I stayed with Mom until about 6:00 p.m. I needed to stop by the funeral home to drop off my dad’s things before 7:00 p.m. Ty said that he was going to stay with her tonight, so I didn’t feel too guilty about going home after. I needed to get some rest and to try to get my mental state on point, because I didn’t know if I was coming or going with all that was going on. When I finally got home, Qua was making dinner. I greeted him with a kiss and a thank-you before heading upstairs to take a shower. Before I stepped in the bathroom, I called Ty to check on my mother and make sure that she was okay. He said that she was sleeping and that Chanel was giving the baby a bath and was going to put her to bed.
I knew that I was going to have to have a conversation with my mother when the funeral was over. I didn’t want her staying in the house alone with the baby, and given that I wouldn’t be moving back home, she was going to have to come and live with me and Qua. I knew that she probably wasn’t going to want to leave her home to come live with me or Ty, but I really hoped that she would consider it.
* * *
I wasn’t feeling well the next morning, but I knew I needed to get myself together, as I needed to go to my mom’s house and get the place ready for my uncle Tony and his wife, who were arriving today. Qua had already gone to work, but he had said that he was going to meet me at my mother’s house when he got off work. I went into the kitchen to make myself some toast and tea before leaving.
I knew that my mother and Ty had plenty to eat at the house. My mother’s neighbors had been more than generous with all the food and bottled water that they had dropped off at the house. My father was loved by everyone. Before he got sick, he was the neighborhood mechanic and fixed everybody’s car for free. He was a generous man and did what he could to help anyone in need, so it was only right for them to return the favor and be there for his wife.
When I got back to my mother’s house, my uncle and his wife were already there and had everything covered, so I didn’t have to do anything. I could sit down and relax. And once Qua got there, he made sure that I didn’t lift a finger to do anything, that I ate, and that I stayed off my feet, which had swelled up from being on them so much. For the rest of the day, we all sat around and shared memories of my dad. It felt good to see my mom feeling somewhat better.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Qua
It had been a few weeks since Jakiyah’s dad’s home-going service, and Jakiyah had been kind of depressed. Since today was my day off, I decided to get her out of the house. She fussed about not wanting to go anywhere, because the swelling in her feet had just gotten better, but I assured her that we wouldn’t be doing much walking, and she agreed to go. When we got in the car, her phone rang. She answered the call with a worried look on her face and told whoever it was on the phone that she was on her way.
“What happened, babe? Is everything okay?” I asked her.
“I’m not sure. Ty said that my mother hasn’t been feeling good and hasn’t been out of her room since this afternoon. I just want to stop by there to make sure that everything is okay,” she said.
When we pulled up to her mother’s house, I got out to help her out of the car, followed behind her, then waited for her to open the front door. As soon as she opened the door, everyone yelled, “Surprise!” and I made sure to be right behind her, in case she was so startled, she tripped or something. She jumped and screamed so loud, and although I felt bad that they had scared her, I was laughing my ass off.
“Ty, I’m going to kill you. Do you know how worried I was all the way over here?” she told him.
“It’s not my fault. It was all Qua’s idea to set you up. He knew if he tried it any other way, you weren’t going to go for it,” he replied, snitching.
“OMG! April, you were in on this too,” Jakiyah said, hugging April.
“I’m sorry, but, girl, you know how you are, so this was the only way,” April told her.
Chanel and Desi had done a great job decorating the house, and I loved the color scheme that they had used. We didn’t know what we were having yet, so the green and yellow were perfect. Jakiyah walked around thanking everyone for coming out. She was surprised to see my mother, Donavon, Quinton, and his wife. I sat around talking shit and drinking beer with Ty, German, and my brother until it was time for Jakiyah to open her gifts. She looked happy, but I knew it was a bittersweet moment for her. But she did her best to enjoy herself, and I was glad that we were all able to get her out of her funk, even if it was only for a day. We had so many gifts that I didn’t think we had to buy anything for the baby until he or she was, like, six months old. These mofos had overdone it.
“How you feeling?” I asked Jakiyah, being as she hadn’t been feeling well earlier.
“I’m good now, and before I forget, thank you for doing this,” she said.
“Nah. This was all your homegirls’ doing,” I told her, because all I did was help set her up.
“Well, thanks for getting me out of the house,” she said, then reached over to give me a kiss.
After we all cut the cake and enjoyed it, I got help getting as much of the stuff into my car as we could fit, which wasn’t much, so I had to recruit Ty, German, and April to get all the other gifts back to the house. After we got to the house, unloaded everything into the living room, and said our good-byes to Ty, German, and April, I grabbed Jakiyah’s hand and led her upstairs. I told her to open the door to the room the baby would be sleeping in. When she did, she gasped, before tears fell.
“Qua, this is beautiful! But when did you have the time to do all of this?” she cried as she walked around the room, in awe.
“Babe, I’m a man of many talents, but trying to get anything past you is a hard task. So I had the decorators come as soon as we left today, and they did all of this within a matter of hours,” I told her.
I had opted out of having the baby room painted, because of the smell, so I’d picked a wallpaper with a teddy bear design that matched the curtains, the lamp, and the bedding for the crib.
“Thank you so much for doing this, bae.” She smiled.
“Anything for my boo,” I said, slapping her on the ass.
After Jakiyah admired the nursery, I called my mom to see if they had made it back to the hotel and to let her know that I wanted to treat them to lunch before their flight tomorrow. I wished that she hadn’t moved so far away. I really missed her being only a borough away.
When I got off the phone, I found Jakiyah sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked worn out from today’s event, so I went into the bathroom and turned the shower on. I had been running her baths, but my mother had said that she shouldn’t be taking baths this far along in her pregnancy. I didn’t know how true that was, but since I had no idea, I just went with what my mother had said.
“Babe, I left the water running for you, and I’m going to leave your nightclothes on the bed for you. I’m going to start putting some of the stuff away. I be back when I’m done,” I told her.
“Okay. Thanks. And could you check the mail? I haven’t checked it all week,” she said.
I told her okay as I left the room.
My phone alerted me that I had a text message, and when I looked down at the message, an instant frown graced my face, because I had told this chick to stop calling and texting my phone. Jakiyah and I were arguing one morning, before I left for work, and I was in a funk the whole day. When I went to clock out that afternoon, my coworker Kim approached me, being flirtatious as usual, but on this day, I took the bait. Honestly, I was interested in nothing other than going out to get a few drinks with her, but one thing led to another, and I fucked up. But it was only that one time, and I let her know that I loved my girl, and she fronted like she understood.
She had basically been on some bullshit, to the point where it was starting to piss me off. I didn’t want to report her ass for sexual harassment, because without a doubt, she would lose her job, pending an investigation. I was willing to take the punk way out of this s
hit if she didn’t back off, because I wasn’t about to let anything or anybody come in between Jakiyah and me walking down the aisle. I had yet to tell Jakiyah that I still saw Keem from time to time. I didn’t know how she was going to feel about it. I just couldn’t cut him off. He was my best friend, so anytime that I hooked up with him, I would have to make up some shit, like telling her that I was hanging out with my dude Vince from the job. I knew that I couldn’t go into this marriage with secrets, so I was going to eventually tell her. I just hoped that she understood, because I refused to hold him responsible for something his girl did.
After I finished putting all the things in the baby’s room, I went out front to get the mail from out of the box. Then I went back upstairs and placed it on the dresser. I hopped in the shower, and after I got out, Jakiyah was already sleeping, so I decided to respond to Kim’s text message and plead with her to leave me the hell alone. If she didn’t bite, I was going to threaten to report her for sexual harassment. I would show every text message she had sent and would reveal the phone call that she had made. About twenty minutes passed after I texted Kim, and she still hadn’t responded, so I turned my phone off and put it on the charger. Then I got into the bed and cuddled behind Jakiyah and went my ass to sleep.
* * *
Jakiyah wasn’t feeling well again the next morning, and her feet were swollen again. I was starting to worry, but she said that she had a doctor’s appointment next week. I was going to make sure that I was at that appointment: I needed to be there to speak to the doctor myself.
“Babe, are you sure that you’re going to be okay? Because I could cancel lunch with my mom and my brother and stay home with you,” I told her.
“Qua, I’m going to be fine. I’m just feeling a little nauseous, and my feet big as shit, but I’m good. So go and have lunch, like you promised. Tell everyone that I’m sorry, and thank them for everything,” she said, basically dismissing me.
I made her something to eat and left her a bottled water and a few snacks to hold her over until I got back home.
Lunch went well, but I couldn’t lie and say that I wasn’t distracted, because I was worried about Jakiyah. I texted her so many times that she texted back and told me that if I sent one more text, she was going to turn her phone off. This caused me to crack up. It felt good spending time with my mom and brother, and I hated to see them leave, as I knew it was going to be a while before I saw them again. Over lunch my mom said that she was going to try to come a week before Jakiyah’s delivery and would stay at the house so that she could be here for the delivery. I didn’t know how that was going to work, because my dad had said that he wanted to be here also, and I was really looking forward to his visit. I hadn’t seen him in, like, forever.
On my way home, I stopped at the store to get Jakiyah her ice cream and party mix, because once I was in the house, I was not going back out to get it for her, like she had had me do one night, like, at two o’clock in the morning. Had my ass out in the streets, looking for a twenty-four-hour bodega. That shit wasn’t happening again, so I made sure to try to stay on point.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Jakiyah
“Jakiyah, just try to calm down,” April said, coaching me over the phone, but I was tight right now.
“April, how am I supposed to calm down? I’m so pissed right now at him. I’m supposed to be marrying this man and having his baby, and he keeping shit from me,” I whined.
“Are you sure the letter said Keem got the address from Qua? I mean, think about it.... Wouldn’t Keem know the address, being that he’s Qua best friend?” she said, making sense, but I didn’t care.
“We’re best friends,” I shouted, not meaning to.
“Jakiyah, you need to calm down, seriously. I can’t have you stressing my godchild the hell out!” she shouted, getting my attention.
“It just bothers me, because Qua knows how I feel about being lied to, and it makes me think that if he lied about this, then what else is he lying about?” I began crying from frustration.
“Jakiyah, honey, don’t cry. I’m sure he was going to tell you. And I’m going to need you to remember that Keem might have known the address and given it to her, and she just assumed that he got it from Qua,” she said, trying to convince me. “What did she say in the letter? To be honest, I’m surprised she waited this long to reach out to you.”
“She didn’t say much in the letter . . . just that she would like to speak to me face-to-face. She feels that words on paper are just that, and that she needs for me to see that she’s being sincere. Honestly speaking, I could care less what she has to say, because it’s not going to bring my sister back,” I said, getting emotional.
“I understand completely. Because, honestly, I don’t think that I would be able to offer her forgiveness right now. However, I would want some kind of closure. I know you want answers to questions that you have about the whole situation.”
“I do, but I’m not ready to have any kind of correspondence with her, because I don’t trust anyone who could look me in the face after doing something like that. I would honestly have respected her more if she had shown some type of remorse by telling me and turning herself in,” I said truthfully.
“Facts, but listen to me. When Qua gets home, please remember that if you’re upset, angry, and stressed, the baby will be too,” she told me.
“Okay, April. And thanks for listening. I’ll call you later,” I told her, then ended the call.
I couldn’t for the life of me just lie back and relax. Even though I tried not to be, I was upset, and it showed. If my feet weren’t as swollen as they were, I would have left and gone to my mother’s house. That’s the only way that I could promise that I was not going to go off upon seeing Qua. I had to rub my belly, as my little baby was in there playing kickball. I tried to calm my nerves and forced myself to lie back and relax.
When Qua finally made it home and walked into the room, he knew something was wrong just by the look on my face. His smile disappeared quickly. “What did I do now?” he joked, but I didn’t find shit funny.
“Qua, you’ve known me long enough to know that I have trust issues and I don’t like being lied to. I’ve told you time and time again that no matter how I’m going to take something, I would rather be told the truth,” I said, tearing up.
“Jakiyah, what the hell are you talking about?” he asked nervously, which in my book equaled guilty.
“How did Keem know our address to convey it to Yessenia?” I asked him.
I watched his facial expression, which told me he dreaded answering my question. He knew this conversation was probably going to end up as an argument.
“Keem has been my friend for, like, forever, so I’m sure he knows my address. But as far as my giving him permission to use it, that I didn’t do,” he answered.
“So, have you been speaking to him?” I asked him.
“Like I said, he’s my best friend.”
“So, after what they did, you could still be his friend?” I asked, in disbelief.
“Jakiyah, the only thing Keem is guilty of is cheating on his girlfriend,” he had the nerve to say.
“What? You can’t be serious! His actions cost my sister her life!” I yelled at him.
“He’s not responsible for Yessenia’s reaction to him cheating, so let’s be real here and place that blame where it belongs, and on the person who is serving time for it,” he said, sounding as if I was agitating him.
“Wow,” I said, because I was really taken aback by his response.
“Wow what? You can’t blame him for what happened, but you can stop speaking to him, like you chose to do. He’s my best friend. I’m not going to stop speaking to him over something he had no control over,” he spat.
“So why the fuck was it a secret, then?” I shouted.
“It was a secret for this very reason. We could never have a conversation without you getting like this. That’s why some things I just keep to myself,” he
said, then walked out of the room.
After thinking about the conversation, I felt that I could have handled it better. I wanted to get up and apologize, but my damn feet were hurting. But after an hour passed and he didn’t come to see if I was okay, I got angry all over again. I got up, no longer caring about my swollen feet, and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
The hell with him and his attitude, I thought.
Chapter Forty-Nine
Qua
Jakiyah had been giving me the silent treatment for the past few days, and I was just sick of it, so I decided to go meet Keem at the bar after work. I knew it was early in the afternoon, but I wasn’t ready to go home, just to be ignored. I hoped she got her attitude in check before her doctor’s appointment tomorrow.
“It’s a little too early to be throwing back shots,” Keem joked, taking a seat next to me at the bar.
“Nigga, your ass the reason I’m in the bar this damn early,” I told his ass.
“I apologized. My bad. How many times do you need me to say it?” he said after ordering a shot.
“I need for you to say it, and don’t stop saying it until my girl starts talking to my ass again.”
“Nah. But on some real shit, at the time I wasn’t thinking that it would cause a problem between you two, being that she was writing Jakiyah to apologize. If you need me to tell her that you didn’t give me permission, I will, but you know she’s not trying to talk to me.”
He Used to Love Me Page 20