“Mrs. Hernandez, your husband is right here,” he said fake seriously. Everyone but Mom laughed again. I’d forgotten that he could turn on the charm when needed. It was an act, though. After I saw this performance for the first time at our first commendation ceremony, I called him on his subterfuge. He told me how exhausted it made him, but he knew he had to play the game. The act actually saved my ass more than once when my own mouth got away from me. Beauty and the beast indeed. Diplomacy and politics played a huge role in FBI advancement, and he played the game well. Looking at him that night, surrounded by smiling people with a big grin on his own face, you wouldn’t think he was playing a part. Some part of him did love the attention. That night I was just grateful he was the center of attention and not me.
“I heard you were quite the hero today,” Joyce said. “Again. You helped save both Iris and Sheriff Hancock. It was so, so nice of you to come all this way for them. I hope Iris has shown you some form of gratitude,” she said with a glint in her eye. Another one I had to stop myself from throttling.
“Would she be Iris if she had?” he asked.
“Then I guess it’s up to me,” Joyce said, taking his arm and leading him toward the table.
I rolled my eyes and Grandma lightly hit my forearm. “Stop being such a curmudgeon,” she whispered. “Smile and be nice.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I whispered back.
“Luke came all this way to help you. Joyce and Don think you hung the moon. They all adore you. And Luke’s not in Spain yet. So just suck it up and smile. It’s the least you can do. The very least.”
She was right. The party was in my honor. I shouldn’t be the one to ruin it. Judging from Mom’s curled lip as she stared at Luke across the small table and nursed her beer, she intended to take the party-pooper crown. I suddenly found enough energy to grow furious. One word, just one rude word to him, and I’d rip her lips off. Literally. Apparently only I was allowed to be mad at him.
And I realized I was. I was pissed that he’d brought this new complication into my life. But I was nowhere near as pissed at him as I was at myself for my reaction. I was pissed that I was pissed. I shouldn’t have been. I should have been elated for him, not sad and angry. I’d had enough of those emotions that day to sustain me for life. Once again I buried them down as deep as I could, reaffixed my smile, and joined them at the table.
One. Fucking. Word.
“…every embarrassing story you can remember,” Luke was saying as I sat in the only empty chair, right between my mother and him. She still had her death-ray glare directed toward Luke. The lesser of two evils.
“Hello, Mother,” I said. She tensed when I leaned in to kiss her cheek. She was right to worry. “Be on your best behavior tonight or else,” I whispered. “You say one unkind word to Luke, the man who’s here to help me save your son, and I will never speak to you again. Ever. Be nice.” I pecked her cheek again before scooting closer to Luke.
“Embarrassing? There really aren’t that many,” Joyce said. “She was always so serious. Well…there was the time Tim found her and that boyfriend of hers necking in the McDonald’s parking lot.”
My attention instantly perked up. Luke smiled, but I wanted to find that damn bottomless hole again. “Joyce!”
“What? You were teenagers in love. And he was a good boy. For the most part.”
“He was a good guy,” I said.
“Yes, he did pay for the abortion, didn’t he?” Mom said, sucking down her beer. “What a good boy.”
Everyone’s mouth slightly opened in shock as they glanced from Mom to me to Luke. Mom simply sipped her beer. Luke’s mouth grew tight. He knew about the abortion, just as I knew he’d paid for one himself back in college. I just rolled my eyes. And we were off.
“Then I guess that makes me a good boy as well, Mrs. Lange,” Luke said with a shit-eating grin. “I’m glad to know you hold me in such high esteem.”
Everyone else smiled except for Mom. I could see she wanted to respond, but my cold eyes stopped her. She could say whatever she wanted about me, but not about him. Not him. I saw in her eyes that she intended to take advantage of that loophole all night. I truly didn’t give a shit. My give-a-damn button wasn’t just busted, it was obliterated. Mercifully, Don and Grandpa returned with beers and a bottle of water for me. “Thank you,” I said.
“The steaks should be another ten minutes or so,” Don said. “Agent Hudson, how do you take yours?”
“Medium rare.”
“Me too,” I said, sipping my water.
“Don’s made this great bourbon marinade for them we saw on TV. It’s to die for,” Joyce said.
“Should Iris be having bourbon anything? She is an alcoholic after all,” Mom said.
Another sting, another round of uncomfortable glances. “I-I’m sorry, we didn’t even think,” Joyce said, looking my way.
“It’s fine. The fire burns the alcohol off,” I said.
“But you’re so fragile, Iris. We don’t want you to become the mess you were before,” Mom said.
I was about to say something, but Luke beat me to it. “Well, I’m sure if everything she’s endured since you called her to come help you hasn’t driven her to back the bottle, I doubt a steak marinade will.”
Without thinking, I touched Luke’s hand. “Really, it’s fine. I can’t wait to eat. I’m starved,” I told Don.
“I’d imagine. You two have had quite the busy day,” Joyce said.
“You really went to that cult’s farm? What was it like?” Don asked.
“Kind of like a hippie commune. Besides no Internet and tents everywhere, it seemed semi-normal. Everyone works together on the crops and taking care of the livestock.”
“And Billy? He was all right?” Joyce asked.
“Outwardly, yeah. He looked healthy. Happy.”
“Did he really marry some girl he got pregnant?” Joyce asked.
“Yeah, some nineteen-year-old former Amish girl who is apparently the leader’s great-granddaughter.”
“What? I didn’t know that,” Mom said.
“I just found out. And it doesn’t really change anything. They’re still married. She’s still pregnant.”
“It doesn’t change anything? It changes everything! Now they’ll never leave on their own!” Mom said, close to hysterical.
“We don’t know that, Mom.”
“I do! She’s not going to leave her family, and he won’t leave her. You have to do something. You have to—”
“What? Knock him out and carry him in a sack to my car? We’ve been over this, Mom. That’s kidnapping. And he’d just go running back to them.”
“Then we should hire one of those de-brainwasher people I read about on the Internet. I even found the phone number of one. He costs about twenty thousand, but his testimonials are good. It might be forty if we do this Betsy too, but—”
“Mom, it’s still kidnapping, and the success rate isn’t as high as you’d think. Not to mention Mathias made it clear he knows every one of our family secrets and is looking for a reason to air them.”
“So your reputation is more important than your own brother’s life?”
“Of course not, but—”
“Oh, don’t lie! I don’t know why I’m so surprised. I knew you were selfish, but—”
“And that’s three,” Luke boomed out of nowhere, serious as cancer. All eyes moved his direction, but his zeroed in on Mom’s. “You will shut your mouth, Mrs. Lange, or I will make you.”
“Excuse me?” Mom scoffed.
“You heard me. Out of deference to our hosts and your daughter, I promised myself I’d hold my tongue as long as I could, that I would only speak up if you were rude three times. We’ve been here less than five minutes, and you’ve already hit the quota. You will not, will not say another cruel word against your daughter in my presence again, do you understand me?”
“Luke, it’s okay. I—”
“No, it’s not. At all,” he
said, still staring Mom down.
“What’s going on?” Khairo asked, walking over from the grill.
“Your wife is emotionally abusing her daughter. Again. I am telling her it’s unacceptable. Especially considering it’s the same daughter who risked her life today to save her brother from the cult your wife helped drive him to.”
“I didn’t! I—”
“You did. He said as much to Iris. And from my few interactions with you over the years, I’m actually shocked he didn’t run sooner. Now I don’t know why you’re always picking on people; self-esteem issues most likely. It is obvious you’re incredibly jealous of your own daughter for making something of her life, but you will stop taking your self-loathing out on my best friend from here on out or I will force you to.”
I could have kissed him then. God, how I wanted to kiss him then. I wasn’t used to people defending me. It was amazing. But like everyone else, I didn’t move or blink as he stared down Mom. No one could. Well, no one but Khairo. “Did you just threaten my wife?” Khairo asked.
“Of course he didn’t,” Grandpa chimed in before looking at Mom. “But Faye, knock it off. We raised you better than this.”
“Dad, he just threatened me and you’re taking his side?” Mom asked.
“I sure as hell am,” Joyce snapped. “And he may not be threatening you, Faye Ballard, but I am. You apologize to your daughter right now or I’ll do what I’ve been dying to for decades. Give you the good smack you deserve. Apologize. Now.”
Mom looked around the table for an ally, but not even her own parents were on her side. Grandma appeared near tears. Mom hung her head. “I’m sorry.”
“To Iris,” Luke said forcefully.
She looked over at me and frowned. “I’m sorry, baby. I-I don’t know why I keep saying these horrible things,” she said, voice and lip quivering. “I don’t. I’m just…I’m so scared about your brother, and they’re about to downsize at work again, and I had to stop taking my meds months ago because I ran out of doctor visits. And—”
My anger vanished almost immediately. “Wait, you’re off your meds? Mom, why didn’t you tell me? You need your meds.”
“They were really helping,” Khairo said.
“I…I’m so sorry, Mom. I didn’t know. I’ll pay for your visits and meds from now on.”
“No. I can’t ask you to do that, baby. I—”
“You’re not asking, I’m doing,” I said with finality. “We’re family. That’s what family does. I’d do the same if you had diabetes and needed insulin. Mental illness is the same damn thing. An illness.”
“It’s not.”
“It is,” I insisted. “It absolutely is. You call your doctor tomorrow. Get back on your meds. Send the bills to me in North Carolina.”
“We’ll pay you back,” Khairo said.
“You don’t have to.”
“We will,” Khairo insisted.
I wasn’t going to continue arguing. If they sent me checks I’d never cash them. I should have known something else was going on with her beyond Billy and me. I should have. I was a psychologist, for fuck’s sake. She needed help and I just fed her beast. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
“Well, now that we’re all friends again, Agent Hudson, would you like to hear about the time Iris got her first confession from a perp at age sixteen?” Joyce asked.
“More than anything in the world,” he said before smiling over at me.
I grinned back.
The rest of the evening was lovely. The food was delicious, the laughter abounded, and I didn’t really care that most of the jokes came at my expense. Everyone had an embarrassing Iris story to share, even Luke. I’d forgotten about the time we were involved in a body search and I had a stomach bug and had to crap in the woods three times. Good times. I did get him back with the story of me catching him with my Academy roommate Julie giving him a blow job off one of the running trails. Even in the dark I could see him turn red. He playfully kicked me under the table, and I kicked him back. It had been forever since I just sat around the table talking and laughing with people I liked. Years. I’d forgotten how nice it could be. I kept glancing at Luke, and there wasn’t a time when he didn’t have a smile on his face. He must have been doing the same with me because once or twice our eyes caught, prompting our smiles to grow even more. The urge to kiss him never waned.
After everyone’s steaks were devoured, Joyce stood up. “Ready for dessert? In honor of our two gumshoes here, I bought doughnuts.” We all laughed. “Stack your plates and I’ll get them out of the way.”
“I can help with that,” Luke offered, “since I didn’t bring anything.”
“Nonsense. You brought your charming self. Iris can help me.”
“But I brought my charming self too,” I said to another round of chuckles.
“Come on. Help an old woman out.”
I rose from the table and collected all the dirty plates and forks. I knew what she was doing but obliged anyway. Lecture time. We’d barely stepped inside the kitchen when she pounced. “Iris, you have to marry that man ASAP.”
Okay, I wasn’t expecting that. “Uh…what?”
“You heard me. You need to scoop that man up yesterday. He won’t wait forever, you know. In fact I’m shocked he’s waited this long.”
My mouth flopped open. “Joyce, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Oh, don’t you play dumb. Any fool can see it. That man’s crazy about you. Hell, he’s in love with you. Your grandmother said he has been for years. Oh, goodness, girl, don’t look at me like that. I’m not saying anything you don’t know already.”
“I…I-I don’t.”
“Then you’re blind. Willfully blind. And I understand why. You were married. You loved your husband. He was such a sweet boy. I truly liked him. And part of you will always love him, as you should. He will always be in your heart. But he’s gone, sweetie. And he’d want you to be happy. That’s what we all want for you. What happened with him broke your spirit, but if I had to guess, that man out there helped you heal it. And I know you’re still fragile. One knock and you’re in pieces again. But that knock won’t come from that man out there, I guaran-damn-tee it. If anything, when it does come, he’ll help hold you together. You just have to be brave and let him. Let him or you will regret it for the rest of your life. Be brave.” She looked me square in the eye and repeated, “Be brave.”
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t blink. I’d gone almost catatonic. I knew. Of course I knew. I’d known for years. I’d just refused to acknowledge it. I think he had too. It was the only way we could stay friends, stay partners. Because I was married. I loved Luke, but I was in love with my husband. Hayden had my heart. And every time I felt jealousy meeting one of Luke’s many girlfriends, I told myself I wasn’t jealous, I was concerned he’d end up with someone unworthy. If you say something enough times you can believe anything. Even after we’d slept together, I convinced myself it was just because he was the only one there. He could have been anyone. It meant nothing. I’d kept that illusion alive for years too. Until he walked back into my life. And since he had, every word, every gesture, every smile chipped away ten years of denial. And Joyce had just taken a sledgehammer to the wall. Yet…
“I…can’t do this tonight,” I said. “I can’t. I can’t. I’m sorry.” I literally turned my back on her and quickly retreated outside. But he was there. Gazing up at me with a smile on his gorgeous face.
He’s in love with me.
“Hey, you okay?” Luke asked.
“I…” He’s in love with me. “I-I’m really light-headed. I think I need to go to home. I need to sleep.”
“It has been a long day,” Grandma said.
Luke studied my face, but I looked away. I didn’t want to be on the same planet as him.
“Everything okay out here?” Joyce asked as she stepped out.
“Looks like everyone’s taking their doughnuts to go,” Don said.
�
��Are you sure you’re okay?” Mom asked me.
“Yeah, it all just…hit me. I-I’m gonna go lie down in the car. Thank you for a lovely evening, Joyce. Don. Excuse me.”
I started hurrying toward the gate and made it three steps before Luke was beside me. “Do you need me to carry you?” he whispered.
“What? No. Jesus!”
“What did she say to you?” he asked.
He’s in love with me. “Nothing. I just have a stomachache.” Not a lie; it just wasn’t from the food. “And I think I do have half an hour before I completely pass out.”
“Right,” he said curtly. He didn’t believe me. I wouldn’t have believed me either.
He followed me to the car, now keeping a few feet of distance between us. I climbed into the backseat, scooting as far from him as I could, rested my head on the door, and shut my eyes. The only sound was from his slightly deep breathing. He was angry at me again; I could sense it. It was an agonizing two minutes before Grandma and Grandpa finally got in too. “You okay back there, you two?” Grandpa said.
Like a coward, I kept my eyes closed and pretended to sleep. “We’re fine,” Luke said.
“Right,” Grandpa said before starting the car.
I actually did fall asleep for a minute on the drive, because I literally snorted awake when the car stopped. I snorted like a pig in front of the man in love with me. Everyone stared at me and laughed. “She’s awake now,” Grandma said.
“Sorry,” I said.
“Rise and shine, Miss Piggy,” Grandpa said. “We’re home.”
As Grandpa retrieved Luke’s suitcase, I walked toward the house. “Seriously, you don’t have to leave. I’ve slept on many a couch before,” Luke said.
“No. Really this gives us an excuse to spend time with Faye. You saw how she was. It’s time we all had a good, long talk with her.”
“Are you okay, pet?” Grandma whispered to me on the walk.
“Fine.”
She leaned in and whispered, “Joyce told us what happened.”
My stomach clenched again and that final spasm really did make me sick. Nerves, fifty-seven ounces of coffee and sugar, and seven emotional upheavals were too much for my digestive tract to take. I literally ran to the toilet, barely making it in time.
Darkness at the Edge of Town Page 25