He glanced at both of us, but Tenley and I hastily looked down. Each of us too ashamed to meet his open and honest gaze frankly.
What were we supposed to say anyways?
We couldn’t change the past or go back in time and undo what we did. More to the point, I wasn’t sure we would. At least, I wouldn’t.
I had no idea if I was ready to be a mother, but I wouldn’t change the choices I’d made in my life because they got me to where I was, and they made me who I am, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.
“Actually,” Tenley said. “I don’t know what Kaitlyn thinks, but I think we’ve made a very nice life for ourselves. Both of us. And I personally, wouldn’t change any of my decisions. I wouldn’t do things differently at all even if I had the chance.”
I gave my sister an encouraging smile and squeezed her shoulders briefly letting her know that she wasn’t in this alone.
“Same goes for me,” I agreed.
My father stood very still, as if he were trying to digest what was being said. He seemed to be silently communicating with my mother, and whatever she was saying must’ve gotten to him because some of the tension drained from his shoulders, and he turned to face us.
He gave each of us a long look that spoke volume.
It was the same look he gave us whenever one of us disappointed him. Once upon a time, I would’ve done anything to make sure that I could avoid that look, but I realized after a while that it wasn’t possible.
I just couldn’t live my life trying to please him.
“I think we’re done for the night,” he said, with finality, ignoring Tenley and addressing me directly. “Don’t you agree, Kaitlyn?”
It seemed like a test.
Like his response hinged on my answer, and I had no idea what the right answer was. Should I play along to keep the peace and agree with him? Should I disagree just to prove that I could stand up for myself, thus proving to him that I was mature and could handle the responsibility?
I looked to Dean for reassurance, but he gave me a blank look. He was as clueless about this as I was.
“Yes,” I responded. “I agree.”
“We’ll talk tomorrow then,” he decided as he walked towards Abigail, effectively dismissing everyone and ending the interrogation.
I let out a quiet sigh of relief as I exited the room with everyone trailing in my wake, talking in hushed tones. Once we got outside, a cold wind whipped through the air, and I hugged my coat tighter around me as I searched the crowd for Dean.
10
Dean
Everyone was heading towards their cars, and I was letting myself get swept up in the crowd, figuring that I’d catch up with Kaitlyn sooner or later.
It wasn’t like she would leave without saying goodbye.
That went about as well as could be expected, but I thought it could’ve gone a lot worse. Mostly, I was surprised that the whole family was as quiet as they were while Kaitlyn was being interrogated.
They all seemed used to it though, and she held her own well. Also, it helped that her sister, Tenley, sided with her as well.
Everyone started filing into their cars one by one, calling out greetings with the kids waving at each other frantically amidst promises of adventures and sleep overs. One of Kaitlyn’s relatives, I couldn’t remember how he was related to her, came to stand up next to me.
His name was Knight.
“That wasn’t so bad,” Knight commented as he shoved his hands in his pockets.
“I think so too, but I’m not sure,” Dean confessed as he rubbed his hands together against the sudden chill. He spotted Kaitlyn a few feet away, talking to her sister, and she looked a lot more relieved.
They looked like they were sharing an intimate sister moment, and it made me smile.
“I’ve been dealing with Walter Alexander for almost fifteen years now,” Knight revealed. “He seems like a hard ass, and for the most part he is, but that’s because he’s protective of his family, but he isn’t hard to read once you figure him out.”
“Really?” I asked, surprised. “He seems like a tough egg to crack.”
Knight laughed. “At first, yeah. I had a hell of a time too, but if I can survive it then so can you.”
Dean gave him a small smile. “I appreciate the advice, man.”
“Yeah, no problem. We all love Kaitlyn, and we want to see her with a good guy for once, so it’s good that you’re here, man.”
I nodded, unsure of what to say. “Thanks, but it’s not like that.”
“I know.”
I stared down and noticed that he had tattoos up and down his arms. I wondered how Walter came to respect and even accept him. He was a pastor, for heaven’s sake.
That must’ve been tough for him to swallow.
“Yeah, I know man. He got past it, though,” Knight assured him as if he knew what Dean was thinking.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I didn’t mean to stare.”
“Nah, man. It’s alright,” he assured me. “I get that a lot. I’m used to it.”
Knight gave me a full grin, lightly clapped me on the back and headed towards his family who was waiting for him patiently. His wife embraced him tightly while his kids complained about something.
Knight turned around, and his eyes found Kaitlyn. “Kit-Kat is having a kitty.”
His voice bellowed, ringing out in the night air, and Kaitlyn froze where she was before she turned and gave him the meanest look she could muster.
“Shut up, Knight,” she called out, annoyance leaking into her tone. “It’s not funny anymore. I outgrew that nickname years ago.”
“Never,” Knight insisted. “You can’t outgrow a nickname like that. You love it.”
“I do not,” she fired back. “Let it go already.”
“Kit Kat,” he repeated as he grinned, and everyone else began to chuckle. I noticed the tips of her ears turn pink as she scowled and glanced wildly around her.
I had no idea what she was looking for, or what she was trying to do, but Knight clearly wasn’t going to let up as long as he knew that he was getting to her.
And it was obvious that he knew exactly what to say to get under her skin.
“Why, you little brat,” she spat as she crouched down and scooped up a handful of dirt. ‘Eat dirt.”
She tossed her arm back and hurled the dirt as hard as she could, but she wasn’t even close. Even I couldn’t help the chuckle of amusement that escaped my lips as Knight doubled over, clutching his sides in laughter.
“You missed,” he taunted as he got into the car and began to slowly drive away. “You suck at this game, Kit-Kat.”
She was bristling with fury by that time, and she looked like she was about to take off after the car, but she changed her mind at the last minute, lifted her chin up and planted her feet firmly on the ground.
The silent treatment.
Yeah, that didn’t always work out that well.
Kaitlyn didn’t seem to care though. She just crossed her arms over her chest and sniffed. It was…. adorable.
And I couldn’t believe I’d thought that about a woman.
Their peals of laughter echoed behind them, and Kaitlyn and I stood there awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other.
“So,” Kaitlyn piped.
“So…”
We said nothing, and a couple of minutes passed in tense silence. I noticed how much more relax she seemed. It was in the way she held herself, and the slight smile that hovered at the corner of her lips.
She looked a hundred years lighter, and freer somehow.
I didn’t want to break whatever peace hovered in the air, so I let the silence engulf us for a while longer, happy to let it settle between us.
“Your family wasn’t that bad. I mean, the way you went on about them, I thought I was about to meet the Addams family or something.”
She raised an eyebrow, a disbelieving look etched onto her features. “Are you serious? Were you in th
e same room with us?”
“Yes, of course I was, and I think you should listen to an outsider’s perspective on this. Things are never as bad as they seem when you are on the outside looking in,” I noted.
And I meant it.
There was a lot I didn’t know about her parents, but they obviously loved her.
11
Kaitlyn
I couldn’t remember the drive back home, or how I even made it back safely. One second, I was blinking, the next I was pulling up on my street and backing up into an empty spot.
Both my hands clutched the steering wheel tightly as if I was afraid it was going to go somewhere.
What a ridiculous idea.
Logically, I knew it was in my head.
The reason I was clutching the steering wheel the way I was, could be traced to the fact that I no longer had any control over my life. This was the only way I knew how to maintain the illusion that I still had my act together. It was a metaphor.
Or, at least, I hoped it was.
Much to my dismay, my life had begun to unravel, revealing the cracks I’d tried so hard to hide, and I seemed powerless to stop it.
I swore I would never put myself in that position, where I had to rely on somebody else, or ever let them see that I even needed other people, but there I was.
It seemed inevitable in a way.
What was that saying?
All roads lead to Rome.
It wasn’t quite that dramatic of course, but it sure felt like it sometimes. After letting the car sit idle for a few minutes, I switched off the engine and just sat there, staring straight ahead at nothing.
I was replaying the events of the night in my head.
My dad’s sigh of disappointment, my mother’s disapproving stare, Tenley’s sympathetic smile, and Dean’s….
Well, I had no idea what Dean was feeling.
Sometimes, I thought I had him figured out. Pegged, if you will.
Then, he went and surprised me.
Not only did he handle himself quite well around my family, but he also refused to let the negativity of the situation get to him.
I wasn’t sure if it was admirable or pitiful.
Admirable.
He seemed to retain that youthful sense of optimism that most people lost once they entered their twenties. I envied him, if I was being honest.
I blinked when I saw a tiny droplet of water fall onto my windshield and begin the slow descent down. I leaned forward in my seat, placing my hands securely on the dashboard in order to get a better of view.
More drops of water fell, and they all slid down, each one faster than the other, as if they were competing in a race and I was the referee.
I smiled as I glanced up at the rain and buttoned up my coat. I threw my car door open and ran out into the rain. I stood for a moment, letting the water wash over me as I spread my arms open wide and tilted my head back.
My mouth parted slightly, and I licked my lips as I felt a raindrop land there. It had a strange bittersweet taste. Slightly salty, but also clean.
I wasn’t sure if clean was a good description for it, but that’s what rainwater reminded me of. I loved watching the way it pounded against the pavement steadily, washing away any traces of the past.
I always felt like the rain symbolized a fresh start. The ease with which one can be offered a clean slate. It made it look easy of course, and it wasn’t nearly as simple as that, but it wasn’t impossible.
When I felt my outfit begin to stick to my skin, I knew it was time to head back upstairs because I didn’t want to catch a cold. I hurried up the stairs, my feet sloshing, and my hair dripping all over the place.
I pressed the button for the elevator and gave my neighbors an apologetic smile when I stepped in, and a puddle of water instantly formed beneath my feet. I smiled down at it as I pushed my hair behind my back.
The elevator pinged to announce its arrival on my floor, and I strode forward, slipping my shoes off as I fished my keys out of my purse. I turned the key with a satisfied click and immediately shrugged out of my coat, which dropped to the floor with a wet thump.
I stood there for a second wringing my hair out when I heard my cat meow.
“Come here, boy,” I called out, sweetly. “I’m home.”
My cat immediately emerged and sniffed distastefully when he saw that I was covered in water. He sat back on his hind legs and grimaced at me to let me know that he was displeased.
“Jeez, sorry, grouchy pants, but it’s not my fault you don’t like the water,” I said as I rolled my eyes at him. “It’s not so bad, you know. It’s actually quite refreshing.”
His beady yellow eyes blinked slowly as if he disagreed with what I was saying.
Why do cats hate water so much? I mused as I reached behind my back to undo the zipper, cursing as I tried to reach it.
I whooped triumphantly when I heard the telltale sound of the zipper coming undone, and I sighed in relief as I peeled away the soggy dress. I kicked it away and hurried to my bedroom where I slipped into a pair of dry sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt.
I took my coat and dress to the bathroom where I put them to soak. I stood over the sink, wringing my hair out as I tried to avoid staring in the mirror.
I tried not to think about Dean.
Just the mere thought of him immediately brought him to the forefront of my mind. He was as puzzling as ever, that man, and exasperating as hell.
I was afraid that taking him to my parents would give him false hope and lead him on, and I was right.
It was a bad idea, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.
Having him there infused me with an odd sense of bravery and tranquility.
The harder I tried not to think about him, the more I did, so I just let it flow through me as I leaned against the bathroom door and sighed.
If I was being honest, I had no idea why I was so mean to him.
It wasn’t his fault I’d gotten pregnant; it’s not like he made the condom break. I knew that.
Logically at least.
However, there was a small irrational part of me that wanted to blame him. It was easier than chalking it up to fate. An unknown intangible force that I couldn’t blame and couldn’t take my frustration out on.
I knew that I was projecting my own frustrations onto him, and it wasn’t fair. What surprised me was that he was still around.
I didn’t know how much more of my snarky attitude he could take, but I really hoped I’d snap out of it before he walked away.
Dean was a good guy, but I had a feeling that once he walked away, he wouldn’t come back. And he’d have every right not to. He’d done his best to go above and beyond, and I was just being a terrible person.
It certainly didn’t help that Dean was as attractive as sin. It would be a lot easier for me to dismiss him if he was just another pretty boy. I’d dated plenty of those after all.
He was also a good person to boot, and that was how I knew I was in a boat load of trouble. Why did he have to be both?
Why couldn’t be just be some dumb or shallow guy?
I could get on with my life then without any regrets, and I wouldn’t feel the need to include him.
Every time I tried to do that, I’d get an image in my head of his piercing blue eyes sparkling with warmth, those sensual lips of his curved into a smile, and his warm touch on my shoulder.
I shook my head to clear away the thoughts.
I wasn’t some Sunday school girl with a crush.
Snap out of it Kait, I chided. It’s not a good idea to get involved with the father of your child. What if it didn’t work out, and he no longer wanted to be part of the baby’s life?
I couldn’t deprive my baby of that, and besides, it was far less complicated to keep it platonic.
“Oh.” I gasped as I felt an odd little flutter in my stomach. I frowned as I looked down at my stomach.
I shrugged as I realized it was probably just hunger. I ha
dn’t eaten since this afternoon because I was too nervous about going to my parents’ house and sharing the news. I was the type of person whose stomach had the tendency to roll around uneasily when I was stressed.
As such, I didn’t want to risk spilling all the contents of my stomach with my family and Dean there to witness the horror of it all. I’d never be able to live it down, so I settled for a light salad.
I regretted that as I began to think about what I could eat. I was in the mood for Thai food, and there was a great place nearby that delivered. Satisfied, I straightened up and headed towards the kitchen for the take-out menu.
I pushed some utensils aside as my hands felt across the drawer, but to no avail. I couldn’t recall where I’d placed the menu, and it wasn’t like my cat could help me. He just sat on the ground, purring contentedly and eyeing me with complete and utter boredom.
“Thanks for the help. You know I let you stay here for free, right?” I muttered, sarcastically as I shot my cat a look over my shoulder. He blinked then darted his tongue out to clean his body.
“Yeah, just give yourself a bath. It’s not like I need help or anyth—”
I inhaled as my stomach trembled yet again, and I froze in surprise, the take-out menu in my hand as I stared at it.
Unlike the previous flutter, that wasn’t something small that went away quickly. It was a lot more pronounced than that. It felt more like a kick.
My hand came up to rest on my stomach, and I gazed at it open wonder.
“Did you just kick?” I whispered as if the sound of my voice would somehow disturb the baby.
I waited, and my smile deflated when I felt nothing until I felt another sharp kick, and I yelped in surprise. A strange laugh escaped my mouth.
“You are a strong one, aren’t you?”
I caressed my stomach lovingly as my cat meowed and came towards me.
“He’s kicking,” I announced proudly. “My little bean is kicking.”
I knew it wasn’t a name, not a proper one at any rate, but I couldn’t think of anything else at the moment. I couldn’t think of it as a ‘he’ or ‘she’ just yet, and I didn’t want to call it ‘the baby’ every time.
A Baby for the Vet (Boys of Rockford Series Book 4) Page 8