He didn’t answer immediately. Once he did, his voice was soft, sincere. “I’m sorry for much more than what you just said. If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to explain.”
She had wanted an explanation since the beginning, so she wasn’t about to stop him now. It had better be the truth, and it had better be good. Nodding her approval, he continued.
“First, I had planned an entire romantic getaway on the boat with you. I should have mentioned that prior to asking you. I won’t deny my intention was not only to get to know you better, but to sleep with you, too.”
Yep, sounding like a jerk so far.
“When things went haywire, I handled it poorly. Not only my words but my actions as well.”
Getting better. Keep going.
“I knew you would force my hand if you had access to your phone, and it would have been over long before I wanted.”
“You wanted?” She’d wanted the truth, but that didn’t mean she liked it.
“Did you want me to sugarcoat it?” he asked.
Maybe a little. But this conversation was long overdue. If there was going to be anything between them, even a friendship, the air needed to be cleared. “No.”
“That was the start of several stupid decisions I made those few days.” He looked at her, his face drawn and exhaustion in his eyes. A man filled with regret. “There is one thing you are mistaken about. I didn’t choose a boat over you. Your safety meant everything to me. You have no idea how relieved I was when the Coast Guard got you on that chopper.”
Not as relieved as I was. He still didn’t see it. Part of her wished she had stayed with him, as at least she would have known how he was doing. But that wouldn’t have been a smart decision. Why couldn’t he see that what he did, even though he made it back, hadn’t been smart? It could have ended very differently. Thinking of him lost at sea had filled her with such anxiety. Something she hadn’t experienced since the police delivered the news about her parents. A pain she never wanted to feel again. “No, Ross, you are mistaken. You have no idea how much it hurt me to leave you behind. When I saw that wave crashing over the boat and you disappeared, I thought for sure I had lost you.”
A tear rolled down her cheek. He lifted a hand to brush it away, but she turned from him.
“I appreciate that you made sure I was safe, but your actions spoke louder than your words. Not thinking of anyone but yourself, you decided your possession was the most important thing to you.” Looking at him squarely she said, “And you still don’t believe you chose a boat over me, do you?”
He got up and paced the room anxiously. Was it he didn’t want to admit it or couldn’t? Either way he needed to be told the truth, and she was happy to be the one to deliver it to him. Slight revenge.
Ross knew coming here wasn’t going to be easy. But it was the right thing to do. Jill didn’t deserve to be treated the way he’d treated her. Maybe he was more like his mother than he realized. The thought sickened him. His mother was a bully, and his father never stood up to her. So he had avoided emotional involvement altogether. He’d had plenty of relationships, but they were purely to satisfy a physical need. He hadn’t needed more until he met Jill. She challenged him at every level, and he enjoyed that. The emotional level was one he wasn’t prepared for.
When that storm had hit, he’d had only one thought: Get Jill to safety. He feared nothing, yet the thought of the boat capsizing with her below, trapped, had ripped him apart. Still feels like a punch to the gut. Nothing could’ve stopped him from getting her home safely where she belonged. When he’d heard the chopper, he’d known his prayers were answered, and when she’d been lifted up, he’d known she was going to be okay.
It had been his fault. He had manipulated the situation, gotten her on his boat, and kept her there. If he’d taken her back when she’d asked, her life never would have been in danger and there would be no reason for this conversation.
She meant something to him, something he didn’t understand or want to. If he continued down the same path she would begin to believe he could be something he wasn’t. He was not Jon or Trent. Happily ever after was not in his future, and the words “I love you” didn’t exist for him. So whatever stirred in the pit of his stomach was going to stay there.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. That boat means more to me than I can express.”
“Try.”
Great, she couldn’t just take that answer? It was what she had asked for. He would give her some, but not all. “Do you ever go into a store and see a dollar bill framed behind the counter?” She nodded. “That is what that boat is to me.”
“You mean it’s the first boat you bought,” she stated.
He wouldn’t have risked his life for something he’d bought. That would be stupid. No, Freedom represented two years of prep, planning, building, sanding, and varnishing. All completed by him. He would never part with it. “No, I built it.”
She frowned then said, “I remember you saying that you build boats. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t stupid.”
Arguing with her would only end badly. No, this time he would let her have this victory. “You’re right, it was stupid.”
He had obviously woken her up as her hair was still a mess and she looked like she was in pajamas. Tempted to reach out and smooth her wild locks from her face, he resisted as it was a bad idea. He did what he came to do: apologize. The next time he saw her, there wouldn’t be any discussion about those days on the boat.
“I’m meeting Drew for breakfast, so I better get going. It was good seeing you, Jill.”
He took in her beautiful face, probably for the last time by themselves; her lowered lashes and downcast eyes made him feel like a bastard. She looked so sad. No. Disappointed. Had she wanted more? With me? She took a deep breath and with it, seemed to achieve a wall of what? Resolve? Strength? Ambivalence? “Thank you, Ross. It was good we settled a few things. Take care of yourself.”
Leaving her was difficult, but for the first time he was doing the right thing. Hopefully she would come to see that later.
Chapter Sixteen
‡
“I think it would be perfect and totally in line with everything else we did earlier this month,” Jon said.
“It’s definitely going to make a huge difference in their lives. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it has been for them,” Lizette said.
“When we were speaking with KJ she mentioned him, and I knew this was the perfect recipient this month. I’m not sure how you’re going to feel about the length of the project. Building a fully-functional handicapped home for this soldier will require monitoring for months, but the end result will be amazing,” Elaine added.
“Elaine, excellent research again. This is perfect. I think we should move forward. Everyone agree?” Ross asked. It was unanimous. Another month done; each month proving why Takes One needed to expand.
“I really believe Jill would be an asset to this foundation as well. Jon explained why you want to keep everything confidential; however you are missing a great opportunity to expand further. She has a heart of gold and a passion for helping others. It’s our loss if we don’t include her,” Lizette commented.
So Jill hadn’t told her friends what really happened between them. That came as a surprise, but from what he had learned about her, it shouldn’t have.
Silence held, then Drew spoke. “I am not opposed to filling her in, however, each person here is personally invested. My suggestion would be to revisit this for next month’s meeting.”
“That’s fair. And it will give her a chance to settle into New York, too,” Lizette replied.
What Ross knew of Jill, she was probably more like Brad than any of them were. Bringing her into the loop only made sense. They had a few unresolved issues to take care of first. Not that anyone here knew that, and hopefully he could resolve those issues before anyone found out.
“Jill should be here shortly so let me put this paperwork away, and we can get
this dinner party going,” Lizette said.
It was the first time they were all together since the fundraiser in Napa Valley. Casual dinner Friday night, Jon and Lizette. The note gave no hint why they were gathering, but she wasn’t going to be able to back out without causing questions. She was the last to arrive and everyone seemed deep in conversation. Awkward didn’t even begin to express how she felt. This wasn’t their first dinner party; she knew what to expect: laughing and telling stories of the past. Usually it guaranteed a great time, however tonight she wasn’t in the mood to reminisce. Sitting with them, trying to pretend like nothing had transpired between Ross and her, that they hadn’t made love, was too much for her. Jill was dying inside; no matter how hard she tried to force her bubbly self to come out, there was nothing. She hoped the others hadn’t picked up on it.
Jill needed a bit of air and walked to the balcony. The cool night air was refreshing, even with the noise of the city below. How could someone be so happy and so miserable at the same time? Tears filled her eyes, but squeezing them tight, she refused to release them.
“Are you okay?” His soft voice was close behind her ear.
She hadn’t heard him join her. Spinning around she answered, “What do you think?”
Her mascara had begun to run down her cheeks. She struggled to wipe them, but the tears continued to come. She had so much pent-up tension inside her; pretending like everything was as before, that nothing had changed. It was eating at her inside. “You kidnap me, take my virginity, dump me, and have the nerve to ask if I am okay?” Her voice shook as she spoke. “I’m glad you can be here and pretend like nothing happened. I can barely face them, and they don’t know.” Sniffing she continued, “Must be so easy being you, or am I just that easy to forget?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but she didn’t want to hear it. Jill needed to leave. All she wanted right now was to crawl into bed, hide under the covers, and cry. Tomorrow would be better. I hope.
Opening the sliding door she saw them. The entire room had become quiet and stood watching her.
Elaine, always mothering her, came rushing to her side, pulling her into her arms. “Jill, I’m so sorry, why didn’t you tell me?”
Lizette was right behind Elaine. “It’s going to be okay. Come over here, and let it all out.”
Her tears flowed faster down her cheeks, and the uncontrollable anger she felt was softened by the tenderness from her friends. “It’s okay. I just want to go home,” she said, not moving from her position near the door.
Ross had entered right behind her. Lizette and Elaine let go of her. Oh please, just let me leave. She hadn’t meant for it to go down like this. Airing dirty laundry in front of everyone was what she had been trying to avoid.
“What the hell did you do to her?” Elaine asked harshly.
“What you may have heard isn’t the entire story.”
“You’re saying she’s lying?”
Ross shook his head.
Elaine threw her arms up in frustration. “She trusted you. We trusted you.” Walking back over to Jill and Lizette, she said, “Lizette, come on, let’s get this poor girl home.”
“I’m okay, honest.” Jill sniffed.
“You will be, but for now, let us take care of you,” Lizette said.
They were right. She would be okay, but tonight she wasn’t. She was a wreck, and whether she wanted to admit it or not, she needed her friends.
On the way out the door she heard Elaine say to Trent, “We’ll talk when I get home.”
“What the fuck did you do?” Trent asked angrily.
Ross knew it didn’t sound good, but it wasn’t exactly as they overheard. Yet it wasn’t that far from the truth either. “It’s not what you think.”
“Then what is it? She was pretty upset,” Jon added.
He knew how it sounded. But what they didn’t know is he hadn’t forced her into anything. Well, maybe an extended stay. “I’ve handled it poorly. We need to work through some things.”
“You think?” Drew asked. “Ross you’re the levelheaded one. You don’t do this shit.”
And so I used to believe, too. “We’ll work things out.”
Jon asked, “Did you kidnap her?”
“Not really.”
“That’s not a no, Ross,” he said.
“It’s not like I grabbed her, threw her over my shoulder, and held her captive,” Ross said in an attempt to defend himself.
“Then what is it like?” Trent asked. He sounded angry, something rare for Trent except for business dealings.
“We were on my boat, and I may have told her I would bring her back when I was ready.” Even saying it now sounded bad. Stupid.
“That’s so much better,” Drew said sarcastically. “You’re lucky you’re not going to jail.”
“It’s not that bad. Trust me, we were enjoying ourselves.” For the most part.
Jon added, “Jill seems to believe differently.”
“That’s because I may have said a few insensitive things.” And done some too.
“I would love to hear them,” Drew replied.
Ross shot him a warning look. He didn’t find this amusing at all and, from the look on Trent’s face, he didn’t either. He may have screwed things up with Jill, but he didn’t say or do anything to Elaine. So what is his issue?
“Ross, you better fix this shit because it’s not going to be bad for just you. In case you hadn’t noticed the look on Elaine’s face, what you did and do from here, is overflowing onto us.” Trent ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t need any help putting myself in the doghouse.”
Drew laughed. “Good luck, Trent. With Elaine pregnant, you are in more trouble than Ross is.”
Trent shook his head. “You aren’t joking. Ross, Jill is an incredibly bubbly, thoughtful, hard-working woman. She’s also a good friend to both Elaine and Lizette. Whatever you aren’t telling us . . . well, you fucked up, man. Even I have no clue what you should say or do to apologize, but you’d better fix this before all our lives become as screwed up as yours.” Trent sat on the couch and leaned back. “This is going to be a long night.”
They were right, though. This was bigger than the two of them now. He should have taken her home, and they could have settled it on the way. Probably not. “I have to go,” Ross said, and made his way to the door.
“To where?” Jon inquired.
He needed to see her, make sure she was okay. When they had spoken the last time he thought the air was cleared. But apparently not. “I’m going to Jill’s.”
“Whoa, not tonight, buddy. If you go there, you’re not only going to have to face her, you’ll have to get through Lizette and Elaine, and that won’t be pretty,” Jon explained.
I’ve already let too much time pass, and look where it’s gotten me.
Trent checked his phone. “This is bad.” He looked at Jon and said, “Elaine texted me. She’s spending the night with Jill.”
Jon walked to the table and picked up his phone. “Lizette said everything is okay, and she’ll be home late.”
Ross knew there was no way he was going to get to speak to Jill with her friends there. What would another twenty-four hours matter at this point? But he was certain of one thing. The next time they talked, there wouldn’t be any question whether or not things had been resolved, because he wasn’t leaving until they were.
“Since you’re all stag tonight, got any beer?” Drew asked.
Chapter Seventeen
‡
“I didn’t mean for everyone to overhear.” Her voice was soft, still trembling with embarrassment.
“You should’ve come to us. This is what best friends are for,” Lizette said.
They were right, but what was she going to say? I want him but he doesn’t want me? What she had shouted at him was true, but it wasn’t the deep-rooted cause of her anger. It stemmed from the internal battle taking place since their last meeting. When they cleared the air, she had no doubt he woul
d be calling her soon, asking her out, and they could move forward with some sort of relationship. The fact that he hadn’t made any such effort hurt more than anything that transpired on the boat.
“Thanks, but I need to sort some of this out first.”
Elaine gave her hug and said, “Well, now it’s time to tell us what’s really going on.”
That wasn’t going to be easy. Telling them was going to require her admitting a few things to herself first. Like she had feelings for Ross and was still haunted by the heat he’d ignited within her. “It’s obvious we hooked up, but things didn’t work out.”
After a short pause Elaine continued, “Yeah, we figured that out ourselves. Let’s start with the kidnapping.”
Time to face it. “He didn’t actually kidnap me.” With a heavy sigh she continued, “More like delayed my return.”
“And the difference is what exactly?” Lizette asked.
“Simple, it means I was a willing captive.” Blushing slightly, she knew what that implied.
“Really?” Elaine asked. “I want the details. And no holding anything back.” She chuckled.
Jill laughed softly. “It’s not all that exciting,” she lied.
“Let us be the judge. Spill it,” Lizette prodded.
It was a slow start, but once she began talking about Ross she really couldn’t stop. There were things she had been aching to say but thought she shouldn’t. Relieved it was all out in the open, she did feel better. Not great, but better. “The main problem tonight was how unaffected he seemed to be around me. I felt my heart was breaking, and my skin felt too tight. Yet, he seemed so . . . normal. I think that hurt the most.”
“You seem to have faced the same problem we all have faced,” Elaine commented.
Puzzled, Jill asked, “What problem is that?”
Lizette laughed. “Simple. You’re trying to understand how a man thinks.”
“There’s no logic in it. Once you think you have them figured out, they say something that makes you want to strangle them. Then just as quickly, they do something so sweet you never want to stop kissing them.”
The Billionaire's Longshot: Betting on You Series: Book Three Page 11