by L. J. Stock
I was dancing between two girls. They were obviously as new to the scene as I was, they didn’t have the gray pallor or sunken cheeks of the other junkies. They were both more than happy to share me, apparently, their bodies pressing against mine in a tangle of limbs, teasing me as well as one another. The sweat and friction were sending shooting tingles of need through my body, making me horny as hell. There were hands everywhere, the touches only making everything feel more surreal. Then, between one blink and the next, the girl in the front was gone, and in her place stood Jessica.
It was like a slap in the face, going from something that was so pleasurable to being faced with a regret. My dick shriveled as I stared down at her. It made my high drain into the negative space I'd tried so hard to avoid.
"We need to talk, Walker,” she said loudly, her hands planting themselves on her hips.
"Not now, Jess," I shouted over the music, pushing back against the girl still writhing behind me, my grin growing as her lips danced over the nape of my neck. I tried to ignore the angry glare of the woman in front of me and concentrate on the hands of the girl touching me. It was much more agreeable.
"Yes, now," she growled, shoving the girl behind me away and grabbing my hand in her sweaty one. I genuinely didn't have the strength or energy to put up a fight. My body felt like a balloon caught in the grasp of a bad-tempered child.
She towed me, once again, to one of the bedrooms upstairs and pushed me to the bed, my arse bouncing as I glared at her and attempted to get back on my feet. She pushed me down again, both hands planted on my shoulders as she bent over, her face in mine, her scowl distorting her features. Even high, I was reminded why I would never go there with her again. The gritty sensation started to come back, my skin feeling itchy as I started to trip.
“What the fuck do you want? There ain’t no repeat performances, love.”
She smirked like she was holding my balls in her hand. But then again, maybe she was.
“What?”
“Ethan, I'm pregnant."
My laughter was immediate. I’m not quite certain if it was nervous laughter or laughter born of sheer terror. It came in a swift burst, my head thrown back as my hands slapped at my thighs. I wasn’t actually sure I was going to manage to stop, except the memories of that night came flooding back, and I realised that, like a fool, I hadn’t used anything.
Then it wasn’t so funny.
I thought I’d pushed to my feet, but when I looked down my arse was still on the bed. It was only my mind that had been smart enough to vacate this living hell and retreat into some alternate version of reality. That was about the time my feet started to itch with my need to flee.
“Did you hear me, Ethan?”
Oh, I heard her alright, but rather than responding civilly, a sneer curled my lips and I stared at her in disgust. I despised her. In that moment, I gained perfect clarity of the person that was stood in front of me. She was lying. My belief had rung with such conviction that I just stared at her, waiting for her to dig her own hole.
“By that look of abject horror, I’d say you heard me just fine.”
“You need a shovel there?”
“Excuse me?” she snapped, hands on her hips as her body leaned forward. “And what is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re a liar.”
“And why would I lie about something like this?”
“Because it’s the only way you think you can trap me. I’m high, not a fucking moron, Jess. It ain’t happening. The fact is, even if you were pregnant, I wouldn’t touch you. I’d do what I had to for the kid, but you would be nothing.”
“Oh, bloody hell, Walker. Could you be anymore conceited? You think I want you?”
“I know you do,” I said, pushing up and looking down on her. “You want me to believe a word you say? You get a sealed pregnancy test and piss on it while I’m in the room. If it’s positive, we’ll move onto a paternity test. I don’t trust you, you skank little whore.”
“What a way to speak to the mother of your child,” she snapped, leaning in. I could smell the tang of cigarette smoke on her breath, and the closer I got, the more obvious her saucer-like pupils became. She was lying. My instincts were right on, and if they weren’t, well I had some ammunition against her.
“You’re high.”
“So are you,” she said defensively, her hands trying to force me to sit again. Unfortunately, for her at least, she would never get me in that position again. I would never give her the power to lord something over me.
“I’m not the one who is supposedly pregnant. Check mate, you little bitch.”
I didn’t wait for her to attempt to defend her actions or validate her behaviour. The only thing that I needed to know was already out in the open. She was a liar. I pushed her out of my way and headed to the door, throwing it open and staring into the faces of two girls that had been stood there with their ears pressed against the door.
“Move,” I barked, pushing them aside and almost walking into the couple snogging behind them.
The whole place was suddenly closing in on me, making me feel claustrophobic. I could hear Jessica calling my name from the room, but my feet didn’t stop. They propelled me forward and down the stairs where the cloying smoke and music formed a throbbing fog around me. I couldn’t breathe. Pushing through the bodies, I headed toward the kitchen, where there was a veritable array of drugs and alcohol all laid out for consumption.
I didn’t deviate from what I knew, when I so easily could have. Instead, I stuck with my drug of choice and took another ecstasy tab. I needed that happy high that it normally gave me, but I just found myself falling into a bad trip. The emotional black hole I'd suffered when I was sober coaxed me toward it until I was trembling and sweating. Grabbing the counter, I let my body slide down, my arse hitting the ground with a thud while my hands grabbed my temples. I was settling in for the long haul. I wasn’t going anywhere until the bad trip was over with and I knew it.
“Ethan?”
Slumping into the corner, I looked up into a familiar face. One I knew but hadn’t ever spoken to in the past. Rhiannon, Jessica’s best friend, was looking down at me with concern, her hand on her neck as she looked around us like this should have been something that would alert others. I wouldn’t have blamed her for walking away, but she didn’t. Instead, she grabbed a clean dish cloth and rushed to the sink, wetting it under the stream while her eyes stayed on me.
Sinking to her knees next to me, she slid the wet cloth along the back of my neck. Our bodies moved in synchronicity until I was curled up on the floor with my head on her lap, while she cooed and drew out the inexplicable heat from my body with gentle squeezes of her hand over the dish cloth. All of the negative energy seeped away, rolling into a fuzzy ball in the pit of my stomach.
“Feel better?” she asked quietly.
“Much. Thanks.” I was feeling like a complete arse, so it came across like a grumble. This was Jessica’s best friend; it felt like I was getting in bed with the enemy. Rhiannon was as different to Jess as chalk is to cheese. She was a sweetheart, didn't drink, didn't do drugs, and she tried as best she could to keep Jessica out of trouble. I really couldn't understand why she'd stuck around as long as she had. Jessica treated her like shit, but Rhiannon was determined to fix her.
“I warned her. I told her it was a stupid idea. She thought you just needed a little nudge in the right direction, but she cut off her nose to spite her face again. I’m so sorry.”
“I figured it out, Rhia. She’s fucking high.”
“I thought she might be. Whatever her faults, I don’t believe she’s that much of a shit to get high when she’s pregnant. Even if she did need Dutch courage. Ethan, since you two…” She trailed off and blushed adorably. “Well, she’s become obsessed.”
“I never intended to have sex with her, Rhia.”
“I know that, Ethan, and it’s none of my business, but this fake pregnancy was the final straw. She and I go
t in a huge fight about it.”
“If the two of you are fighting, why are you here? It’s not exactly your scene.”
“A few months ago, I would have said the same about you.” She shook her head and brushed her hair from her face, her hand giving my neck another squeeze. “I… I came to warn you about what she had planned. She was going to take advantage of you while you were in a dark place. I couldn’t stand by and watch that happen.”
She avoided my gaze and looked anywhere but at me, even as her hands continued to stroke and coax a happier high from my muddled mind. She was hiding from me, and had I not been floating three foot above my body, I’d like to think I would have seen it.
“You came to warn me?” I repeated the only part of the sentence that resonated with me and grinned. I’d never spoken much to Rhiannon, but I liked her. Not as in sexually attracted, though she was untraditionally beautiful, she was awkward in her own skin; but as in she was a genuinely nice person and it was impossible not to like her. She was also beautiful, in a way that was intriguing. She had a reputation from hanging out with Jessica, but I knew better. Even with this almost as an androgynous quality and my appreciation for her looking out for me, it didn't excuse what I did next.
Lifting my hand, I hooked it around her neck and pulled her in for a kiss.
Her squeak of surprise died quickly as I swallowed it. There was a moment she pulled back, the question clearly in her eyes before I pulled her in again. Her lips were as soft as silk, full and plump. Her breath was minty with a hint of chocolate, and her tiny hands felt so warm as they circled my neck.
"I shouldn't," she whispered against my lips, the end of the sentence cut off as I slid my tongue between her lips. She was right that we shouldn't, but my need for physical gratification started to take over.
Sitting up, I pulled her into my lap, her body pliable against mine, her hands tangling in my hair.
She surprised me. Her kiss was as impassioned as mine, and when she pulled away breathless, she left me wanting more. My eyes met hers and held them, the sight of her tongue brushing her bottom lip suddenly going straight to my dick.
“Jesus, Rhia.” I lifted one hand, my knuckles tracing lightly over her blush as we sat there just staring.
“What. The. Fuck?”
Rhiannon’s gasp of shock came long before my recognition kicked in and I realised the voice and incredulity had belonged to Jessica Gregory.
“I can’t… How could you, Rhia?”
“Jess, I–“
She never got to finish that sentence. Jessica was already storming from the kitchen, her fuzzy hair bouncing behind her. Rhiannon was struggling to get to her feet, her hands pushing against my chest, her eyes imploring me to let her go.
“Ethan, please.”
“I get it, but you need to listen to me. I don’t belong to anyone. I most certainly have never belonged to Jessica Gregory. I have no interest in her and never will. You know where I am if you want to find me.”
She blinked a couple of times in surprise before a smile lit up her face. "Thank you.”
I nodded and released her hand, watching her disappear into the crowd just beyond the kitchen. I should have just let her go for good, but she became a quest for me after that. From one kiss, I'd seen what she'd never have said out loud.
She was a virgin.
She had this precious gift, and I wanted it.
I’m certain Rhiannon was avoiding me after that party. It normally would have bothered me, but the side effects benefitted me exponentially more. It meant that Jessica Gregory wasn’t around either. This inevitably led to more drug taking because there was no vulnerability to be taken advantage of.
Whether I saw it or not, I was falling into a dark abyss and I had no way of digging myself out. Excuse after excuse came to mind when I had a moment of clarity or coherence. Just one more because it was a shitty night. One more wouldn’t hurt…
The only other thing that haunted my mind was Rhiannon and the innocence that shone from her. I felt like a magpie focused on something shiny. It wasn't as though I'd been pining for her in that time. Plenty of women had come and gone in my drug-hazed lust. However, that little cherry, ripe for the picking, had stayed on my radar.
Maybe that’s why I was so happy to see her the one night I was forced to be somewhat sober to hang out with Scott. It was Halloween, which meant we had a party to be at. One that had grown more and more explicit as the years passed. It was the night we saw all our old mates from school. I wasn’t sure why it hadn’t stopped, not that any of us complained.
I’d never seen Rhiannon at one of those parties before, but the moment we walked in, I was drawn to her. There she stood in a black leotard, a knee sock stuffed and pinned to her arse and some ears sitting lopsided on her head. I kept my eyes on her from the moment I entered, all the way through grabbing beers, and as I headed to a corner where Scott checked out the tits and arse on display.
“She’s not bad, mate,” I said, after an hour of his frustrated mumbling about stale beer, the stink of sweat and sex, and the lack of girls. I agreed with him, mostly, but I had an ulterior motive
“Where?”
I pointed toward Rhiannon’s mate and took a mouthful of beer.
“Yeah, but look who she’s with. Where Rhiannon is, Jess ain’t far behind, or the other way around.”
“Way I heard it is the two of them ain’t mates anymore. Some lad Jess had her eyes on made a move on Rhiannon.” I smirked and drained the beer I was drinking, throwing the cup at some fucked up lad who was crawling toward the kitchen.
“Really?” Scott looked over at me and his smirk matched mine. “Can’t think who that would have been.”
“Bitch said she was pregnant. Turnabout is fair play, lad.”
“You’re gonna fuck her, aren’t you?”
I shrugged in response. I wasn’t sure she would let it get that far, but I had to try.
“Fuck it, I’ll be wingman.” He slapped my chest, threw his plastic cup at the same lad as I had, and headed toward the strawberry blonde with huge tits. Yeah, he was real hard done by.
As it turned out, the girl knew who he was and was more than happy to be his plaything for the night. Rhiannon? She was a little more skeptical, nursing her drink and moving from foot to foot while trying her hardest not to make eye contact with me.
It took almost thirty minutes for me to engage her in conversation, and even then it started out with hostile intent and only because her friend had abandoned her.
“What are you doing here, Ethan?”
The corner of my mouth turned up in humour, but I schooled my muscles back into place. I was a little drunk and had a fading high buzzing around inside me. Control was still slippy in my grasp, but it was there.
Spreading my arms out, I looked around and back at her. “Here? As in the Halloween party I come to every year?”
“Oh.” She lifted her hands to grasp her cheeks, her thumb knocking the ears off center. They were so adorably lopsided, but my fucked up brain needed them straight. When I reached out to fix the problem, she batted my hand away, her cat claws scratching against my skin. “Ethan, stop!”
“Easy there, tiger. Just fixing your ears.”
“They’re fine as they are.”
“Maybe if you had your head tipped to the side.” I snorted, batting her hand aside and straightening her ears. If I was a decent kind of guy, I would have pulled my hand away and left her alone, but in that moment, that wasn’t who I was, so I cupped her cheek and looked down at her as though she were made of porcelain.
“Ethan.”
“Why?” I asked in a stage whisper so she could hear me over the music. “You know I can see the want in your eyes. So why not?”
Rhiannon sighed and looked around the place. Grabbing my hand in hers, she towed me through the sea of bodies all writhing to the music that surrounded us. She picked up a coat from somewhere and burst through the doors into the freezing night where the f
og from her breath held all of my attention.
“Ethan, are you high?”
“No, just one beer too many.” Truth.
“Why do you want me? Am I some form of retribution to Jess? Am I your way of getting back at her for lying to you?”
“Not at all.” Truth.
“Then why?”
“Rhia, you have no idea how captivating you are, do you?” Truth again. “All I want is the chance to get to know you.” Half-truth.
“Stop it. Please. You’ve never even noticed me before, Ethan.”
Dropping my hand to hers, I gave it a squeeze and nodded to a bench in the garden. Once we sat, I stared at her for a while, the words tumbling in my head and forming together to find another truth to give her.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t notice you. More that I spent so much effort avoiding Jessica, and you were always with her. How was I supposed to notice you?”
I was getting good at twisting conversations in my favour. It wasn’t something I would be proud of years later, but in those moments, I was patting myself on the back, knowing I was luring her in.
I watched eagerly as she rubbed her face in confusion, so many questions filtering behind those brown eyes. I straddled the bench and dragged myself closer, my chest pressing against her arm.
“Ethan, she’s my friend.”
“Bullshit.”
Rhiannon’s look of shock couldn’t be misinterpreted even in the muted light from the house. Her big eyes studied me forever before she finally blinked and looked down at her hands. It was baptism by fire. I was actually going to be fucking honest with her about what I thought of her friendship with Jessica.
“She was the only person who would talk to me. She stopped people from picking on me when I moved here.”
“Rhia, have you considered the only reason people gave you a hard time is because of your taste in friends? Jessica moved here with her reputation in tow. No one expected anything of her other than what they already knew of her, and she delivered. You had a clean slate but the moment you were under her wing, you were tarred with the same brush.”