by Magan Vernon
Michelle grimaced. “I’m sure we could just pick up something at the store or Dairy Queen.”
Johnny swallowed then frowned. “Come on, Mom. It’s a tradition.”
Michelle took a sip of her coffee and nodded before we put it down. “Yes, I remember. I didn’t have much money for a fancy cake, so we did that for your fifth birthday. You loved it so much I had to make it for you every year.”
“And I still don’t need fancy,” Johnny said, shoving another piece of pancake in his mouth.
“I don’t either. Even though I haven’t been much of a sweets person during this pregnancy, if you put some bacon on that chocolate, I’d be interested,” I said with a laugh then felt a roll in my stomach.
“Oh.” I put my hand on my stomach as the baby continued to move as if he was doing somersaults. “I think Ellis likes the thought of bacon too.”
“You can feel him move now?” Michelle asked.
“Yeah, this just started yesterday, but the little guy is really active now,” I said, sucking in a breath as he rolled across my stomach.
“Have you felt him move yet?” Michelle asked, looking at Johnny.
He shook his head. “Not yet.”
“You should see if you can feel him move,” Michelle urged.
“I don’t know...that would be weird just to feel her stomach like that...” Johnny stammered.
Michelle rolled her eyes “Please. I know what had to happen for you two to make that baby, so just go and feel her stomach.”
Johnny and I both stared at each other wide-eyed before he finally asked, “Um, do you want me to?”
I shrugged. “I guess.”
Johnny slowly went around the other table and knelt in front of me. “Is he still moving?”
I shook my head. “No, he’s slowed a little.”
Michelle took the container of orange juice and poured more into my glass. “Here, drink this. When Johnny was in my stomach, it always helped make him move.”
“O-okay,” I stammered, taking the glass and putting it to my lips. As soon as the liquid hit my stomach, there went my little rollie swimmer, almost making me jump out of my seat.
“Is he moving?” Johnny asked again, raising his eyebrows.
I nodded and put his hand on my stomach. Johnny’s eyes lit up as he grinned. “Is that him? Is that...?”
I nodded. “Yeah. That’s Ellis.”
“This is awesome. Hey, little guy,” Johnny whispered to my stomach.
I stared down at this great guy talking to his future son with more love than I’d seen from anyone. He loved this little swimmer and me. I freaking loved this guy and was scared to death to say it. What if I was reading the signals wrong? What if he was just this nice to everyone? And what if things didn’t work out with us and he went back to his swimming girlfriends? Then I’d just be another single mom making Rice Krispies treat birthday cakes.
“Do you mind if I try to feel him move?” Michelle asked in a small voice.
I turned toward Michelle, who wore a worried look on her face.
I shook my head then took another sip of orange juice, which got Ellis kicking with glee. “Not at all. He’s your grandbaby, and he may be soccer player instead of a swimmer the way he kicks.”
Johnny laughed. “Kicking is an important part of swimming too!”
Michelle knelt down next to me, putting her hand on my stomach, and for the first time, a large grin spread across her face. “Oh my, he really is a kicker.” She laughed, and there were tears in her eyes as she looked at her son, watching his own son through my stomach.
It was the first time in a long time that I’d seen and understood a mother’s love, and I knew there was no way I could let this family go.
***
I survived Easter in Arizona with Johnny’s mom. I even managed not to puke up the bacon and chocolate Rice Krispies treat cake.
The only thing I wasn’t sure I’d survive was the early flight home on Monday then classes.
“So wearing my clothes? Is that going to be an everyday thing now?” Johnny asked as we took our first class seats.
I looked down at the oversized Team USA shirt and shorts that Johnny wore to bed while we were in Arizona. I knew I was wearing them, and it wasn’t a mistake. The jeans were getting so tight I needed to keep them unbuttoned. I figured if we were just going to be flying anyway, I could wear them and maybe change when we got home before going to class.
Though I knew I would probably just nap.
“Maybe,” I said, snuggling into his arm.
***
Johnny had to make up all the practices he missed while we were in Arizona. Even though he still ran every day we were there in the April heat, he needed pool time.
It was fine with me since I had classes all day and knew that my forty-five-minute commute would be the perfect time to make the phone call that was a long time coming.
“Hey.”
Lia picked up after what felt like the millionth ring.
“Hey, sorry. Was I interrupting you?” I asked, balancing my phone between my shoulder and ear so I could take a drink of my iced coffee that Johnny brewed and left in the fridge for me to have before I left for school.
“No. Just getting ready for class. Jay’s already gone to the pool, so I’m kind of meandering around the condo,” she said, her voice trailing off.
“Oh. Nice,” I replied, putting my coffee down.
“Yeah. It is. You should see it sometime. You know. When you can.”
We stayed silent for a few beats before I finally let out a breath.
“This is really freaking awkward,” I blurted.
Lia laughed. “Yeah. It is, and it shouldn’t be. Sorry if I was a jerk, Sofie. I was just really taken by surprise with the whole pregnant by Johnny thing. Whoa. Even saying that out loud sounds weird.”
“Trust me, it sounds weird to me, too,” I muttered.
“So y’all are really doing this? You’re staying together and having this baby?”
“Yeah. Yeah, we are. I actually went to Arizona with him this weekend to meet his mom.”
“Holy crap, was that weird? How did that go? You made me spill every detail of meeting Jay’s family, so I’m hoping I get the same in return,” Lia said, her voice rising slightly like it did when she was excited.
I smiled despite all the craziness because I still had my best friend I could give the lowdown about everything from the plane ride to meeting his mom, registering, the baby kicking, and coming up with a name.
“When am I going to see you again?” I finally asked after spilling everything.
Lia sighed. “Soon. I think. I, um, well, I guess now is the time to bring it up, but I think I’m staying in California this summer too?”
“What?” I screeched, coming to a halt at a red light I almost missed.
“Hey! No yelling! We haven’t talked in a while, and I just found out that Jay’s brother-in-law, the record producer, has an opportunity for me to intern at a studio. It would be great to get some real-world experience, and it’s twelve credit hours. I could freaking graduate in December if I wanted to! And even possibly have a job afterward!”
“Holy shit,” I muttered, absently rubbing my stomach. Lia had the whole world in front of her with opportunities, and I wasn’t sure what would happen in my life. With my due date in September, I didn’t sign up for fall semester classes, and it would be hit or miss if I made it for the spring. I could technically only be a semester behind, take classes in the summer and graduate, but would I? And what in the hell would I do after graduation?
“Sof? You there?” Lia asked.
“Yeah, sorry, just got distracted. Pregnancy brain.” I laughed it off.
“Dana had that like crazy.”
“Yeah, I remember that,” I said.
“I have to go, but text me later, okay? I’ll be home for a bit in a few weeks after finals, so I think that might be a good time for a baby shower. Jay’s already been asking a
bout one for weeks like a teenage girl excited for prom, so I’ve already asked Ma about using the back room at Conti’s.”
I raised an eyebrow even though she couldn’t see it. “You’ve been planning a baby shower?”
“Well, duh, it’s the best friend’s duty to plan the shower.”
I felt tears pool in my eyes. Tears of happiness because even though I was a hormonal bitch, my best friend still loved me. “Thanks, Lia, you’re the best.”
“You are, too, Sof. I’ll talk to you later, all right?”
“Okay. Bye, Lia.”
“Bye, Sof.”
***
Finals were a breeze for me. I guess the perks of being an English major with a theater minor was that most of my finals were turning in papers. I had only one actual written exam.
Even though finals were easy, that didn’t mean I was having a great time getting around. With my second trimester going strong and getting into my third, clothes were getting tighter. By mid-May, it was like I had a baby bump overnight. A baby bump that none of my normal clothes would cover, so I’d resorted to wearing Johnny’s.
After my last final, I was at home, celebrating with beef jerky and Masterpiece Theatre on the couch when Johnny burst through the door holding a giant cardboard box. “It’s here!”
I raised an eyebrow. “Um, what’s here?”
Johnny dropped the box on the ground in front of the couch and smiled before pulling his keys out of his back pocket and ripping open the package.
I leaned forward, looking into the giant box as he pulled out a few t-shirts and sweatpants with his swimwear sponsor’s logo on them.
“Um, new clothes for you?” I asked.
Johnny tossed a t-shirt at me. “No. For you.”
“For me?” I raised an eyebrow, staring at the red shirt that felt like butter between my fingers. Very slippery butter.
“Yeah, well, you’ve been taking all of my stuff, so I talked to my contact, and they said they would send a few things for you that should fit the rest of your pregnancy and after. No maternity clothes for my baby mama,” Johnny said with a laugh.
“Ha-ha. Very funny.” I pulled out a pair of black capris with an adjustable waistband. I would have complained about it, but the things looked so comfortable I was tempted to strip down and put them on right here.
“But...there’s a catch...” Johnny said, his words trailing.
I looked up, raising an eyebrow. “A catch?”
Johnny sat down on the couch next to me. “I have a photoshoot coming up with Emily and some other girls from the Olympic team in downtown Dallas this weekend.”
“Uh-huh...?” I wondered where in the hell this was going, and if this was a bribe for me to be okay with him being half-naked with a bunch of hot swim girls. He usually was already every day at practice, and I was still trying to get over that.
“And after telling my sponsors about you, they thought it would be cool to maybe get some photos of us together with you in the gear. It doesn’t have to be in their ads, but if they turn out well, it could be.”
“WHAT?” I screeched, staring at him wide-eyed.
“So that’s a no go?”
“You want my big pregnant ass to get up there in a bathing suit with a bunch of ripped swim girls for people to take pictures the world can see?” I asked, my heart racing with anger.
“First off, you aren’t a fat ass, and second off, I don’t think you’ll have to be in a bathing suit. Or maybe you will. Gina did talk about a pool,” Johnny added as if he just thought of the most brilliant idea.
I shook my head. “This sounds like a bad idea.”
“Why? Why does it sound so bad? You’re gorgeous. Seriously, the most beautiful pregnant woman I’ve ever seen. This is a way for you to get some new clothes, get some pictures taken, some extra money...”
I held up my hand. “Whoa. What was that last part? Are you trying to get me paid like a prostitute?”
“What?” he asked, tilting his head. “No. Prostituting is sex. This is modeling.”
“I don’t need money, for your information.”
“I know you don’t. I know your dad’s still paying the utilities on this place, even though I told him I would. And you pick up shifts whenever at Conti’s, but babe, I just want to help you, and you always seem resistant to that. Why is that?” he asked, taking both of my hands in his.
I wanted to tell him the truth—that the only man I’d ever depended on was my father, and even that was half-ass at best. But the truth wasn’t what came out of my mouth.
“I just don’t like the idea of getting paid or doing the modeling thing,” I muttered.
He put one hand on my cheek. “Will you at least think about it?”
I sighed and nodded slowly. “Yeah. I will.”
***
Somehow, thinking about it turned into me not agreeing but not getting myself out of the comfortable capris, and so I sat in Johnny’s car as we took the George Bush Parkway to downtown Dallas.
“So...what exactly is going to happen today?” I asked, watching as the Dallas skyline came into view.
“What? You aren’t an experienced model? I thought you carried your own makeup kit and change of clothes in that obnoxiously large purse you carry?” He laughed.
I shoved his shoulder. “You know this purse is going to just keep getting larger when we have to upgrade to a diaper bag.”
“I thought that thing was the diaper bag.” He pointed his chin toward the brown hobo bag in my lap.
“No, but remember we picked out that daddy diaper bag at that place with your mom? You practically squeed when you saw all of the pockets and that it was a backpack with a phone holder,” I said, wagging my fingers.
“Hey. You liked it too! You even agreed on the green color that you said matched my beautiful emerald eyes,” he said, fluttering his eyelashes.
“I did not!” I punched his shoulder.
“Say whatever you want, but I saw you checking me out in the diaper aisle. You were thinking ‘damn, my baby daddy looks good holding that economy size box of newborn diapers.’” He laughed, grinning way too widely.
“Yeah, just like you’ve been checking out my baby bump in this red tank top. I’m pretty sure it’s meant for triathlon athletes, but it’s so soft, and it absorbs my sweat when I get winded from running class to class. I’m a sexy running pregnant lady.”
“Mmm, I love it when you talk dirty to me,” Johnny said, taking my hand and kissing the back.
***
We pulled into a parking garage next to an office building. Every step from the parking spot to the elevator was like walking through wet cement.
“Are you okay, Sofie? Do you need to stop? Take a break?” Johnny asked, looking down at me.
I shook my head. “No...it’s just...” I sighed. “It’s stupid.”
Johnny stopped and turned around until he was in front of me. He put his fingers under my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. “Nothing is stupid, Sofie. Just tell me what you’re thinking.”
I chewed on my bottom lip, thinking of the right way to word it.
“Okay and don’t bit your lip like that because I can’t be turned on when I’ll be in some little swim trunks.”
I laughed slightly and unhinged my lip from my teeth. “Okay, well, I’m not just exactly the model type. I may not have braces anymore, but I still smile weird, and when I don’t straighten my hair, it’s pretty much a big, curly Brillo pad. I’m awkward and weird and silly, and I’m not the type of girl who can model in a magazine. Even worse, I’ve got this little basketball under my shirt that is going to make it look like I’m smuggling a loaf of bread in everything I wear.”
Johnny waited a few seconds for me to let everything out then he leaned in and put both hands on my cheek. “I love your smile and that you’re weird and silly and awkward. I love that little bump and how every one of my shirts fits on you. You’re going to do fine at this shoot. None of us are models, and we
’re just going to have some fun by the pool.”
“By the pool? I thought you said there might be one but not for sure?” I asked, my eyes widening.
“Yeah. Where else would one model swimwear and warm-ups?”
I sucked in a breath, and Johnny leaned in to place a small kiss on my lips then moved his hands from my cheek. “It’s going to be fine. I’ll be there right with you.”
I followed in step with him to the elevator and stared at the buttons taking us to the penthouse. The doors opened to a large infinity pool and a few girls in swimsuits standing near a cabana.
“Johnny! Sofie! You’re here!” A brunette head poked out of the cabana I immediately recognized as Emily before she squealed and ran toward us. She was in a mesh tank top over a one-piece suit that hugged each one of her muscular curves. The girl could have been a gymnast she was so ripped.
“Oh! And my new little nephew,” Emily squealed, her hands immediately going to my stomach before she knelt in front of me and stuck her face right in my belly button. “Hey, little Ellis, it’s your Auntie Emmy! I can’t wait to take you swimming. I mean, of course, with Daddy, and we can go to the stockyards, and it’s going to be so much fun!”
Was this woman planning to be Ellis’ stepmother? I could see it now. I’d be at home, an angry single mother, smoking Pall Malls and waiting for my hot ex and his new girlfriend to bring Ellis back from swim lessons then he’d cry and want to live with Daddy and Aunt Emmy.
Okay, so I might have had too much time on my hands to think up that scenario in my head.
I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could, an older woman wearing all black with long gray hair twisted in a loose braid came over clapping. “Okay, enough baby bump loving. It’s time for some pictures!”
The woman ushered me toward the cabana where I sat in a chair and had makeup airbrushed on me then my hair straightened even more. If that wasn’t enough, I had to get naked in front of some random women I’d never met and then shove my bump into a rash guard swim top and swim shorts.
By the time I was out of the cabana, Johnny was already standing at the edge of the pool in only a very tiny pair of swim trunks about the same size as mine. Johnny might have said not to worry because they weren’t all models, but the guy had the smolder of a Disney prince and a stance with his broad shoulders and amazing abs that would make any girl probably drop to their knees, or put their hand between them if they saw him in a swimwear ad.