her, but he didn’t move. She was cocooned in a world of her own. “I didn’t know.”
“Not too many people do.” She glanced at him. “I was sixteen years old and at school in the States. That’s the only reason I wasn’t killed, too.”
“What does that have to do with El Diablo?”
She gave him a thin smile. “El Diablo is the terrorist who was responsible for the bombing.”
He frowned at her. “How can you be sure of that?”
“After my parents were killed, I found out everything I could about the embassy attack. Because I was one of the victims, I was allowed access to some of the classified documents. I was able to follow the trail back to El Diablo.”
“What was a drug dealer doing working for terrorists?”
“He started dealing drugs to pay for his terrorist work. That was in his religious phase.” Her eyes were dark with loathing. “Then I guess he had another conversion. He realized that he liked having money and the power that went with it. So he got out of terrorism and into the drug business full-time. That’s when he became El Diablo.”
“Does the government know this?”
“I’m sure they do. I got all my information from government documents.”
“So catching El Diablo is personal for you,” he said quietly.
“You’re damn right it is.” She turned to him angrily. “That monster killed my parents and twenty-three other innocent people, and maimed dozens more. That was just in that one attack. The government thinks he’s responsible for a number of other attacks in that region that killed a lot of other people. Of course I want to catch him.”
“But you’re not objective about this case. You want more than justice, Andi. You want revenge.”
She sprang off the bed and paced the room. “I stood at my parents’ grave and promised them that whoever was responsible would be caught. I call that justice, not revenge.”
“Sometimes, if everything works out, the best revenge is justice, but you’re never going to be able to see clearly when you’re personally involved. You should know that by now.”
“All I know is that we’re close to catching that monster, and I have to be there.”
He wanted to ask her if she was making her choice between her job and him, but he already knew the answer. There wasn’t any choice. Andi had already chosen her job.
“What about Paolo?” he asked, trying to find a way to make her stop and think.
“What about him?”
“I thought you wanted to adopt him.”
“I do. And I will.”
“What if you’re killed during this operation? What will he do then?”
Her face paled, but the determination there never wavered. “I’m not going to be killed. El Diablo has no idea that we know about the new meeting site. He’s expecting us to go to the place Paloma told us about.”
“You can’t be sure of that,” he said.
“I’m not going to be killed.”
“What are you going to do when El Diablo is captured, Andi?” he asked softly. “Are you going to shoot him yourself? Is that how you’re going to take your revenge?”
“Of course not!” She whirled to face him again. “My revenge is going to be watching him sit and rot in prison for the rest of his life. That would be justice. And that’s what I’m going to get.”
“You don’t have to do it yourself, though. Let Mac put a team of agents in there to capture him. Stay here with Paolo.” And me. “El Diablo will still be caught and punished, even if you’re not there.”
“I can’t do that, Chase,” she said, and he saw the anguish on her face again. “Don’t you understand? I made a promise at my parents’ grave that I would catch this man, and I have to do it. Then I can adopt Paolo and get on with my life.”
“What is it you want from the rest of your life?” he asked.
For the first time he saw uncertainty in her face. “I’m not sure. I’ve always been so focused on catching El Diablo. I’ve never thought about what would happen after that.”
“Maybe you better think about it.”
Hell, why did it have to be Andi? Why did it have to be a woman who was so complicated? Why couldn’t he have found some nice ordinary woman to fall in love with?
He froze when the words passed through his mind. He wasn’t in love with Andi. He scrambled to deny it. He might be in lust
with her, he might want to continue seeing her when they were finished with this job, but he wasn’t in love with her.
He wasn’t ever going to fall in love.
His denials sounded weak and futile, and his heart laughed at him. He stared at Andi and the certainty of his feelings stared back at him. He loved her.
“Can’t you understand, Chase?” Her voice was low and tortured. “I have to do this. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.”
And because he loved her, he saw that she was right. Because of who Andi was, she needed to be present at the capture of El Diablo. She had made a promise and she would keep it.
He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. “Yeah, Andi, I do understand. I know you have to do it. I just don’t want you to do it.”
“Why not, Chase?”
He opened his eyes and stared at her. “I don’t want you to get hurt. Is that so tough to understand?”
Tentatively she moved closer to him and he finally gave in to the need inside him and wrapped his arms around her. “I…care about you, Andi.”
It was all he could bring himself to say to her. He held his breath, waiting for a response.
She burrowed closer to him. “And I care about you, Chase. I knew you would understand.”
He had to make a choice. Did he tell Andi to go, to find her revenge for her parents? Or did he ask her to stay?
He was damned either way. If he asked her to stay, after she was so clear on her need to go, it would irreparably damage their relationship. But if she went, she might not come back. And she would be just one more person who’d left him.
But she would leave a much bigger hole in his heart than any of the others.
He had no choice. Not really. So he tightened his arms around her and said, “I’ll tell Mac when he calls that you want to be part of the team.”
She lifted her face and he saw the joy and relief there. “Thank you, Chase.”
A small ugly voice inside his head told him this was a test. When push came to shove, would she really go? Would she choose her job over him? He tried to banish the thought, but it wouldn’t disappear.
Maybe this was his test, too. Could he let Andi go, let her do what she had to do? He wasn’t sure, and he prayed that Mac wouldn’t call, that she wouldn’t have to make the choice. And neither would he.
“I’ll take care of Paolo while you’re gone tonight,” he said, glancing over to where the baby slept.
“Thank you,” she said. “I know he’ll be fine with you.”
“I’ve never watched him by myself,” he warned. “You’ve always been there to make sure I didn’t mess up.”
“You’ll be fine. You’ve taken care of him a lot on this trip. You know what to do for him.”
He smiled. “Who would have thought I’d end up watching the kid while I let a woman go on the mission?”
Her eyes glowed. “I’d say you’ve come a long way, Chase.”
He wanted to tell her that it was because of her; only his love for her would have kept him in this room while she walked into danger. But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t confess his feelings. It was too risky. A chance he wasn’t ready to take.
“Why don’t you take a nap?” he said. “You’re probably not going to get much sleep tonight.”
“I can’t sleep. I’m too excited.”
He watched as she paced the room, pausing only to peer outside through the crack in the curtains. His stomach clenched. He wanted her to say she would stay with him. He wanted her to say he was more important than her revenge.
But she had carried her promise to her parents in her heart for years. He would try to understand. And she would never know that in his heart he prayed she would change her mind.
Before he could say anything else to her, the cellular phone rang. Andi spun around and stared at him, her face tense. He picked up the phone and said, “Yeah?”
“Chase?”
“Hello, Mac.”
“What’s up?”
Quickly Chase told Mac what had happened with the two intruders in their room, and how they suspected that Olasik was the traitor in the agency. “Thank God you and McGinnis are all right,” Mac said. Chase could hear the controlled anger in his voice. “And I think we can plan a little something for Olasik.”
Chase hesitated. “What did you tell him about tonight?”
“I told him everything was set—for the original meeting place. I didn’t say anything about the change.”
“Thank God. I knew there was something off about him.”
“You always did have good instincts.” Chase heard the wistful tone in Mac’s voice. “I was damn sorry when you left the agency.”
Chase knew it was the closest Mac would ever come to an apology. “It was time for me to leave,” he said gruffly. “I needed to get on with my life.”
And that was the closest he would ever come to telling Mac it was okay.
Mac cleared his throat. “I’m going to set up a little surprise for Olasik at the original meeting place,” he said. “I have a feeling that Olasik will go out there to collect his reward from El Diablo for his information. We’ll have someone there waiting for him.”
“Good idea,” Chase said. “I was going to suggest the same thing.”
“We’re all set with the team for tonight,” Mac continued. “I’ll call you and McGinnis and let you know as soon as we get El Diablo.”
“You’re not quite set,” Chase said. “Andi wants to be part of the team.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone. Finally Mac said, “Is she in shape to take part?”
“She thinks she is. This is her mission. She’s the one who set this up. She has the right to be there if she wants to be.”
Chase glanced at Andi, willing her to change her mind. Willing her to say she wanted to stay with him. But she didn’t say a thing.
“All right.” Mac’s voice was abrupt. “Tell her to be in front of the main post office in Monterez in two hours. I’ll have someone pick her up.”
They disconnected, and Chase listened to the dial tone for a moment before he closed the phone. He looked over at Andi. “You’re on. You need to be at the main post office in two hours. Someone will pick you up.”
She licked her lips and nodded. “I’ll be there.”
Chapter 15
Andi looked at Chase and she saw the resignation on his face. And she saw the shadow of pain, deep in his eyes. Then, with a flash of insight, she realized what she was doing to him.
He had told her he cared about her. For Chase, that was a huge admission. She knew how hard it had been for him to say even that. He might never be able to give her more. But she knew without a doubt that his feelings for her ran deep.
He would never have agreed to let her go on the mission if they didn’t. Chase was a hard, tough man. It would go against all his instincts to let a woman he cared about walk into danger. There was only one reason he would have agreed—because he saw how important it was to her.
But what was it doing to him? It had to be a bitter betrayal. She had become just one more person who was leaving him, one more person who wasn’t there when he needed her.
“Chase.” She said only his name, but suddenly he was all that mattered.
He stood. “You’d better get ready,” he said gruffly. “We’ll have to leave soon to get you to the post office on time and make sure no one follows us.”
Without taking her eyes off him she slowly shook her head. “I’m not going.”
He stared at her as if he hadn’t heard her correctly. “What?”
“I said I’m not going. I can’t.”
He grabbed her hands and held on tightly. “Why not?”
She saw the faint light of hope in his eyes and damned herself for almost extinguishing it. “Everyone has always left you when you needed them, Chase. Everyone. I can’t be another person who leaves you.”
“You’ll come back.”
“Yes, I would hav
e come back. But it doesn’t matter now. This time I’m not leaving. I’m going to stay with you.”
“You just told me how important this is to you. How it’s defined your life for the past twelve years. And you’re going to give it up just like that?”
“Yes, I am. There are some things that are more important.”
“Like what?” She thought he held his breath.
“Like you, Chase.” She, too, held her breath. She was taking a chance. She was exposing herself, telling Chase she cared about him, loved him. She was completely vulnerable, taking the risk of being horribly hurt if Chase rejected her. She was opening herself to the possibility of searing pain.
But somehow that didn’t matter. Chase needed to know she would be there for him. He needed to know she wasn’t going to be another person who left him, another person who put other people, other events, before him. Chase needed to know he would always come first with her.
“Are you sure?” he whispered.
She nodded. “Positive.”
He picked up the phone and dialed again, punching in the number of Mac’s pager without taking his eyes off her. When he closed the phone, the tiny click echoed loudly in the silent room, almost as loudly as the pounding of her heart. This was when Chase was supposed to say he loved her, and she was supposed to say she loved him, too. This was where happily ever after was supposed to begin.
He didn’t say a word.
Her pulse roared in her ears and she felt the chill of uneasiness steal into her bones. Please, Chase, she wanted to beg, say something. Anything.
But he was silent, holding the phone tightly in one hand, staring at her. She wanted to throw herself into his arms, beg him to say the right words, tell her she hadn’t made a total fool of herself.
Then Paolo let out a piercing wail, and she whirled to him, grateful for the interruption. Taking care of Paolo would give both her and Chase a chance to regain their equilibrium.
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