Despite myself, I couldn’t help but be interested. In front of me, Pete and Scott began to size each other up, then call each other names. Pete started mocking Scott’s voice and laughing at him. It wasn’t long before the boys were fighting. I knew it wasn’t serious as they’re best friends out of school, but it reminded me that when a boy is a bully, then it’s obvious. Pete was playing the bully and Scott was his victim.
When they’d finished, Miss Segal clapped. ‘Excellent, and did you see, as they got into their roles, Pete became stronger and Scott became weaker? Great body language, boys. Scott, you really looked weary and defeated by the end. OK. I think that was pretty clear – the bully and his victim.’
She looked around class and fixed her gaze on me. ‘OK. Now let’s see how two girls might play out that situation.’
I felt myself stiffen. This was getting a bit close to home and I felt like I wanted to disappear. No way. Look somewhere else, I thought as I stared at the floor, avoiding Miss Segal’s eyes. I felt myself getting hot. I looked at my watch. Only twenty more minutes to go.
Miss Segal’s gaze moved on. ‘Any volunteers?’
To my amazement, Cat nodded at Becca, then the two of them were up like a shot.
‘OK, girls,’ said Miss Segal. ‘Off you go.’
Cat started to say something and Becca started rolling her eyes and looking away as if she was really bored. She flicked her hair and sniggered to an invisible person. Cat shut up. Then Becca started acting really friendly to a group of invisible people and pretended to hand out cards. She stopped at Cat. ‘Oh sorry, not you,’ she said, with a toss of her hair. ‘You’re not pretty enough.’
Someone at the back laughed. I was stunned. She was doing the most perfect imitation of Kaylie. Then Becca walked into Cat. ‘Oh sorry, wasn’t looking where I was going,’ she said, with a really false smile. Cat started looking miserable. ‘Oh, lighten up, Cat,’ teased Becca. ‘You’re too serious.’
I glanced over at Kaylie. She was looking daggers at Becca. I wanted to die. Becca was on a roll. She spoke to her invisible friends, sniggered, whispered, gave Cat filthy looks.
Finally, she stood in front of Cat with her hand on her hip. ‘Whatever kind of style you were going for,’ she said, ‘you missed.’ Then she started laughing again.
When they’d finished, Miss Segal clapped. ‘Well done,’ she said. ‘And very interesting. I’ll tell you why. Because with the first scenario, the boys, it was clear. Pete was the bully, Scott was the victim. But with Cat and Becca, it felt different. Can anyone tell me why?’
A hush had fallen over the class. A few girls glanced nervously at Kaylie.
Miss Segal looked around. I think she felt the tension in the air. ‘It’s suddenly gone very quiet in here. Come on, class. Why did it feel different?’
Sunita put up her hand. ‘With the boys, the bullying was physical. With the girls, it was more subtle. Like, Scott would have had a bruise or a broken arm to show for it. All Cat had was a broken ego. The aggression towards her was almost unseen, as Becca made it all look so casual. Like walking into her accidentally on purpose. Cat might think that she was imagining it.’
‘So, what’s the solution?’ asked Miss Segal.
‘There isn’t one,’ said Sunita. ‘You can’t tell your parents, as it’s not like you’ve got a black eye or anything, and if you make a fuss, they might make things worse by causing a scene at school and no one wants that.’
‘So why not go to a teacher?’ asked Miss Segal.
‘No way,’ said Laura Johnson. ‘What are you going to say? They might think, What’s the big deal? So someone walked into you or didn’t invite you to their party. So what. Deal with it. Then you’d feel like a fool. Or maybe the teacher would talk to the bully girl and then the girl might act all sugary-nice to you for a while, but you’d know it was totally false. No, best leave teachers out of it.’
I had the feeling that Sunita and Laura were talking from experience and wondered whether they had once been subject to Kaylie’s methods as well.
‘So what do you do?’ asked Miss Segal.
No one spoke for a few moments, then a voice from the back of the classroom started up. It was Tina Woods, a really quiet girl who hardly ever said anything. ‘You, er . . .’ She nervously adjusted her glasses. ‘You cry at home on your own. You hide your feelings and try and get through each day without anyone noticing you . . . You try to be invisible.’
At that moment, the bell went for lunch and people began to shuffle at their desks, anxious to get out, but I was riveted to my seat. Tina had described my experience exactly, as had Laura and Sunita.
‘Just before you go,’ said Miss Segal, ‘I’d like to say that there are things that you can do. Most bullies are cowards at heart and must be stood up to, one way or another. Expose them. Because if they’re doing it to one person, they’re probably doing it to someone else as well. And if not now, they will in another year. I should know. I was bullied at school and it took me a long time to realise that I had to be myself and not to let others define who I was. OK, you can go now, but I’m here if anyone wants to talk about this further.’
As the class made a dash for the door, I noticed that Tina Woods was hovering in the background. I got up and followed Cat and Becca out the door. I felt stunned.
‘YOU WERE totally brilliant, Becca,’ said Laura as we sat eating our sandwiches in the hall at lunch-time. ‘You had you-know-who down to a T.’
Everyone was talking about Miss Segal’s class. It seemed that loads of people had stories about being bullied. Tina, Sunita, Laura – even some of the boys had been subject to forms of exclusion, name calling and general nastiness.
‘Well, I’m not afraid to say her name,’ said Cat. ‘You mean Kaylie. And it’s the first time I’ve ever seen her look so uncomfortable in class. And I noticed she scarpered pretty fast when the bell went. Doesn’t want a taste of her own medicine.’
‘She and her mates made my life miserable last term, just because I wore the wrong kind of trainers,’ said Sunita. ‘But my parents couldn’t afford to buy me the trendy ones.’
‘So what did you do?’ asked Cat.
‘I begged my mum and she saved up and got me some new ones for Christmas,’ said Sunita, ‘but that didn’t work either. Kaylie accused me of being a copycat and dressing like her.’
‘You can’t win with people like her,’ said Becca. ‘Best just leave them to rot in their own poison.’
‘It’s amazing,’ I said, ‘because there were times when I thought it was just me. That it was my fault.’
‘No way,’ said Becca. ‘There are just some girls who are really mean. Who knows the reason. Like Jade Macey. We could have been real mates. But no, she didn’t want anyone else from our school going for that Pop Princess competition. And she was just plain horrible to anyone she saw as a threat.’
‘I hate all that,’ I said. ‘Why can’t people just see each other as equals, not as rivals.’
‘Way too liberal for someone like Kaylie,’ said Cat. ‘She sees you as a threat, especially as you took Jonno from under her nose . . .’
‘Well, she can have him back.’ I laughed. ‘Actually, no. Even though I don’t want to go out with him, he’s still too nice for Kaylie.’
‘Still want to leave, Lia?’ asked Cat.
I looked at my watch and shook my head. It was ten to one. My plan to run as soon as morning classes ended had been forgotten. Miss Segal’s class had changed everything. I realised that I wasn’t alone.
‘So, what are we going to do to stop her antics from now on?’ asked Becca. ‘She’s made the best part of this term a misery for Lia, and for Tina, Laura, Sunita and probably a load of others too.’
‘Confront her, Lia,’ said Cat. ‘I bet there’s enough people to back you up. She’d run a mile. She’s OK if she can get you on your own or if she’s got her little gang with her, but I bet she wouldn’t be so sure of herself if she realised that she’s out
numbered.’
I shook my head. ‘After this morning, I honestly don’t think it’s going to be necessary. There’s no doubt that everyone in our class knew what was going on. Her behaviour has been exposed all right, and I doubt if she’ll be able to get away with it in future.’
‘I guess,’ said Cat. ‘In fact, I think everyone can see what a spiteful cow she is and always has been. I think you’ll be surprised at how much anti-Kaylie feeling there is.’
‘Count me in,’ said Laura.
‘And me,’ said Sunita, taking a seat next to me and offering me a piece of her Kit Kat.
I felt hugely relieved, as until today I’d thought that Sunita and Laura didn’t like me either. I thought no one did. And now I saw that it wasn’t that they didn’t like me. Kaylie had a hold over a good number of people and they were afraid to go against her. What a waste. All that time worrying what these girls thought about me and we might have been friends all along.
I took a deep breath. ‘And do you know, the fact that I let it all get to me so much suddenly seems mad. I don’t even like Kaylie . . .’
‘Neither do we,’ said Laura and Sunita in unison.
‘So why have I been so bothered about whether I fit in with her crowd or not?’ I said. ‘I don’t want her as a friend. It’s weird – it seemed so important to win her over, but I see now I’ll never win her over. And you know what? I don’t care.’
‘That’s exactly what I realised with Jade,’ said Becca. ‘I have some really good mates – you and Cat and the boys – and there I was, getting all strung out about some stupid girl who was just mean. Not someone I wanted to hang out with anyway. It is weird, you’re right. It can get all out of proportion. We spend so much time wanting to be liked by people who we don’t even like ourselves.’
Laura started laughing.
‘It’s true,’ said Laura. ‘It’s because they’re popular . . .’
‘Not so popular after today, I don’t think,’ said Cat. ‘And who said they were popular anyway? I think it’s a myth they started themselves.’
‘It worked,’ said Laura. ‘Because they didn’t like me, I thought no one did. Just because I don’t dress and behave like them, they made me feel like I was a weirdo. I wish they could accept that everyone is different and just let people be.’
‘Yeah, there’s room for all of us,’ said Sunita, then she laughed. ‘Not everyone wants to be a Barbie and it’s not a look I could ever really do – not unless I bleached my skin and dyed my hair.’
‘Yeah,’ said Laura. ‘We don’t all have to be like her to have friends. There are plenty of people in our year, and only four of them.’
‘Exactly,’ said Becca. ‘I think it’s important to invest in the people you do like – your real friends. It’s what they think that counts.’
I nodded. ‘That’s what my dad said, but I didn’t really appreciate it at the time. He was right. There will always be people for and against you and it’s pointless wasting time trying to win over some of the people who are against. Spend time with the people who are for you. Those relationships are worth it.’
‘And that means being totally honest so that we always know that we can trust each other,’ said Cat. ‘Even if what we say upsets the other. I think trust is the most important thing there is.’
‘No hiding anything,’ said Becca.
‘And no unspoken grievances, as that’s how it all starts,’ I added. ‘So no secrets.’
I felt happier than I had in weeks, like a huge weight had been lifted. At that moment, Squidge appeared at the end of the table and I suddenly found myself blushing. Ohmigod, I thought. Here’s me going on about trust and honesty and I have the biggest secret of all. Squidge. I’ve fancied Squidge for ages and never told anyone.
‘To real friends,’ Cat said, putting her hand on the table.
Becca put hers over Cat’s. ‘To real friends,’ she said.
I put my hand over theirs. ‘To real friends.’
‘So things are better since before assembly?’ asked Squidge, sitting down at our table and smiling at me. I felt myself blush even more. Totally honest, I thought . . . That means I have to tell Cat that I fancy her ex-boyfriend. Arghh.
A wave of anxiety flooded through me. How would she react? Maybe best if I keep it quiet and not get into it. I glanced over at her and she gave me a big smile back. What am I thinking? I asked myself. She’s not Kaylie. She hasn’t got a nasty streak. I can trust her, I know I can. And I have to let her know, by being totally honest with her, that she can trust me.
‘So what’s all this hand stuff about?’ asked Squidge.
‘A pledge,’ Cat replied. ‘To friendship, trust, honesty, no secrets and saying what you really feel to the people you care about.’
Squidge looked deeply into my eyes. I knew he was thinking what I was thinking, and once again, I blushed furiously.
In the afternoon break, I saw Cat go into the girls’ cloakrooms. It’s now or never, I told myself and dived in after her.
She was washing her hands at the sink and looked up when I burst in. ‘Hey,’ she said. ‘It’s been a good day, hasn’t it?’
‘Yeah. But . . . Cat, I have something to tell you,’ I blustered.
She dried her hands and leaned back against the sink, ready to listen.
‘Er, um . . . I know we said we’ve got to be honest and stuff, so I’m just going to come out and say it, and if there’s even the slightest objection, you have to say. Promise?’
‘Yeah. Promise. What is it?’
I took a deep breath. ‘Well, it’s like . . . there was probably something there the first time. No, um . . . how can I put this? Would you mind if . . . ? No. Er . . .’
Cat laughed. ‘Lia, what are trying to say?’
‘Um, Squidge.’
Cat looked at me, waiting for me to continue. ‘Yeah, Squidge?’
‘I like him,’ I said.
‘Yeah. Everyone likes Squidge.’
‘No. I mean, I like like him.’
You like like him? Oh! You like like him? As in, fancy?’
Yeah.’
Cat grinned. ‘But that’s brilliant. I always knew he liked you. I mean, like liked you.’
‘Really? And you don’t mind?’
‘Me? No, course not! No. Me and Squidge, we’re long over. It’s funny. Even at the beginning, I had a sneaky feeling that he fancied you. Ages ago, he said he thought you were stunning. So, has anything happened?’
I shook my head.
‘Has he said anything?’
‘Not exactly.’
Suddenly Cat slapped her forehead. ‘D’oh. Stupid me. I bet it was Squidge who sent you that Valentine card! Have you got it with you?’
I shook my head.
‘Bring it into school tomorrow and I’ll tell you. I know his handwriting, even when he tries to disguise it.’
‘But really, really, really, you wouldn’t mind if I got off with him?’
‘Really, really, really,’ said Cat. ‘In fact, it would make things a lot easier for me, as although he’s cool and stuff, I’ve always been worried about hurting his feelings. I didn’t want him to be on his own. I’d love it if he found someone, and even better if it was you. If he was seeing you, I could date other boys without feeling guilty.’
‘Date other boys? But what about Ollie?’
‘Yeah, Ollie . . .’ said Cat. ‘I’ll see him when he’s down here, but I think we both know that he’s not one for the big serious relationship. I’m sure he sees other girls when he’s up in London, and I’m not going to get all possessive. I’m not going to let myself go there. I don’t want to get burned.’
‘He really does like you,’ I said, then grinned. ‘He always asks after you whenever he phones.’
‘Yeah, but does he like like me?’ teased Cat.
‘Yeah, I think he’s got a bad case of like liking you.’
Cat grinned. ‘Good. Let’s keep it that way. I know if I got all heavy with
him and started demanding that he tells me what’s going on with other girls and stuff, he’d be off. No, I want to keep it casual.’
‘Treat ’em mean to keep ’em keen?’ I asked.
‘Sort of. Though I could never be mean to Ollie.’
‘I know what you mean,’ I said.
Then we both started laughing. “What do you mean, you know what I mean? That I’m mean, or are you suggesting some other meaning?’
‘You’re mad, Cat.’
‘Mean, mad . . . is there no end to your insults?’ She put her fists up in mock fight just as Kaylie came in. ‘Hey, Kaylie, do you mean to be mean, or . . . ?’
Kaylie took one look at us, turned on her heel and fled. Cat and I burst out laughing.
Cat shrugged her shoulders. ‘I didn’t mean anything . . .’
‘Don’t start that again,’ I said.
As we made our way back to class, I realised that I hadn’t looned about like that for ages. I’d been so careful about everything I said and how I came across, analysing every look and gesture from everyone and wondering if there was anything behind it. It felt so good to feel carefree again. Plus, now I knew that Cat wouldn’t mind about Squidge. The future was beginning to look very promising.
AFTER SCHOOL, we all piled back to Cat’s house.
‘I think we should celebrate,’ said Cat, going into their kitchen and straight to the fridge. ‘Who wants a scone, and oh . . . there’s a tub of Cornish cream. Who wants a cream tea?’
‘Well, we do live in Cornwall,’ said Becca. ‘When in Cornwall, do as the Cornish do.’
‘Do you have strawberrry jam?’ I asked.
Cat rummaged in the fridge and produced a pot of jam, which she put on the table. ‘We do.’
Becca read the label. ‘Straight from Widdecombe’s Farm and on to our hips. Oh, what the hell? It’s a celebration.’
Cat rolled her eyes. ‘I don’t know why you worry about your weight so much. You’re just right.’
‘Just right for the Teletubbies, you mean.’
I laughed. Becca looks great, but thinks that she’s big. She’s mad. She’s got a great figure.
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