by Colin Teevan
FAUSTUS
Wagner. Grace. I – before we, you know, I want you to know that I am aware I probably haven’t always expressed my appreciation of you, your kindnesses, your generosity. But I am aware that you’ve always been there for me. Because, Grace, because – look at me, please –
Beat. WAGNER finishes by removing FAUSTUS’ shirt. He stands in his boxer shorts. She pushes him to the sofa and straddles him. There is much grunting and grinding. Smoke begins to emanate from the sofa.
The SECRET SERVICE MAN and his SWAT TEAM peep out from behind the door of the bathroom. They take photos.
Building to a first climax the sofa tips over backwards and FAUSTUS and WAGNER disappear behind it. All we now see are hands, feet, buttocks and other body parts while the grunting and climaxing intensifies. Soon other objects begin to appear in the hands that we see - handcuffs, a pump, a circular saw etc. We can judge what is going on by the horror, disgust and confusion on the faces of the SECRET SERVICE MAN and SWAT TEAM. It becomes so appalling that the SECRET SERVICE MAN won’t let the SWAT TEAM look. As the hidden sexual activity reaches its climax, the SECRET SERVICE MAN decides he’s got to put a stop to it. Once again he is just about to emerge from the hiding place when –
– the door opens and enter WAGNER, tied, gagged and cuffed. She is dressed as before. The SECRET SERVICE MAN and the SWAT TEAM quickly retreat to the bathroom. WAGNER hops over to the light switch and with her forehead hits it.
Everything goes quiet and still. Slowly, from behind the sofa FAUSTUS crawls, he is begrimed, bloody, burnt, beaten. He too wears handcuffs, he has a gimp ball in his mouth. He stops when he sees WAGNER. He looks back to the sofa. He spits the ball out of his mouth. He pushes the sofa out of the way, and there behind it is MEPHISTOPHELES, immaculate, dressed in the same underwear she wore as WAGNER.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Hope you didn’t mind me borrowing your body, dear. Don’t worry, it will only hurt badly for a while. But then again, what are the agonies of the body compared to the torments of the immortal soul? Time you went back home to Wittenberg. As you can see, I can satisfy his needs from here on in.
MEPHISTOPHELES goes towards the door. WAGNER looks to FAUSTUS.
Pause.
FAUSTUS
We’ll go back. I’ll return to my research and teaching. That will be enough for us. We’ll live out quietly the rest of our days.
MEPHISTOPHELES
You only have ten years.
FAUSTUS
So? I’ll love for ten years.
MEPHISTOPHELES
You’ll be lucky if love lasts the one. The same face, the same body, day-in-day-out, night-in-night-out? And when the kids come? Mewling, pissing, puking. You’ll soon begin to miss the old magic. Remember your parents. What love there was died long before the crash. Love is a crash. One minute you’re flying though the air, the next you are all over the road in pieces. Get rid of her,
Faustus, send her back.
FAUSTUS
But you knew love.
MEPHISTOPHELES
No. I discovered the lie of love. And I hated God for what he did to me. Just as you Faustus hated him for taking away your parents. We hated him that his creation could cause such pain. And that our pain was part of his creation. Send her back, Faustus.
FAUSTUS
But without pain there would be no love. No choice, we would all be bound to be good.
MEPHISTOPHELES
What choice? Man is bound. Don’t you see? God’s creation is the grandest illusion, a spectacle full of light and sound and beauty, which man thinks he moves through at his own free will. But he is just a player in that spectacle. To love is to perpetuate the show, to play along with the whole charade. The only power, the only freedom man has is to destroy. To destroy what God has created. Destroy it, Faustus, destroy love. Send her back.
FAUSTUS
But what about redemption? What about salvation?
MEPHISTOPHELES
For some perhaps it might be possible, but not for you. You stood up to him, Faustus, so he hates you. God hates you. Send her back.
WAGNER
No John. It’s not true.
Pause.
FAUSTUS
It is. Go.
WAGNER
Please.
FAUSTUS
She’s right. I cannot go back. I have forfeited, by my own free will, the right to happiness, love, and to be loved. I see that now. Go.
WAGNER
No. You haven’t. You are loved, you’re not a bad person.
Your show tonight, the money for charity.
FAUSTUS
Tricks. Nothing more than empty tricks. To impress you. Now go before it is too late.
FAUSTUS pushes her towards the door.
FAUSTUS
GET OUT, GO!
WAGNER
I’ll go. She’s right, but only about one thing. The agonies of the body are bearable, but those of the soul … FAUSTUS does not turn. WAGNER slips out of the room.
FAUSTUS turns and sees she’s gone.
FAUSTUS is overwhelmed with disgust for himself. He looks to the heavens. He sits down wearily and looks at himself.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Clean yourself up, Faustus. You’re a mess.
Exit MEPHISTOPHELES.
FAUSTUS
The time draws near and I feel the cold hand of despair slide around my throat. No. Do not despair. She’s gone. She could not have saved you. Nothing can. Now there’s only sleep. Let the remaining years pass in a dream. In sleep.
SCENE 15
FAUSTUS looks up to find the SECRET SERVICE MEN and the SWAT TEAM with all guns trained on him.
FAUSTUS
Have you come for me so soon? My time’s not yet run.
SECRET SERVICE MAN
Dr. John Faustus we are arresting you for violation of the Homeland Security Act of 2002 –
FAUSTUS
What? Is that all?
SECRET SERVICE MAN
All? We’ve been monitoring you and your friends, and your alien religious practices. We believe you pose a clear and present danger to the nation. You’ll be dressed in orange, staring at the Cuban sun for the rest of your days Faustus.
FAUSTUS
Rest of my days? They are indeed spoken for, but not by you.
SECRET SERVICE MAN
Oh yeah?
FAUSTUS
Yeah?
SECRET SERVICE MAN
Take him.
They attempt to capture FAUSTUS but he eludes them with magic Again they try, again FAUSTUS confounds them
FAUSTUS
You want to know who I work for? I work for the devil, and the devil works for me. We have a deal and our deal has still some years to run, so even if you’d cut me into a million tiny pieces, I’d have come back unharmed to fuck you up. Mephistopheles, go take these men on your burning back, up to the height of heaven, then toss them down into the lowest hell. No, that way the world won’t see their shame, or know the power of Faustus. No, drag them first across the deserts, plains and cities of the world, till all their bones are broken and dismembered, as they wanted mine to be, but keep them alive, so they can say who did this to them.
SECRET SERVICE MAN
Jesus, pity us, Dr Faustus, for the love of God –
FAUSTUS
Fuck God. I’m done with pity, I’m done with love. I’m done with hope.
Exit MEPHISTOPHELES and DEVILS with the SECRET SERVICE MAN and the SWAT TEAM.
SCENE 16
A montage of scenes.
As the sound of the SECRET SERVICE MAN and SWAT TEAM being tormented continues, FAUSTUS sits glumly alone in his dressing room. He eats disinterestedly. Enter a THEATRE MANAGER. He is shocked at the state of the room. He calls a team of STAGE HANDS. The STAGE HANDS tidy the room. They finish by removing his gold sofa.
Cross fade to:
FAUSTUS eats. The dressing room similar to the last one only smaller and grittier.
Maybe more items have disappeared.
LUCIFER
(Off, over tannoy.)
I will send for thee at midnight. In meantime, take this book. Peruse it thoroughly, and thou shalt turn thyself into what shape thou wilt.
MAGICIAN
(Off, over tannoy.)
Great thanks, mighty Lucifer. This will I keep as chary as my life.
LUCIFER
(Off, over tannoy.)
Farewell, [Magician’s name], and think on the devil.
MAGICIAN
(Off, over tannoy.)
Farewell, great Lucifer. Come, Beelzebub.
Enter MEPHISTOPHELES. She is unimpressed by the new dressing room.
MC
(Over tannoy.)
They say you only play Trier Peoples Theatre twice in your career, once on the way up and once on the way down. So put your hands together and welcome back Dr John Faustus.
A smattering of applause. Wearily FAUSTUS gets up and exits. Cross fade to:
MEPHISTOPHELES sits in the dressing room. She files her nails and reads ‘Hello’. There’s a knock at the door. Onstage the celebrated contemporary magician is heard over the tannoy.
MAGICIAN
(Over tannoy.)
And now, specially for you, from the grave, Mr President, Dr Martin Luther King.
Huge applause. FAUSTUS shakes his head, the MAGICIAN has stolen his trick and has gone one better.
Gasps.
MAGICIAN
(Over tannoy.)
Don’t be afraid. Go to him. Check him out.
Applause. Cross fade to:
MARTIN LUTHER KING
(Over tannoy.)
I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.
Applause. Huge applause.
The THEATRE MANAGER enters. The toilet flushes. FAUSTUS emerges, hair greyer, fatter. The THEATRE MANAGER shakes his head, hands FAUSTUS an envelope and points towards the door. The STAGE HANDS enter and start removing much of what little remains while the celebrated contemporary magician plays on.
MAGICIAN
(Over tannoy.)
My name is [Magician’s name]. And don’t you be going away, there’s still much more to come.
Applause off.
STAGE MANAGEMENT
(Over tannoy.)
And cue music.
SCENE 17
‘The Birdy Song’ or ‘Agadoo’ and a small audience clapping along plays over the tannoy as lights rise on a tiny, dirty, litter-strewn, end-of-pier dressing room.
FAUSTUS now old, tired and overweight, sits listlessly eating a slice of pizza while MEPHISTOPHELES helps him out of his now faded, shabby suit. Similarly MEPHISTOPHELES, while the same age as ever, wears a tatty version of her previous clothes. She hangs up the jacket and turns off the tannoy and sits and files her nails.
A couple, fans, stand watching them awkwardly.
DUCHESS
Well I liked it. I really did. The illusions. The tricks. So good they were almost real. That bit where you pretended to kill all those CIA agents. Or were they FBI? One of them plays at home and one of them plays away?
(She laughs.)
I can never remember which. Truth be told, I wasn’t sure where you were meant to be at that point. Was it still Las Vegas or had you moved on? It got a bit confusing. And the way the years raced by, so it seemed only a short time since you made the deal with him-whose-name-we-dare-not-say and then you were saying your time was up. Sad really. But I suppose it makes you think. But it was still a good show. They always have the best here at the ‘All You Can Eat Monday’s Stars of Yesteryear Balti Evening in Rhode’. But that was the thing, no matter how much I ate tonight I just couldn’t fill up. It was like I had a hole in me …
(Holds her pregnant stomach.)
… or Junior had. And then when your friend the Pope mentioned the black truffle with caviar, I got this sudden hunger, and I thought that’s what I want, that’s what I need, that’s what I’ve got to have. Black, black foods, dribbling down my throat, feeding him, my baby. And I says to Duke …
(Puts a hand on his arm.)
… I’ve got to have some of that food. And he says Duchess, nowhere’s going to have black truffles at this time of year. But I said Duke, I had to have it, fly to India for all I care. And then he said I bet if we go backstage, to his dressing room while he’s between his turns, that Doctor Faustus could maybe magic you up some. Maybe there’s even some left over after the party. He seems like a good man, Duke says, that Wagner seemed to think so, at least, before she left. So –
Beat. Bored, FAUSTUS nods to MEPHISTOPHELES who produces a plate of black canapés.
DUCHESS
Oh my God, I can’t believe it, black truffles and –
She eats.
DUCHESS
And Belugian caviar. Oh my God. Where are they from? They must be from the other side of the world. I told you he would help.
She laughs uproariously and eats more.
DUCHESS
Mmm … They’re so … They taste so …
She eats with increasing speed. The canapés are never-ending. To DUKE’s surprise black saliva starts dribbling from his mouth. He takes out his handkerchief to wipe it away only to find more and more until he is vomiting a stream of black oil into his handkerchief.
FAUSTUS goes to the DUCHESS and kneels before her and listens to her belly.
MEPHISTOPHELES
What do you hear?
FAUSTUS
I hear myself as I once was. Innocent.
MEPHISTOPHELES
We all meet ourselves coming home.
FAUSTUS
What is the time?
MEPHISTOPHELES turns up the tannoy, the ‘Birdy Song’ is playing out.
STAGE MANAGEMENT
(Over tannoy.)
Dr Faustus and Mephistopheles, one minute to the final set of the night. Stage crew standing by for change into scene eighteen, in five, four, three, two and go.
She retrieves FAUSTUS’ jacket.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Time we went back.
SCENE 18
FAUSTUS
Where art thou, Faustus? Wretch, what hast thou done? Damned art thou, Faustus, damned! Despair and die! Hell calls for right, and with a roaring voice says, ‘Faustus, come! Thine hour is almost come.’
MEPHISTOPHELES gives him a dagger.
FAUSTUS
And Faustus will come to do thee right.
WAGNER
Oh, stay, good Faustus, stay thy desperate steps!
I see an angel hover o’er thy head,
And with a vial full of precious grace,
Offers to pour the same into thy soul.
Then call for mercy and avoid despair.
FAUSTUS
Ah, my sweet friend, I feel thy words
To comfort my distressèd soul.
Leave me a while to ponder on my sins.
WAGNER
I go, sweet Faustus, but with heavy cheer,
Fearing the ruin of thy hopeless soul.
Exit WAGNER.
FAUSTUS
Accursèd Faustus, where is mercy now?
I do repent, and yet I do despair.
Hell strives with grace for conquest in my breast.
What shall I do to shun the snares of death?
MEPHISTOPHELES
Thou traitor, Faustus, I arrest thy soul
For disobedience to my sovereign lord.
Revolt, or I’ll in piecemeal tear thy flesh.
FAUSTUS
I do repent I e’er offended him.
Sweet Mephistopheles, entreat thy lord
To pardon my unjust presumption,
And with my blood again I will confirm
My former vow I made to Lucifer.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Do it then quickly, with unfeignèd heart,
Lest greater dangers do attend thy drift.
FAUSTUS cuts his arm and writes with his blood.
FAUSTUS
Torment, sweet friend, that base and righteous soul
That durst dissuade me from thy Lucifer,
With greatest torments that our hell affords.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Her faith is great. I cannot touch her soul.
But what I may afflict her body with
I will attempt, which is but little worth.
FAUSTUS
One thing, good servant, let me crave of thee
To glut the longing of my heart’s desire,
That I might have unto my paramour,
That heav’nly Helen, the peerless dame of Greece,
Whom all the world admires for majesty,
Whose sweet embracings may extinguish clean
Those thoughts that do dissuade me from my vow,
And keep mine oath I made to Lucifer.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Faustus, this, or what else thou shalt desire,
Shall be performed in twinkling of an eye.
Enter HELEN, brought in by MEPHISTOPHELES.
FAUSTUS
Was this the face that launched a thousand ships
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss.
They kiss.
FAUSTUS
Her lips suck forth my soul. See where it flies!
Come, Helen, come, give me my soul again.
They kiss again.
FAUSTUS
Here will I dwell, for heaven is in these lips,
And all is dross that is not Helena!
I will be Paris, and for love of thee
Instead of Troy shall Wittenberg be sacked,
And I will combat with weak Menelaus,
And wear thy colours on my plumèd crest.
Yea, I will wound Achilles in the heel,
And then return to Helen for a kiss.
O, thou art fairer than the evening air,
Clad in the beauty of a thousand stars.
Brighter art thou than flaming Jupiter
When he appeared to hapless Semele,
More lovely than the monarch of the sky
In wanton Arethusa’s azure arms;
And none but thou shalt be my paramour.
WAGNER
Accursèd Faustus, miserable man,
That from thy soul exclud’st the grace of heaven
And fliest the throne of His tribunal seat!
Satan begins to sift me with his pride;