by Claire Adams
“Sure, here she is,” my father said as he handed me the phone.
“No,” I whispered and refused to take it.
“Well, he knows you’re here now. You can’t say no.”
My father put the phone into my hand and then walked out of the room. I held it up to my ear but didn’t say anything at first. I desperately hoped my father had been playing some sort of cruel joke on me.
“Cassidy?” the voice said.
Damn it! It is Erik; what the hell am I going to do now? I couldn’t exactly just sit there and not talk. I took a deep breath and tried to figure out what I wanted to say.
“Hi,” was all that came out.
“How have you been?”
“Good.”
Words weren’t forming. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t even make a full sentence. I felt like a schoolgirl who had her crush dial her number by accident. I had thought about this moment for months, but in my head I hadn’t been nearly as nervous as I was at that moment.
“Did you find a new job?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m working with my parents for now.”
“That’s good.”
“How are you?” I ventured to ask him, although by the looks of the television clip he was doing very well.
“I’m getting along. It’s tough, but things are good. I told your Dad I wouldn’t be able to come to his party. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s all right. I know you’re busy with your life out there in the movie biz.”
I didn’t know what to say to him. It felt so weird to finally have him on the phone, but I didn’t want to let him go yet. I wanted the conversation to feel like it did when we had been together. I desperately wanted him to just burst out and say how much he missed me or that he wanted me to come see him. It felt like torture to try and have a conversation with him, though, and nothing seemed to be going the way it should have been.
“Actually, I had already promised my father and brother I was going home to visit them again for the holiday weekend. It should be good.”
“So, you guys have officially made up?” I asked as I tried to find more to talk about.
“Yep, things are good between us. I think we might turn out all right after all. I also moved down to Los Angeles; it was necessary for the movie studio thing. So, that’s good.”
Silence filled our conversation. We felt more like strangers than two people who had once had feelings for each other. I blamed myself for the distance. I should have just called him after he left. It had been too long and there was no bringing back the spark that had been between us. And, we certainly couldn’t bring it back if we were on a telephone and not in person.
“Well, I better go. Thanks for talking to my dad,” I said.
“Sure, let’s talk again soon.”
“Sounds good. Later, Erik. Keep taking it day by day.”
And just like that, the phone call was over and I felt even worse than I had felt before. He didn’t even apologize for not calling me the entire time. For all I knew, he had totally forgotten about me and was just happy to be so far away and not have to deal with me.
Tears started to fall down my cheek. I didn’t know why. Erik had been away for a long time already; I had moved past the emotions of him – or at least I thought I had. But the emptiness and awkwardness of our conversation was too raw for me. Whatever it was that we had was definitely not there anymore.
The problem was I felt so much for Erik. I had only sat and waited for his call because I didn’t want to ruin things between us. I had hoped he was working on his treatment program and his new business and was just busy, but clearly he hadn’t thought of me. He probably even thought I was crazy for calling him – or rather my father was crazy.
It was officially over. I was going to have to move on whether I wanted to or not.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Erik
She called me. I hadn’t expected her to call. Well, actually, it was her father who had called. But either way, I was excited to hear from her. Her voice had been so sweet on the phone that it instantly sent me back to when I was with her in Paradise Peak. I even visualized what she looked like and felt how badly I missed her.
After leaving the treatment facility, I had told Spencer what happened between Cassidy and I. I talked about all the plans I had been making in my mind and even about how Cassidy said I should spend six months or so alone and working on my own treatment.
“That’s a smart girl,” he had said. “You need to work on you right now. Don’t call her; don’t deal with all of that. You’ve got to keep yourself on track.”
“Maybe I’ll just call and check in with her,” I had told him.
“No. Call in six months when you’ve got your life together and then see how things are. You’re always rushing things in your life and not everything should be rushed.”
It seemed logical when Spencer and I had talked, but as I talked with Cassidy, I felt more and more like an asshole for not calling. The connection between us was still strong; I felt the physical chemistry even through the phone. But she didn’t sound like herself. She sounded sad, and I absolutely hated that. I was angry that I might have had any part of making her feel like that.
Life was going well for me. I had taken the last six months to work on myself and my business. I was going to AA meetings and participating in programming. I had a personal trainer and was eating healthier than I had been before…although I did eat meat again.
Spencer and I had made our deal to produce movies, and it was exhilarating to be part of it all. Movies were such a great way to transform people. In one movie, you could make people feel happy, sad, and excited.
Nothing in my life had ever come without hard work, though, and the movie studio was no different. But this time instead of letting myself get lost in the high level of work, I made it a point to schedule time for myself.
I had a new personal assistant who was fabulous at getting me out of my office everyday by a quarter to six so I could make my AA meeting on time. I was open and honest with the people in my life, and that seemed to be working really well for me.
Even my family and I were getting along better than I could ever remember. They had finally gotten over the shock of me paying off their debts and were finally able to relax and hire a full-time funeral home director to take some of the pressure off of them.
My brother even had a girlfriend now who I was beyond excited to meet when I flew back for the Fourth of July. Heath sounded pretty excited about this girl, and she sounded like a really nice woman.
When I had answered the phone call from Cassidy’s phone, I really thought it was her. I had put her phone number into my phone the day I left the treatment facility. I had pulled her number up a couple of times, but then hung up when I couldn’t think of what I wanted to say to her.
If I hadn’t already made plans to go to my family’s house for the holiday, I would have definitely have gone to Bob’s event. I hoped that he didn’t think I had just denied it because I was too busy working. I wanted to see Cassidy. I needed to see her.
From the time I talked with Cassidy on the phone until the moment my plane landed at home and I greeted my brother, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. She had consumed my mind. Not just because we had finally got to talk, but also because I felt like I had done her wrong. She had to know I still cared about her. Even though I was busy with my life, I thought about her all the time.
My thoughts must have shown through as my brother picked me up from the executive airport and drove me back to his house.
“Well, you are either in love or you’ve got pneumonia,” he joked. “You look like shit.”
“There’s a girl. She asked me to come to Aspen to a big party at her parents’ resort, and I said no because I was coming here. I think she thought I just didn’t want to come.”
“Then call her and tell her you want to come,” Heath said without hesitating.
He said it like there was n
o other option. In his mind, the whole thing seemed so simple, but in my mind, I had made it as complex as it could possibly be. I was terrified of rejection. I couldn’t stand the thought of showing Cassidy how I felt and having her turn me down. I really didn’t know how I would deal with something like that.
“But I told you and Dad I’d be here.”
Heath just started to laugh. I loved his laugh; it seemed like it had been years since he had been happy. He had met the woman of his dreams – a big part of why he was so damn happy lately – and now he was encouraging me to go after the woman of my dreams.
“Come meet my woman, have some lunch, give Dad a hug, and then take your fancy jet to Aspen and see this girl. You should know better than anyone that life is too short to miss opportunities to show people you care.”
“Damn, when did you get to be so smart?” I laughed.
“Man, I’ll tell you what, love has changed me. I can’t imagine living without this girl. I’m going to marry her. I already know it. I would be a stupid fool to let her go.”
“Good for you, man!” I said as we climbed out of his car and walked into the house.
I could tell they were meant to be together the second I saw Heath standing next to his girlfriend, Kelly. She loved him. There was no doubt in my mind, and he obviously loved her. It was a perfect moment, and I was grateful to have him back in my life.
“Dad, Erik’s just going to visit for a minute. There’s a girl in Aspen he needs to go see.”
“A girl,” my father said. “I like the sounds of this. Both my boys are going to finally settle down and be happy. You know, your mother always wanted to be a grandmother. I’ll have to be a kickass grandpa to make up for her being gone.”
We all laughed, and I stayed and visited for a little bit before heading to Aspen. I didn’t know what I was going to say or what I was going to do when I got there. All I knew was that I had feelings for Cassidy and she needed to hear it from me.
If she denied me, at least I would know that I put everything I had into it. I had messed up with her and I knew it. But I hoped that she was the kind of girl who could forget about my shortcomings and still accept me when I came to her.
I didn’t need her to commit to a happily-ever-after ending – all I needed was Cassidy to give me a chance. I needed her to give us a chance and see if what we had while I was at Paradise Peak would translate into the real world. It was entirely possible it wouldn’t be the same between us, but I really thought it would. Maybe things would even be better than either of us could have imagined.
“Mr. Conrad, please,” I said as I dialed the main number to the resort.
“Who may I ask is calling?” the young man asked.
“Mr. Levy.”
The young man took forever to get Bob onto the phone, and when he finally did, I went over my tentative plan for surprising Cassidy. Quite honestly, I wasn’t sure he was going to like the idea, but I hoped he would at least allow me to give it a go.
My nerves were getting the best of me. I even considered forgetting about it all. But one thing I had learned in my treatment was that I had to finish. I would never get the results I wanted in my life if I didn’t follow through. So, this was me, following through.
“Erik?” Bob said as he came on the phone.
“Yes, sir. I’m glad I got a hold of you. I’ve had a change of plans and I’m flying your way right now. Do you think you’ll have room for me at your party?”
“Damn straight, we will have room. I’ll tell Cassidy you’re coming; she’ll be so excited.”
I loved how excited her father was to help me. It eased my nerves a little bit, and I was able to focus better on what I needed to do. But I didn’t want him to tell Cassidy anything. I wanted to surprise her and that meant that Bob couldn’t go talking about my plans with her. He had to stay quiet, and I wasn’t sure he could do that.
“Actually, I was thinking of surprising her. Do you think you could help me with that?”
“She’s not a big fan of surprises, but I think since it’s you she’ll be all right. What do you need me to do?”
I went over the details of my plan. He even threw in some of his own ideas to make sure I had the perfect opportunity to surprise Cassidy. I really liked Cassidy’s dad; he was a nice man who genuinely seemed to care about his daughter and her happiness.
When I arrived in Aspen, I had a car waiting for me and I drove to Bob and Katherine’s resort. Bob had given me directions on how to get to the where the fireworks were going to be shot up, but in order to get there without being seen, I had to hike up the mountain.
It seemed pretty fitting that in order to surprise Cassidy I had to hike up the same mountain she and I had before. As I started my trek, it was much easier than I remembered it being. Maybe all my working out had paid off, or maybe it was because the weather was nice and there wasn’t any snow on the ground. But for whatever reason, I crushed it up the mountain and was waiting in the lodge a good twenty minutes before everyone else was set to arrive.
Bob was going to send Cassidy up on one of the chair lifts and tell her she needed to make sure everything was ready for the big night of events. So, I just waited. The anticipation was difficult for me, and I even started to have a panic attack as I thought about what might happen if Cassidy said no to me.
She might not want to see me, at all. There was a real possibility that Cassidy had moved on from what we had together and wouldn’t be interested in seeing me and really wouldn’t be interested in coming out to Los Angeles with me. But I used my coping skills and pushed my anxiety away as I tried to regain my composure for when Cassidy arrived.
It didn’t matter if she said yes or no. I was there to show her how I felt and tell her in person. She deserved that much, at the very least. Sure, it was entirely possible I was going to get my heart trampled on, but I just had to be all right with that.
Nothing big ever came to a person who wasn’t willing to risk something. I was risking it all as I waited there for her. It was either going to be a yes and Cassidy and I could start our relationship out in Los Angeles, or it was going to be a no and I would go home alone and have to figure out a way to move forward.
I stood looking out over the mountain like I had done months before on that first day I had arrived at Paradise Peak. It was even prettier there in the summertime. My nerves were going wild as I heard footsteps by the front of the building and it took everything in my power not to turn around yet.
I had come so far in the last year of my life. Nothing had turned out at all like I had planned, yet my life was better than I could have imagined.
In that moment as I waited for Cassidy, what I was sure of was that I wasn’t going to just quit. I had climbed the mountain and I was going to climb the last few proverbial feet so I could see the view of the rest of my life ahead of me.
Cassidy had to be there. I took a couple deep breaths as I waited for her to walk through the rest of the building and find me there, waiting for her. I didn’t know if this surprise was going to go over well or not, but I hoped she would like what I had to say.
“Erik?” her voice questioned from the other side of the room.
Slowly, I turned around at looked at her. She was insanely beautiful in her red summer dress with her hair pulled up in a ponytail. To be honest, I hadn’t remembered her being this beautiful. She seemed to be even more radiant than the memories I had of her.
“Sometimes on the phone, I’m not as good at saying things as I am in person,” I said as I walked toward her from across the room.
“What did you want to say to me?” she asked with a smile.
“First of all, you’re the most beautiful woman I know,” I said as I reached for her hand and held onto it. “Secondly, I should have called you.”
She smiled and her face looked relieved to hear what I had to say to her. I was excited, so excited that I felt myself sweating through the t-shirt I had under my button up shirt.
�
��Why didn’t you call?”
“Because I’m a man and we do stupid shit.” I laughed. “I wanted to have my life together and whisk you out to Los Angeles to visit me. I didn’t want to get wrapped up in what we had going until I felt like I really had something I could offer you.”
“And now you do?”
Her question was a fair one. I didn’t really have anything to offer her. I had moved to Los Angeles with Spencer and didn’t even own my own house at the time. Most of my money was tied up in the new movie studio that was also tying up most of my time.
But I was done waiting. She needed to know that I didn’t expect her to wait forever and I wanted to take her on a damn date.
“I’m not perfect. I’ll be honest with you there. I work way too hard. I have no experience at being a good boyfriend. But I’d like you to come out to Los Angeles with me. If you can?”
“What would I do there?”
“Whatever you want to do. I’m not saying that you need to tie yourself to me or anything like that. You can live with me or I’ll pay for an apartment if you don’t want to. I’m actually staying with Spencer right now. But after our phone call, it felt like you didn’t know how I felt about you and I couldn’t stand the thought of that. I cherished out time together and I’d really like to take you on that date I promised you.”
“Are you going to your meetings?” she asked.
“Yep, three times a week at six o’clock.”
“Are you sober?”
“One hundred percent.”
“How did you know I’d be up here?” She started to get suspicious of the insider information I had to have received to know she was there.
“Your dad told me,” I smiled.
She moved closer to me and didn’t let go of my hand. A smile flashed across her face as she looked out over the mountain and didn’t talk for a little bit. I waited. I was in no hurry. I had all the time in the world for Cassidy.