by Candi Wall
Then he caught sight of her, standing near the edge of the trees with Linda. Both women’s gazes were locked in the direction of the truck. The driver managed to regain control, and slowed to a safer speed as he passed. Relief swamped Brack. She was safe. The brute attack of adrenaline waned and his arms and legs shook. He shifted to maintain the pressure on the pry-bar, but the ground gave beneath his boot and he slid to a knee.
The weight of the van shifted.
“Get out of there!” Jacob shouted.
His brother’s voice barely registered. The shadow of the rocking van blocked out the surroundings as it shifted and plunged down. He jerked to the side, his boots slipping in the thick soup of snow and mud. With a desperate lunge, he landed just outside the van’s reach as the load crunch of metal and shattering glass split the air.
He glanced up, panicked. But Vincent and the other EMT stood on the embankment with Amber on the stretcher. With a grim scowl, Vincent nodded and started the climb to the road.
Any relief Brack experienced died at his brother’s agonized yell. He crawled around to the other side of the van. “Rand!”
Rand lay back in the snow, his face distorted with pain. “My leg’s caught.”
“Everyone, down here now.” Brack grabbed hold of the metal window frame. “We’ve got to tip it up enough to get his leg free.”
With seven of them working, Rand was free in short order. He couldn’t walk without extreme pain, and Brack grasped his shoulder. “Good work. Now let’s get you to the hospital.”
Rand closed his eyes as he was carried away.
The others followed, but Abby’s gaze held his. Her eyes searched, questioning, and he looked away. She would recognize his guilt.
Laughter erupted in the small hospital room.
“Yeah, well I thought it said ‘broken boner’.”
“He’d have to be able to get one to break it.”
“Now that’s not nice. He has his penismobile for that.”
Abby patted Rand on the shoulder. “It’s great to have such concerned friends.”
He smiled, winking at the blushing nurse who rolled a sock over the end of his foot where his toes stuck out of a brand-new cast. “Don’t listen to them, Shelly.”
Abby rolled her eyes. “I’m heading home for a shower.”
“Thanks for coming up. At least I got a speck of pity from you, unlike the rest of these goons.”
The entire rescue team filled the room to overflowing. Except one. And Abby wanted out of the enclosed space before he showed up. With an injury on tonight’s papers, Brack was certain to be in rare form. “Take care. And call if you need anything.”
Rand waggled his eyebrows. “I’ll be needing sponge baths regularly.”
She glanced at his cast. It reached midway up his calf. “I think you can manage. I’ll see you later.”
It took close to five minutes to make her way to the door, and she backed out right into someone. She turned to find a middle-aged doctor with sandy brown hair and deep amber eyes staring down at her. “Sorry.”
He smiled. And boy was it a handsome smile. “No problem. How’s the patient doing?”
“He’s fine.” She glanced back through the window to Rand’s room. “Though you might not want to go in there. Never know what that group will say or do.”
As she spoke, Linwood was blowing up rubber gloves and tying them to the bed. The doctor laughed. “I’m used to this crew. But I haven’t seen you before.”
She held a hand out. “Abby Burke. I just started on the team a week ago. Actually, tonight’s my first official call.”
He shook her hand, lingering a fraction. “Welcome, I’m Garrett Closson. And though I hate to say it, I hope not to see you in here again too soon. Though elsewhere would be wonderful. You’ll be at the auction?”
Heat crawled up her cheeks, and she gently tugged her hand away. What was with the men in Maine? Was there a shortage of women she hadn’t noticed? “Yes. Unfortunately.”
He chuckled. “You’ll be auctioned, eh?”
“She will.”
Brack and his untimely entrances were starting to wreak havoc on her mind. He stood behind her in the hall, clean, still-damp hair, and entirely too sexy. “Yes, Garrett. I got suckered into volunteering by my new captain.”
Garrett laughed as he and Brack shook hands. “Well done.”
Brack didn’t return the smile. His scowl actually deepened, the taut lines of his shoulders screaming his bad mood. “Thanks. How’s the patient?”
“Why don’t we go check?” Garrett shook her hand again. “Really wonderful to meet you, Abby. I don’t suppose I can convince you to save me a dance?”
She opened her mouth to speak, but Brack interrupted. “Your patient, Doctor?”
Surprise arched Garrett’s eyebrows before he walked toward Rand’s room, and she quickly added to his retreating back, “I’d be happy to, Garrett.”
Damn stubborn, egotistical…
She stormed down the corridor toward the exit.
“Burke!”
Brack’s yell made her whip around to glare at him. “What?”
“Wait for me outside.” The hard set of his eyes held no room for argument. He closed the distance between them in five long strides. “I need to speak with you.”
“I don’t think I heard you correctly. Did you mean, please wait?”
“No. Wait outside. That’s an order.”
This day had gone on long enough. Fatigue sapped the last of her patience. “Fuck you and your orders.”
His eyes darkened, lips thinning to a tight sneer. “You’ve already done that. Why not try something new?”
She’d never struck another person in her life, but her hand connected with his cheek so hard the entire nursing station down the hall went silent. They stood, rooted to the spot for a brief second before Abby’s senses returned. She backed away, all thoughts of right or wrong, of what she could or should do, evaporated under the violent reaction she’d just experienced.
She turned away, panic pressing in on her from all directions. That was her mother’s kind of reaction—not hers. She didn’t look back, didn’t care at that moment what his reaction might be. She needed to get out of there. She’d never reacted like that to any provocation. Never. Racing down the hallway, she burst through the doors into the cold night air. A moment later her car roared to life and she slammed it into drive, her mind working so furiously she was shocked when she pulled into her driveway.
Disbelief dulled her steps and she dropped her purse on the table. Shrugging off her sweatshirt, she threw it on the couch and searched for the biggest wine glass she could find. She filled it to the top before going to the living room to start a fire.
The wood flickered to life as she added more paper and kindling. Flames danced across the fireplace, and she followed the shifting wisps, replaying the moment she’d stuck him in her mind again and again. Her greatest fear could be realized with a simple, misguided or uncontrollable action. She could, even if she’d fought for years to be anything but, become her mother.
The soft beep from the answering machine drew her attention and she reached out to push the button. Two sales pitches, one offer to clean her rug and a congressman’s bid for her vote. Then the voice of her landlady chattered out of the speaker. Marilynn was happy Abby liked the house…wanted to let her know the gutters would have to be cleaned…and the plow guy was all paid for the year…
Her elderly landlady loved to talk, and messages weren’t an exception. Abby chuckled and sat in the soft recliner near the fire. She closed her eyes as Marilynn rattled on.
“Oh, and your mother called me looking for you. Seems she’s gotten herself into a spot of trouble. I gave her the house phone—hope you don’t mind. It’s lucky she remembered me offering you two the cottage up there, otherwise she might not have found you. Her number is…”
Abby listened to the message again and again until she could have recited it from memory. It
hadn’t taken more than the first mention of her mother for Abby to know what would happen next.
Her mother had found her.
Which meant it was time to go.
And for the first time—ever—she didn’t want to.
Chapter Fifteen
He’d known she wouldn’t wait.
The truck slid to a stop in her driveway and he shut the lights off. The biting cold engulfed him the moment he stepped on the gravel drive, and he took a deep breath.
This had to stop. Confusion had become a constant companion. So much so, that it mingled right up there with the normal run of guilt.
He rubbed at his cheek where she’d slapped him. It really hadn’t hurt, but he’d seen the shock in her eyes. This entire mess was taking a toll on both of them. And that was more reason to put an end to their seesaw ride before it got worse.
He knocked on the door with more strength than he’d planned and when it swung open to reveal Abby’s scowl, he pushed past her into the living room.
“Come on in, Captain.”
Sarcasm laced her statement, and he swung back to stare at her. He’d planned on dealing with this in a grown-up manner, but that single statement set his teeth on edge. “Why didn’t you wait like I asked?”
She took a sip from her half-empty wineglass and closed the door. “You didn’t ask, if you remember right. You demanded. Ordered. And I don’t take orders from anyone.”
Frustrated with the entire evening, he charged forward. “You’ve certainly proven that.”
“You weren’t acting as my captain. You were acting like an asshole.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered in what capacity I acted. You wouldn’t have listened anyway.” Damn woman was going to drive him to drink. He stepped closer, wanting to strangle her almost as much as he wanted to kiss her. “I knew you wouldn’t change.”
“Change?” She rubbed at her temple with a sigh. “I don’t need to change. If you’d stop looking for reasons to find fault in everything I do, you’d realize I’ve followed every order you’ve given as my captain, barring one.”
“One that could have cost you your life.”
“It’s my life.” She shook her head. “I haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve followed every protocol and rule you have, but for some reason, you’ve decided I have to have special ones. If Rand had been in that raft with you, you wouldn’t have stopped him from going in the water. And Allen was farther out in the road tonight than I was, but you didn’t say a word to him.”
Her accusation stalled him momentarily. As much as it pissed him off, she was right. “They’ve been trained.”
“Trained?” She thumped her palm against his chest, backing him toward the door. “You’re going to try to tell me your brother and Allen are more trained than I am?”
“I was.” He scrubbed a hand across his neck. “Fine. I did it because I don’t want you to get hurt. Not on my watch.”
“Here you go babying me again. You expect me to act like one of the team, which I’ve done, but you refuse to treat me like one. Other than to yell at me when you think I’ve done wrong.” She shook her head, and the vanilla scent of her hair took over the aroma of burning wood. “What did I do to deserve your protection?”
“You refuse to protect yourself.”
“Apples and oranges, Captain.” Her eyebrows arched slightly, and he fisted his hands to keep from smoothing the tension away. “I’m perfectly happy with how I take care of myself.”
He grabbed her arms and shook her. Didn’t she get it? She was different. If anything happened to her… “Didn’t you see how easy it is for someone to get hurt? My brother didn’t expect to get hurt. Didn’t plan for it.”
She peeled his hands away. “I suppose that’s my fault as well?”
“No.”
“Then why the hell are you so angry with me?”
The well of confused emotion crested and spilled over. Why indeed? He pressed her back toward the couch, unable to stifle the need to be close to her. “Because you being around makes me careless. I was watching you tonight, instead of what I should have been paying attention to.”
Some of the tension left her shoulders. “Whose problem is that, Brack? I can’t be held accountable for your mistakes as well as my own.”
“But you’re the reason I acted carelessly! Because I never know if you’re going to protect yourself.”
“Brack,” her voice dropped. “Tell me one instance, beyond the raft, that my performance put me in danger.”
Brack’s mind went blank. He replayed the calls, the trainings… Fuck. If he ignored what he felt for her, her execution as a member of the team had been exemplary. Somewhere deep inside, he’d known he wasn’t being fair. He asked more from her than anyone should have to give.
She sighed heavily in the silence. “What do you want from me, Brack?”
“I don’t want to worry about you.” No. That didn’t cover it. “I don’t want to care.”
Sadness crept into her gaze. “There’s nothing I can do for you here. You have to make that choice.”
“I know.”
“Then stop caring.” She shrugged, but she refused to meet his gaze. Placing her wineglass on the table, she moved away to stare out the window. “Don’t feel anything. Keep your guilt and anger close rather than being happy. I’m sure it’s much easier that way.”
Easier? Hardly. It was just what he’d lived for so long…
“My guilt keeps me safe, alert.” He followed her to the window, turning her to face him.
“No it doesn’t.” She reached up to caress his cheek. “It keeps you from enjoying life. It’s a crutch. A reason not to feel close to anyone. Something you can hide behind so you don’t have to face the realities that come with life.”
To be questioned about life’s reality was too much. Buried anger erupted, and he looked away to bank the emotion her steady gaze drew to the surface. “Have you ever lost someone you loved? Ever held their cold hand or closed their eyes after you tried to breathe life into them? Ever slept with your grief or suffered the guilt of knowing you took that life with one foolish decision? One stupid moment?”
Tears burned at Abby’s eyes, and she struggled to breathe as the words spilled from his lips. “No, Brack. I haven’t.”
And she didn’t. She couldn’t imagine his pain. And now, with that simple statement, he’d confirmed what she’d suspected. He blamed himself for the deaths of his wife and child. Why was the mystery. And even if he explained their deaths, she wasn’t sure she’d ever understand.
He came closer, the fury in his gaze lit from a soul-deep ache she’d accidentally opened. His body shook with emotion, and her anger dissipated. Whatever ate at Brack’s soul couldn’t be laid to rest easily. With this, she could sympathize. Everyone had their own demons. He’d lived with his guilt for a seeming eternity, and it may have only been four years, but the permanent damage was done.
“Then don’t tell me I hide from life. I control it. Until you’ve experienced what I’ve been through, and lost everything, you can’t understand.”
Softer now, her heart breaking, she reached out to touch his jaw. “You didn’t lose everything, Brack. You have a son who’s missed his father. He’s suffered in silence just like you. I have nothing to lose if you push me away, but don’t lose him by refusing to live.”
His eyes were unreadable as he smashed a fist against the wall beside her. “Screw you, Abby! You know nothing about us. Nothing about family. You flit from place to place without connection and yet you stand here telling me in your hypocritical way that I’m detached? That I hide from life?”
She’d been happy that way too. Until she’d met Brack. Now, her own words from only a moment ago came back to haunt her. She’d accused him of using his past as a crutch. Wasn’t she using her mother as the same? It had always been easier to walk away. But this time, she wasn’t so sure.
“It doesn’t bother me to be detached,” she lied. “I don’t for
ce it on others or make them bend to my rules to control everything around me. I’m hurting no one but myself. You’re so busy keeping everything in order that you have no idea how to live.”
“Until you came along and turned everything upside down, I did.”
The harsh edge of anger melted away under that one whispered statement and he turned into her caress, kissing her palm.
“Your world has been turned upside down for years and now it’s all settling back to rights.” She shivered, wondering if she was talking to herself more than him. “That panic you feel is all the pieces falling into place.”
He looked away, his throat working as his chest moved with slow, measured breaths. She pulled him closer, needing to touch him. His return embrace was rough. He said nothing, just held her and she would have given anything to be inside his mind, even for a moment.
She ran a hand through his hair, twirling her fingers around the soft waves. “It’s terrifying,” she admitted, knowing it was more her own confession.
He settled into her touch, the tiny turn at the corner of his mouth alleviating some of the tension. “How’d you get so smart?”
“Born gifted?” Heat poured through her veins. She’d never wanted a man with such incredible hunger. Even in the face of their constant disagreements, something inside her broke free when he stepped into her sphere. “I’ll be the focus of your anger. Willingly, if it will help you purge this guilt. But I won’t be your scapegoat or your justification for continuing to be such a control freak when I’ve done nothing wrong.”
His fingers shifted along her side, flexing into her hip. “You scare me, Abby.”
God, would he not leave it alone? “Why do we keep coming back to that?”
He chuckled, his fingers slipping around to her back. “Not like that. The way I feel when I’m with you.”
“Oh.” What more could she say? What did she dare to say when her time with him was almost over? Her mother’s call had cemented the fact.
Hadn’t it?
Of course it had… She’d run from enough towns to know leaving first was easier. On everyone. “I don’t know what to say.”