Ray grunted. “Yeah, I hear you. Performing’s the best. It’s all that exists when you’re doing it.”
It was. Ray interacted with music in a way Mish didn’t, but they all sank into their songs when they played. In those moments, only the music, the stage, and the fans existed. She needed that more than anything right now. “When do we get there?”
“Couple hours,” Zavier said. He flipped the cover of his tablet closed. “Though I believe we’ll be hitting a rest stop soon.”
Over by the berths, Dom finally rolled out, blinking into the light of the day. “Please tell me there’s coffee.”
“Babe, it’s me. Of course there’s coffee.” Adrian rose to pour a cup.
“I fucking love you,” Dom said. Adrian handed over the mug and stole a kiss, which led to Dom leaning against his fiancé.
They were adorable together, which both warmed and broke Mish’s heart. Hard not to be happy for Dom and Adrian—or for Ray and Zav, for that matter. But it was a reminder that though this was her family, she was alone in that regard. Sure, Ray was a shoulder and a brother, and the others were as supportive, but there were different connections she missed. Physical ones. Emotional ones, like the way Dom relaxed as Adrian steered him to his usual spot on the couch.
Dom sat and bumped her shoulder. “Hey. You feeling better?”
“Yeah,” she said, because it was true. “Your man makes a mean cup of coffee.”
His grin was still edged with sleep, and he drank deeply before turning those eyes back onto Adrian. “Second best part of the morning.” The heat in that look probably could have fried an egg.
Adrian laughed and booped Dom’s nose with his finger. “Shush, you.”
Zavier rolled his eyes, but was smiling. “Ray doesn’t want to know.”
“Damn straight,” Ray said. “Some things can stay private.” He took a sip. “I’m gonna need to talk with David when we stop. Didn’t last night because we were all too tired.”
“I thought you did talk to him.” Mish had watched Ray bound off the bus when she’d gotten up to get ready to sleep.
He looked up at the roof of the bus for a moment, obviously thinking of how to word what he wanted to say. Finally, he met her gaze. “I did, but that was to make sure he wasn’t going to quit on us, or shoulder all the blame.”
Shock zinged through Mish and she sat up straight. “Why the fuck would he blame himself?”
“’Cause he didn’t see that asshole coming,” Adrian said. “Thinks he should have.”
She shook her head. “Men.”
Zavier chuckled. “More like ‘protectors.’ Pretty sure you’d have done the same thing, had your roles been reversed.”
She grunted. Zavier had a point. “Touché.”
Ray scrunched up his face. “Marcella’s also gonna ask you if you want to press charges against the guy who stole your ring.”
“Ugh. No.” The thought of having to deal with that incident for much longer made her skin crawl. “I love that ring, but it’s not worth the press on my ass or dealing with lawyers.”
“Yeah, she figured. But she’s gotta ask,” Ray said.
Mish grabbed her phone and texted Marcella, then grabbed some fresh clothes. “Gonna go catch a shower.”
Didn’t take her long to get washed and dressed. The guys all got themselves together, too, and soon they slowed down onto an exit ramp. Mish nudged Ray with her foot. “I want to talk to David, too.”
“Figured you might.” Ray’s grin made sense. She hadn’t exactly been subtle about her interest in David. His smile slipped away. “I’ll let him know.”
Only then did it occur to Mish that maybe David wouldn’t want to talk to her. She was the job, after all. Shit. “Did he really try to quit?”
Ray shook his head. “I think he knows he’s in this for the long run. But he was angry and upset. It gutted him, not being able to return your ring, even though he caught the shit who took it.”
Because David took his job seriously. She knew what would come next: the professional face. No more rock queen or darling designed to make her laugh. “Well, it gutted me, so at least we have that in common.”
“You have a lot of things in common,” Ray said.
She wanted to ask him what he meant, but the bus swung into a rest stop with a lurch, and Ray was out the door as soon as the bus was parked. She and the rest of the band were slower, but Mish spotted David almost immediately. Ray was already talking to him. Even so, she met David’s stare and tried to smile. Probably failed, since he looked down before saying something to Ray.
“Come on.” Zavier stood next to her, hands in his pockets. “Let’s go check out the breakfast options. I bet there are hideous donuts to go with Adrian’s brilliant coffee.”
A laugh bubbled up in her from underneath the weight of the preceding evening. “Okay. But we’re only buying them if they’re obnoxious colors, ’cause normal donuts aren’t worthy of Instagram.”
In the end, they found neon blue and green frosted donuts and bought a half dozen before boarding the bus. David joined them on the bus too, and he and Ray headed to the back lounge, where things were a little more private.
Dom raised an eyebrow. “He’s not keeping us out of the loop, is he?”
“No.” Zavier sat when the bus started moving and eyed the donut box Adrian was holding. “He’s doing that leader thing he does.”
“Want a donut, Zav?” Adrian’s grin was wicked.
Zavier rose and stood over Adrian and the donuts. “I still believe food should not be this color.”
“Except you’re the one who bought them.” Adrian got out his camera. “And I know you desperately want that neon green donut, so you better pose biting it.”
Zavier flipped open the box and claimed one of the donuts. “Fine.” His voice was rich with laughter. Photos were snapped, of the donuts, of Dom and Zavier chowing down. They were pretty good in the end, despite the scary color of the frosting. They even left two—for Ray and David.
Of course, Adrian’s photos were artful and cute and featured them and Twisted Wishes mugs of Adrian’s coffee. Mish approved the one of her laughing, donut in hand. She wanted that one posted.
“People are worried about me. Our fans.” The image made her look happy and carefree—more so than she felt. But she could get there again. The weight of hurt, fear, and loss was lifting.
From the chatter on the internet and on the band’s site, lots of folks were upset on her behalf.
“Yeah, the fans are,” Adrian said. “They adore you. It’s not all bad out there, though.”
“I know. One rotten apple shouldn’t reflect on the bunch.” An apple with minions, though.
Zavier settled back into his seat. “The press about the show has been phenomenal. The critics very much enjoyed your duet with Ray.”
“It was fucking fantastic,” Dom said.
“Really was.” Adrian flipped open his tablet. “Let me show you the fans’ reactions.”
She scooted closer to him, and he flipped through Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram. Each one warmed her heart. The OMGs and the wows and the comments on how good her voice sounded. People wanted more. They thought she and Ray were awesome.
The stabbing edge of pain from the night before was gone, and she gave Adrian’s arm a squeeze. “Thanks, hon.”
“Anything for family,” he said, his voice gentle. “I see the good, too, and there’s a lot more of that.”
She believed him. But somehow, the bad always weighed more than the good. “Glad you joined us.” She punched him in the arm with no force.
“Me, too,” Dom said.
Zavier’s grin was legendary, but he didn’t say anything.
Just then, Ray came up from the back of the bus, and paused by Adrian and the donut box. “I think I’ve waylaid David’s fea
rs and self-incrimination, and he threw some ideas around about tonight’s concert which we wanna run by all of you.” He picked up the last green donut. “But he’d like to talk to Mish in private, if that’s okay?”
Her stomach tumbled from nervousness, but she wasn’t sure if it was from thrill or apprehension. “Yeah. I’ll head back.” She poured another cup of coffee for her, one for David, and grabbed the box with the remaining donut. “I’ll even bear gifts.”
Ray planted a kiss on her cheek. “Go get him.”
There was more to Ray’s statement than she really wanted to admit.
* * *
Despite the rocking of the bus, David paced the floor of the small lounge, his heart in his throat. The engine covered most of the noise from the front of the bus, but murmurs of speech still filtered to him, and Mish’s voice chattered across his nerves. Was she mad? Upset? How would this go? He needed to apologize, even though Ray had been vehement that David needed to do no such thing.
The flutter of the curtain between the sections heralded the arrival of Mish, who was carrying a box in one hand and two mugs of coffee in the other. He closed the distance between them and retrieved one of the mugs. “This for me?”
“Some of Adrian’s magic bean juice.”
Hearing her voice, so normal, so right, was perfect. “His coffee is magic.”
Her smile was magic, too. She held out the box. “And here’s the last of the scary, scary donuts.”
Inside was one of the hideously colored confections the band had bought at the truck stop. “Thank you, I think.” He took the box, then gestured at the couch. “Sit and talk?”
Her smile dimmed, and he swallowed his own apprehension. “Yeah, sure,” she said.
He placed the box between them, though the last thing he wanted was a barrier right now. Maybe this would go better if they kept some distance. “Ray’s told me four times that I need to stop beating myself up about last night.”
“Only four?” Her smile was faint. “He’s slipping.”
“Well, four so far.” David sipped his coffee and let his eyes flutter shut for a moment as the brew hit the back of his throat, warm and perfect. “Fucking hell. If I were into men, I’d marry Adrian just to have this coffee every morning.” He met Mish’s shocked silence and shrugged. “Though I don’t think I’m his type.”
“You’re straight?” Her voice pitched up and she wrapped her hands around her mug. “I mean, I don’t want to assume, but...”
“I prefer women, yeah. I don’t like the label straight, because it’s so often used in opposition to queer.” He took another sip of his coffee and steeled himself for what was next. “And I’m queer as fuck.”
“You’re...” Mish didn’t seem upset, just confused.
That was pretty normal, a drawback to passing as cis. He preferred it to shock and horror, though. Not passing had grated on him, but sometimes passing did, too. Fucking assumptions. But he did need to have this conversation—regardless of his interest in Mish.
He pointed at the donut. “I’m gonna eat that. ’Cause the rest of you did, and didn’t die from the horrendous food coloring. But blue isn’t my favorite color. Neither is pink. Too wrapped up in gender.”
“I get that. Blue is for boys, pink girls, like color has a gender.” Mish rolled her eyes, then took a sip of coffee. “What are you trying to tell me? I’m...missing it, aren’t I?”
“Missing what I’m trying to tell you? Maybe. But I’m not being clear.” He inspected the donut, then picked it up. “Part of it is that my mother used to make me wear these pink dresses with scratchy eyelet lace edging right up until the moment in time I told her I was a boy and tired of that shit.” He took a bite of the donut. “She didn’t believe me ’cause it was the ’80s and people didn’t understand being trans that well, but at least she didn’t force me into another dress.”
Mish’s eyes widened a faction, then she got a faraway look, as if running things through her mind. Finally, she took a swig of her coffee. “Yeah, okay. That makes sense.”
Nothing else. No waver in her voice. If anything, she’d relaxed more. Then again, her chosen family was pretty damn queer.
What really surprised him was the taste of the donut. “This thing isn’t half-bad!” Even the frosting was good.
“I know. We were all expecting nightmares and they’re actually decent. I guess that’s what we get for snarking on rest stop donuts.”
“Don’t judge a book and all that?” Not that she’d judged him.
Mish grinned. “So, is Ray gonna have to tell you a fifth time not to beat yourself up?”
David took a breath to settle himself. He hadn’t intended to come out to Mish, at least not like that, but the conversation he’d had with Ray had made him realize that if he didn’t pull back, he had to be completely open with Mish. He knew why, too—that sparkle in her eyes, the way he felt when she touched him, smiled at him, and teased him.
“Maybe,” he said. “I am sorry about last night, and I keep going over it in my head. I did run after the dude, which left you alone. In retrospect, that wasn’t smart, especially after what we learned.” Each time he thought about the night objectively, the more he picked his actions apart. Ray was right—he needed to stop beating himself up.
She waved his words away. “Eh, I’ve already punched out one guy. Wasn’t like I was alone—the band was there, and the venue staff.”
“True. And yeah, you can throw a mean punch, but Ray would have my hide if you couldn’t play for six weeks.” There was that heat deep inside him again. “Even though your singing is fucking out of this world.”
That’s what shocked her. Not that he was trans, not that he’d failed to return her ring. Those words of praise. A blush rose to her cheeks and she looked into her coffee mug. “I know I’m decent, but I’m not sure about out of this world.”
“Stunning,” he said. “Beautiful.” Just like her. Rock royalty. “You weren’t out in the audience. People were screaming their heads off.”
“Stop.” She put up a hand. “Please. Adrian already showed me how the fans reacted.”
“You’re a goddamned rock queen.” He couldn’t help the gravel in his voice. “People should worship you.”
The look she gave him wasn’t anger or annoyance, but there was too much tension in it to be friendly. She set the empty mug down on the floor of the bus. Moved the donut box behind her, then reached up, her hand hovering close to his cheek. “May I?”
“Fuck yes.” His throat was dry and every nerve in his body was primed.
She cupped his face with her palm. With her other hand, she drew her fingers along the edge of his beard. “You want to worship me, David?”
God, he was hard, leaning into her touch. So much for not getting involved. “Can’t help it, princess.”
She chuckled. “Still not a princess, darling.” She stroked his jawline, sending sparks down his arms and legs.
He settled his hands on her hips. “You okay with this?”
“You touching me? More than.” Her breath ghosted over his lips.
“You gonna forgive me for screwing up?” He whispered the words. Wanted absolution from this beautiful woman who held him in her hands.
“No. Because you didn’t screw up. You did what you thought correct in the moment and it was the right thing, David.”
“But—”
Her lips finally met his, and he groaned against their softness, against the bitter taste of coffee and sweetness of the donut. When she deepened the kiss and drew him closer, their legs touched and he tightened the grip on her waist.
Her fingers drifted into his hair, nails scraping against his scalp, bringing a hint of what more might come if they went beyond this one meeting.
He broke the kiss and whispered against her lips, “This is such a bad idea.” He wanted to keep going, dro
wn in her, in this mistake.
Her chuckle was heaven. “What’s a bad idea? The whole ‘me getting close to you because I trust you and don’t know how to tell you you’re okay’ bit?”
He kissed her neck. The gasp she made only increased the heat in his veins and his desire to slip off this couch and kneel on the floor of the bus. “Gonna make it harder for me to keep you safe.”
She pulled back, and her hazel eyes had taken on the greenish hue he so loved. “I don’t know about that.” She straddled him until there wasn’t a gap between their bodies and her rocking hips pressed his packer against his dick. God, he couldn’t help the moan, or matching her movements. Her lips took his again, kissing and nipping until he couldn’t breathe through his need for her.
She spoke between kisses. “Closer you get, the closer I am to you.”
He wanted to rake his hands through those copper curls. Strip everything off. Unwrap his entire being. He barely even knew Mish. “Fucking hell, you terrify me, baby.”
“Ditto, David.” She mouthed his chin. “At least we’re in the same place.”
Was that good or bad? One of them ought to have their head on straight. Right now, he was so keyed up by her body against his and the way her hips rolled. “Jesus, Mish. You’re gonna make me come. What will the band think?”
The vibrations of her laugh only made him want her more. “Zav will roll his eyes and ask what took us so long. Ray won’t care, and Dom will stick his fingers in his ears and not wanna hear about it at all.” She stilled herself. “Though you’re right that I shouldn’t take you apart in the back of the bus with them on board.”
He pressed his forehead against hers and worked to catch his breath. “So you’re gonna make me ache instead?”
There was a bit of the devil in her chuckle. “Don’t think it’ll be the first time.” She stole a kiss. “And I get off on my lovers wanting me that badly.”
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