“Who cares what I call him? He doesn’t understand any of us. He can’t even string two words together. He probably started something with the wrong person.” I knew I was lying to her. He understood everything I said to him. He even responded back. He had promised. I didn’t hate him. I just wanted him gone from my home and out of my life.
“You still don’t get it, do you? Your mom would have—”
“My mom should have been here, but she’s not because someone was driving too fast and couldn’t keep control of the car. My mom is dead because of you! We did what we could, and like you said the rest is up to him. I don’t care if he has to sleep outside on the street. I want him out of my house!” It took everything I had left in me to keep my composure, thinking about my mom. A knot was forming at the back of my throat, and I swallowed, trying to push it back down. I crossed my arms as tight to my body as possible, keeping the tears at bay. I had not just lashed out, but had completely hit below the belt, and it showed.
I could see she wanted to cry as badly as I did. She tried a few times to talk, but every time she opened her mouth, she closed it again to rethink what she was going to say.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. I’m so sorry you thought that this whole time and didn’t say anything. Every day, I wish I could bring your mom back. I wish I could have taken her place. I just can’t let her death be in vain. She had worked so hard for what she believed in, and I thought you would feel the same way. Please, just give me a chance to explain? I’ll tell you everything, and if you still want him to leave, I will help get Job out of the house tonight. Just hear me out?”
She had dropped the anger, and my sweet Sally was back. I knew I had said some really hurtful things, but I wasn’t ready to let her back in yet. I would give her a chance to make her case, but I had already made up my mind.
“Fine.” I crossed my legs in the wooden chair just to make sure she understood that even if I had agreed to listen to some story, it wasn’t going to make me feel better about the current situation. Sally pulled out the chair next to me and sat, as well. I could see the tears filling her eyes even before she started. The blow had hit her hard, and she was on the defense.
“I’m not sure where to start. I guess the beginning is as good a place as any.” She fiddled with the knife on the table, turning it over and over again. She finally looked up. “Susan – I mean, your mom – never believed in the Sayners’ slavery. From day one, she thought it was just a situation of wrong place at the wrong time. She had always been pretty convinced that if they had come first, instead of the Vesper, the roles may have reversed themselves. I didn’t agree entirely, but I was willing to let her think what she wanted.
“Not like she could do anything about it. Neither of us had a voice in what choices were made. The only ones who had control were the ones creating cures or lining the pockets of our government. Even if she tried to fight back, there were always consequences.”
So far, she hadn’t told me anything new. That day they had arrived, ten years ago, I remember hearing my mom say it was unfortunate what happened, but she didn’t see it as their fault. She never voiced her opinion often after that, and I never cared enough to ask.
The Vesper were willing to communicate from day one. They worked with our race to create New Energy. They had found a way to make ionic combustion possible on Earth. It had been our idea, but was flawed. They made it possible to use, and put an end to most of our dependency on fossil fuels. Most people embraced it, but there were still questions surrounding them and their intentions.
Not until the leader of them, Nicholas Franklin, showed us how to cure diseases did they become full-fledged citizens in almost every country around the world. Franklin took the cure and turned it into a vaccine that could be given to children ages ten to twenty. The Franklin vaccine was seen as the single greatest accomplishment of our time, and he was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize.
The Sayner, on the other hand, had started fights, refused to talk, and acted like animals that couldn’t be tamed. It was a little hard to swallow how roles could have been reversed when they caused their own demise.
Sally continued on, but I was already losing interest in anything she said. I had to uncross my legs, since the burning in my thighs from the long haul downstairs was not going away.
“I was let go from the hospital because I had gone against policy and tried to help a young Sayner boy. He was just a child. He looked like he couldn’t have been any more than eight at the time.
“Some woman had found him in the middle of the street. The copper collar and frayed ends of a rope were still around his neck where they had dragged him behind a vehicle.” She stopped for a moment. The pain from the memory still haunted her. “He wasn’t breathing, and was most likely already dead, but no one even checked. Most of his skin had been scraped away. As soon as they saw part of the mark on one of his tattered hands, everyone put down what they were doing and walked out of the room. I couldn’t just leave him. I stayed and checked for a pulse. There wasn’t one, and I tried to resuscitate him in the empty room. I knew it was too late, but I had to try. One of the nurses saw me and reported me to the chief of staff. I was asked to leave and was given a large sum of money to keep quiet about it. It wasn’t against the law, but there were groups out there that would love to get their hands on a story like that and try to sway the public opinion. I felt wrong about taking it, but after talking to your mom, she had a good idea of how we could use it to keep helping.”
The story about the boy had been touching, if nothing else. He was an innocent as far as I could tell, but that still had nothing to do with adult Sayners that were murderers, or the one dying in my basement. One child didn’t make me feel any more for them. Children died every day. It was just the order of things.
I was about to stop her, but she clearly wasn’t finished. I had told her I would listen, but it was late, and the longer she talked, the harder it would be to wake up Chase to cart the body out of the house.
“You know that we used most of it to renovate the Inn,” she said. “It was a good investment, but it was a cover for what we had been working on. We had been trying to find other Sayner slaves. Anytime we found one, we worked out a plan for months to get them out without being detected. We gave them money and clothes, and drove them as far as we could to help them escape. We probably saved three before the accident.”
She had caught my attention. How was this going on for years and I never knew about it? My mom had never kept a secret from me my whole life, but this was huge. They were running an underground railroad, and I had been clueless.
“That night, your mom was driving. We had already picked up a female Sayner and had her in the backseat with us. The snow was coming down hard, and we should have waited for a better time, but your mom insisted it had to be that night. She wouldn’t slow down, afraid that someone would be following us. The car spun out of control and hit a tree.”
Sally seemed to be having trouble going on. The painful memories of the accident she had hidden so well all these years were bubbling up. She dropped her head, losing any eye contact. I wanted to press her to go on, but waited for her, instead.
“I wish I could tell you she died instantly, but that’s not true either. She refused to let me call for help until she knew the Sayner woman was far enough away that she wouldn’t be caught again. That woman helped me get your mom out of the car and tried to save her. She didn’t want to leave her side. Your mom died before the paramedics arrived.”
“Did the woman get away?” I had to ask. After giving her life to set her free, I would at least hope it wasn’t for nothing.
“No. About a week later, I read they had discovered her – and killed her.” She stopped. I waited for her to catch her breath. The tears that she was holding back had choked her up. “After your mom died, I stopped trying. It was impossible for me to keep at it when she had always been so strong. I never could have saved anyone without her. Last week, I overheard C
hase talking about Job. I had already started to set a plan in motion to help him escape. I didn’t expect him to end up at your doorstep like this. That is why I’m not sending him back to the Carter’s. I need you to help me, Emily. I need to help him leave.”
Sally finished talking, her round cheeks streaked with tears. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel – if this was to make me feel better. “Does Chase know?”
“Chase couldn’t keep a secret this big if he tried, so, no.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why did you lie to me about it?”
“I wanted to tell you. Every day, I saw how consumed with grief you were. You took it harder than anyone. I don’t think you could have handled it a few years ago. I’m not even sure you can handle it now, but I don’t have a choice.”
I wasn’t angry with her as much as I was with my mom for what she did. She had been selfish and left us because she wanted to play hero. I uncrossed my arms long enough to wipe the tears that had formed. “I’m sorry I blamed you. I didn’t know it wasn’t your fault.” I could feel the barrier around me fall when I said it. I had it up for so long, trying to make up an excuse for why she was gone. Sally was right. I never would have been able to grasp the magnitude of what she had set out to accomplish back then. I would have instead become bitter toward her, and forced any good memories out. It was easier for Sally to take the blame.
“It’s ok. I’m sorry I never told you.” Sally reached out to hug me. It was a welcome embrace. There was so much I still didn’t understand, but for a second I could just feel love. I didn’t want to let go. It would mean having to come back to reality. She pulled away and brought back her serious tone.
“I need to know what you want to do. It’s very late, and one of us still has to be at work in the morning.”
My head was in overload. It was already going on 2 am. I was tired, everything still hurt, and I had run the gamut of emotions in just a few short hours. I needed to absorb everything I had taken in before making a choice. “Give me some time to think it over. He doesn’t have to leave tonight, but how soon can you move him? You know he would be better off in your care. I can’t even keep a plant alive.”
She gave a small chuckle at my comment. It wasn’t as funny as it was true. The proof of that was the brown African violet sitting in a pot on the counter in the kitchen. Sally had bought it for me as a birthday gift in June. It wasn’t even August, and it had already withered and died from lack of water and attention.
Sally stopped laughing and went back to being serious again. “I wouldn’t bet on him making it through the night. If he does, the next couple of days are going to be critical. I’m not sure how fast he heals, or how severe the internal injuries are. At least a week, but I would prefer not to move him at all for about three weeks. I may have been able to set his leg, but it’s not as stable as I would like it to be, and if he tries to get up, it’s going to move back out of place, even with the splint.”
Three weeks? How was I supposed to babysit for three weeks? I knew I didn’t have much of a life outside of the house, and had taken care of Chase for so many years, but this was different: a stranger in my home that I would have to care for. When he woke, I would have to look him in the eye and remind myself why I was doing this.
“I can’t do this alone,” I said. “I have no idea what to do. What do I do about work?” The questions were running around in my head. I wasn’t ready to take on such a big chore.
“I can make a list of things you may need to get him or help him with. I will give you the next week off. I’ll even pay you double for the week. I know it’s asking a lot, but if I do it, I’ll get noticed a lot faster. I’ll make the excuse that you caught the flu. I know it’s been going around again, so it won’t sound obvious. I’ll even come over after work each day to check on you both. After the first week, you can come back to work. I’m sure by then he will be well enough to be by himself for longer periods of time.” Sally had already begun to write a list.
“But what if he…well, if he–” I didn’t want to say it out loud.
“Dies?”
“Yeah.”
“If it happens, then it happens. I wouldn’t be able to do anything to save him at this point. We just have to wait it out.” Sally sounded hopeful.
I wanted to see the cup half-full like her. Right then, it just felt empty.
5.
After seeing Sally off, I knew it wouldn’t be long before I myself would fall asleep. I made my way through the living room and down the hall to my bedroom. I glanced at the pictureless walls – desperately needing a coat of paint. Every memory of my mom and my life before she died was packed away in a box somewhere in the house. They were too hard to throw away, but harder still to face.
I ran my fingers around one outline that used to be a photograph of the three of us sitting together when I was just a little girl. Mom would tell me how I had thrown such a tantrum before the picture, and it took the entire staff to get me to sit still and smile. I didn’t need to see the picture to remember what it looked like: all of us were in shades of blue; Chase in a tie and me in a jumper; my mom’s brilliant smile as she held me on her lap. A time before anything had changed.
Just past the silhouettes was the staircase leading to the top floor. I used to sleep in the room upstairs, across from Chase’s room, but since he had moved out, I moved my meager belongings to my Mom’s old room and had her stuff boxed up to collect dust in the rooms up there. The upstairs sat empty, except for the few sheet-covered pieces of furniture that wouldn’t fit in the basement. I hadn’t been up there in months, and really had no desire to go back up there again. I had everything I could need – kitchen, living room, bathroom and bed – on just one floor.
I made a stop at the bathroom to validate my earlier feeling about Chase’s destruction. With the light on, the bathroom was pristine, except for the towel I had left on the floor in my haste, and the tub still full of lavender-scented water. The aroma drifted back into my nostrils and made me feel relaxed again while I fished for the drain plug in the frigid water. I noticed the water turning pink while my arm was still under, swirling away trace amounts of blood down the drain. Had I really gotten that much on me?
I looked at the reflection of myself in the mirror over the sink. I could see, just below my eye, faint finger swipes of blood where I must have brushed back my hair that had come loose from my ponytail. Both eyelids were red and puffy from crying on and off through the night, and the circles under my eyes were a faint blue, getting darker by the minute. My faded T-shirt – that had once been solid yellow – now appeared tie-dyed with red and brown. Looking down, I could see the stains on my shorts were not much better. I looked like I was preparing to go to a Halloween party dressed as a slumber party mass murderer. All I was missing was an oversized butcher knife.
As heavy as my eyelids were becoming, a shower was less of a desire than a necessity. I stripped off the ruined clothing and crawled under the hot water. It felt so good to scrub off the layers of grime that coated my body, along with the thoughts of the predicament I had gotten myself into. Yet, as much as the water dissolved the recollections of the fight and the anger, I couldn’t shake the thoughts of Job.
If he made it through the next few nights. It was still such a big if. He could be down there drawing in his last breath, and I was still concerned about how to make it through three weeks. The thought of him dying kept swirling in my mind. I was wrestling with myself if I should just call it a night, or go check on him one more time before turning in. Subconsciously, I knew I needed to see him again. I really wanted to be the person my mom had been, but the rest of my brain still wasn’t convinced that it was the right thing to do. There were so many questions and worries surrounding the whole situation. What if I were caught? They would kill him for sure, but what did they do to anyone who helped a Sayner? I had been standing in the shower so long, debating over what I should do, that I hardly noticed the hot water running out,
until it turned ice cold. It shocked me back to reality, and I turned it off and clambered out of the tub.
Wrapped up in a towel, I snagged my clothes, made a beeline for my bedroom, and shut the door. I tried to convince myself I would wait till morning. There really wasn’t anything I could do right now. To my surprise, my mattress was stripped bare, and the fitted sheet with comforter had been balled up and tossed on the floor. I had completely forgotten that most of my linens were still downstairs with the unwelcome guest in my house. Chase had been in a hurry when he took my sheet and pillows. I could at least live without the sheet for the night, but the pillows I had intended to take from the couch were now being used, as well. This night just seemed to get longer by the minute.
I quickly changed into a plain cotton nightgown I usually wore when company was over. There was nothing flattering about it, but it served its purpose – to cover me up and keep me warm. I sifted through the pockets of my shorts before throwing them in the trash can with my T-shirt. In the front pocket was the list Sally had written for me to use in the coming days. I still hadn’t looked at it, hoping that I wouldn’t need to use it right away. I unfolded the page. Scrawled at the top – underlined a few times, with stars surrounding it – I saw the word ICE. Below that, it said, “ice for 20 minutes every hour.” It was the excuse my subconscious had been looking for to check on him again.
The need for sleep had passed. I made my way back to the kitchen and pulled open a drawer below the sink, where I had some plastic grocery bags saved up that could be used for an occasion like this. Doubling them up, I used the icemaker built into the door of the fridge to dispense crushed ice by the cupful into each makeshift ice pack, tying them off and placing them into the freezer. I made as many as I could with what ice reserves my fridge was holding. I was trying to keep a positive attitude that I would need them for the days to come.
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