Turning to an ambulance I saw them. Both in blankets, I ran to him grabbing my son in my arms squeezing him tight.
“Are you okay baby?” I asked Sebastian pulling him back and looking over him.
“Stop drop and roll Mommy,” he recited what they told the kids in school and what he and I had practiced a dozen times.
I looked at Jenn, she was crying uncontrollably, “What happened Jenn. Are you okay?”
Tears were wetting my face too. Stinging my wounds. She started to explain but my ears must be deceiving me.
“What did you say?” I asked Jenn again as Sebastian held me tight. “I can’t understand you.”
I tried half hugging her as I held Sebastian. Jenn was crying so hard I knew she couldn’t have said what I thought she did. Her sniffling and tears made it hard to decipher her words.
“Someone set the house on fire. They say they think its gasoline. We got out just in time,” Jenn cried harder. Hugging me just as tight as Sebastian.
I closed my eyes as I squeezed the two people that matter to me most in the world. I had put them in harm’s way. When she said it I knew instantly knew who it was. Besides beating my ass Matthew was also a pyro maniac. The fire behind us had his name written all over it.
Lauren
Crawling Back
When the phone finally rang, I knew exactly what I was going to say. I had rehearsed it a dozen times since he walked out on me at the club. That’s if I decided to even speak to him again. I could just leave it the way it is, he was just some dick right? I asked myself waiting for a reply. I got a realization instead.
Are you falling in love? My conscience asked. I brushed the question to the side when the phone rang for the fourth time. His name illuminating on the screen, or the name that I thought was his.
“What you want? With your bitch ass….” I yelled through the phone.
I couldn’t even finish what I had planned to say because the anger took the words right out of my mouth. Earlier I planned to answer the phone with a flurry of curse words and tell him to jump off a bridge.
“I know you are mad but its not what it seems,” his voice was smooth traveling through the phone massaging my ear.
Not the rough tone he had in the club when he was with that bitch. There was no giggling, no smart remarks. It was just a man begging to get back in my good graces.
“I’m a stripper hoe remember, I don’t get mad,” I reminded him of his own words.
He had impeccable timing. He was calling just as Syd and I made it through the door. It had been a long night; still there was money to be made after my altercation with him and that stupid bitch Donita.
“She was a client, she wanted to come there and I tried to get in and get out before you noticed us,” he had a fucking answer for everything, but the words hit my eardrum and bounced right back out.
“But why humiliate me like that. Is your name really Collin?” I was fucking confused, tired, and sore.
“That client in particular is demanding and jealous and she also pays the most. I had to say something.” I still didn’t understand but I didn’t need to.
“Yeah whatever. Be with your clients and I will be with mines,” I was still holding the phone for some reason.
“Can I come over? I can explain better in person,” I closed my eyes trying to remember the line I was supposed to give when he asked to come over. “I know I fucked up. This doesn’t make sense but let me come over and explain.”
His voice still smooth, it was hard to believe this was the same man. Earlier today we fucked and he left me in my bed crying, he comes to my job and degrades me, now he wants to come over. I was fucking Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
“Why do you want to be with me?”
“Because my heart has never felt like this,” I looked at the phone in disbelieve.
I couldn’t believe this bullshit he was feeding me. This motherfucker just said his heart after stumping on mines just hours ago.
It’s a trap don’t do it. My conscience was sending warning signals and flares to my brain.
“You know what. I can’t do this.”
At least with Daniel I didn’t have to feel like a cheap whore.
“What? I mean I told you what was going on,” he said with a chuckle as if I was the dumbass for not believing him.
“This was good while it lasted but I’m done. Nice knowing you.”
Before I could have time to let my brain and my twat ponder letting him back in, I hung up the phone. I felt sick, like I lost the love of my life. I guess because I had, because of Extraordinaire I had let Daniel go. I quickly dialed Daniel’s number.
After four rings it went to voicemail. Of course he wasn’t awake this early in the morning. It was that or he wasn’t talking to me anymore.
“Daniel it’s me. I’m sorry and we need to talk. I was just scared. That’s why I broke up with you. I was wrong. I love you.” I told him as I hung up. Dick had made me break up with my boyfriend. Extraordinaire was right. I was a stupid stripper hoe.
Sydney
The Point of No Return
I shook my head in bed counting my money thinking of it all. How my life has changed so dramatically within a week. I went from being innocent, or as innocent as a person could be to being taken into a whole new world. A world where you can be swallowed and chewed up within seconds.
I wanted this no doubt, I asked for it. But all I wanted was the money, not this whirlwind that I have seemed to get caught up in. I wanted the money that I needed for my Mother, for myself. But isn’t there another way, I asked myself as I counted the money and placing it into stacks of one hundreds’ on my bed. I had five stacks so far and still a purse full of money. That answered the question, there was no other way to make this type of money. Short of being some type of drug dealer, this was the only way for me to provide at this rate.
I was tired, ready to lie down and sleep for eternity. But I still had a busy day ahead. It was Saturday but I only knew that by glancing up at my calendar. All of these days somehow ran together. No wonder Lauren was so fucked up all the time. But she somehow kept it together, going to class, maintaining a relationship and working like crazy.
Somehow today I had to see my Mother again. Thinking of meeting up with her and getting the third degree made me feel sick. I should just go ahead and fully admit it. I’m stripping and be done with the lies that I was telling her. I wasn’t sure about that. Lauren talking in the hallway broke into my thoughts.
“Don’t call me anymore.” I heard her say before she opened my door.
She stopped for a moment accessing my room.
“Shit, there is nowhere for me to sit. Clothes and money everywhere,” she said dodging piles of my clothes on the floor.
This time last week everything would have been neatly in its place. Now everything was chaotic including me.
“Was that him?” I asked Lauren keeping my eyes on the stack of bills in my hand that I was counting.
“Yep, like clockwork. I knew he would call,” she said sitting down and taking a deep breath. “I fucked up. Not sure what I was thinking.”
“You were dickmatized.” I told her.
We both laughed at that. An old term we came up with when a woman forgets all sense of reason because of the anatomy in between the legs of the male species.
“Touché, your right about that,” she smiled looking as if she wanted to say something. I knew what it was. I haven't explained myself yet.
“I didn’t want it to happen Lauren. I was nervous so I got drunk and from there things got out of hand with Donita. But that’s not what I want….I’m not gay if that’s what you're wondering.” I answered her question without looking up from the money.
“Well, I figured you weren’t…It was just a shock to me.” She rubbed her head as she said it. I wanted to rub mine to. Rub my brain and scrub out the memories of what I did.
“But thanks for beating her ass for me,” I laughed as I piled the mon
ey up.
“I just blacked out. I really shouldn’t have did it. Shit the rule is if you fight everybody involved gets fired,” Lauren took a deep breath looking at her fist and flexing it. “But she just deserved it from what she did to you and how she always in my damn face.“
“So what’s the game plan this coming week,” I asked her stuffing the money into my nightstand. “Unless you’re ready to call it quits. Is this too much?” I asked Lauren.
If Lauren stopped working at Club Fantasy so would I. Hell I was getting paid but I was still an amateur.
“Naw I’m not quitting. You wanna quit or something?” She asked me taking a glance at where my money was concealed. “I know your pockets don’t wanna quit.”
“Naw but is this worth it. I’m not even a week in and things have gotten crazy.”
She shrugged looking down at her phone tapping a few keys, taking her time to answer my question.
“Truthfully, this is just the life of a stripper. If we want to stay in this professions we gotta tighten shit up and not forget why we are here.”
She was right. I nodded my head with nothing to add to her speech.
“You go ahead and get some rest. I’m about to call Daniel…get my man back,” she said smiling. I smiled back as she walked out closing my door behind her. I took my clothes off taking Lauren’s advice to lay down and get some sleep at least for an hour or so. The sun was already shining through my window that meant I had to be at my Mom’s soon. As I laid down to get some rest my damn phone ranged.
“Hello.” I answered as I didn’t recognized the number.
“Hey Syd, this is Carl. I need you at the club an hour early tonight. I got something to show you that can change both of our financial situation,” with that said all I could do is wonder what he got up his sleeves now.
Tears Fall
Donita
I put my son and roommate in a hotel. They finally went to sleep but what I felt was past insomnia. These past few events in my life has been nothing but disastrous. My home that I worked hard for and my job was both gone.
The place that was my house was now blocked off by yellow tape in a pile of burnt rubble. Everything that I owned, my son’s things, and my roommate’s belongings was all gone. He won’t ever stop. My mind told me as I bent under the yellow tape that the police and fire department marked to keep people away. I went under it anyway, to see all my things that were no more to be.
I tried to remember where my bedroom was before the flames tore through my house. Tossing soggy wood and plaster to the side, under my burnt and disfigured metal bedframe, there was the little box that I came for. Blackened but still sealed tight was the culmination of all my hard work. Taking the box back to my car I sat inside and tried opening the box with my key luckily inside everything was intact. The money held with a rubber band. Thank God for the fire proof safe box I bought a while back.
I kissed the money . My lip was a little swollen from last night but I was way past being mad at those bitches or even thinking of that club. Maybe if I wasn’t in that club my house wouldn’t have gotten burned down. Still with the money in hand and a possible insurance check it wasn’t enough for me to disappear.
You can’t keep running. My mind didn’t have to tell me that. I had thought about it all night. I needed to end this shit with Matthew, he would chase me for the rest of my life, across continents and seas if he could. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, is all my mind kept saying.
That was the age old saying. And for hours my mind had battled with the thought of the impossible, the unthinkable. But how else was I supposed to get rid of him. I couldn’t run forever but if I was close…the possibilities were endless.
I shook at the thought of going back, but I wasn’t going to subject Sebastian to this shit. Matthew was trying to break me, and for a moment he won. I picked up my phone and dialed her number, I was sure it was still the same.
She answered on the third ring.
“Ms.Hawkins, its Donita…do you have anyway of getting in touch with your son?” I knew that if anyone could reach Matt it would be her. She said yes and started asking about Sebastian. That wasn’t my concern at the moment.
“He is fine. Can you please tell Matt to call me. I’m ready to end this. Tell him..that..if he can change we can be a family. I’m tired of running.” Tears running down my face I said the words that I promised I would never say.
“Oh Thank God. I prayed for this day.” She said as I thought about how I prayed that this day would never come.
Different perspectives with different goals. She saw Matthew as a misunderstood soul. I saw him as a monster, but sometimes to catch a monster you had to dangle bait.
“You tell him to call me and we can talk.” I told Ms. Hawkins as I rattled off my cell phone number. Even though I was sure that Matthew with his connects probably already had it. If he knew where I lived that meant he knew everything.
“I sure will baby. I’m glad you’ve come to your senses.” She said her words making me want to curse her out, tell her that she birthed a monster but that would only unveil my cover. If I was going to do this, I had to be covert like a secret agent.
The tears slide down my swollen face. “Yep, I’m ready to be a family again.” I said trying hard to swallow the vomit that was rising from my stomach.
Getting back with Matthew made me physically ill, but if it meant getting rid of him for good I would do whatever was necessary. This is for Sebastian. I told myself as sat in the car half listening to her. She rattled off a prayer and I said one myself. I prayed that this would work. If not, I was as good as dead.
Lauren
The Room of Vicious
The club looked serene this time of the day. Still too early for the customers to come be here, it was only six in the evening but this was the time that Carl asked me to drop by.
Walking in he was the first person I saw ordering one of the workers around. The young man must have been doing something wrong as Carl was pointing out spots on the floor and demanding the poor guy to turn the mop in those directions.
“Hey Carl.” I said walking closer. I didn’t wear anything fancy, just a t-shirt, jeans, and sandals. The longer I worked here the less I wanted to dress sexy during the day.
“Syd,” he smiled hard revealing a gold tooth. “Walk with me.” He said walking beyond the velvet rope of the Champagne room.
“I want to show you something I created,” Looking at the door that stood behind the Champagne Room. “I had this all ready for the right girl. After last night I think you could do it.” He said before opening the door and showing me what was inside.
Peeking inside, I saw the room was painted completely black. Whips and masks hung on the wall. The only chair in the room was steel grey with big black padding and currently being occupied by two sets of handcuffs.
“What the fuck is this?” I asked Carl.
I didn’t mean to curse but how else was I supposed to react looking into a dungeon of pain. As if on cue the music in the club intensified a few decibels. Going from a low thump to a loud pound. That must signal people starting to arrive.
“It’s your room or The Room of Vicious. No more sharing a stage with the other strippers. I want to feature you as the star of Club Fantasy.” He said proudly with his chest poked out.
I already knew where he was headed and instantly started shaking my head no before he explained further, “Just hear me out. Before last night I thought this pain shit wouldn’t turn on these punk pussies. I thought about turning the room into something else. But when you made that money fly last night…” He stopped and playfully acted as if he were crying, “It brought tears to my eyes.”
I knew tears really meant dollar signs, “Stop it Carl. I’m not doing it. Last night was a one time show.” I told him not revealing that last night I wasn’t myself. I was pissed beyond belief for multiple reasons and that kind of anger was hard to replicate.
“But what if
you could work in here. Make $100 for a half hour plus tips. All I ask is 30 percent of the rate of the room. You keep all the tips and make your own rules.” His comment sent my mind to calculating. As I counted he kept going with his sales pitch. “You could get off the floor, no more of that unless you wanted to.”
Now that was huge in my eyes. I had only been here less than a week but walking around being fondled while begging for money was another part of my anger yesterday. If I could make money without being on the stage and walking around searching for my next victim would be such a relief.
While I thought, Carl traveled into the room and grabbed one of the whips off the wall. He playfully spanked the chair as he talked. “C’mon Syd. I think this will take you and Club Fantasy to the top. No one has a room like this in the competing clubs. We could make magic, and a whole lot of this.” He said reaching into his pocket and pulling out a rubber band wad of money. He laid it down on the seat next to the handcuffs. “Just try it out.” He coaxed me, hell damn near made me; but how could I turn down easy money.
“Fine, I’ll try it out but if I don’t like it I get to stop no questions asked.” I told him. I put my hands on my hips for added measure but it was already too late. Carl had a green glow hovering over his eyes. He saw me as a huge dollar sign, not a person. I’m not sure he looked at anyone as a person once he stepped through the doors of Club Fantasy.
“Good good. Now do you have that cape with you?” He asked going to the wall and pulling something down.
“Yeah, why?”
“I want you to wear this too,” He said handing me a mask. “Just a little added flare.” He laughed walking away and allowing the curtain to drop concealing the Room of Vicious.
I walked behind him as he laughed and mumbled to himself. My bag and this new mask in one hand, I couldn’t deny that this might be fun.
“Okay, I know it’s early but I already have some work lined up for you.” Carl said once we made it back to the entryway of the Champagne Room. Get dressed and I’ll have one of the guys come get you.” Carl walked off before I could agree. He was now yelling at one of the bartenders about some mundane detail with the lighting over the bar.
Stripper Confessions 1: The Complete Series Page 11