He’d hurt her. She had tried to hide it, but his words had wounded. He hadn’t thought when he’d said them. As soon as she started asking about his people he’d cut her off. The tenuous bond they had started to build was damaged. He knew it, but how to fix it? Could he fix it without sharing the history of his people?
And did he have time to worry about any of this? Someone gave the Silarin a semblance of the technology built to create the Sandaki. They had to stop them from continuing to employ it. That meant war. He was going to lead his people into a war, and they would die. Didn’t Laira have a right to know since the technology manipulated her DNA?
Dev. He needed Dev to make sense of everything. But what would happen now that he had a mate? Dev was his Kalkan Arkadasi, but now that Rakin had Laira, Dev would have to find someone else. Sandaki males had to have an outlet for their aggression, or it would drive them crazy. Pain, like nothing Rakin had experienced before, lanced through his chest. In the heat of finding his talla, he hadn’t spared a thought for the male who meant more to him than life. What did that make him? Unworthy, he was unworthy. Not only of Laira but also of Dev. It was good that his mate had left him.
He sat on the bed unsure of what to do. Before he could even formulate an idea, the Communications Console sounded. Rakin approached, and Dev appeared before him on the screen. The two men stared at one another, and Rakin hoped something else hadn’t happened. He didn’t think he could take more bad news.
“What is wrong?” Dev asked, watching him closely.
Rakin shook his head, confused. “Nothing.”
“You are lying to me. Why is that? I can feel your pain from here.”
“I am not damaged,” Rakin said simply.
Dev stared at him. “You are in distress. I know it. I can sense it.”
Rakin lowered his head. Why had he tried to lie to Dev? The man always knew when there was something wrong, as he knew when Dev was hurting. They had been this way since the beginning. He thought back to Laira saying something similar to him. She told him she could sense his worry. Is this what the mating bond had created? He thought about her, reached out to her as he did with Dev, and anguish overwhelmed his mind. Was he truly feeling her emotions, or was the thought of how he’d hurt her causing him to ache?
“I have hurt my mate,” Rakin finally spoke.
Dev leaned forward. “That is not possible. You are far gentler than I could ever hope to be. A mate is someone cherished and protected since that person was born for us alone. You would never damage her in any way.”
“No,” Rakin said, with a shake of his head. “You misunderstand. I did not hurt her physically. I caused her a great hurt in her heart. She has left me to go to the freed slaves.”
“Tell me what happened.”
Rakin recounted the entire conversation from beginning to end, leaving nothing out. He couldn’t since an eidetic memory was something bred into each Sandaki. When he finished, he actually felt a bit better for the telling of it. Of course, he’d always felt better once he shared things with Dev. Would they have that kind of relationship when Dev bonded to a new Shield Mate? The idea that the two of them would no longer share everything nearly brought him to his knees.
“She is your mate,” Dev finally spoke. “She is also the Taja of the Sandaki. For our people to accept her, she must know our stories, understand our struggles. She is not Sandaki, and yet, because the Silarin created what she is now, she is Sandaki because she cannot be as she was. The Silarin stole her home and life from her.”
“And I did the same thing by denying her.”
“Regrets are useless,” Dev said. “It is the decisions we make going forward that count.”
“And you say I am the Taj our people need.” Rakin smiled sadly and shook his head. “You are the wise one. Our people need you. I need you.”
“Now tell me what else is causing you pain?”
Rakin hesitated for only a moment. He could not burden Dev with his thoughts. They were weak and unworthy of a leader of the Sandaki. All the turmoil he was feeling had to be about his mate. Nothing more. “It is nothing.”
The two men stared at one another until Dev finally spoke. “I will be with you when you tell your mate about our people, if you wish.”
“Yes, I want that.”
After Dev signed off, Rakin sat on his bed. He was tired, so tired. Yet he knew he would not sleep. He needed his mate beside him to do that. He would not hunt her down. She needed time to heal from his words before they spoke again. Once they did, though, she would never be apart from him, again.
Laira entered the room to find the music still rocking and women laughing. This is what she needed—the noise and companionship of people who knew her. She forced a smile and went over to where her friends were sitting.
“What happened?” Isha asked as soon as she saw her.
“Rakin and I came to a parting of the ways. I realized we’ll never work. He won’t share anything with me other than his body. I refuse to allow him to treat me like a commodity. I have more respect for myself than that.”
Chal pulled Laira down next to her and put her arm around her. “I am so sorry.”
Tears spilled out as Laira angrily wiped them away. “Don’t be nice to me. If you do, I’ll cry, and I refuse. I’m stupid, that’s all, it’s over.”
Isha put her arms around Laira. “You are not stupid. You are wonderful, and if he doesn’t see that, then he’s the stupid one.”
Laira wrapped her arms around herself and laid her head on her knees. Control, she told herself, get control. Unfortunately, it wasn’t going to happen. As the women fussed and hugged on her, Laira began to cry. In all the time she had been with the Silarin, she had never allowed herself to mourn, but she found she couldn’t hold it back anymore. She wept for her lost life and the terror she’d felt when she’d woken in a strange place, she cried for the knowledge she was nothing but a slave and the fear of being separated from her new friends. She cried for the fool she’d been in thinking that perhaps someone would care about her when no one had ever cared about her. She cried for the shattered dreams and the realization that she was, once again, lost and alone. Alone like she’d always been.
Finally, the tears subsided, and she was empty. Empty and exhausted. Soft hands pushed her to lie back on the bed as Isha ran a cool cloth over her face. Chal covered her with a soft blanket, and Garja hugged her tightly.
“Sleep,” Garja whispered in her ear. “We will talk more when you wake.”
Laira did as she suggested and allowed sleep to claim her. Thankfully, it was dreamless so that when she awoke she was relatively rested, but not refreshed. She lay there and stared at nothing, not wanting to get up. She had to. Her body needed to relieve itself, and she wanted a shower. She needed to get the scent of Rakin off her skin.
“Where’s the bathroom?” she asked.
Isha came over to her. “Let me show you.”
Laira followed her across the room to a skinny door. It swished open, showcasing its boring but functional interior. Laira stepped in and let the door close behind her. Quickly, she used the toilet then ripped off the sarong and stepped into the tiny cubicle. Lights flared around her, and within seconds, she was finished. She sniffed herself and thought she could still smell Rakin so she repeated the cycle. When she finally walked out, she could no longer scent anything but her own skin.
Laira went back over to her cot and lay down. She needed new clothing but didn’t know how to go about it. Truthfully, it was just too much trouble to her way of thinking. She also needed to start making plans but couldn’t work up enough energy to care. Instead, she closed her eyes and went back to sleep.
A few days later, Isha stepped up to the cot Laira laid in and looked at her. “You need to get up.”
“Why?”
“Because you have…wallowed enough.” Saying this, her friend dumped the cot over so Laira rolled onto the floor.
“What the hell?” She scrambled up
“You are not acting like the Laira who is my friend,” Isha said, simply. “I want her back. Now.”
Laira stared at Isha for a long moment then burst into laughter. Her best friend was right. She needed to quit pouting and get her act together. If the Silarin’s kidnapping didn’t get her down, why should a man? Rakin was her past, and she was done with that. Now, she needed to focus on herself and her friends. The ones that could leave needed to go home. As for the others, herself included, she had no clue. She imagined the Sandaki would take them back to their home planet or wherever, then what? Did she want to reside near Rakin? No, she didn’t think so, she’d ask Isha and the girls. No matter where they ended up, the four of them would need a safe place and some way to make money. Don’t think about it, she told herself. Trying to plan for an unknown future would drive her crazy. She’d learned that while with the Silarin. Think about today. What did she need today to get through it?
“You’re right. I need to get my shit together and knock off the whole drama deal. I’m not some angsty teen in a night time soap.”
“Right,” Isha said, even though Laira knew she didn’t understand. “So what’s the plan?”
“I’m going to run,” Laira said to her. “Do you want to go with me?”
Isha looked around the same room. “I do not believe we have the room here.”
Laira laughed. “No, not around the room. Around the ship. My pal, Zarak, is still hanging around, so he can lead us.”
“You will need something to wear,” Garja pointed out, walking over. “I do not believe running naked would be wise.”
“I will find you something,” Chal said. “We all received extra clothing and the material has much give.”
“Okay,” Laira said, as Chal walked off to talk with the other women in the room.
“Do you think it will be safe?” Garja asked.
“Yes, no matter what, I don’t think Zarak will let anyone kill us or whatever.”
Isha nodded. “I have missed our runs. We need our routine again. Sitting around here worrying is not doing us any good.”
“I was just thinking the same thing,” Laira said.
Chal came back over holding a gray catsuit. “One of the girls who is about your size said you could have this. The next time Haldise comes we will ask her to get you some of your own.”
Once Laira had dressed, she walked up to where Zarak stood by the door. “We want to run. Can you take us?”
He looked confused enough that he didn’t drop to one knee when he addressed her. “Run from what?”
“For exercise. We started running on the Silarin vessel, and now we want to run here. Is there someplace we can do this?”
“I suppose we can use the corridors, Taja.”
“Don’t call me that,” Laira said. “Remember, you either call me Laira or nothing.”
He dropped to one knee and bowed his head. “I am sorry.”
“And I don’t want you kneeling either. There’s no reason. I’m just a girl from Earth, nothing more. So, stand up, and let’s run.”
Without another word, Zarak rose and escorted them from the room. The four women stretched and warmed up in the hall then started off with Zarak in the lead. At first, he walked quickly, until he realized the women were serious. Laira smiled as he picked up his pace, and soon all five of them were running along. The people they passed in the corridor stared at them. Laira ignored them. As she fell into the familiar rhythm, everything dropped away as it always did. She concentrated on her breathing and the warmth of her muscles. This was real. Hell, it was the only reality she could deal with right now. That was okay. Take one moment at a time, and let everything else go.
Zarak guided them through a doorway and into a huge open area. Parked in different places were large black vessels, and Laira figured it had to be some kind of docking bay. She hoped like hell nothing came in while they were running and sucked them out into space. Now that would be a huge pisser to end the already fucked up life she was currently having.
As they rounded a turn, Rakin came into view. He was standing next to another man who was dressed in an identical black kilt. She tried not to look, really she did, but the intensity of their stares—one topaz and the other a rich sapphire—brought her to a halt. The man standing next to Rakin was bigger, if that was possible, but still had the intricate tattoo on his face and over his torso that Rakin bore. Where Rakin’s face was perfection though, the other man had a scar that ran down the right side of his face, which didn’t detract from his handsomeness. In fact, it added a dangerous edge. His golden skin was also covered in a light dusting of black fur that she longed to touch and pet and feel move over her body.
Laira jerked at the thought. Shit, she had trouble enough with one male. She didn’t need to add lusting after another to it. No matter what she told herself, she couldn’t look away. It was as if the unknown male’s eyes held hers prisoner. He raised his head and sniffed the air like the jungle cat he resembled. Was he smelling his mate? She wondered which of her friends would end up with this luscious male. And, ultimately, which of them would have their hearts crushed.
Growling filled the air as the unknown Sandaki started pacing toward them. No way, she thought. No way, this could happen again. He was coming for someone, and she did the only thing her mind screamed at her to do.
“Run,” she yelled to her friends and took off.
All of them burst into action. As a group they turned and fled back the way they had come. Once again, the urge to fall to the ground and let him mount her was almost overwhelming. No, her mind screamed. This wasn’t for her. She had a mate, for what it was worth, and she so didn’t need more trouble. Perhaps, since she and Rakin were still at the beginning stages, the whole crazy mating thing from another couple was messing with her?
She ran along the corridors, turning left then right, until she was totally lost. A tiny portion of her mind told her she could quit now. Separated from her friends, she was safe, right? While there was no one after her, her feet still wouldn’t allow her to stop. It was as if her body was on autopilot because running was important. The chase was important.
As she dodged a group of men, one of them reached out to grab her arm. A loud roar from behind caused the men to immediately drop to the floor. Laira chanced a look behind her, expecting to see Rakin in pursuit. Instead, it was the male with the blue eyes closing on her heels, and he looked furiously sexy. At her thought, she rolled her eyes. Jeez Louise, no one could be furious and sexy at the same time. She looked behind her again and saw the male was gaining. Yep, furious and sexy. Shit.
She shoved through a doorway expecting to find a corridor; instead she’d ended up in a large room that was probably used as a mess hall. Tables and chairs were scattered about. The far wall was a huge window allowing her to see the black velvet of space. She would have been impressed at any other time. Now she just wanted a place to hide. Frantically, she searched the room as the door behind her swished opened. She turned to find him standing in the entrance. The scent of him washed over her, and Laira’s body reacted to his nearness.
“I think there’s some kind of mistake,” she said as he stalked toward her. “I’m not—”
He pulled the kilt from his body, exposing his huge erect cock. Laira scrambled back from him, skirting around tables and chairs, attempting to keep them between her and the unknown man.
He bared his fangs in what looked to be a feral smile as he stalked her. Laira shivered, as something in her begged to give in to him. Let him have you. You want him. He’s yours. Nope, not going to happen, she thought. He’s not mine. He’s just confused.
Laira shoved chairs at him as she sprinted toward the exit, but he was on her. He pushed her over a table, pinning her down. At least, she wasn’t wearing the Silarin tissue anymore. He didn’t seem to notice as he ripped the material from her body, exposing her ass and pussy to his gaze.
As he leaned over her, his rich scent enveloped her, and s
he moaned. He smelled intoxicating and right. She didn’t know how else to interpret her feelings, other than, she knew he belonged to her because his essence was right. She cocked her knee up onto the table to give him more room as he thrust his cock into her body. He tore her clothing at the shoulder and bit down, driving his teeth into her flesh. Instead of pain, she instantly flashed into an orgasm.
The table shuddered under the two of them as he rocked her to another climax. She sobbed out a breath. He was big and filled her as if created for her pleasure alone. He positioned his large hand on the table next to her and she placed her smaller one over it. He turned his palm over, and the two of them clasped hands as he began to come in great heaving streams.
Laira tightened her vaginal muscles around his penis as he groaned and licked at the bite wounds. The gentle caress brought a faint smile to her lips, and instead of feeling anger or confusion, she was calm. Whole. She was whole. Just a few days before, she’d cried from the emptiness in her heart and soul; that was now gone.
She rubbed her face against his arm, and he made a sound that, to her ears, resembled a purr. Hopefully, this was a good thing since his cock was deep within her. Thoughts of Rakin intruded, and she tried to shrug them away. She didn’t understand how this event affected her mating with him. Maybe he wasn’t her mate. Maybe this man holding her wasn’t, either. Rakin was going to be pissed, she was certain. He emphasized that she was his, she certainly didn’t want a fight. She’d have to talk to him, that was all. Besides, all he truly wanted her for was sex, so why should he care? And why should she care what he thought?
Rakin stepped into the room. His Kalkan Arkadasi had mounted his talla. They had obviously just finished mating since Dev was lapping the teeth marks on her neck. The rational part of his brain told him he should instantly kill the other man. Sandaki law stated that any man who dared to touch another’s mate was dead. Usually, though, execution never occurred since the offender committed rituuali itsemurhaa. However, there was no fury. In fact, seeing Dev and Laira together was right. He knew in his gut they should be just like this.
Mated (The Sandaki Book 1) Page 10