The Beginning—A Duet: Ryder & Two Worlds Colliding

by Jani Kay

  He grabbed my arms and shook me. “Do you think I want to do this? Fuck, now I’ve found what I’ve been looking for all my fucking life? Do you have any idea how hard this is?”

  He let go of me so suddenly that I fell back against the pillows as he jumped off the bed. He grabbed his jeans and pulled them on, his jaw clenched with determination.

  “I’ve been grappling with this for fucking days now. Since the night your brother came to the compound. Since Cobra told me to let you go. Fighting every instinct in my body to run away with you.”

  “Yes. Yes, let’s do that. Fuck everything. Lets run away,” I said, hope grabbing hold of me for the first time since he’d said the word goodbye.

  He laughed, a bitter, sad laugh. “Oh, Princess. And after a while, when you grow tired of me? When I can't give you everything you deserve? What then? You will grow to despise me—even hate me.” Like a lion in a cage, he paced the room. I held my breath, watching him get a grip on his emotions. He stood in front of the window, staring out into the darkness. With his back turned to me, it was hard to know what he was thinking. My heart ached for him. And for me. How could I make him believe that all I wanted was him?

  His voice floated across the room. “It’s better this way. We’re from different worlds, and they can never intercept one another. Trust me on this—its best to say goodbye.”

  The bed dipped as he sat on the edge to pull on his socks. I crawled to the end of the mattress wrapping my arms around his torso, hugging him from behind. My heart was breaking, but there was nothing I could do to stop him. I knew he was stubborn. Tenacious. The more I begged, the more he’d be certain it was the right thing to do.

  “Baby, I’ll let you go because I know you’re struggling with this. And you won't be ready to accept my love till you’ve figured it out. I love you Ryder.” I stroked his chest with my fingertips.

  “I'm no good for you.” he murmured.

  “You, Ryder Knox, are a brave man. You were a fearless boy who grew up to be a spectacular man. A man worthy of love and happiness. And certainly worthy of my love.” Pressing my palm against his heart, I could feel it beating wild and fast.

  I had to convince him that I wasn’t judging him. “Your heart is good, because even though you did terrible things, your intentions were right. If placed in the same position, anyone who loved their brother as much as you do would’ve done the same.”

  His gruff voice had a hard edge. “I killed a man.”

  How could I melt his resolve? I let out a long slow breath, steadying my nerves as I continued. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Often, we are our own worst enemy.” I closed my eyes and placed my cheek on his back. “We’re hardest on ourselves. Even when others are willing to forgive us, we still beat ourselves up. It’s human nature.”

  “Bitch, you don’t know what you’re saying.” His voice was hard, cold, even. I knew he was hurting so badly that he needed to put up this front.

  “It’s OK, Ryder. You can pretend you don’t love me, but I know better. You’re just trying to protect me. It’s what you do best. And I love you even more for it. I believe in you.”

  He sucked in a breath.

  “I know we can make it work. All we need is love, and one another. I need nothing more than that. I don’t need material stuff. I need the love of a man who worships me. That’s what I want. You, Ryder.”

  He stiffened. Although he wasn’t saying a word, I prayed that he was taking it all in. He had to know how I felt about him, especially after divulging his past. He was damaged, and I wanted to help him heal. I'd spend the rest of my life helping him mend.

  “I'm not giving up on you. Ever. Take the time you need, go ride your bike to wherever.” Was I really telling him to go away? It was the last thing I wanted him to do. I sighed, weariness overcoming me. If only he wasn’t so stubborn.

  “Listen to your heart. It never lies. It knows all the answers. We were brought to one another for a reason—our worlds collided because we belong together. I love you, Ryder Knox. Everything you are—the good and the bad. I want nothing more—only your love. When you’re ready, I’ll be here. Because I’m never giving up on us.”

  He loosened my arms from around his waist and rose from the bed. He stood over me, looking down, his gaze drifting over my naked body—the body he had just fucked and was now rejecting.

  His eyes were hard. “Princess. You’re wrong. I don’t love you. You're a good fuck, I’ll admit that much.” His lips pulled into a snarl. “But I tire quickly of fucking the same woman. You were nothing more than a challenge. I needed to break that haughty uptight bitch down to size. Now I’ve done that, I'm satisfied.” He licked his lips.

  All I could do, was stare at him, stunned. My blood ran cold.

  “Go marry Marcus. He’s what a bitch like you deserves. I’m out of here. Thanks for the fuck tonight, I’ll put your notch on my bedpost.”

  How could he be so cruel? The stabbing pain in my heart was unbearable. I clutched the sheets in my fists, recoiling from his words.

  He laughed bitterly as he pulled his tee over his head and disappeared from my bedroom, the same way as he had appeared. Unexpectedly.

  If Ryder’s intention was to shred my heart as payback for judging him, he’d done a damn fine job of it.

  I was broken. Empty. Shattered.

  By Ryder Knox—the man I loved with all my heart.

  How fucked up was that?

  Chapter 23 ~ Ryder

  Razor slammed his fists on the table. “Fuck no! I don’t accept this shit. This is a truckload of crap and you know it.” He glared at his brother, nostrils flaring, fists balled as he challenged Cobra. “I won't have some smartass cop dictate my fucking life. No, and fucking hell no!” he roared.

  When Razor got mad, it was futile to attempt to calm him. It only fueled his anger. Besides, I was just as infuriated as he was. Brother’s bitches were always welcome at the clubhouse and compound, and now Cobra and the other patched members wanted to place a ban on new women coming in. They may as well have named them directly. We all knew it was Jade and Lexi that were the problem. All because of Jade’s fucking snooping brother.

  “Razor. Reel it in, man. It’s best for the club. For everybody.” Cobra gave Razor the death stare. He was asserting himself as president, and final decision-maker. “Sit down. Both of you.” He grumbled at Razor and myself. I hadn’t even realized I’d risen from my chair, I was that worked up.

  Cobra sighed. “It’s because Summers interfered with the weapons deal we had going with the Northern Commando MC that it went fucking sour. My informant also said Summers initiated the fucking raid by the LA Demons. Motherfucker Summers has a death wish. He was trying to get the two MC clubs to fight one another in the hopes we’d wipe each other out, and save him the trouble.”

  “I say we put a hit on the motherfucker. It’s time to get rid of him.” Razor’s solution to most obstacles was simply to get rid of the source of the problem. It usually worked for him, too.

  Drawing in a breath, I shook my head. “No. We can't.”

  Fuck. Months ago, I would’ve volunteered to be the fucking hit man. To cut him and let him bleed, slowly, for causing Cobra’s near death. But now . . . now that I knew that the motherfucker who was undermining all our club plans was Jade’s brother, I couldn’t allow it to happen.

  If only Summers were transferred to another division, if only he wasn’t Jade’s brother, and if only he wasn’t poking his fucking nose into club business.

  Even though I’d given Jade up, vowed never to see her again for her own safety and for my sanity, I knew it would crush her if her brother got killed. I couldn’t cause her that loss, and that immense pain after everything she had been through. There had to be a better way. I had to find a way around this that didn't mean that Harrison Summers had to die.

  It was fucking complicated. Since Jade had told me the story, I understood why the motherfucker was so hell-bent on stopping our arms deal. And wh
y he was as hard on the LA Demons and Northern Commando MC as he was on our MC. I even agreed that he had a fucking death wish. But I wasn’t going to be the one finishing him off. No fucking way.

  Razor removed his switchblade knife from its holster and started cleaning his nails with the sharp point. “I don’t care that we have to get a new bar bitch. That’s fine. But I want Lexi to be able to come to the club at any time.”

  ”Yeah. Me too.” Ox spoke up for the first time since the meeting had started. “Boss, have you forgotten that it was Lexi who actually saved the day when Summers and his squad came to the compound? If she hadn’t stayed behind to diffuse the situation with her cousin it could’ve gone off a lot worse. The fuckers would’ve turned the place upside down. You know they thrive on that shit. How many TVs have we had to replace over the years ‘cause those fuckers get their kicks out of smashing our stuff?”

  Watching in amazement, I chuckled—Ox and Razor were actually in agreement for once. They were both sweet on Lexi, that much was clear. But that only meant a different kind of war going on inside the club walls. Brother to brother. Fuck.

  As his VP, I had to stay on Cobra’s side. “Yeah, Lexi was smart to not make a getaway with Jade and Ratbag. I was surprised as fuck that she stayed. That does say a lot about her loyalty to the club. But, I also see where Boss is coming from. We can't risk Summers and his trigger happy bunch of fuckers coming back to look for them. Christ, that just gives him the opportunity to snoop. We provide the reason—he’s gonna take it.”

  Ox’s jaw dropped in surprise. He’d seen Jade leave my room that day, because nothing escaped Ox’s watchful eyes. And he knew we’d been fucking like rabbits in there. His wink over the pool table later that evening confirmed that he knew Jade was my woman.

  “Huh? Ryder—you don’t want your bitch to come over? What’s wrong with you man?” Razor groaned. He’d bargained on me being on his side in this argument.

  I shrugged. “Jade’s no longer my woman. I gave her up. It’s just better this way.”

  All eyes were on me now. Even Hammer, who was usually fiddling on his phone during meetings because he was bored, gave me his full attention. They knew I didn't give up easily if I wanted something. I could read the surprise on every face.

  “Fuck, brother. What happened?” Hammer asked. Of everyone, he knew how invested I was in Jade. He’d helped me do research on her and Marcus’s relationship when I thought she was going to go for the douchebag. Hammer was the one who’d told me about the party that night, when I just ‘happened’ to be there for Jade when she came rushing out. It was no fucking accident that I was there. I'd been stalking her for days, trying to decide what my next move would be, when she came storming from the building, shoes in hand, bewildered and in need of a dark knight to save her.

  When I realized what had happened and that she was running away from her so-called boyfriend, I couldn’t have been happier. I wanted to punch the fucker in the face, but he was screwed anyway. The bit I’d gotten to know about Jade, I knew she wouldn’t want him. And that’s why I decided to take her up Mulholland Drive. My time to claim what I wanted had finally arrived.

  And then, after finding happiness I didn't even know was possible, I had to let her go. Fuck. My heart ached so much that I wanted to ask Razor to cut it out with the pointy edge of that knife he was playing with now. Yeah, I didn't want to feel this pain. Fuck, I was better off being a fuck-‘em-and-leave-‘em kinda guy.

  I shrugged, shifting uneasily in my seat. “Don’t want to talk about it. All I can say is that I'm going for a long ride. I’ll be gone for around five weeks. I’ll go up north and talk with the Northern Commando MC. Give me time to clear my head, and work toward fixing the shit that went down.”

  The only way I was going to be able to stay away from Jade, as promised, was to put physical distance between us. I may as well be useful while getting out of LA. A trip up the coast to Seattle on my bike was just what I needed. The Northern Commando MC was based in Tacoma, and things needed to be smoothed over.

  “I’m coming with you, brother.” Before I could even reject his offer, Ratbag added, “I’ll be quiet. You won't even know I’m tagging along.”

  I nodded, grateful for the company, but I also knew Ratbag well enough to know he yakked worse than any woman. Yet I was grateful that I wouldn’t be alone. His unending nattering would keep my mind off Jade. I could only hope.

  Loving someone the way I loved Jade wasn’t for sissies. The real thing was way more painful than the indifference I’d always felt.

  I’ll never be the same old Ryder again.

  Jade had changed me, little by little as she consumed my body, my mind, my heart and now—my soul.

  It was because I loved her so much that I had to let her go. It didn't hurt any less. I mourned the loss of receiving her love.

  Yeah. I was truly fucked now. I loved the one woman I could never have.

  Our worlds had collided, and ripped us apart.

  Chapter 24 ~ Jade

  I managed to get through the fourth week without Ryder. Mia had been kind enough to let me know that Ryder had left for Seattle earlier and would be away for just over a month at a minimum. Maybe even longer, she’d said, because when bikers took to the road, there wasn’t any guarantee that they’d be back any time soon. Damn Ryder. He was trying to get distance between us, thinking that would solve our problem. We couldn’t even talk to one another. He’d turned his phone off—if anyone had a message for him, it had to go through Ratbag.

  I'd had a few conversations with Ratbag, trying to get Ryder to speak to me, but every time Ratbag let me know very apologetically that Ryder had gone silent and wasn’t talking to anyone—not even to him.

  If anyone had told me what torture it was to be separated from the man one loved, I wouldn’t have believed them, at first. It hurt like hell that Ryder didn't even want to speak to me. Just that one small thing—hearing his voice—would’ve made it so much more bearable.

  What was even worse was that I didn't even have a photograph of Ryder. I remembered how he felt, how he smelled, even his crooked smile. But the memory of what he sounded like was fading, and I was panic-stricken by the idea that I couldn’t remember his deep, soothing voice that melted my panties every time he spoke to me.

  “Jade, honey, I really don’t understand why you’re moving out of the family home right now, just to be in an apartment by yourself.” Mom wasn’t happy that I’d found my own place so soon. I’d used some of my investment money as a deposit and bought a cute two-bedroom apartment only a few blocks from Daddy’s offices. At least I had a totally valid reason—that I'd be closer to work. Because I was working longer and longer hours just to exhaust myself completely so that I’d tumble into bed at night and drift off to sleep from sheer exhaustion, and not be able to dwell on my dilemma with Ryder. While he was away, it was completely out of my hands—there was absolutely nothing I could do about it, so there really wasn’t any point in banging my head against a brick wall.

  “Mom, it’s exciting to have my own place. Isn’t that what you taught me all these years? To be independent, and stand on my own two feet? Well, that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

  “Mmmm, I just never thought you’d use that advice against me. You’re hardly eating as it is, so how do I know if you’re going to take proper care of yourself?”

  “You won’t. Unless we catch up for dinner on the weekends. It’s time to lose a few pounds of baby fat anyway. My birthday is in a few weeks, and its time I shake off my little girl image.”

  What Sylvia Summers didn't know was that I was looking forward to just moping around my apartment by myself, with a large tub of ice cream and my favorite book boyfriends. I could stay in my pajamas all weekend without anyone telling me it was unhealthy for a twenty-two-year-old woman to hibernate like that.

  Besides, if anyone else tried to fix me up with his or her best friend’s son, or organize another blind date, I’d freak the fuck out
. If I couldn’t have Ryder, I didn't want anyone else. I’d have my career and my novels to keep me going. Real life sucked, anyway. Nothing worked in my favor—I was disillusioned and alone. What I’d always dreamed about: a mansion with a pretty garden, servants, an adoring but successful and wealthy husband, and maybe a grandchild or two to keep my parents happy, was no longer important to me.

  I’d be happy with nothing other than Ryder’s company, and his love to keep me warm.

  But he doesn't love me.

  He used me to get revenge on my kind: upper-class snobs that looked down on the less fortunate, including biker types. He wanted to teach me a lesson, and boy, did he ever. I was nothing more than a challenge and a willing fuck to him. Now it was game over.

  I’d lost.

  Not only were my lifelong dreams shattered and disintegrated, but I’d lost the challenge against the rugged biker, and also the love of my life. Without a doubt, I could never feel for another man what I felt for Ryder. He’d snuck up on me, invaded my being, and now he was so much a part of me that I struggled to function without him.

  When my phone rang, I wasn’t even curious as to who was calling. It wouldn’t be Ryder. I'd come to accept that by now. He had drawn into his shell, and wasn’t coming out any time soon.

  It was Rebecca.

  “Hey, Jade. I'm coming to visit next week. I'm flying out of Germany on Thursday night, which means I’ll be in LA by Friday. So if you want to organize a girl’s night out for Saturday, it will be great. I’ve been working so damn hard that I’ve hardly had time to socialize. Invite a few of your girlfriends, too, if you want.”

  I really wasn’t in the mood to go out with anyone. I'd rather be alone in my new apartment, but I’d promised Rebecca that I’d entertain her while she was here. My cousin had been through some tough times herself. I wondered what had happened between her and the Frenchman, Alain—if they ever managed to patch things back together? She’d also told me all about her pesky but very handsome boss, and how he was trying to get into her panties although he was a married man.