by Jill Knapp
“What do you mean by probably?” he asked, pulling a pair of gloves out of his pocket.
I pulled my scarf around me a little tighter. New York in December was unbearably cold. It seemed like every year it got colder earlier and stayed cold for longer. “Olivia was really down while she and Alex were broken up,” I explained. “She didn’t hand in her work-study papers until really late in the game. Now the professor is making her jump through hoops.”
Michael just nodded.
“So I’m done for the day if you want to go grab lunch or something,” he said. “My treat, to celebrate.”
I paused for a moment, unsure of what to do. I was meant to meet up with Hayden for lunch at the Shake Shack in Madison Square Park. I opened my mouth to speak and as if on cue, my phone buzzed with a message from him asking if I was on my way.
Michael must have noticed my apprehension, because he took a step back. “Hey, if you already have plans-”
“No,” I cut him off. “I’m free. Let’s just go somewhere around here, though. I’m freezing and want to get inside!” I quickly texted Hayden back and told him I had to stay late at school. I felt horrible; it was the only time I had ever lied to him. Apart from the giant lie of omission when it came to not telling him the whole story about Michael and me. But I reminded myself, more likely justified to myself, that we weren’t in a relationship. Besides, it was way too cold to have lunch outside by Shake Shack.
Michael and I found some spot that looked good for lunch and were seated in a booth by a window. I felt a bead of sweat roll down my back, anxiety that I might get caught. I shook myself out of it. Get caught doing what? Having lunch with my friend?
As I scanned the menu, the waiter materialized and asked us what we’d like to drink.
My nerves got the better of me and I ordered a glass of wine. Michael did the same.
“So,” he said. “Are you spending Christmas with Cassandra again this year?”
That was a really good question. Today was December 21st, a mere three days until Christmas Eve. By now I would usually know what time I was expected to arrive at her house. I would have already bought her gift at a Black Friday sale, and had it wrapped waiting for her. But this year she had yet to reach out to me, and I felt a little weird about calling her and inviting myself.
“Honestly, I don’t know,” I admitted. “Things have been a little tense with us these past few months, and I have no idea why.”
“Have you tried talking to her about it?”
“I have,” I said. “We got into a quasi-argument in a restaurant, but she told me it was neither the time nor the place and essentially walked out on me. She made a brief appearance at my birthday party and then spent the entire night on the phone. I haven’t seen her since.”
“I hope you two can work it out,” he grimaced. His brown eyes widened as his lips twisted and offered me a sympathetic half-smile.
“Me too,” I said softly. “But if we don’t, it looks like I am spending Christmas here by myself.”
“Your parents don’t celebrate, right?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“What about Hayden?”
“He actually has to travel for work,” I said. “I feel terrible for him. He’s leaving tomorrow and will be gone until New Year’s Day.”
“I’m sorry,” Michael cocked his head to the side.
“Don’t be!” I waved him off. “I have Home Alone and Love Actually on Blu-ray. I’ll be totally fine.”
“Well, sounds like you’ve got it all figured out then,” he laughed.
“Now if I can just figure out what to order,” I mumbled.
“You were right about Angela,” Michael said abruptly as he put down his menu.
“Right about what?” I asked, slightly caught off guard.
“What you told me, at the coffee house, you were right. She just wanted to hook up.”
I smiled and leaned my elbows over on to the table. “Does that bother you?”
“Are you a psychologist now?” he laughed. “No, I guess it doesn’t. I was just more surprised at how perceptive you are.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” I smiled.
The waiter brought us over our drinks and asked us if we were ready to order.
“I think we need another minute,” Michael said. The waiter nodded and disappeared. “How are things between you and Hayden?”
My head shot up from my menu. “They’re fine,” I said slowly. Michael had never asked about Hayden and me before.
Michael smiled and nodded and then returned to his menu. This lunch had gone from friendly to awkward in sixty seconds.
“Can I talk to you?” he said through another sigh.
“We’re kind of talking right now,” I let out a stream of nervous laughter.
The waiter came back around, but I just shook my head. He gave me a sideways look and huffed away.
“It’s just that,” he started, “I still think about you.”
“What do you mean?” I asked nervously, hoping he would elaborate more. The familiar myriad feelings started flushing in again. I took a sip of my wine, hoping to quell them.
“I just mean, I think about you,” he slid his finger along the rim of his wine glass.
Sometimes talking to Michael was like pulling teeth.
“I think about you too,” I admitted, although I wasn’t sure why.
“I really missed you while you were gone this summer,” he said, looking me dead in the eyes.
I felt a wave of heat wash over me. Why was it that every time I had eye contact with this guy, I lost all sense of self-control and reasoning? He was so attractive and suddenly my mind shut off. As if it was too tired to fight with my body any longer.
It was officially giving up.
“I’m not hungry anymore,” I whispered.
“Neither am I.”
We stared at each other for a moment and I swallowed hard. Michael threw down some cash, grabbed me by the hand, and we darted out of the restaurant. There were a few cabs idly waiting outside. We hopped into the first one that had its light on. As soon as I closed the cab door, Michael grabbed me and pulled me closer. I couldn’t control it anymore. I wanted him, and I had since the day I returned from Brazil. I kissed him, vehemently, like if I stopped he would suddenly disappear. Or I would wake up and realize this had all been a dream. He kissed me back with unleashed passion, completely ignoring the cab driver in the front of the car.
When we got to his apartment building, we smoothly walked past the doorman.
“Would you like your mail, Mr. Rathbourne?”
“Not right now, Jonathan,” he gave the doorman a small wave. I smiled politely, positive my lipstick was smeared halfway up my cheek.
As soon as we got inside the elevators, Michael lifted me up and pressed me against the wall. For a brief moment, I wondered why I ever stopped doing this. The elevator door opened and he grabbed me by the hand, making a beeline for his apartment. He fumbled with the keys for a moment, but lifted me back up the second the door was unlocked.
We made it to the couch before we were frantically pulling at each other’s clothes. I threw my coat and scarf across the room. Michael followed suit. I closed my eyes as he kissed my neck and unbuttoned my blouse.
“You are so sexy,” he purred in my ear. I lifted his shirt off in return.
The whole time, he never took his hands off me. Every movement was concupiscent. Passionate. As if we’d never get to see each other again after this encounter.
I looked down and noticed there were no more clothes to peel off. He smiled and lowered himself on top of me. Seconds later we were back to doing what we did best.
Screwing up my life.
Chapter 30
Olivia
“Dinner was delicious,” I said to Alex as he helped me take off my coat. “The restaurant was very crowded, though.”
“Better than McDonalds?” he said.
“Almost.”
<
br /> We had gone to a late dinner at Serafina, an Italian restaurant on the Upper West Side, and then came directly to the hotel. Alex looked extremely handsome tonight, wearing a classic black suit, crisp white shirt with the top button left undone, and no tie. A look not many men were able to pull off, but he did it with ease.
The suite in the hotel was just as beautiful as I pictured it. It was around 11:30 when we finally arrived. The housekeeping staff had already done turn-down service hours ago, leaving the lights dimmed and the drapes open just enough to see a panoramic view of Columbus Circle. Soft jazz was playing from a small speaker on an end table next to a mosaic lamp. On the coffee table, in the sitting-room area, was a bottle of champagne with a silver ribbon tied on it. I noticed there was a note attached. I crossed over to the table and examined the bottle.
“Compliments of the hotel?” I read the note. “Why would they give us a free bottle of champagne?”
Alex took off his suit jacket and hung it up in the closet next to my coat. “Because they know it’s a special night.” He glided over to the mini bar and retrieved two champagne flutes.
I kicked off my new Kate Spade shoes; my feet were killing me even though I had barely stood all night. I resolved in the New Year to get used to walking in high heels.
“Are you chiding me again for not wanting to go out and party on New Year’s Eve?” I laughed. “I’ll make it up to you, okay? I will dress like a slutty leprechaun on Saint Patrick’s Day. I’ll even bake you some green cupcakes. That sounds kind of gross, actually. Scratch that last part.”
“No,” he put his arms around me. “I am not giving you a hard time. I knew all along that you hated this holiday and that you wouldn’t want to go to some club.”
“So you’re psychic now?” I asked. “You going to open that bottle, or what?”
“In a minute,” he smiled. “I think there are probably some chocolates in the bedroom.”
He opened the double doors that led to the bedroom.
“This room is huge,” I exclaimed, taking it all in. “I think there are two bathrooms in here. This must have cost you a fortune.”
“Worth every penny,” he uttered. “Come sit on the bed.”
I walked into the bedroom and noticed on the bedside table was a bouquet of what had to be two dozen white roses. Next to that was a box of Godiva chocolates.
“Are those for me?” I asked. Alex just smiled. “They’re so beautiful.” I bent down to experience their wonderful aroma.
“You see, I knew you wouldn’t want to go out tonight,” Alex let out a soft chuckle. “In fact, I was kind of banking on it.”
“Why is that?” I asked, still admiring the flowers.
“Because I’ve had this planned since the night we got back together,” he said in a slightly shaky voice.
“Had what planned?” I turned around to face Alex and gasped when I saw that he was down on one knee. “Oh my God.” I spoke through my hands, which were covering my face. Suddenly it all made sense. The suite at an expensive hotel, the fancy dinner, the champagne, the roses. My eyes began to well with tears as I realized Alex was proposing to me.
“Olivia Davis,” he spoke softly and slowly. “I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. Being with you makes me feel more grounded and comfortable in my own skin than I ever thought possible. You are, without a doubt, my one.” He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a small black box. He opened it at the exact moment he said the words, “Will you marry me?”
Without even looking at the ring, I nodded my head. I kept nodding my head until finally I could utter a sound that resembled the word yes. Alex stood up and slid the ring on my left finger. It was gorgeous. From what I could tell, it was a one-carat, brilliant-cut solitaire set in what I was assuming was white gold. It was the prettiest piece of jewelry I had ever seen. And it was all mine.
Alex sat down beside me on the bed and reached for my hand. There were tears in his eyes.
“Are you crying?” I asked through my own sobs. I lightly stroked his dark-blonde hair with my fingertips.
“Can you blame me?” he laughed. “I love you, Olivia Davis.”
“Soon to be Olivia Carlson,” I couldn’t help but admire my ring. I cupped his face with my hands. “You are my one.”
“I am so fucking happy,” he said, inches away from my face. “I think it’s time for that champagne now.” He got up and darted over to the sitting area and popped open the champagne. It didn’t splatter everywhere but the sound was still loud enough to startle me. We were both laughing like children, knowing this was a night we would remember for the rest of our lives.
I floated over to him and as he poured me a glass of shimmering gold liquid I noticed it was snowing outside.
“This city really is magnificent, isn’t it?” I whispered. I walked closer to the window and watched the snow blanket Central Park and Columbus Circle. It was the most magical night of my life.
Alex stood next to me, champagne in hand and then checked his watch.
“Bored of me already?” I joked. ‘Oh, it’s going to be a long life together if you get bored this easily.”
He shook his head and then took a large sip of his champagne. He reached for my glass and put both glasses back on the coffee table.
“What are you doing?”
He put his finger softly up to my lips and then moved in closer. “Three, two, one. Happy New Year.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss. I kissed him back. When we were finished, we just stood there for a moment, wrapped in each other’s arms.
“I changed my mind,” I said, reaching for the remainder of my champagne. “New Year’s Eve is definitely my new favorite holiday.”
Chapter 31
Amalia
I spent the next week in hiding. Hayden had gotten home from his trip days ago, but I told him I was sick and it was best if I just stayed home to let it run its course. The more he offered to get me matzoh-ball soup from Junior’s, the more I hated myself.
Cassandra never did invite me over for Christmas. I checked her Facebook page a dozen times, going through her pictures with a fine-tooth comb. Growing angrier at each holiday photo that she tagged. Her whole family was in the pictures. The family I used to feel a part of.
I had two missed called from Olivia both complete with voicemails that I had yet to listen to. I heard my phone buzz and I pulled my blanket tighter over my face. Two seconds later there was a knock at my door.
“Ugh!” I shouted. “Go away.”
“Amalia?” said a voice. “It’s Olivia. Open up, I have to tell you something!” More urgent knocking.
I groaned as I carried my blanket with me to the front door. “I’m coming.” I dragged myself off the couch and made my way to the front door.
“Woah,” Olivia said, looking me up and down. “What are you doing?” she walked past me and sat on my Target couch.
“Please come in,” I mumbled. “I wasn’t doing anything. I was sleeping.”
She glanced at the clock on my coffee table. “It’s three in the afternoon.”
“So what?” I said, covering my head with the blanket. “We’re on break from school.” I sat down next to her on the couch and whipped the blanket off my face. “Alright,” I rubbed my eyes. “I guess there’s something I should tell you.”
“I have something to tell you too!” she beamed.
“Okay, you go first,” I offered.
“No, no. Go ahead.”
I pressed my palms to my eyes and shook my head. “I had sex with Michael.”
Olivia’s face went white, like I just told her I murdered a bunny rabbit. Her hazel eyes were as round as saucers and the complete look of disgust on her face only made me feel worse. I waited for her judgment. For her to tell me how horrible I was, like she did last year when she found out I was sleeping with him.
“I know!’ I threw the blanket across the room and unveiled the sweatpants I had been wearing for the p
ast three days. “I am a horrible person, okay? I’m an asshole.”
“You cheated on Hayden?” she uttered.
“Technically, no. We aren’t really in a relationship,” I muttered, as if that technicality made the situation any better.
“What are you going to do?” she asked, putting a supportive hand on my knee. “Are you going to leave Hayden? Do you want to be with Michael?”
I was surprised by her support. I had expected her to rip me a new one. “I honestly have no-” I started to speak, but then something caught my eye. I held up her hand that she had placed on my knee. “Oh my God, what is this? Are you and Alex engaged?”
A smile tugged at the ends of Olivia’s mouth until she looked as if she was going to burst. “Yes!”“And you let me go on and on about my infantile boy drama?” I asked with a smile. “Olivia! I am so happy for you!” I pulled her in for a hug. “When did this happen? And let me get another look at that ring! Wow, it’s beautiful.”
“Thank you!” she was absolutely glowing. “It happened on New Year’s Eve. We went out to dinner and then stayed the night in a hotel. That’s where he popped the question.”
I was genuinely happy for Olivia. But there’s something about people getting engaged that always makes you think about yourself. I realized that I had avoided Hayden long enough, and that he deserved to know the truth.
“So what are you going to do?” she asked.
I straightened up on the couch and smoothed out my hair. “First, I am going to take a shower. Then I am going to call Hayden and tell him what happened with Michael.”
“I think that’s for the best,” she said sympathetically. “But honestly, do you have feelings for Michael?”
“I do,” I said without hesitation. “I have feelings for them both.”
“Well, decide quickly so you know who to bring as your date to my engagement party,” she said. “Except Michael will probably already be invited because he’s going to be one of Alex’s groomsmen.”
I allowed myself to laugh. “You already booked a venue for an engagement party?”