His mouth greeted hers eagerly and his warm lips filled her with hope. Hope for a future. For the first time in her entire life, she felt like she could actually see light on the horizon.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
It was quiet in the tent Logan was in. Everything was quiet. The Avari people had been quiet and the Kaleydia were quiet. Even Cyrcinus was quiet, but he imagined that Fangborn had managed to scare the noise right out of her. It was like a hush had fallen over the entire village, as if the Avari were in shock over the events that had taken place. He couldn’t blame them. They had been running and hiding for decades. To suddenly know that you didn’t have to hide anymore, that you were free… He imagined it was just as shocking as finding out that you were suddenly a slave.
He sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, realizing for the first time that he was in the tent he’d been led to on the night of the First Warrior ceremony. Had that only been three days ago? It felt like a lifetime. He felt like he’d aged twenty years in only a month.
“Logan?”
The flap on the tent opened and he looked up to see Willow enter. His heart lurched in a peculiar way. Half elated, half painful. He held his arm out to her, needing her presence, needing her touch.
She crossed the room to him and he pulled her up onto his lap, gathering her close and tangling his fingers in her soft hair. Her arms went around him and they just held one another in silence for several long and blissful moments. He closed his eyes and let his senses fill with her, memorizing everything so that he could recall it when he was alone. It was cruel to never know love, never know what it really felt like to care for a woman, then receive it and have it brutally yanked away. For a moment, he wished he’d never had Izzie get him the community service sentence. If he’d been sent to jail he never would have met any of these people. He wouldn’t be feeling the pain he now experienced…
But as soon as the thought came to his mind, it vanished. No, these people had changed him, changed his entire existence. They’d given him a life when all he’d been living was empty nothingness. He would rather know what it was like to love, to be loved, and to be greater than he’d ever thought possible, and then have it ripped away. He would rather know the pain of loss than remain ignorant. He could carry memories of Darien, the kids, and Willow with him in his heart. He would never truly be empty. Not like he had been before. He would never give that up. For anything.
He gave a soft sigh and stroked Willow’s hair. “How is everyone?” he murmured.
She pulled away and sat next to him so that she could look at him. “They are well. Tiyenen is seeing to the needs of those whose homes were destroyed in the attack. Everyone seems a bit shell shocked, but…” She shrugged.
He reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear. “I imagine it’s strange for them, knowing that their enemy is suddenly gone.”
She gave a thoughtful frown and nodded. “Yes, I think so. The Avari have known fear for so long…” She sighed and looked down. “I never really knew how to be a ruler… How to be a leader.” She met his eyes again. “No one did. My father didn’t. My grandfather didn’t. My people were slaves. They’d been slaves forever. When they suddenly found themselves free, they didn’t know anything about ruling themselves. They dubbed my grandfather king because he was smart, because he knew how to keep them alive. He was not confrontational. None of my people are. He wasn’t a warlord, or a strategist. He was just a man. A man who hid his people to keep them safe because it was the only thing he knew. It was the only thing my father knew, and in turn, it was the only thing that I knew. It was the same for Cyrcinus, I imagine. She did what she knew, what her parents taught her. Hate the Alveda d’Kai. Enslave the Avari.” She shook her head again. “We all only did what we were taught. None of us deviated from that.” She looked up at him. “Not like you.”
He frowned.
She smiled tremulously. “You always fight. You don’t know how not to fight. You don’t know how to just give up. Hiding is not an option. It’s not a solution. You search and search until you find an alternative. So many Alveda d’Kai were like you, but you possess more courage than any living person I have ever known.” She ran one hand up his arm and shoulder, then slid her palm to his cheek. “You fight when others would surrender. You fought an enemy for people you barely knew. You fought a poison that threatened to take your life. You fought your own fear when faced with what you thought was impossible. You fought your own limitations and pushed past them.” She stared at him with a kind of awestruck wonder in her eyes, then gave a small laugh and looked away as her cheeks turned a faint shade of pink. “The only thing I knew how to fight was my feelings for you.” She laughed again. “Actually, I think I did a pretty good job of fighting with you all the way around.”
He grinned and his heart warmed at hearing her laugh. “We have had a few crazy times, haven’t we?” he teased.
She nodded and giggled again before her face sobered. ”I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I’ve always been alone except from my brother. I didn’t know how to trust you. I didn’t know how to let you in. All I’ve known my whole life is not to trust anyone. When you swaggered into my office you reeked of distrust.”
“Willow, when I swaggered into your office I was no better than your enemy. You had a right to distrust me.” He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “You never did anything wrong. I know you think that all of your choices have been the wrong ones, but they haven’t been. You kept your people safe for as long as you could the only way you knew how. You distrusted me and held me at arm’s length because you should have.” He shook his head. “I wasn’t a good man.” He trailed his fingers along the lovely contours of her face. “You have to stop doubting yourself. You are a smart woman. You are a good woman. Stop second guessing everything you do.” I won’t be here to reassure you, he thought to himself. You have to trust your own judgment.
She gave a soft sigh and a small frown creased her brow. “How did you know the Kaleydia would help us?”
He smirked. “We got a lead in Lucy’s mythology book. The rest of the information I got from my father.” Her eyes widened and he nodded. “Only good thing he ever gave me.”
Mixed emotion flashed in her eyes for a moment before she slipped her arms around him again and pressed soft, lingering kisses along his collarbone and neck. He closed his eyes and sighed in bliss, his skin tingling where she touched.
“I have an idea,” she murmured.
He smiled. “What’s that?”
“I think that you shouldn’t go back to Medford when the summer is over.”
He grinned. If he had a choice, he’d never go back to Medford again. “Is that right?”
She nodded and continued to kiss her way up his neck. “Even though the war is over, the Avari still need the Alveda d’Kai.”
His heart filled with warm delight at the fact that she had just metaphorically admitted that she needed him. “Do they now?”
“Mmhm, there are still many things the warriors can teach them.”
He chuckled and pulled back slightly so that he could look down into her eyes. “And what could a jaded old warrior like me teach an Avari royal like you?”
Her eyes were soft and warm. “To love,” she said quietly. “To love someone other than those I’m responsible for…” She swallowed. “To love a man… To trust.”
He rested his forehead against hers and sighed. “I’m afraid I can’t teach you those things, Willow,” he murmured. “I’m still learning them myself.”
She let out a breath that was shaky, letting him know that their conversation was difficult for her, foreign ground. “I feel myself falling for you,” she whispered. “It’s scary.”
He nodded and closed his eyes. “It is.”
She ran her hands up his chest and across his shoulders in a slow caress. “I don’t know how to just let go.”
His heart squeezed painfully tight. She was trusting him with her innermost feelings, showi
ng him her vulnerability and confiding it in him. She was opening herself up for him and in the morning he would leave her alone. He would break her heart. He would break his own. It hurt more than anything else he had experienced. Worse than being stabbed. Worse than being shot in the arm with an arrow. Worse than being poisoned.
Wrapping her in his arms, he rolled so that she was lying down on the bed and he was cradling her and staring into her uncertain eyes. “Willow,” he said softly, “I cannot promise many things, but I can promise you one. You found a shallow and worthless shell of a man. You breathed life into him and made him more than he ever thought he could be. I had no heart before I met you. Just an empty chasm where a heart should have been.” He splayed his fingers across her throat and jaw, feeling her pulse beat against his palm. He smiled and tried to keep the sorrow out of his voice. “That heart you gave me will always belong to you… That, I promise.” Emotion filled her eyes and it nearly killed him. He never wanted to give up looking into her eyes. It was too much to ask of him. He had endured everything else up until this point, but never looking into her eyes again… Never touching her skin… Never kissing her lips… It was going to kill him.
“Logan,” she whispered, “can I stay with you tonight?”
You can stay with me forever… He swallowed the lump that rose in his throat and forced his emotions in check. “Of course.”
She smiled. “I still think you shouldn’t go back to Medford.” Her smile grew into a playful grin. “You could stay and help run the camp with me.”
He smiled, even though it was painful to do so. “I like that idea.”
She giggled. “I promise I won’t make you sleep in the leaky cabin anymore.”
He chuckled. “I appreciate that.” Her soft laugh was the end of him. He couldn’t help himself any longer. He lowered his lips to hers, needing to feel her kiss, needing to sample her sweet taste. He indulged himself, kissing her with deliberate slowness, nibbling at her bottom lip. She sighed and her fingers came up to tangle in his hair. It set his blood ablaze and made him want to weep like a little boy all at the same time. He pulled away before he lost it and tightened his arms around her, holding her close.
“Logan, are you okay?” she asked, looking at him in concern. She touched his cheek. “You look sad.”
Tears stung his eyes; he forced them away. “I’m just tired.” It wasn’t a lie. He was exhausted. In so many ways.
Her eyes softened in understanding. “Here.” She moved out of his arms and scooted up towards the pillows. She lay down and held her arm out to him. He immediately lay down next to her and closed his eyes when he felt her fingers begin to trail through his hair.
“Rest, dragon warrior,” she whispered. “We have time to talk. We’re just beginning, you and me.”
He opened his eyes to take in her smile and the way her eyes sparkled. His heart twisted. Just beginning… It was poetically warped that their beginning and their end were one in the same.
Chapter Thirty
Logan awoke with dread curled around his heart like a serpent. Willow slept next to him, her arm draped across his waist, her head resting on his shoulder. It was divine torture. He closed his eyes and memorized the feel of her there, then drew in a determined breath and eased himself out of bed. Her arm tightened around him and she made a disgruntled noise.
“Where are you going?” she mumbled.
His throat constricted and he looked down at her. Her eyes were still closed and she was frowning. He smoothed back her hair and kissed her forehead. “Shh, go back to sleep,” he soothed. “Everything’s fine.”
“Where are you going?” she persisted.
Of course she couldn’t just do what he said. That would be far too easy. He sighed. “The Kaleydia are leaving this morning. I want to thank them again for their help.”
Her eyes fluttered open. “Wait, I want to go with you.” She let go of his waist and made to roll out of bed.
He blinked. “No, it’s all right. Go back to sleep.” He didn’t want to see her sad eyes as he walked away with the Kaleydia. It would kill him.
She frowned at him as she sat up. “Gimme a break, Logan. They saved my people. I’m going to go with you.”
Of course she was. He heaved a sigh.
The flap on the tent lifted suddenly and Lucy tentatively poked her head in. “Logan?” she called.
Logan felt sick at the way she bit her bottom lip and he saw tears swimming in her eyes. He knew what it meant. He offered her a sad smile. “Sent you to come get me, did they?”
She nodded and looked down.
Willow frowned. “What? Why?” She turned to face Logan. “Wait a minute, what’s going on?” Alarm flashed across her features.
Logan stood and cupped her cheek in his palm. “You said you would remember me,” he whispered. “Please keep that promise. I know that I will never forget you.” Her eyes widened and he turned away from her, unable to look at her a second longer.
“What are you talking about?” Willow’s voice came. “Lucy, what’s going on?”
He was aware of Lucy pulling her over and explaining the situation as he put a shirt on and tried to keep his heart from shattering into a thousand pieces. He slipped out of the tent while Lucy was still talking, before anyone could stop him, and he strode through the village to the courtyard where the Kaleydia were gathered. A sinking feeling settled into his stomach at the sight of them. Especially since the entire village was standing there, as well. At least they’d kept Cyrcinus out of the equation. She must have still been in the stables, awaiting their departure. He sighed. Why couldn’t anyone just keep their mouth shut? This was agony.
“Logan!”
Her voice sliced through him like the sharpest blade and he stopped just inside the courtyard, having a difficult time keeping a handle on his emotions. What had once been so easy for him was now the hardest task imaginable. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt her arms come around him from behind and hold on fiercely.
“Are you out of your mind?” she whispered, her voice laced with tears. “You can’t do this!”
He looked up at the crowd that was watching and he felt sick when his eyes fell on Darien and all of the kids. They were all crying. Darien had his shoulders hunched and his hands stuffed in his pockets.
Willow turned away from Logan and boldly strode up to Fangborn. “You can’t do this!” she shouted.
Logan’s eyes widened.
Fangborn stared down at her with his cold, unfeeling gaze. “Avari woman, you have no say in this matter. I respect your leadership among your people, but this accord was made between Logan and myself. Your opinion matters little.”
She shook her head. “No!” she spat with vehemence. “I forbid it! I won’t allow it!” Tears spilled out of her eyes. “I’ll fight you myself!”
Logan’s eyes bulged and he strode forward and took her wrist. He looked up at Fangborn and shook his head, then backed Willow away from the man and met her eyes. “Are you out of your mind?” he cried. “Have you ever even dealt with the Kaleydia before?” Didn’t the way they had swept through and eradicated the Supporo clue her in that they weren’t to be trifled with?
“I don’t care!” Her entire body trembled and shook with the force of her emotion. “They can’t have you! I’ll fight every last one of them with my own two hands!” She dissolved into sobs and collapsed against his chest, clutching at his shirt.
He sighed and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. “For a woman who claims she doesn’t know how to fight, that’s a pretty bold statement,” he muttered.
She shook her head and held onto him with all her strength. “Please don’t do this,” she whispered. “Not now.” She looked up at him and the pain in her eyes shattered his whole world. “We’re just beginning, remember?”
Tears stung his eyes and he reached up to take her face in his hands. “You will always have my heart, Willow. Remember that?” he murmured. “That is yours to have and no one
else’s.”
She looked down and shook her head, her tears falling anew. “Why?” she cried. “Why did you do this?”
He took a deep breath and forced himself to stay strong. “Because my broken heart and my freedom were a small price to pay for your safety.” He stroked her hair and looked over at the kids. Even in his sorrow, his heart filled with warmth. “I was nothing before you,” he said. “All of you have made me whole. You taught me how to love. I didn’t even know what it was before you. I would do anything to protect that.” He pulled Willow close to his side and walked slowly over to the kids. “You have all taught me so much. I used to think that being a warrior meant being strong, fighting, being cold.” He shook his head. “That’s not even a piece of it. Being a warrior is loving something and believing in something so much that you would gladly lay down your life if it meant keeping that safe.” He let his eyes scan the Avari people and he pressed a kiss to the top of Willow’s head. “Being a warrior is giving all of yourself for something greater than you. It’s fighting when all you want to do is hide, and hiding when all you want to do is fight.” He looked at Lucy. “It’s pouring over a Bible-sized book of mythology for five straight hours in hopes that you’ll find just one little snippet of something to help save the one you love.”
Lucy’s bottom lip quivered and she looked down.
Logan’s gaze shifted to Aki. “It’s swinging a makeshift mace at a stranger and beating him with it to stand up for what you believe in.”
She giggled through her tears and buried her face against Colt’s shoulder.
Logan smiled. “It’s being a leader, a friend,” he caressed Willow’s hair once again, “a lover,” he looked over at Darien and swallowed hard, “a brother.” He drew in a shuddering breath. “Being a warrior is being yourself and staying true to that, no matter what.” He nudged Willow, who was crying softly, over to her brother, who took her in his arms and swayed her back and forth. Logan turned to face Darien. His throat constricted; he had no idea what to say.
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