by Jani Kay
“She remembered everything as if it were yesterday. Yet she had no concept of time. She thought you were still little boys. She made me promise to find you and Max, and to bring you to her. She was so excited to move to the new house, to start a new life. She didn't want to understand that years had passed, that her little boys were grown men. It was painful to watch.”
I swallowed hard. All these years, I’d hated Marianne for leaving us—not knowing what had really happened. Making assumptions. Wrong ones that had consumed me, and wasted half of my life.
My thoughts went to Jade. She had been right all along. I am worthy of being loved. My mother didn't leave me because she didn't love me. She had no choice in the matter. A fucking accident had taken that from her.
Sorrow built in me—a deep ache in my soul that couldn’t be soothed. Sorrow that I’d believed the worst of Marianne. Sorrow that I’d never tried to find her and seek the truth. And now it was too late. Just as I was beginning to understand unconditional love. My head pounded as it all sank in.
All those wasted years, feeling resentment and anger swirl in my belly. Pushing Jade away because I was afraid to lose her too. I was a fucking idiot.
With clarity born from a light-bulb moment, I knew I had to fight for Jade, now more than ever. I wanted what she offered. Unconditional love. Learning the truth of what had happened to Marianne was the turning point I so desperately needed.
“You spoke about your daughter. If I . . .if you . . . really are my father, then that means I have a sister?” Fuck, Max and I weren’t alone after all.
“A half-sister.” His eyes were hooded, and he looked even sadder—if that was possible.
“Bill?”
“She wants nothing to do with me. Came to the funeral and wouldn’t speak to me. Eva thinks it’s my fault that her mother died unhappily.”
“Eva. That’s a pretty name.” It was bizarre finding out about a sister I didn’t know existed.
Bill nodded. “She looks a lot like you. Same penetrating eyes. Dark hair. And . . . she’s stubborn. Smart too.” For a moment a smile flashed across his face. There was no mistaking how much Bill loved his daughter.
Silence fell between us for a few moments before Bill continued. “The guilt about you chewed at me, and I told Vivian everything, about my affair with Marianne that started while she was pregnant with your sister. We discovered the cancer just after Eva was born, so I kept the affair going with Marianne all through Vivian’s chemo treatment, too. When Eva found out about Marianne and . . . you, and my despicable behavior, she moved out of the house and refused to speak to me. She visited her mother during the day when I was at work. Even Christmas—”
I coughed and shifted uncomfortably in my chair. I didn’t know what the hell to say to that. We all had our fucking burdens to carry. In spite of being a music mogul, and with more wealth than he probably knew what to do with, William Ryder hadn’t had an easy life, either.
Jade’s words that night in her bedroom came into my mind: “We don’t always understand other people’s pain, Ryder. Just because we can't see it, doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting.” Her words were so true. I'd always imagined that the rich and famous didn't have the same problems that throwaway kids like me had. A wry smile twisted my lips. Fucking Princess. She was wiser than I ever gave her credit for.
“After Marianne died, I was even more determined to find you. I’d promised her I would. But it was more than that. Other than the few times I got to hold you as a baby, I never knew you. You are my son. I want to be part of your life.”
My brow knitted. Whoa. This was crazy talk. Did the man know who I was? VP of a biker club? Wanted by the cops? Criminal and killer?
There was no redemption for Ryder Knox. It was too late.
Besides, I'd make all the same choices again.
“Bill, your story is touching. But I don’t give a fuck. I grew up with the only family I ever knew. The Scorpio Stinger MC is my family. They saved my life. Not you and a half-sister I never laid eyes on. Go back to your glamorous lifestyle. I'm sure some pussy will take up the slack soon and bring you happiness.”
I got up to leave.
“I’m surprised you didn’t change your name. If you hated Marianne so much, why didn’t you?”
“Because I am who I am. Changing my fucking name wasn’t going to change my fucking life. I don’t apologize for who I am.”
***
Shaken by learning that I hadn’t actually killed my own father as a kid, I had to reassess my whole outlook on life. The biggest burden I'd carried subconsciously for more than twenty years, was that I was spermed by a man such as Tiny—a brutal monster who could lay into an innocent child, and want to kill him because he was rejected by his mother when she chose other men over him. Even though those choices had nothing to do with the child, the fact that he could take out his vengeance and hatred on an innocent boy like Max frightened me. I'd always wondered, waited for that evil streak to come to the surface, and make me just as evil as Tiny.
Thinking back, I was under the impression that even Tiny believed that he’d fathered me; we’d never bonded, and I'd never felt a connection with the man. From Bill’s story, Marianne was aware that Tiny wasn’t my father, yet she never corrected him. Or me, for that matter. Why would she have kept such an important thing from me? I'd never know, now that she was dead. I couldn’t ask her the millions of unanswered questions that ran through my mind.
Also, I didn't understand what exactly William Ryder wanted from me. Wasn’t it too fucking late to try and build a relationship with me? Anyway, once he learned about the life I’d led, it guaranteed that he’d quickly disappear again. And this time, it’d be his choice. I shrugged. Why the fuck was I born under such unlucky stars?
Even worse: why was the universe still fucking with me? Showing me what could’ve been with Jade and with William, and then ripping it from me, and laughing in my fucking face?
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Some things were never meant to be understood.
Chapter 27 ~ Ryder
I checked my phone for the address. Yep, I was at the correct hotel. I whistled through my teeth when I entered the lobby. This was fucking flash. I would feel like a fish out of water if I stayed in a fancy place like this. My little brother had to be raking in the cash to send an employee to stay in a glitzy place like this. I bet it had fucking gold taps and orgy-sized baths, just like the house we’d rented in Beverly Hills.
The staff members were giving me the hairy eyeball. They clearly thought just as I did: that I didn't belong here at all. I’d bet every surveillance camera in the fucking place was staking me out. I bet they were just waiting for me to make a wrong move before they kicked me to the curb.
I sat in a large puffy chair and ordered a beer. There was no crime in that, was there? I took my phone from my pocket and stared at the photo of Rebecca that Max had sent me. Yeah, I could see why Max was so into this woman—except for the flaming red hair, she reminded me of Jade. Especially her smile. It made my fucking balls ache.
The waiter’s eyes popped when I said he could keep the change from the fifty-dollar bill I’d used to pay for the beer. That should shut him the fuck up, thinking that because I was dressed in jeans, sported a few tattoos, and had a ponytail, and heavy biker boots that I couldn’t afford an overpriced beer in an overpriced hotel. He was, after all, the one working for wages and tips, so I didn't understand why he was so quick to turn his fucking nose up at me.
My ears prickled at the sound of laughter floating across the vast space from the direction of the elevators. Fuck, I'd know that laugh anywhere. It sent a pang through my heart as my chest grew tight. Fuck me if it didn't sound just like Jade.
I looked up, and straight into curious green eyes. Rebecca. Why had her laugh sounded just like Jade’s? The beautiful bitch drew in a sharp breath when she saw me, as if she recognized me. Fuck, Max didn't tell her I was playing bodyguard, did he? I wasn’t happy about be
ing her fucking babysitter, but at least he could’ve spared me the embarrassment of her knowing about it.
Before I could curse Max, she turned away, quickly walking in the opposite direction. How she walked so fast in those ridiculous fucking high heels, I'd never understand. Her legs went on forever. Max would be shitting himself if he saw how short her dress was, and how fucking hot she looked.
Next thing it was me sucking in a breath. Fuck me running, if she wasn’t embracing a woman that looked just like Jade.
Fuck; it was Jade.
Dressed to kill in a short dress that hugged her body—the body that was mine—in all the wrong places, pushing her tits up and exposing her long legs atop equally ridiculously high heels.
She looked so fucking hot, I wanted to grab her by the hair and pull her into the nearest cave and fuck her till she was screaming my name.
Then it hit me: she’d dressed up like this—sexy as hell—for a night out with Rebecca. How did she even know Rebecca? As far as the info that Max gave me went, she had never been to LA before. I clenched my jaw as I shoved my fists into my pockets. Fuck. Clearly Jade had moved on. Clearly she wasn’t staying home pining for me. Clearly she was ready and willing to pick up men tonight.
Did she have a new boyfriend? Had she listened to me and taken Marcus back? Suddenly I cursed that I'd left LA, and that I'd not kept up with what was going on in her life. I'd assumed she’d be home, waiting for me to come to my fucking senses. What I didn't expect was to see her all dressed up, ready for a night out on the town. Fuck. A jealous rage consumed me, and the concierge jumped when he heard the feral growl I let out. Every primal instinct in my body to rush over and claim her was fighting with my common sense.
If Max couldn’t control his bitch, that was one thing. But my woman? There was no way in hell I was letting any motherfucker touch her. I wanted to punch all these rich fuckers who were staring at her now, and rip out their fucking eyes.
Rein it in, Ryder. Fuck, I was acting like a jealous out-of-control monster.
My mission tonight was to follow and watch over Rebecca, and keep her out of harm’s way. And fuck, if I didn’t find Jade when I least expected it. I wasn’t ready to see her yet, and especially not like this, as if she had moved on and forgotten all about me. That stung.
“Lexi! Oh my God!” I heard Rebecca scream her name and run toward the sliding door, throwing herself at Lexi. What the fuck?
As I watched, my eyes wide, it struck me. If Lexi was Jade’s cousin, maybe Rebecca was too? Was it possible? Shit.
Three pairs of killer pins and melt-your-heart smiles, all in the same room, was hotter than most men could handle. But I only had eyes for one woman: Jade. Seeing her laugh with her cousins was great, yet I wanted to be the one she was enjoying herself with.
They hooked their arms into one another and strode out of the hotel lobby, leaving every man watching them wishing he’d been invited along. Fuck, I was going to have my work cut out for me. Maybe I needed a wingman?
I quickly followed them outdoors, ensuring that none of them saw me. I jumped onto my Harley just as they got into a cab and pulled away from the curb. I'd be fucked if I lost them.
We weaved through the traffic. I stayed two cars behind the cab, just in case he’d been watching too many movies, and suspected that he was being followed.
The cab stopped in front of an imposing building with the sturdy bouncers at the door, and the women tumbled out of the vehicle laughing, and clearly in good spirits. I saw Lexi put a hip flask into her purse, and cursed. Fuck; they were already drinking, in the cab no less. I definitely needed backup. I quickly dialed Ratbag’s number.
“Brother, I need your help tonight. Come down to Santa Monica—to that new club that opened last week. Yeah, our new client’s place.” I nodded my head, even though Ratbag couldn’t see me. Funny; only a few weeks ago, before my trip to Seattle, I’d negotiated a protection deal with the new owners of the club. It was tough opening a new club if you didn't have the right people in your corner. There was always someone who wanted such a venture to fail, and they’d go to great lengths to prevent new competition from succeeding.
Over the years I’d seen theft, set-ups with drugs, and even murder. For a relatively small cut of the profits, our MC trained the bouncers, and provided protection to the club and its owners. And, since the arms deal went sour, Cobra had used his smarts to think of different ways to raise money for the club that were less dangerous. Make no mistake, this protection racket was as dangerous as any other job. There were always a few trigger-happy crazies that shot their way out of trouble. I knew the type—greedy and unforgiving. They wanted money and power at all costs. Nothing was sacred, or too high a price for them to pay.
Lexi flashed a card at the bouncers and the burly man opened the door to let the three women straight in. A few boos from the people standing in the long line only made her flash them her ass. Fuck, she was sassy. I watched as she lifted her skirt, exposing her perfect creamy orbs covered only in a neon-yellow thong to the crowd. The guys cheered, wolf whistles filling the air along with throbbing music from the inside of the building. I smiled as one bitch swatted the arm of her man for grinning lasciviously at Lexi’s ass. Man, I felt for him, ‘cause if it weren’t that I was in love with the blond bitch, I’d so tap that sexy ass.
I was in love, not blind . . . and the way the bouncer guy was grinning at Jade made my blood boil. I recognized the fucker; he was one of our picks for the job. Right now, I wanted to slam him in the nuts for eyeing my girl. I swallowed hard as Jade smiled sweetly back at him and he guided her by the elbow into the club. Fucker. There was no need to touch her. My fists opened and closed of their own accord.
“Hey, Ryder. Chill, man.” Razor’s voice cut through the noise. “Ratbag said you needed some help with some Sheilas. Well, here we are, brother. What a great assignment.”
Fuck. Just what I needed. Razor was going to go ape-shit when he saw that Lexi was here, flashing her ass at strangers. I rolled my eyes at Ratbag—didn't he understand I wanted him to come alone?
Ratbag shrugged as if he comprehended my annoyance. “Razor overheard our conversation. He insisted on coming. Said he was going crazy at the compound.” Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all . . . these three women were going to be a fucking handful.
“Where’s the action, brother? I'm ready to meet these bitches.” Razor flexed his muscles, and a few single ladies in the line called out to him. Usually I played along, but I wasn’t in the mood for Razor’s antics. I needed to find the women. I needed to keep Razor on track.
“Hey brother, Lexi’s in there, with Jade and Rebecca, my brother’s woman. We don’t have time for this shit now.”
Razor’s head jerked up. His eyes narrowed. “Lexi?”
I laughed. All I needed was one word to get his full attention. I quickly explained the whole situation to the guys, and that we should keep a low profile and watch from a distance. He groaned as I made myself clear that we were observing only. Now I knew why I didn't want Razor here—he was hot-headed, and didn't follow instructions easily.
“Clive,” I greeted the burly man at the door. He recognized me immediately, and moved over so that we could enter. I liked when a man knew his place.
Once inside, it took a minute to adjust my eyes to the relative darkness. Clive clearly understood why we were here and indicated to the mezzanine level. I looked up, and saw that the women had settled at a table and had ordered drinks. Already, a few men were leering at them. Razor growled again. Fuck, it was going to be hard to keep him calm and in check.
I watched Jade stand by the railing, cocktail in hand, her body moving rhythmically in time to the music. My cock jerked as I imagined being inside her, moving in sync with her. Fuck, she was beautiful, even from this distance. I could see the smile on her face. Rebecca and Lexi joined her, and the three of them started bumping hips, and swaying their asses. Jade emptied her glass and placed it on the table. She mea
nt business. She lifted her arms above her head, closed her eyes and really got into it. Fuck. I'd never seen her dance like that before, and my cock strained against my jeans. I saw the grin on both Razor and Ratbag’s faces too. Razor adjusted his cock, groaning as he did.
But we weren’t the only men here enjoying the spectacular show. Waiters started appearing with drinks, and gesturing toward surrounding tables. The girls waved in the general direction of their sponsors as they accepted the beverages. From strangers. Fuck. Jade was getting the spanking of her life for that once I got back with her. Didn't her parents teach her about fucking stranger-danger? And her cop brother? Jesus. Harrison would have a heart attack if he knew what was going on. Suddenly, I had empathy for the guy. Never having a sister, I didn’t have to worry about shit like this.
But then I remembered–I did have a sister. OK, a half-sister. All of a sudden, I really wanted to meet her. It came from nowhere, and hit me like a ton of bricks. Yeah, I wanted to meet my sibling—it would be nice to not be the eldest child for a change.
A few more songs in, and the girls had a full audience. Guys were standing around, clapping in time to the music, spurring on the girls to dance even more seductively. I had to hold on to Razor as Lexi grinded her ass against one dude’s pelvis. I was sure the fucker was hard, and she seemed to enjoy the show.
What I saw next nearly drove me insane. A tall fucker wearing a cowboy hat strode over as if he owned the fucking joint, and placed his hands on Jade’s waist. She smiled up at him seductively, and placed her hands over his as she gyrated her hips in time to the music. I couldn’t tear my fucking eyes away. It was sensuous as hell, but it should’ve been my hands on her hips, not some random fucker’s.
I was in two minds about what to do, when Cowboy’s hands slid up over her ribs, and his thumbs brushed over her tits. Jade’s arms slipped around his neck and she leaned in, pressing her tits against his fucking chest. Alarm bells went off in my head, clanging so loudly that it gave me a headache. Jade liked the fucking cowboy; she was openly flirting with him. There was no fucking way I was going to be able to stand here and watch it for much longer. Jealously raged through my body, my heart twisting in agony. Fuck.