No Apologies

by Sybil Bartel

  “How?” We were practically naked, how could that have been less personal?

  “I like you.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

  I forced myself to remain perfectly still. Then I tried to downplay what she’d just admitted. “I like you too, Carly, but I want to know what, exactly, scared you a few minutes ago.”

  She brought her eyes to mine. “The words you say don’t match what you do. You’re aggressive and the only language you speak is sex. I can’t speak that language. I know words but I don’t understand yours. The words, I need them. I need them to match your actions.”

  I scared her. It wasn’t him, it was me. I was scaring her. Fuck. Fuck. “I should leave.” I stood. “Thanks for breakfast.”

  “Tell me why,” she asked quickly.

  My stupid fucking promise to myself stopped me. Hands on my hips, a foot from the back door, I told her the truth. “I’m not what you want. You deserve someone better.”

  “What do you want?”

  No one had ever asked me that. No one. The heaviness of that one sentence settled around me like forbidden fruit. I wanted her. In my arms, in my bed, in my life, God, I wanted her. But I didn’t say that. “I want to go for a ride.” Because I needed to lay off other women. That left speed as an outlet. Right now, I needed an outlet, bad.

  “A ride?”

  I hesitated. “The Ducati.” I searched her face. She had asked what I wanted and I wanted to ride. “With you.”

  She blinked. “Now?”

  “Now.”

  “Okay.” She jumped up and rushed to her bedroom. A half second later she returned, jacket in hand and two helmets, one of which was mine. A beautiful, carefree smile was lighting up her whole face.

  I fought a smile and lost. “Am I speaking your language now?”

  “Oh, yeah.” She tossed my helmet at me.

  I took us through back-county roads and wound my way to the Ocala Forest. Built for speed, not touring, the Diavel opened up nicely but I didn’t go far before turning around. The ride wasn’t the usual release I got from the horsepower. Every throttle, every brake, every turn, I was aware of Carly on the back. Her slight body pressed against my back, she rode easy, but she was still there. Before heading back to her place, I asked if she had the Rebel’s key on her. She did, so I went to the shop.

  I parked the bike and opened one of the bays.

  “You went easy on the ride.” Carly sneaked a glance at me before pulling the Rebel out.

  What’d she expect? I didn’t bother to answer.

  “Don’t get me wrong, I loved it, but you could’ve gone a little faster.” She held up her index finger and thumb an inch apart.

  “I would have if I was alone.” A lot faster.

  “Being careful?” she teased.

  I wrapped my hand around her arm before she threw her leg over the bike and she looked up at me, surprised.

  “With you.” I cupped her cheek. “I’m being careful with you.” And I kissed her.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Date

  My hands framing her face, her body pressed close, I was lost to the sweet torture of her tongue mingling with mine as she kissed me back. When one of her small hands fluttered from my back to the outside of my thigh, desire ripped through me. I didn’t want to let her go but I didn’t want to scare her again.

  I pulled back and kissed her gently on her forehead. “You okay?”

  Breathless, her lips swollen from my kiss, she nodded. “Yeah.”

  God, she was beautiful. “Dinner tonight?”

  She smiled shyly. “Okay.”

  “I’ll call you.” I ran my thumb across her bottom lip and forced myself to step back.

  Like a deer in headlights, she stood there staring at me. Cheeks flushed, breathing hard, she touched a finger to her lips and I almost groaned out loud.

  “I’ll see you later.” I needed her to leave, now, or I wasn’t going to let her go.

  “Okay,” she whispered. A heartbeat later she got on the Rebel.

  I watched until she disappeared down the street, then I got some work done in the shop. At five o’clock I couldn’t take it anymore. I texted her.

  Me: You around?

  Carly: Yep

  Me: Dinner?

  Carly: A little early, isn’t it?

  Me: I’ve got practice. Done by seven. Pick you up then. Dress decent

  Carly: Ok

  I met Myles at the studio but he was alone.

  “Where are Frick and Frack?” I opened my bass case.

  “Just you and me tonight,” Myles said absently, messing with some equipment before he turned to me. “I thought we’d record ‘Break.’”

  I paused only for a second. “Yeah, okay.” I knew what he was up to. He knew I didn’t want to do this and he was trying to make it easy on me. I slung the strap of my bass over my shoulder. “I actually have an idea for the song.” I’d been toying with changing the words.

  “Yeah?” Myles perked up.

  “I wanna change it up.”

  “All right.” He drew the word out and smiled with anticipation like I knew he would.

  For the next two hours we worked on my idea.

  I drove home, showered, and put on a dark gray button-down and black slacks. I ditched my boots for black shoes and used my favorite cologne. Carly wasn’t picking the restaurant tonight. I had a plan.

  I rushed over to Carly’s apartment and rang the bell. When she opened her door a few minutes later, I forgot to breathe. Tons of sexy black eyeliner, hair curled and loose, she was wearing a tight gray shirt over skin-tight black pants. Spiky high heeled boots made her inches taller and the wide smile on her face made her even more gorgeous.

  “You look great.” I kissed her cheek and she smelled like heaven. Holy fuck, how was I going to keep my hands off her?

  She looked at my shirt then hers. “We match!”

  I glanced down. Christ. “C’mon.” I shook my head but I put my arm around her shoulder and led her to the car. Tonight, I opened and closed the door for her, date style.

  As I cut through town and picked up the highway, Carly glanced at me.

  “I take it I don’t get to choose the restaurant?”

  “You’re at my mercy tonight.” I gave her a half smile.

  “You look great, too, by the way.”

  I glanced at her. She looked good in my car. “Thanks.”

  “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

  “It’s a surprise, but it’s in Gainesville.” I turned the radio to a soft jazz station and took her hand in mine.

  We spent the next half hour talking. She asked me what it was like growing up in Miami and I asked her about all the things she said her dad had taught her. She probably rode and shot better than me but I was sure if put to the test, I’d drink her under the table. When I told her that, she laughed and said I shouldn’t be so sure. I found that sexy as hell.

  As I pulled up outside the restaurant, she leaned forward in her seat and peered at the signage. I liked how she was curious about life, not jaded. “Have you been here before?”

  “No.” Voice small, she shook her head.

  Perfect. “Good drinks, even better food.”

  We walked in hand in hand and I gave my name when the hostess asked if I had a reservation. Carly looked up at me.

  I leaned down to whisper in her ear. “All planned out. You’re at my mercy, remember?” I kissed just below her ear.

  Despite the crowded restaurant, our table in the corner was intimate. Carly glanced around and back at me before opening her menu. “Nice place.”

  We ordered drinks, appetizers and entrees. Conversation flowed. We talked about what I was working on at the shop. She talked about a book she was writing and her hope to get published. Every opportunity I got, I touched her but not overtly. I smiled when she amused me and I paid attention to what she talked about. Neither was a chore.

  When we finished the meal, she seemed t
o have relaxed and she looked like she was enjoying herself. There was a difference between her smile now and the smile she usually wore at work. I liked this one better.

  Even though she said she was full, I convinced her to share a dessert. I liked watching her eat. She was feminine—small hands, delicate movements—but more it was how she enjoyed her food. She took nothing for granted. I’d never spent enough time with any woman to get to a place where food was a seduction but with Carly, it was. I found myself feeding her a bite of the dessert and I smiled, watching her lips.

  “You’re sexy as hell when you eat.” I wished we weren’t in a crowded restaurant so I could lean across the table and kiss her, but this was all part of my plan.

  Smiling with delight, she closed her eyes briefly. “It’s not me, it’s the food. It’s ah-mazing.”

  Yeah, no, it was her. “It’s all you, Hummingbird.”

  She flushed and lowered her lashes. “Maybe it’s the way you make me feel.”

  Maybe. Who cared? I liked it. I fingered a strand of her silky hair. “You ready to hit it?”

  She peeked up at me with a flash of disappointment. “I’m not ready for the night to end.”

  “It’s not.” I signaled the waiter for the check.

  I paid and led Carly to the car. I liked how she fit tucked under my arm. I reminded myself of my plan and held the door for her again. Ten minutes later I pulled into the parking lot of Sulfer. There was a great band playing tonight. I’d called ahead and used the band’s connection to get on the guest list for the sold-out show.

  “You up for a little music?” I parked and cut the engine.

  “You read my mind.” She grinned.

  We skirted through the crowd and I found two seats at a small table in back.

  “Wow, it’s packed. Who’s playing?” Carly scooted her chair close to mine.

  “Wait and see.” I smiled.

  “Give me a hint.”

  “Neo soul meets funk.” I had no idea if she’d know what I was talking about. “Want a drink?”

  “No thanks.” She leaned against me.

  I put my arm around her shoulders and we waited for the band to start. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t content as hell.

  A half hour later, the band rocking it, I pulled Carly to the dance floor. Heels and all, she could move. I was wrong before. She wasn’t sexy when she ate. She was sexy when she danced. Loose, seductive, innocent in her provocative moves, I didn’t even try to hold back. I danced with her, touching her how and where I wanted. Her hair around her in a golden halo, her body sliding against mine, it was sweet fucking torture.

  The third time I felt the eyes on me, I glanced up. Assuming someone had been watching Carly and not wanting to get in a fight tonight, I’d ignored it before. But the third time, I scanned the crowd and wished like hell I hadn’t. To my left, dancing with some suit, was Gemma. She didn’t take her eyes off me, not even when the thin arms of the guy she was with wrapped around her. Goddamn it.

  I maneuvered Carly so my back was to Gemma. After the song finished I led us to the bar, using the excuse that I needed a drink. I got us two waters and took us back to the table. I wondered how it’d look if I got us out of here before the show was over. I had no idea what, if anything, Gemma would do and I wanted no part of it. Tonight was supposed to be about Carly. I couldn’t even go one night with Carly without ruining it.

  “What’s wrong?” Carly put her hand on my thigh.

  I didn’t have time to answer.

  “Hello, Graham.” Gemma appeared in front of us, sans date.

  “What’s up?” I said dismissively. My arm around Carly, I purposely caressed her shoulder nice and slow.

  Gemma watched my hand then focused on Carly. “I see he’s too rude to introduce his girlfriend. I’m Gemma.” She held her hand out to Carly.

  “I’m—” Carly started.

  I squeezed Carly’s arm, stopping her from either saying her name or denying the girlfriend comment. I didn’t care about the girlfriend thing, I didn’t want Gemma hearing Carly’s name in case she remembered it from the story. “She’s not interested in an introduction.” I glared at Gemma. I knew my attitude had a fifty-fifty chance of either tipping Carly off or pissing Gemma off to the point where she said something. I was willing to take the odds, hoping I could pass her off as a crazed fan.

  They both looked at me.

  Gemma recovered first. “Oh, I see.”

  “Do you?” I challenged.

  Gemma looked at me, half angry, half hurt. “Loud and clear.” She turned to Carly, “Good luck to you, don’t turn your back on him.” She walked off.

  Carly exhaled. “Jilted ex?” she asked too casually.

  I rubbed her shoulder and looked at her. “Hardly.” You had to be a girlfriend before you could be an ex, right?

  “You were more rude than usual.”

  No kidding. “Look, she’s a user, messed up with drugs and who knows what else. I want no part of that.” Or my shit decision to email her Carly’s story but what’s done is done.

  “She told me to watch my back.” Carly smiled but I could tell it was hiding her anxiety.

  I snaked my arm down her back then up again under her shirt. “You should.” I skimmed my fingers under the back strap of her bra and kissed the edge of her mouth. Wrapping my arm around her waist, I spread my fingers over her stomach. “And your front.” I cupped her cheek with my free hand and started kissing her. I told myself it was to distract her but I couldn’t help myself. When I touched her skin, I almost lost control.

  Her back arched and she leaned into me. Jesus, I liked her response. It was more intoxicating than any drink. I barely remembered where we were and forced myself to pull back.

  My forehead to hers, my hand still on her stomach, I whispered, “Hummingbird.” Because I couldn’t think to save my life. All I wanted was her, all of her.

  She stared back, cheeks flushed, breathing heavy; her desire was raw and guileless. “I like when you kiss me.”

  I almost took her straight to my car. “Good.” I brushed her cheek with a kiss and stood. I couldn’t dance with her again, not like this. Grabbing her hand, I led her through the crowd and out the door. Two paces and I backed her against the side of the building.

  My leg snaked between hers, my hands against the cold concrete, I caged her in and gazed into blue eyes hazy with desire. I could lose myself in this woman. Maybe I already had. I spoke without thinking. “What are you doing to me?” My voice rough, I sounded angry.

  Her tongue swept across her bottom lip and I lost the battle for control.

  I slammed my mouth over hers and kissed her, hard. Her face cupped in my hands, I demanded more than she’d ever given me. Lips crushed, teeth grating, I did with my tongue what I wanted to do with my body. And damn if she didn’t respond. Her hands traced my shoulder blades, slid down my back, past my waist and fluttered across the back of my pants. Then she grabbed my hips and pulled me into her. I wanted to shout with victory, then haul her off somewhere and claim possessive rights.

  Abruptly, she turned her head. “You’re, so, big,” she panted out.

  Fuuuuck. I bent my knees slightly then slowly rose back up, sliding against her. She could feel just how big I was. For her. “Do you know how much I want you?”

  A soft earthy moan escaped her lips. “Graham.”

  Fuck yeah, that’s it, say my name. “Right here, right here, Hummingbird.” I swept my tongue across the sensitive flesh of her ear and dragged my teeth across her neck until I reached the edge of her collarbone peeking out from her shirt. I sucked the spot that’d been driving me crazy all night.

  Her hands still on my hips, she shivered and pushed into me.

  “That’s what I want,” I whispered, moving my lips back to her ear. “Just you and me. No fear, Hummingbird.” And I kissed her again. Slow, gentle, I showed her what I wanted her to know. Not pushing her further, not taking the kiss to the next level, the restraint w
as pure agony.

  I pulled away and looked into her eyes. “Just you and me.”

  “Is it?”

  I stilled. I couldn’t be mad at her. It was a legitimate question. I struggled with what I wanted to say and what I should say. “I’m here now, with you.” I swept her hair from her shoulder. “There’s nowhere else I want to be.” I didn’t tell her the evening after the incident in my kitchen had been a turning point for me.

  The smile touched her lips but weariness held the rest of her expression. “Me either.” She gently rested her head on my chest.

  I wrapped my arms around her and stood to my full height, caveman style. Her feet left the ground and I let the soft weight of her fall against me for one torturous moment. Everything about this girl was leaving a mark on my heart.

  I set her back down and tucked her under my arm. I wasn’t ready to head home so I led her down the block to a coffee shop. Like a gentleman, I held the door and ushered her inside.

  “What’s your poison?” I couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d asked me. Would being with just her be a possibility? Did I want it to be? Who the fuck was I kidding, I wanted it. God, I wanted it.

  “Um...” She crossed her arms around herself. “Hot chocolate.”

  “Shit. You’re cold.” I instantly went into protective mode but I didn’t have a jacket to give her. “I’ll order then I’ll run back for the car.” I rubbed her arms up and down for warmth, realizing I was already fucking whipped. I looked at my Hummingbird. Did I care?

  “I’m fine.” She leaned into me, her blond hair falling across my chest.

  Nope, didn’t fucking care. For tonight, it was what it was. I was here and she was mine. I ignored the voice in my head saying, “for now.” I ordered and while we waited, I stood behind her, my arms around her for warmth. Just to keep myself in check, I reminded myself again what I was doing tonight.

  We took our drinks and sat on a couch in back.

  “I liked the band tonight.” She looked at me over the rim of her cup.

  “Yeah, they’re great. Raw and simple.” I traced a finger along her temple.

  A slight tint hit her cheeks. “How come your band has never been signed? You’re good enough.”