by K. Langston
Mason chuckled, removing his hands from my hips and stepping up next to me. “I’m nobody, man.” A tiny sigh of relief fled from my lips.
“Barrett?” Maddie stepped between us, looking back and forth with bloodshot eyes, trying to put the pieces together. I could see the moment it hit her. “No fuckin’ way.”
“I can explain…” I began, collecting a step.
“Explain what?” Holden asked, stepping up to complete the circle of hell.
I looked down at my feet, unable to speak under her disappointed glare. “It just… happened.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
My eyes moved back to hers. “I was afraid you would be upset or worse, hate me.”
“Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?” Holden bellowed.
Maddie ignored her husband, keeping her eyes on me. “Were y’all screwing around behind my back?”
“Hell no!” I reached for her arm. “I would never... this all happened right before I moved.”
Holden looked murderous. His brows were pinched tight and his normal easy going smile had turned into a thin line of rage. I don’t remember ever seeing the man pissed off before, and I had to say, it was scary. “You fucked this guy?” Holden looked at Barrett then back to Maddie. “When?”
Maddie kept her cool blue eyes trained on mine. “This was before I met you, Holden.”
“Well, considering I’m here now… I suggest you start talkin’.”
Exhaling an irritated breath, she swung hard eyes to him. “Barrett and I used to…” she started, but then quickly thought better of it. “Doesn’t matter, let’s just go.”
“You and Barrett used to what? Fuck? Date? What!?”
Note to self… never piss Holden off.
“Holden, please,” she pleaded, pulling him towards the car.
He jerked away from her. “No. I wanna know why my wife is upset about someone she used to fuck, fucking someone else.”
Maddie didn’t have an answer for that. She tossed me one last look, eyes like daggers to my chest before she spun and hurried off.
Holden’s jaw ticked before he swung his ice cold eyes at mine. “You comin’?”
“No, she’s not.” Barrett answered.
“I don’t remember askin’ you shit, motherfucker.” Holden’s hands curled into fists.
“The fuck is goin’ on out here?” Archer asked, stepping out of the door of the bar with a huge guy following right behind him.
Shit, all these pissed off men… in one parking lot… not good.
“’Bout to show this Yankee fuck what a good ole ass whoopin’ feels like,” Holden took another step, bringing him square with Barrett.
“Fuck you,” Barrett countered.
Holden brought his face within an inch of Barrett’s while my heart slammed against my chest. “Keep talkin’ shit.”
Stepping between the two angry men, Archer placed a firm hand on Holden’s heaving chest, walking him three steps back. “Go home, Holden.”
Holden’s eyes turned to stone as he stared his cousin down. Thankfully, after a few nerve wracking moments, he finally walked away.
Archer looked me over before swinging his eyes to Barrett. “She yours?”
“Yes,” The possessive tone in his voice sent a familiar warmth spreading throughout my body.
“Wanna tell me why my cousin was ready to wipe the parkin’ lot with your ass?”
“I have a pretty good idea, but it’s none of your business.”
Archer collected an angry step, but Barrett didn’t back down an inch. “Everything that goes down in and outside of that bar is very much my fuckin’ business.”
“Fair enough.” Barrett said. “But I’m still not telling you shit.” He took a step back, reaching out for my hand. “Let’s go, Tabitha.”
Archer lifted a hand to stop me, studying my face carefully. “You’re drunk.”
“Trust me, I’ve sobered up plenty in the last fifteen minutes.”
“I don’t feel good about this,” Archer said, concern thick in his voice.
“I’m fine, I promise.”
Archer let me go and Barrett led me to the back of the parking lot, relief flooding my veins. The respite was short lived as realization came sweeping in.
He’s here.
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
~ Thomas Jefferson
“Goddammit!”
I yelled, dropping my fist to the steering wheel. Catching Maddie flinch out of the corner of my eye, I tried not to completely lose my shit. But damn, it was hard. Just the thought of her with that guy made me crazy enough, but her getting upset because someone else fucked him was going to send me right over the edge.
Neither of us spoke as we made our way inside the house. Maddie dropped her purse on the couch, heading straight for the bedroom while I flipped on the lights. “Where do you think you’re going?” I gritted, my anger completely taking over.
“To change and get ready for bed.”
“The hell you are. We’re doin’ this shit right now.”
She crossed her arm, narrowing her eyes. “I’m not talkin’ to you until you calm down.”
“Trust me, this is as calm as it’s gonna get until you start giving me some answers. Who the fuck is that asshole?”
“Please, don’t call him that.”
Blood pounded in my ears as the last bit of my control snapped. “I can call him whatever the fuck I want. You’re mine and if you think for one second I’m gonna stand here and let you defend another man to me… you’ve got life seriously fucked up.”
“Holden, Barrett and I are friends. He was my boss when I worked in Boston. He’s the one who’s been helping me get everything organized to open the firm.”
I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. “What?” Every muscle in my body quivered with rage. “Let me get this straight. You’re friends with a guy you used to fuck and I’m supposed to be ok with that?”
“I didn’t tell you because our relationship is strictly professional.”
“Bullshit,” I gritted, tightening my fists.
She threw her hands up. “So now you don’t trust me?”
“This isn’t about trust. It’s about honesty. You fuckin’ lied to me,”
“I did not lie to you. I withheld the truth. And for good reason, apparently. The fact that he and I shared a physical relationship in the past is completely irrelevant to our relationship now.”
This was the woman I gave my life to. The one I shared my secrets with. The one I loved above all else. Maddie had kept something from me. That knowledge alone was crippling. Her standing here, defending herself…
Unfuckingbelievable.
I took a step forward, hovering right above her face. “This is our life, our marriage. I don’t give a shit what you say, withholding the truth is the same as lying. How would you feel if I told you I talked to Alexis every day, huh?”
“That’s not the same and you know it,”
“I’m in love with you so the fact that I fucked her in the past is irrelevant, right?”
“That’s not what… I…”
“Exactly.”
I could put up with a lot of shit, but lying and cheating were deal breakers for me, and she damn well knew it.
I’d done nothing wrong.
Holden was acting as if he couldn’t trust me and damn if that didn’t cut deep. Maybe I should have told him about my previous relationship with Barrett.
Ok yes, I should have told him.
But he was being ridiculous. Holden knew how much I loved him. He had absolutely nothing to worry about. I would never ever cheat on him. Ever. I loved him more than anything, and I have never questioned if he’s the one.
Our fights were always about stupid shit. Like when he forgets to put down the toilet seat, or wears his muddy boots through the house. But this was serious. This was the biggest fight we’d ever had. Well, since the whole Alexis debacle.
Ugh… her name alone sent heat roiling through my veins. Wonder if this was how Holden felt. Even though our situations were completely different, and there was no way in hell I would ever let that bitch within ten, no make that a hundred feet from my man without clawing her beady eyes out, I could certainly understand how he felt. I would fucking kill him if I found out he was talking to her behind my back, and then I would kill her.
I stomped off to the bedroom. Which was what I normally did any time we argued and Holden always came after me. Most of the time he would give me a little space, but then he would be right there, in my face… talking shit out. Either with his mouth, his hands, or his words, he always found a way to make it right, unwilling to let it go until we put the issue to rest. Just one more reason why I loved him so damn much.
It was just after 4 a.m. and he still hadn’t come to bed. My heart twisted in my chest as I sifted through everything that had happened. I was still in shock, and hurt. Was it because they’d slept together? I thought about that carefully.
No… that wasn’t it.
What hurt the most was the fact that Tabitha didn’t tell me. I was shocked… yes, but mad… no.
Tabitha and Barrett.
Wow… I sure as hell never saw that coming. I knew something wasn’t right. The fun and carefree woman I once knew seemed to no longer exist. She now carried a calm reserve and there was a distinct hint of sadness hidden in her soft green eyes. I’d chalked it up to tension between her and her father. From what she’d told me, their last meeting had been pretty intense and did nothing to repair their estranged relationship. Tabitha wasn’t one to dwell on shit, so I tried not to pry. She would talk about it when she was ready, but until then she would deal with it in her own way.
Alone.
When Barrett had called earlier tonight, I didn’t find it odd in the slightest, until he started asking me where I was and who I was with. After I told him, the tone of his voice immediately changed, sending red flags waving all over the place. He ended the call before I could ask him what his deal was. I should have talked to Holden about all of this. Here I am berating Tabitha for keeping a secret from me when I’d been harboring one of my own.
I had to make this right.
Light flickered through the living room. The muted TV only served to illuminate Holden sleeping on the couch. Tears stung my eyes. I decided to let him sleep and wait to talk to him in the morning.
I reached for the remote lying next to him, but he caught my wrist. “I’m sorry,” He pulled me down to lay next to him. Facing one another, I tried to burrow my face in his neck, but Holden lifted my chin and found my eyes. I licked my lips and swallowed my pride. “I was wrong. I should have told you and I’m so sorry, baby.”
Holden cupped my face and placed his lips against mine. He didn’t move at first, just held my mouth captive, inhaling softly through his nose. The tears began to fall. His touch, his lips connected with mine… it was all I would ever need. I could go without food. I could go without water. I could not live without this man next to me.
“I love you,” he whispered, drinking slow, soft kisses from my mouth. “I don’t want anyone to steal you away from me.”
“Holden…”
“I don’t wanna lose you.”
“You won’t. You’ll never lose me because you’re mine, forever, remember? If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I won’t talk to him anymore. I just need to know we’re ok.”
He exhaled a relieved sigh before his lips covered mine once more. This kiss was familiar, yet it wasn’t. It was possessive and passionate, but held a sliver of uncertainty that had been placed there by me. I kissed him back with the same vigor, telling him with my mouth and my body that I was his.
Always.
If you love somebody, let them go,
for if they return they were always yours.
And if they don’t, they never were.
~ Khalil Gibran
My head was pounding, but it wasn’t one of my normal headaches. The left over alcohol and the zap of adrenaline had my temples throbbing, but it was an ache I could tolerate.
He’s here.
Even after I’d abandoned him in a hotel room, in a bed where he made sweet love to me, and told me things I never thought I would hear, Barrett was here. He didn’t speak a word during the fifteen minute drive from the bar to my house, and it didn’t occur to me that he hadn’t asked for directions until we pulled into my driveway. When I raised a brow in question, he simply replied. “I’ve been going crazy looking for you. There isn’t much I don’t know about you right now.” My heart went into overdrive. There were things he still didn’t know. But as far as where I’d moved, and what I’d been doing the last several weeks, he clearly knew everything.
Once inside, I flipped on a few lights and offered him something to drink. He didn’t answer. Just stood in my living room looking around¸ taking it all in. “You fuck that guy?”
I took a step back, his words slapping me across the face. “There’s been no one since you.”
He looked down at the floor then back at me. “Kiss him?”
I shook my head, swallowing back the tears. “Never.”
Before I could blink, I was pinned between him and the refrigerator with my arms above my head. Barrett’s hips dipped then rolled into me as he buried his face in my neck. “I’m so angry with you right now. I poured my heart out, and you fucking left.” Heat raced through my body, a whimper of regret leaking from my lips. His mouth seared the skin of my neck, and I shivered under his scraping bite. “You hurt me.”
Pulling his head back, his tear filled eyes met mine. “I’m so sorry.”
Shaking his head, he tightened his fingers around my wrists. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
Hot tears rolled down my face as Barrett released my hands, bringing his palms to cup my wet cheeks. “I was afraid.”
With the pads of his thumbs, he wiped the tears from beneath my eyes, holding my gaze. Funny, Mason had done that very same thing earlier, but it didn’t have near the same comforting effect. Barrett’s lips fell to mine, his hands moving to the back of my neck as he took back what had belonged to him all along. His powerful kiss stripped away any remaining doubt I had about whether this man loved me or not. He’d spoken those precious words our last night together. And to be honest, I had only hoped he didn’t mean it when deep down, I knew he did. I just never thought he loved me this much. I never thought he would come here.
I never thought…
“I need you,” he said against my lips. “I need you now.”
Driven by pure uninhibited love and desire, we tore at each other’s clothes, removing layer after layer of anything between us… until there was nothing.
Until there was everything.
Standing naked in my kitchen, he took my mouth once more, cradling the back of my head and angling my mouth to fit his. Strong hands fell to my ass, guiding me to wrap my legs around his waist. Banding one arm around my middle, he used his free hand to center himself, lowering me slowly onto his thick, hard cock.
My mouth parted on a short heated cry. “Barrett.”
“Shit baby, I missed being inside you. Bed?”
“Upstairs.”
We only made it up a few steps before he bent forward, lowering me to the stairs. Untangling my limbs from his waist, I dropped my feet, his cock still buried deep inside me. He began to move, rocking back and forth, fucking me with deep, vicious strokes. The hard wood dug into my back, but the bite of pain was overshadowed by the pleasure. “Mine,” he growled, thrusting harder and harder.
“Mine,” I whispered against his lips. I wasn’t sure where this was going or where we would end up. But none of it mattered. The only thing I cared about was right here, fucking me… claiming me… loving me.
And tonight, we belonged to each other.
Facing one another, our heads shared a pillow. Barrett reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. Moonlight shined upon the s
ide of his face, illuminating the bright blue irises staring back at me. “Have you ever had a moment where you realize you are exactly where you’re supposed to be in your life? Like you’re finally headed down the right road?”
“Kind of like… an “Aha!” moment?”
“Well, that would be one way of putting it,” Barrett laughed and I leaned in to catch it. He cupped the back of my neck, deepening the kiss.
Finally, I answered. “No, I’ve never had a moment like that. Each time I thought I was where I was supposed to be, it turned out to be a dead end.”
“But every wrong turn led you here. This is where we’re supposed to be,” His warm lips melted against mine, branding my soul. “Together.”
My heart soared, dipping and flying around my chest like a trapped bird that had just been set free. The way he loved me was better than any love I’d ever known. “I never meant to hurt you, Barrett. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I had no choice.”
“You always have a choice. Why didn’t you just talk to me?”
“I tried. I wanted to. I just… when you told me you loved me…” Lifting his hand to my naked chest, I placed it right over my heart. “I never thought I would feel this.”
“What? What do you feel?” he asked, searching my eyes.
“Complete.”
Gathering me in his arms, he kissed me hard and deep and with so much damn love, I thought I would suffocate.
Stretching my arms above my head with a loud yawn, I rolled over in an empty bed. I blinked, propping myself up on my elbows. Was it just a dream? Closing my eyes, I thought about last night. There was a sweet, delicious ache between my legs and a fullness in my heart. I smiled, reaching for the pillow that held Barrett’s head last night. Bringing it to my nose, I inhaled the proof.
When I opened my eyes, he was standing at the foot of my bed, wearing a pair of white boxer briefs and a wicked grin. “Morning, baby,” he said, before lifting the covers and crawling underneath. A mess of giggles tumbled from my lips when Barrett’s hands wrapped around my ankles. He placed a kiss on my calf, then my right knee before spreading my legs wide and covering me with his mouth.