JAX
December, Ten Years Prior
Two words stop me midstride as Zach’s text flashes across my screen. Code Red. What the hell does that even mean? My heart ticks faster. Had coach said something to him after I left practice? I mean, I did tip the scale to the shitty side with my suck-ass performance, but I didn’t think there was cause for alarm.
My gaze scans across the manicured lawn to the bench where Jocelyn and I agreed to meet. In my haste to see her, perhaps I missed something important. Fuck, she’ll be here any minute. I don’t have time for his cryptic shit.
Since I’m vying for a starter position, I hope I didn’t fuck my chances. I open the message box to type a reply when a soft pair of hands slide across my eyes from behind. I squeeze my eyes shut and slip the phone back to my front pocket as the words “guess who” tickle my ear. This is new. I play along, keeping my eyes shut, as she slips in front of me and stakes claim to my mouth. I’m still riding the high from last night, still basking in the afterglow of having Jocelyn for the first time. The truth behind my ability to not focus during practice today. She consumes all my thoughts. I keep picturing her beautiful naked body lying beneath me. Her creamy, flushed skin after her climax. Jesus, I can’t wait to have her again.
She’s still all I can think of, even standing here kissing her. I thrust my tongue deeper into her mouth and inch my fingers down her body. But something is wrong. Very wrong. Her body is shorter, a little curvier. And this mouth, although familiar, seems foreign.
Every muscle stiffens as the realization of whose mouth I’m groping sinks in. I jerk my head away and fling my eyes open, confirming my worst fear. My ex. Standing in front of me. Her lips wet from our kiss. Son of a—
“Wow, nice greeting,” Lauren says, a little flustered. “Much better than over Thanksgiving break.”
My mouth parts as my reply sticks in my throat. What the hell did I just do? I step back to create the much-needed distance, but this only makes Lauren lean closer. Damn it, I knew going to that party over Thanksgiving break was a bad idea. Afraid she’s gearing up to kiss me again, I place my hands on her shoulders to stop her forward progression. “Lauren, why are you—”
“Don’t be shy now. You certainly weren’t a couple weeks ago.”
A small gasp sounds in the distance. Much like the sound I heard at the frat party. My gaze sweeps past Lauren’s shoulders and lands on a pair of watchful brown eyes that are both stunned and horrified. No. No. No.
As if my eye contact was her fuel to move, she pivots and stalks away.
“Jocelyn, wait.” I drop my hands from Lauren for the second time and race toward the girl currently owning my heart.
“Hey.” Lauren’s words ring behind me. “Where are you going?”
I ignore her. Why the fuck is she even here? I don’t have time to dwell on it since my only concern right now is Jocelyn. Whose legs have suddenly turned her into Speedy Gonzales. I have to make this right.
“Jocelyn, please stop.” I pick up my pace to catch her.
“Go away, Jax.” The hitch in her voice shreds my insides, but she needs to know this wasn’t what it appeared to be. Again. Fuck, I don’t understand why this keeps happening to me.
“Please, listen. This is just a misunderstanding. It’s not what it looks like.”
She spins to face me. With her chin raised, she takes a deep breath.
“Think I’ve heard that before, Jax.” Her eyes glisten with unshed tears, but her voice remains strong.
“Seriously, it’s not at all what it looked like.”
“No? Because it looked like you had your tongue down that girl’s throat.”
I run my hand through my hair and shake my head. “No—”
She lets out an exasperated laugh. “Really?”
“Really, I thought she was you.”
“Jaxie, what’s going on? Who the hell is this?”
I stiffen as the nickname Lauren used for years slices through the air. At the time, I thought it was cute; now it’s borderline grating.
“Lauren, please give me a few minutes.” Although the words are meant for Lauren, my gaze stays locked on Jocelyn.
Jocelyn’s eyes darken to charcoal as she straightens her stance, but Lauren doesn’t leave. She hasn’t even budged.
“I don’t understand. I drove over here because I thought you wanted to get back together.”
That causes us both to turn and look at her.
“Why would you think? No, don’t answer that. Just go to my dorm and wait for me. We’ll talk in a few minutes.”
“What the hell, Jaxon? I didn’t drive all the way over here for you to blow me off.”
Jocelyn’s huff splits the air, and she starts to leave. Panic rises in my chest.
“Lauren”—my hands clench at my sides as I grit my teeth—“I’ll explain later. Just give me a few minutes.”
She points her finger at my chest. “You better have not led me on.”
“Go!” Not giving Lauren time to say anything else, I take off after Jocelyn.
“Was I just a joke to you? Something fun to pass the time?” Jocelyn’s voice is quiet, and it breaks my heart.
“What? No!” I grab her arm to make her stop. “How can you think that? This is just a misunderstanding.”
“For who, Jax? Me or your ex-girlfriend? Seems we’re both confused.” Her hand gestures to the area where Lauren was standing and then lands on her hip. “And what? Your lips accidentally fell on her?”
Her raised voice causes a few people to gather nearby. I scowl at them, but only a few leave.
“My practice was shit, and when Zach texted right before this happened, I thought the coach may have said something. I was distracted, and my head was in baseball.” I step closer hoping to shield her red splotchy face from the onlookers. “I know it’s not an excuse, but when Lauren whispered ‘guess who,’ I swear to God, I thought she was you. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Really?” Jocelyn shakes her head and starts walking again. “Does that even sound like something I would say?”
No. Not at all. In fact, if I think about it, the voice doesn’t even match. Jesus H. Christ, I’m an idiot. “I was expecting you, so I didn’t even think. I just reacted.”
She halts and turns to eye me. Relief hits as I think she’s finally going to listen to reason. I mean, she has to, right? I didn’t do anything wrong.
“That may excuse what happened a few minutes ago, but what about what she said?”
My eyebrows knit in confusion, which, judging by her acidic scowl, is the wrong reaction. Lauren spouted out many things, but none that I paid attention to.
“Think, Jax. I heard her say you weren’t shy over break. What did she mean by that?”
I grunt in frustration as the guilt over Thanksgiving weekend rushes in. I step to close the remaining distance, but Jocelyn must detect the change in my demeanor and holds up her hand in protest.
“Stop, don’t even answer because I don’t want to know.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Yeah? Clearly, I’m not the only one to think it means more since your ex-girlfriend drove all the way here to ‘get back together’ with you.”
As she throws Lauren’s words back at me, I stand there dumbfounded. My legs are pinned to the sidewalk as my brain scrambles for how to correct this. I wait too long because she apparently has had enough.
“Save it.” She starts to take off again, and my pulse quickens. I can’t lose her like this, but I’m not sure she’ll understand when she’s this angry and hurt.
“Jocelyn, listen.”
“No, Jaxie, you listen. It doesn’t matter whether you did something or not. At this point, I’ll always wonder what’s coming next, and I refuse to live like that. My trust in you is gone.”
I cringe at my nickname, but her words deliver a punch straight to the core.
“If you just let me explain. I—”
“Answer me this. Right b
efore you fucked me, what did you mean by ‘I don’t deserve you?’”
Fuck my Goddamn guilty conscience. And the kicker is, I didn’t do anything. Not really. But that’s the problem—not doing anything. I have no idea how to explain Lauren’s and my situation. We dated for two years in high school. When she arrived at the same party and made advances at me, I should have put a stop to it. But I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She was having a tough time adjusting to her school, and I was her sounding board. When she leaned next to me, I should have said I had a girlfriend. But I didn’t. Instead, I draped my arm around her, like I’ve done for the past two years, and continued to toss back beers. When I drove her home, and we were alone in the car, and Lauren said she wanted to get back together and reached across to kiss me, I definitely should have mentioned Jocelyn. Again, I failed. I prevented her from kissing me though, and I thought she understood that this meant I wasn’t interested. Especially when I didn’t try to kiss her when I walked her to her door to make sure she got inside safely.
“That’s what I thought,” Jocelyn says at my continued silence. Her pace increases. “I’m so fucking stupid. I thought your moodiness was because you were worried about finals. I should’ve gone with my gut instincts.”
“Jocelyn—”
“No, Jax, I’m sorry, but I can’t be with someone I can’t trust.”
“What do you mean?”
“Consider it strike three. Game over.”
The air escapes from my lungs. This can’t be happening, not over a stupid misunderstanding. I know I messed up twice, but wait... “What was the first strike?”
“You being on the list to begin with. I should’ve known better.”
“Known better?” I spit out.
“It means I should’ve followed my instincts and stayed away. I think the school knew what they were doing when they paired you and Zach together.”
“I’m nothing like Zach.”
“You’re right. Zach has issues committing, but unlike you, he owns up to it.”
“That isn’t true. I’m not afraid to commit.” I don’t know why she keeps comparing me to Zach, but I’ve had enough. It’s getting fucking old.
“Yeah, you could’ve fooled me. It doesn’t matter. I can’t handle this.” She throws her arms in the air and starts to leave.
There’s nothing worse than a fucking cheater, which is what she more or less is calling me. I refuse to be labeled as one.
“You know, if that’s how you feel, then fine. Walk away. This is never going to work if I’m constantly defending myself.”
“Keeping your tongue out of girls’ mouths and explaining you have a girlfriend would help prevent mishaps.”
Ouch. That hurts because I never meant for any of that to happen. But I don’t say anything else. I’m so pissed that this time when she walks away, I let her. After break, when we both have a chance to cool off, I’ll make things right. We’ll talk and work things out. Everything will be okay.
Except it wasn’t.
Chapter Ten
JOCELYN
Current Day
“Here, let me take that.” Jax grabs the leftover biskvitena and places it on the spotless floorboard behind the passenger seat. His grandma is a sly one, I’ll give her credit for that. After saving a portion for herself and her roommate, she insisted we take some home for our dessert tonight—code for inviting him back to my house.
“Thanks for having me come with you. Your grandma’s great.” I step into the gigantic four-by-four and slide across the rich, coffee-bean-colored leather. The interior’s immaculate condition is impressive, but I make a mental note to never allow him inside my messy Honda.
“I figured you two would get along, but did you have to gang up on me?”
“Whatever do you mean?” I feign innocence. There toward the end of our conversation, I knew we weren’t being fair to Jax, but I couldn’t help myself. The glimmer in his grandma’s eyes was too cute as she clearly enjoyed making him squirm. I love her.
“Okay, Miss Innocence.” He laughs as he shuts my door. The smile is still present when he cranks the engine. “I do want to thank you though.”
“For what?”
“For not telling her that I cheated on you.”
I drop my gaze. “Yeah, well, I guess you didn’t really, and besides, she doesn’t need to know exact details. That’s between us.”
“You know, to this day, I regret my actions back then.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“Yeah, but it altered our future.” The line between his brows deepens, and he shifts to stare out of the windshield.
“I’ve had some time to think about how we ended things.” I bite back a laugh. It’s been ten years, plenty of time for fuck’s sake. I proceed like I hadn’t said the stupidest thing in the world. “I probably overreacted.”
His eyebrow quirks. “Probably?”
“I honestly believed you cheated on me. The way you acted toward me after you came back from break, then your ex showing up. I mean, look at my history here. Can you blame me? Besides, I was only eighteen, immature, and a whole lot stubborn.”
“No, I didn’t cheat, but I should’ve fought harder for you. I was just as stubborn and a tad stupid. I thought I had time to win you back, but when I saw you with Carl”—his nostrils flare—“I was just plain pissed.”
“I have three wonderful kids from our marriage, so I can’t say I regret being with him. What I do regret is how things ended between us.” My chin dips as I brush imaginary lint off my jeans. “Or that they ended at all.”
His fingers weave through mine, and the light squeeze awakens my body, catching me off guard. Inside, his cab is anything but small, but the feelings of confinement are real as his touch becomes too much. I withdraw from his hold, but that serves to make things worse. His hand lands on top of my thigh, and it’s all I can do to keep my sanity.
“Me too. It’s the worst mistake I ever made.” His tone reflects the seriousness of his statement, and a pang of regret tightens my chest. “What’s your plans for the evening?”
I hesitate. With the kids gone, I have none, but admitting that leaves me wide open to him. “Nothing particular.”
“Let’s grab something to eat.”
“We just got done eating with Nana.”
A hint of surprise followed by a small smile crosses his face. He eyes me like he’s trying to figure something out before backing the truck up.
“I don’t want to leave you yet.”
I want to say yes really bad, but it’s a disastrous idea. We can’t go down this road again. It will end with my heart being broken. He can’t possibly be interested in anything long-term, and I need to meet someone who can handle a serious relationship.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Jax, our lives are worlds apart.”
He focuses on the road as he seems to mull over my words. “I’m not asking for a full-fledged commitment, just dinner. Let’s grab a bite to eat, then I’ll take you home.”
Why did my heart sputter? This man drives me insane. “Jax, I’m not really dressed for a fancy meal.”
“We don’t have to go anywhere fancy.”
I’m going to regret this, but I have a bottle of white wine chilled, and I don’t feel like drinking alone. “Do you like chicken Alfredo?”
His lips twitch. “It’s my favorite.”
I laugh. He’s such a bullshitter. But a cute one. Especially the way he interacted with his grandma. They have a special bond, and I saw a side of him I never even saw in college.
“Let’s go to the store, head back to my place, and I’ll cook you a meal.”
“Are you trying to win my heart, Ms. Kennedy?”
“What? Oh…” My face heats with embarrassment as Nana’s words come to surface. “I’m not trying to win you over with food. I just like to cook.”
“Uh-huh, sure.”
I playfu
lly smack his arm. “Don’t read too much into it. It’s just food.”
“Okay, I’ll let you win me over in other ways.”
“You’re impossible.”
Jax chuckles, and the sly grin that slides in place reaffirms how much trouble I’m in. He weaves through traffic as we head back to Brooklyn, and a few beats later, Jax breaks the silence.
“Have you gone anywhere on your ‘places to visit’ list? Boston? New England?”
“How do you remember that?”
“I remember everything about you.” His gaze shifts to mine momentarily before returning to the road.
His words. The way he pins me with the same look he had while we dated. It all causes my desire to flicker to life. I clear my throat to stave off the unwelcome feelings.
“To answer your question, no, the only place we visited was my parents, and that was only a couple of times. Mel hasn’t even been there.”
“What about your honeymoon?”
“I was pregnant with twins. We found a luxury hotel in the city.”
“So, you didn’t do anything on your list?”
“I pretty much stopped doing items on my list after our split.”
Jax grips the steering wheel tighter. He was always so adamant about making sure I did everything. I’m sure it kills him to hear this.
As we pull into the grocery store parking lot, the mood is somber. After Jax opens my door and helps me down, I switch to a lighter topic. “I never asked you how it felt when you got traded to Zach’s team?”
That dimple I’ve always adored pops, and I tamp down the girlie feelings threatening to bubble over. “When my agent called to tell me the Phillies were looking at me, I didn’t want to get my hopes up.” He turns to face me. “But I may have squealed like a girl…when I was off the phone, of course.”
“Of course.” I laugh. “I figured you two were ecstatic.”
“I can’t even begin to describe it.” He shakes his head. “When he threw the last pitch, and I fielded the ground ball… All I could think was holy shit, we just won the World Series. It’s pretty surreal to have won at the college level and national level.”
Swing For The Fences Page 10