by Claire Adams
“Shut the door and come sit down,” I said with a stern look on my face.
She did as I asked and then sat nervously in the chair across from me. I got up and went around to the other side of my desk so we could talk better. I had heard some amazing things about what she had done while I was gone, she had acted more like a chief financial officer than a secretary.
“What are your ambitions here at Edwards Aviation?”
“Um, what do you mean?” she asked nervously.
“I mean, what do you hope to do here in the future? Do you have ambitions for Casey’s job, my job? What is your dream?”
She seemed extremely cautious as she looked at me and thought about what it was she really wanted to do. Jennifer was young, probably only about twenty-two or twenty-three. I knew she had a degree, but I wasn’t even sure what it was in. She had to want something more from her employment than to be a secretary to me all her life.
“Well, I have liked working with the finance department and helping Mr. Zane while you were gone. It was exciting, but I love my job and wouldn’t want to leave it. I enjoy working for you, sir.”
“How about this,” I started to say as I tried to keep a straight face. “We are growing fast and will need some new leadership soon. I’d like you to work side by side with Mr. Zane and learn the overall workings of the organization. Then in a few months, we can visit again and see what you’re best at and maybe move you to a new position.”
“Um, sure. I could work with him on my breaks and lunchtime, maybe even after five o’clock. That would be fine.”
“No, you do not understand what I’m saying. I’m actually moving you into a different position. For the time being, I’m not sure what it will be called, but your full-time job is going to be learning how to run the company from the perspective of each executive. Of course, this will be a very time consuming position and very hard, so I’ve taken the liberty of giving you a raise.”
I reached onto my desk and handed Jennifer an envelope that had her new salary information on it. My face was stuck in a permanent scowl as I tried desperately to hold back my excitement for this new opportunity I was giving Jenn.
“No, this is too much…” Jenn started to say as she looked in the envelope. “I can’t take this.”
“Oh, you can and you will. You worked tirelessly while I was gone and you did it on a secretary’s salary. You deserve this and I’m back dating the salary to last year so you will get that on you next check. I want you to stay. We need a strong, smart woman like you in our leadership.”
“Mr. Edwards, I don’t know what to say,” Jenn cried as she got up and hugged me.
“Say yes,” I smiled back at her.
“Yes, yes, yes,” she screamed.
“Now go see Casey and he’ll get you all set up with your new office.”
It felt good to be doing good things around my company and for the next few months that was all that I occupied my time with. I let Casey and Jennifer take on the day-to-day tasks of running the company and I made it my mission to set up our internal programs that would help employees and built my company into something I could be proud of.
I had hoped all of the good deeds I was doing would fill the emptiness that I had been feeling since getting back from Montana. But even four months later, I couldn’t stop thinking about Sarah. I had picked up the phone on several occasions to call her, but then decided against it. After four months, she was surely over me. I had lied to her, slept with her, and then left without notice; there just was no coming back from something like that.
Even if I wasn’t going to have Sarah, I did still miss the great scenery and relaxation that I had in Montana, and one afternoon I decided to take a look at property there. Perhaps buying a vacation home in the state would give me a hideaway that I could rejuvenate myself from.
I had vacation homes all around the world, but none of them ever felt relaxing for me when I got there. They were in big cities or on beaches, but I had never truly felt as relaxed as I had been while at the ranch. The idea of owning my own ranch wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. I certainly couldn’t run a place like the Millers had, but I did like the idea of building a cabin far away from everything else and maybe even getting myself a horse.
Buckjoy had come to trust me and I enjoyed taking care of him. He was wild and by the time I had left, he was tame and a great horse to ride. He was loyal to me and I felt bad that I wasn’t there to take care of him. I had to hope that he would let Sarah care for him and treat her just as well as he had treated me.
My search for a cabin started simple enough, just a general look at cabins for sale in the state. The more I looked though, the more I realized that the entire state wasn’t as beautiful as the Miller ranch had been. For fun, I looked up the property north of the river just to see if it was still for sale. Maybe they had found a buyer, or maybe not; I wasn’t sure what I had hoped to find. But when the photo of the river with the mountain in the background popped up, I couldn’t help but laugh.
I remembered that moment so vividly as I had jumped into the water to prevent Sarah from falling in. The rush of cold water had engulfed me and the shock to my system had me wide awake until late in the evening. I also remembered Sarah’s hands as she had forced me to take my jeans off and the excitement I felt from just looking at her.
She was amazingly beautiful, smart and one of the most incredible women I had ever met. There wasn’t a day that had gone by where I hadn’t thought about Sarah’s amazing smile and what it would have been like to marry a woman like her.
When I was with Sarah, I felt like the world was so much smaller and my chances of happiness so much larger. At the very least, I had learned what it was to be in love and it was going to be really damn hard to move on with life knowing what I had once had.
The Miller’s property was listed for four million dollars, which was a little disappointing since Sarah had said she had hoped to at least get five million for it. I was sad to see that the property hadn’t sold yet; that meant that the Millers were still struggling financially and I hated knowing that. They were good people and I took it upon myself to forward the land information to a couple of developers I knew, just to see if they might be interested in land up in that neck of the woods.
Overall, I was happy to be back home. I really couldn’t complain at all; my life was just like it had been before. But it was just as empty as it had been before as well. I went to work and came home without the excitement of someone who I cared about and that was hard to move forward from. The more I tried to get back into my old life, the more I felt like my old life didn’t fit me anymore.
It didn’t excite me to fly from city to city and visit with clients. I got no enjoyment out of the random women that flirted with me and tried to get me to sleep with them. Life just wasn’t getting back to normal at all and I had to figure out why. I had been happy at the ranch. Even if my back story had been made up, I was happy; and I wanted to feel like that again.
When Casey invited me out to drinks, I wanted to refuse, but decided it was time I made more of an effort to get out in society again. Casey wasn’t just my vice president; he was my friend and a fun night out was exactly what we needed.
Hanging out with Casey was different than hanging out with my other friends that I had been refusing since I had gotten home. Casey was a father and I knew he wasn’t interested in going out so we could pick up women. He had genuinely just asked me so we could relax, drink and catch up; that was exactly what I needed.
“You look like an old man lately,” Casey said over the club noise. “I swear you aged ten years while you were gone.”
“I feel like one. My body hurts more being here and not working out than it did lifting hay bales all day long.”
“I bet all that farm work kicked your ass.”
“It was a ranch, but yeah, it was hard work. I enjoyed it though. It’s surprising how much more enjoyment you can get out of life when you aren’t
always running around trying to make money.”
Casey just laughed at me. He probably thought I was joking, but I was being very serious. I didn’t enjoy my life nearly as much now that I was back home and it was stressing me out. I had to figure my way back to happiness and just didn’t know what the path was yet.
After being gone for a year, I had genuinely expected to be over the moon with happiness when I got home. But even the night I walked into my house again had felt totally empty. I had called up my sister on the phone and talked with her for hours, then made plans to visit with her the following weekend.
Seeing my sister in person had been a long time coming and I was glad that she had accepted my apology for being a giant ass over the years. She was my only true family that I had left and I was going to do a much better job of keeping in touch with her.
“Thanks for the bonus, man; my wife was so excited. I’m sure she thinks it means we can have more kids. Or maybe she’ll just buy and expensive purse,” he laughed.
“You don’t want a bigger family?” I asked.
“I don’t know, man. It scares me. How do I know I’ll be a good dad? I feel like I suck at it. She seems so perfectly inclined to be a mother, but I just don’t have a clue what I’m doing when it comes to being a dad.”
“Purely because you’re worrying about it means you’ll be good at it. You’ll be a kick ass dad. I mean, your daughter is like a year old already. You have to be doing something right.”
“Man, it’s a good thing my wife is a great mother. I was left alone with my daughter one night and I honestly didn’t know what to do with her. I sang Aerosmith songs to her until she fell asleep and I forgot to change her diaper the whole time.”
It was the truth; I firmly believed that Casey and his wife were amazing parents. It didn’t matter that he had forgotten to change his daughter, he could learn all of that as time went on. The important part of being a parent was loving your spouse and your children and Casey had that down. There was no question in my mind. Casey was a kind-hearted man who worked his ass off and never cut corners. The whole reason my company was still standing was because he had been in charge while I was away.
“Well, we’re already practicing for the next one, if you know what I mean,” Casey joked as he jabbed his elbow into my side.
“I can’t wait to be Uncle Malcolm again,” I laughed.
I wasn’t much of a drinker, but sitting there drinking beers with Casey did feel good. It was nice to have someone I trusted looking out for the company and I needed a night out to clear my head a bit. One thing that I never worried about while I had been away was my company. Sure, I occasionally thought of ideas and things that needed to be taken care of and I wanted to call or get in touch to tell Casey. But none of that mattered in the end. He had run the company with a profit that year and certainly had done a very respectable job of it.
“I heard you bought some houses for a couple guys you knew while you were away. That’s pretty good stuff right there,” Casey said.
“It was for the families of two men who were murdered. I also settled the lawsuit with Thomas Randal’s family for what they were asking: eight million.”
“Ouch; I don’t think Thomas would have been happy about his family suing you.”
“It’s all right. They are hurt by what happened and I want them to be able to move on. I met with his wife and we hashed things out. The settlement was the least I could do for her. I wished her all the best and she even hugged me when we signed the papers. I guess I can’t expect that she’ll forgive me for letting Thomas get involved, but hopefully her and her kids can move on now.”
“You didn’t force Thomas to get involved. He was an adult and made his own choices. You know you would have won that lawsuit if you had let it go to court? You should have taken them to court and kept your damn money.”
“I know. But it wouldn’t have felt like a win.”
“Well it was good of you to help those other two guys out. That was pretty messed up what happened to them at the ranch. Probably a pretty damn scary night.”
“It was. And they were good men. I made sure their families were taken care of, too.”
“Man, you’re just throwing your money away lately. Better be careful, you’ll end up poor and working on that ranch again,” Casey said as he started to laugh.
The funny thing was that I didn’t think of it as a bad thing if I was poor and working at the ranch again. I knew it would never happen, but my time at the ranch had been filled with positive memories. I wasn’t going to let the end of my stay there define my entire time on the ranch.
“I’m just trying to make up for being such a jackass before.”
“You’re not happy, I get it. But giving away all your money isn’t likely to make you happy. You’ve got to go after what you want and make it happen. Stop moping around and get after it. That’s the Malcolm I know.”
Casey was right; I was trying to make myself feel better by giving away my money but it wasn’t really working. Sure, I felt better for a few minutes, but then I went right back to wondering what the hell I was doing with my life.
I did hope that the money I was giving away was helping the people that worked for me and others that I had given it to. I hadn’t been the best of men before I had gone away and there was no way to change that. But I could be a better man moving forward and I hoped I was making better choices and doing a better job of showing people that I cared about them.
“Thanks, man,” I said as we ordered another round. “I think I need to make some changes, I’m just not sure what they are yet.”
“Well I’m here for ya. Just let me know what you need and I’ll make it happen. We can’t have a disenchanted head of our company if we are going to take over the world,” he laughed.
“You still think international is where we need to be?”
“Hell yeah. The few flights that we do internationally are huge money makers. I think we need to do a membership type program and allow everyday people to get in on the private jet world. We can have different tiers and they can buy in from a single flight up to unlimited flying. We have to be innovative and exciting if we are going to continue to grow.”
The excitement in Casey’s voice reminded me so much of myself when I had first started the company. I had so many ideas for it back then, so many things I was going to do once I hit it big. But when the company got big, I got wrapped up in the money and stopped getting excited about the potential. The innovation and change of the company was going to be how we stayed ahead of the competition and I was sure glad I had Casey on my team to help drive us to where we needed to be.
“Thanks, Casey; I needed to hear that,” I said.
“Let’s drink to it,” he said as he raised his glass and I followed. “To innovation and change.”
“To innovation and change,” I repeated as we banged our glasses together.
My mind spent the rest of the evening going over every possible scenario for my future and I started coming up with my own plans that were getting me excited. It wasn’t anything that people would expect me to do, but I was excited about it so that was all that mattered. My life had changed forever because of the time I had spent on the ranch. There was nothing I could do to take that time back and I didn’t want to. What I wanted was to find a way to merge my old life and my new one so I could feel happy again.
By morning I had sent off an email to my new assistant on all the things I needed her to take care of and I had a meeting scheduled for noon with the man that could make it all happen. Life favored the bold and I was about to be as bold as could be. I had sent a private jet out to gather the person I was meeting and hoped that he had actually gotten on the plane and would be waiting for me in the restaurant. Sometimes I came up with wild and crazy ideas that others didn’t really understand; other times I came up with ideas that others loved. I couldn’t wait to see what his opinion was on the plans I had for my future.
As I walked
into my lunch meeting, I had expected to feel some sort of regret or concern for the decision I was about to make, but I didn’t. Instead, I felt excited for my new plans and excited to see Sid Miller sitting in the restaurant waiting for me. His response to what I had to propose to him was going to make or break my future and I was extremely nervous as I made eye contact with him from across the restaurant.
“Now don’t you clean up nice,” Sid said as he got up and shook my hand.
“Thanks for coming,” I said as I sat down with him. “You look good too, Sid. How is Meredith? Is she still handing out those hugs to everyone?”
“Well, a man sends a private jet for you and it’s rude not to get on it. And yes, Meredith told me to give you a great big hug when I got here, so don’t tell her I didn’t do it.”
“I appreciate you coming. I know you’re busy back home.”
“That’s certainly true; spring is always a little exciting on the ranch. So how are you doing? Have you settled back into your life out here? I heard the news about the man you were going to testify against; that’s pretty amazing stuff. Really excited for you that it’s all over with.”
It was weird to be sitting with Sid and talking to him as an equal. In all my time on the ranch I had always looked at him as my boss, yet in that restaurant we were just two men having a lunch together. He looked at me with more respect than I remembered getting from him at the ranch, but I chalked that up to my fancy suit I had on that day. I knew Sid respected me and had done all that he could do to ensure I had been safe while on his watch.
“Things haven’t gone as well as I had hoped, but that’s why you’re here. I’m hoping you can help me out.”
“You know she’s still in love with you,” Sid said without me even asking about Sarah. “She pretends like she’s over you, but I know the truth. I can see it in her eyes.”
His words hit me like a sledgehammer and I didn’t know what to say. I had hoped that at some point during our conversation he would have told me how Sarah was, but I certainly couldn’t have expected to hear the words he was saying right then and there.