by Magan Vernon
I felt tears welling in my eyes but fought them back. I had deep feelings for Johnny that I thought were love so many times. But if I gave into them, would I just be disappointed? He would go off for weeks at a time and all day doing swimming things while I stayed at home with a baby and worried about him cheating with Emily. I couldn’t live like that.
“Have fun in Colorado. I’ll see you when you get back,” I murmured, turning away and walking to my car.
“Sofie. Sofie, don’t be like this!” he yelled after me, but I was already in the car and backing away. Backing away from Johnny and trying to back away from everything else that had turned so crazy in my life.
Chapter 22
I wish I could say that Johnny showed up at the house and we made passionate love and forgave each other right there on the spot.
But that didn’t happen.
He must have come home at some point when I was sleeping and packed because the next morning, he wasn’t there, and I had a text on my phone with his flight information for California then Colorado.
I heard a knock at the front door and figured it was more boxes. I barely kept everything together and put away from all the baby gifts we’d gotten. Begrudgingly, I put on a shirt and walked to the front door, ready to tell the UPS guy where to put another row of boxes.
But instead of seeing the man in brown, my dad was standing there with a box from Forever Sweet bakery. “Hey, Sofie. Eat breakfast yet?”
I raised an eyebrow. “I may have had bacon, but if those are kolaches in there, I could go for a second breakfast.”
Dad opened the box, revealing the succulent little rolls filled with eggs, sausage, and cheese.
I stepped to the side. “Okay. I’ll accept your offer.”
Dad’s eyes roamed around the room with boxes stacked in just about every corner.
“Sorry. It’s kind of a mess. I keep putting baby stuff away and more keeps coming,” I said, following him into the kitchen.
Dad set the box of kolaches on the table. “Actually, I was just going to comment on how different the place looks. You added some bookshelves and painted?”
I nodded. “Yeah, Johnny said he got sick of looking at all of the white walls, so one night, he came home with some cans of teal paint, and we had a painting party. Then he decided that those white bookshelves would be great near the fireplace, so we picked those up at Target.”
Dad smiled. “The guy’s helped out a lot around here.”
“You should see Ellis’s room,” I said without even thinking.
The grin broadened on Dad’s face. “I’d love to.”
“Okay.” I grabbed a kolache, stuffing half in my mouth before starting down the small hallway.
Turning on the light, I watched as a warm glow bathed the room from the single window over the white, six-drawer changing table. Johnny had painted the walls a light blue, and after setting up the matching white crib and covering it with little blue sheets, we put up decals of ocean animals and a fishhook catching the letters ‘Ellis.’
“Wow, Sofie, this looks really great,” Dad said, putting his hands in his back pockets and walking from the closet and across to the little white bookshelf and white wicker rocking chair.
“Thanks. Sorry if you ever want your bedroom to go back to normal.”
Dad turned toward me, but the smile was fading from his face. “Sofie, I’m not sure I will need my bedroom back...”
I raised an eyebrow, leaning over the rail of the crib. “What do you mean?”
He reached his hand into his pocket and pulled out a little black box, opening it to reveal a white gold ring with a small diamond stone surrounded by little sapphires.
“Is that?” I asked, widening my eyes.
He nodded. “I’m going to ask Stephanie to marry me.”
“Holy...” I didn’t even finish that sentiment. I felt lightheaded and walked over to the rocking chair, taking a seat.
Dad put the ring box back in his pocket and crossed the room. “I know it’s sudden and seems unexpected, but Sofie, sometimes you can’t plan love. You should understand that. I don’t think you and Johnny planned any of this, but I can see the love here.”
The tears came strong, and I didn’t even try to fight them as I ugly cried. Big fat globs fell down my face and onto my t-shirt.
“Sofie. Shh, baby girl, don’t cry,” Dad said, kneeling in front of me and putting his arms around me.
“You, you said I love Johnny, and I do, Dad. I do. I doooo,” I sobbed.
“I know, baby, I know. And it’s okay to love someone. Hell, you created a life together,” Dad said as he rubbed my back.
I shook my head and slowly pulled back, wiping under my eyes. “But I pushed him away. I told him to go to Colorado. I didn’t tell him I loved him when I should have.”
Dad smiled, wiping a tear from my cheek. “There’s still time for you to tell him. There’s always time.”
“But what if...”
Dad put his hand up, cutting me off. “I probably haven’t been the best role model when it comes to relationships. When your mother died, I was a wreck. Instead of taking care of my daughter, I just retreated into work and collecting junk. It wasn’t until I met Stephanie that I finally pulled my head out of my ass and realized everything I was doing wrong.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Dad.” I sniffled.
He smiled, shaking his head. “It’s sweet of you to say, but I know I should have been around for you more. You were hurting just as much as I was when your mom passed. It was something I never thought I’d get over, and instead of showing my daughter I still loved her, I walked away. And now that I’ve seen you with Johnny and myself with Stephanie, I think, in spite of everything, we may have turned out okay. We’re not perfect, that’s for damn sure, but I think we can get there. All of us.”
“But how?” I asked, now a blubbering and stuttering mess.
Dad smiled and kissed my forehead. “I think you know the answer to that one, Sofie.”
***
After downing six kolaches by myself and talking to Dad for a while, I thought maybe I’d call Johnny. Over the phone wasn’t exactly how I wanted to do things, but if it was the only way I could talk to him, then it was what I had to do. There was no way in hell I would fly coach on a plane this far in my pregnancy.
The phone didn’t even ring and just went straight to voice mail, so I called again and again.
I did this for several days. Weeks even.
I knew when he trained he didn’t always have his phone on him, and his social media platforms were lacking. I would know because I was obsessively checking them, but there were no updates.
Maybe he was dead.
Okay, that was a terrible thought and one I would not dwell on.
I pulled my phone out of the pocket of my sweatpants to call Lia. It was midnight in Texas, so it was only ten in California, and she should still be up. She would probably know how to contact Jay or Johnny or at least let me cry.
I’d barely spoken to her since her internship started. She was so busy that sometimes I got in a text or two, and it was shitty of me. I couldn’t keep pushing people away. Not Johnny. Not Lia. Not anybody. Just because I was scared or worried about the unknown didn’t mean I couldn’t try. I had to jump in that pool with everyone else and stop sitting on the ledge.
Before I could even get to my contacts, my phone rang, and Abbey’s name came across the screen. I didn’t even remember putting her number in my phone, and I froze, wondering if something happened with my dad.
“Hello?”
“Sofie? Is that you? Can you hear me?” Abbey yelled into the phone, a loud country song and voices echoed throughout the background.
“Um. It’s kinda loud, but yeah, I can hear you,” I replied.
“Can you pick me up?” she yelled.
I couldn’t have heard her right. It had to be something else like, “Can you record something on DVR?”
“What
?” I asked.
She must have stepped away from the noise because the music was a little bit fainter. “Can you pick me up at the Q Ranch? I know, I know, but I didn’t know who else to call, and my car’s not here and...please?”
I’d never had my future stepsister ask me for anything. I’d barely even spoken to the girl, and all I wanted to do was call my best friend to get in touch with my boyfriend.
But despite all that, I said the answer I didn’t think I would say, “Yeah. I’ll be right there.”
***
The family of Christy Quinn, my arch nemesis, owned the Q Ranch. It was the only place to have any event in the Friendship area, and obviously, some party was going on that I was more than okay with not having been invited to.
I pulled into the circle driveway of the big stucco building and texted Abbey.
I’m here.
Within a few seconds, she was stumbling toward my car with tear-stained cheeks and a guy following her. He looked sort of familiar, but I couldn’t place the hulking man in the plaid shirt and trucker cap. She said a few things to him I couldn’t hear then turned around and stomped toward my car, opening the door and practically throwing herself in.
“You okay?” I asked.
Before she could respond, Christy’s over-made-up face was in the window. “Sofie! What are you? Holy shit!”
Christy’s eyes widened, and she looked down at my stomach. “It is true, you’re PG!”
“Yeah. Looks like I did something before you did, Christy,” I muttered, not sure where the sudden bout of courage came from to stand up to her.
“Christy, I’ll text you when I get home, okay. Tell Jordan not to text me either,” Abbey quipped before turning toward me. “Just drive, Sofie,” she huffed, her eyes looking past my window and past Christy to the guy in the flannel shirt, standing there with his mouth open in complete shock.
I didn’t bother to say goodbye to Christy or ask any questions. I pulled out of the driveway, watching the guy in my rearview mirror as he stood there with a solemn look on his face as we left.
“Thanks for coming,” Abbey muttered once we were finally out of his line of sight.
“Are you going to tell me what that was all about?” I asked, glancing at her.
She blew out a breath. “Nope. Are you going to tell me why your boyfriend isn’t shoved in the backseat for this little joyride to pick up your pathetic soon-to-be stepsister?”
“First off, you aren’t pathetic; second, Johnny’s not in town right now. The swimming thing,” I trailed off on the last part.
“Right...right...” Abbey nodded, and we stayed awkwardly silent for a few minutes as I turned onto Hwy 6.
“He seems like a cool guy. I mean from what I’ve seen of him when we met, which hasn’t been much. You two kind of tend to avoid me and my mom like the plague,” she said with a giggle then a hiccup. “Sorry, drunk Abbey rambles more than sober Abbey.”
“It’s fine. I can ramble too, but uh, you know, sober. Definitely sober,” I said, rubbing my stomach where Ellis had decided to camp out right on my bladder, and I was peeing way more than normal. I couldn’t laugh or cough without a leak.
“Yeah. Congrats on the whole baby thing, I think. I may have said that before, or I was pouting. I’m kind of a pouter, you know? It’s my thing. I stomp off like a kid. Even though I’m a very big kid at six-foot,” Abbey said, laughing at her own joke. “Thought it was funny as hell to see Christy look at your stomach. Like holy shit, Sofie White is totally pregnant and totally with a hottie boyfriend and Christy’s just hanging out at the ranch, throwing parties like we’re still in high school.”
“Okay,” I said because I wasn’t sure what else to say.
“You’re so nice, Sophie. You’ve always been so nice. I don’t know why we didn’t hang out more when we were in school,” Abbey said, her words slightly slurred.
“Because you hung out with Christy,” I muttered.
Abbey blew a raspberry. “Yeah, Christy’s pretty bitchy. I blame that on her mom, though. Remember Pee Wee cheer? Man, you would have thought that a bunch of five-year-olds in the competition was the be all, end all. She was so shitty to your mom, and my mom didn’t want to piss anyone off or get us kicked off the team, so she just kind of went with it. That was a really shitty thing.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Um, I know you’re drunk right now, but I have no idea what in the hell you’re talking about.”
Abbey laughed like a maniac then took a deep breath. “It was totally a long time ago, but your mom wanted to help out, but you know, since she wasn’t one of these born and bred Texas cheer moms, she was the outcast. Even though, like, she was totally the only other mom who volunteered to help the squad since she had the time. Anyway, Christy’s mom didn’t like her questioning her decisions or trying new things, so basically, she talked shit about her to all of the other moms and got your mom removed.”
“What? How in the hell do you know that?” I asked, trying to keep my eyes on the road but intrigued if what this drunk girl was saying was right.
“I wasn’t that dumb at five, and we all would hear Christy and Teagan’s mom talk shit. They didn’t even wait for us to leave the room. Christy even told us her mom said you had lice so we couldn’t play with you at school. From there, it spiraled to Christy’s craziness. Truth be told, I think she really did like you once upon a time, but her mom’s a freaking psycho nightmare,” Abbey said, searching through her purse like it had all of the answers of time and space.
“Is this all true?” I asked softly.
“Yeah. Wow. You didn’t know any of this?”
I shook my head.
“Holy hell. I should have told you this years ago. I just thought you were being a bitch back to us, but really, you probably thought we were all bitches because of Christy’s cray-cray mom,” Abbey said, laughing at herself even harder.
I guess it all made sense, and it kind of made me look at Christy and Abbey differently. Not that I would ever talk to Christy about this. Just because her mom was a bitch didn’t mean she had to be one too.
“By the way, don’t tell my mom or your dad about the guy. They don’t need to know Jordan was there,” Abbey said, putting her hand on my arm as we pulled down the long driveway to the Dillinger farmhouse.
“Jordan? Oh. Didn’t you date him in high school?” I asked; changing the subject from Christy was very much welcomed.
Abbey blew out a breath. “Yeah. That’s a long story.”
“Okay. Your secret’s safe with me,” I said, parking in front of the house illuminated by the porch light.
Abbey smiled. “You’re really great, you know that, Sofie? Johnny’s super lucky to have you as his girlfriend, and I’m totally super lucky to have you as a stepsister.”
Before I could respond, she pulled me into a hug, practically suffocating me with the scent of hard liquor and too much perfume. “Thanks, Abbey,” I squeaked out.
Abbey let go of me and grinned. “I’ll see you at the next family dinner. Thank youuuuuuu, sissy.”
She stumbled out of the car, and I waited until I saw her open the front door and get in before I pulled out of the driveway and back onto Hwy 6.
It was too late to call Lia, and I was too tired to do it anyway, but seeing Abbey and talking to her gave me a new perspective on everything. Maybe I was holding on to things that weren’t what they seemed. I should let the grudges go before the baby arrived.
And it was time to get my baby daddy back. If he’d still have me.
Chapter 23
After sleeping half the day away, I went to the front door to get another round of baby gift packages and a big envelope on top.
I wasn’t expecting anything from the school or anywhere else, so I looked at the return address and the emblem.
Dallas Acting Company.
What? When did I apply there? I might have done it when I was half-asleep trying to internet stalk Johnny. I needed to stop doing that.
Throughout the years, I’d memorized my dad’s credit card number. When he was going through his grief with Mom, I became my own parent and used his credit card to update my hot lunch card online or sometimes even paid bills if we had a notice and he forgot about it because he was busy, I don’t know, buying another couch.
This was not Dad’s credit card number. This wasn’t my debit card number.
“Johnny?” I whispered.
And as if Ellis knew his dad’s name, he kicked me, startling me, so I moved forward a little giving a little, “Oof.”
I sniffled and put my hand on my stomach. “I know. I miss him too.”
I knew at that moment I had to stop being stupid. I’d tried calling Johnny, but there had to be more I could do. I had to tell him how I felt before I lost him forever.
He said that he’d always be a part of me, and I never knew how true that was until that moment. The moment he was gone, and I felt Ellis kick and realized how much I missed Johnny. How much I loved that goofy swimmer.
I put the papers on the coffee table then sat on the couch, grabbing my phone. It was still early in California, and I knew Lia would be at work, but I sent her a quick text that hopefully wouldn’t wake her up and have her turn into the grumpy Sicilian woman I saw at sleepovers.
Since I already had my phone out, I scrolled through a few things, and immediately, I found myself on Johnny’s page with the last picture he posted being two weeks ago. It was a picture of Johnny in the mirror with a frown and his body covered in shaving cream. The caption said, “I miss my back shaver @SofieWhitesAlot.”
“I miss you too,” I whispered to myself, staring at the guy who I never thought I’d have this deep of feelings for. The guy who I fought for so long, and now, the one who I thought would leave me for another girl. A girl who wasn’t in any of his pictures or shaving his back. A girl he basically left for me. And I didn’t see any of it. I was too blinded by my own fear or hormones or whatever. But the truth was I was so damn in love I was afraid I would burst. And I could burst at thirty-six weeks pregnant. I also wasn’t sure I could even go to him at this far along in my pregnancy. No way in hell was I getting on a plane.