by Sara York
"I didn't expect to find a man in my bed when I came home. I've had a shitty week and if you weren't a partner here on the ranch, I'd fuck your ass raw, taking my anger out on you."
Roger shivered and his dick twitched. Grant lifted an eyebrow and sneered.
"Maybe you want me to give you a rough fuck. You lost someone recently, too. Let me guess, you haven't been with anyone. Well neither have I. Add to it the fact that I don't have much patience right now."
Words of apology died on Roger's lips. He lifted his hand, skimming it over Grant's side down to his hip. They stayed like that for a long moment, their breaths mingling as Roger's body heated. Finally, Grant rolled off him and to his back, throwing his arm over his eyes.
Roger didn't reach down to palm his now hard dick, instead he focused on Grant, trying to think of something to say. "What did you find out?"
"That I'm a total idiot."
Roger took a chance and moved closer, placing his head on Grant's shoulder and his hand on the man's chest. Grant blew out a ragged breath then put his arm around Roger's back, playing with his shirt. The silence stretched on and grew comfortable instead of stilted.
"Why were you in here?" Grant asked.
The answer was too complicated and twisted to give. "I wanted to see you before morning."
Grant ran his hand over Roger's hip then back up to his waist. "When I walked in and saw you asleep in my bed, your body relaxed as you warmed my sheets, I realized a few things."
"Like what?"
"I was an idiot where Craig was concerned."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I think he had everyone fooled."
Grant reached across his body with his other hand, placing it on Roger's chest. "I also realized I like having a man in my bed."
Roger's cock had deflated a bit while he ignored the desire pulsing through him, but Grant's words made him stiff again. His cock lengthened against Grant's leg. He was in dangerous territory, playing with fire as he and Grant toyed with each other. The next thing that happened shocked Roger. Grant dropped his hold and moved away from him, putting distance between them.
"I also realized that as much as I want a man in my bed, I can't do this right now."
The rejection stung. He swung his feet over the side of the bed and sat up, bracing his hands on the mattress, ready to stand. Grant placed his hand on Roger's arm, holding him in place. He wanted to lash out, to cause Grant the same pain he was going through. Roger blew out a breath before looking over his shoulder to Grant. They locked gazes and he knew it wasn't over between them. Before Grant could say no, Roger lowered and brushed his lips over Grant's then stood, moving quickly to the door.
"Hey." Grant's voice stopped Roger from opening the door. He turned slowly and leaned against the wall, his heart hammering as he waited for Grant to speak. Grant didn't utter one word as he stood from the bed and came over to Roger. Before, he hadn't noticed that Grant only wore boxers, now he couldn’t take his eyes off the spot where the waistband met his flesh, his hard cock straining against the material. "The next time I come home from a mission..." Grant lifted his hand and smoothed his thumb over Roger's lips.
"Yeah," Roger whispered.
"You can be in my bed. I may or may not wake you though."
Roger swayed toward Grant, his breath caught in his throat. For a second he thought they were going to kiss then Grant stepped away from him and one side of his mouth curved up in a half smile.
"Now go on, we both need our beauty sleep."
He wanted to protest, wanted to tell Grant he was a big boy and could handle a bout of rough and tumble sex, but they would be working together for a long time. He was thrilled since Grant hadn't cut off all possibilities of them getting together, just not right now.
It was crazy and he should stop seeking the guy out, but Grant tempted him like Hayden had when they fist got together. Late at night, when he was about to drift off, he thought about Grant. Now he had the sweet slide of their lips to think about. That memory would give him mileage for a long time.
Chapter Six
Grant fell back on his bed and closed his eyes. "Fuck." He palmed his cock then pulled his hand away. He sure as hell wasn't going to jerk off right now. Roger twisted him up and made him want things. What he'd learned about Craig made it impossible to have any of those things he desired. Like a man to hold him tight at night and take away the fear when things got too intense. He gritted his teeth, trying to suppress his self-disgust, secreting his darkness deep inside so the others couldn't see it.
Duff wanted a full report in the morning. Going off like he had, without backup or support, wasn't smart, but he needed to find Craig. Now it was likely they'd never find him after Grant gave them away.
He didn't sleep much and wished he'd let Roger stay the night. At least he would have been able to burn off some energy. The thought of being with Roger made his dick twitch. He stiffened and shook off the desire. Starting another affair with a guy in the house would be disastrous. Duff had delayed their meeting this morning. He'd eventually have to tell the guys everything, but Duff felt they needed time to cool off before they met. Anger wouldn't help them find Craig and he wasn't a pressing issue.
After taking a cold shower, he dressed in jeans and a plaid work shirt. He pulled his boots out of the closet and stuffed a pair of socks in the top. With bare feet Grant padded to the kitchen and placed his boots by the back door. It was barely five in the morning and he bet the guys were still asleep. He started the coffeemaker and pulled out a mug.
"Would you get me one?" Roger stepped into the kitchen looking bleary-eyed.
"Didn't sleep well?"
"No, my mind kept straying."
"To what?"
Roger glanced down the hall then back to Grant. "Anyone else awake?"
"Not that I know."
"You know what I was thinking about. Don't make me say it out loud."
Grant set an extra mug down on the counter beside his, keeping his back turned to the man. He would need to address this desire soon or they'd both implode. Telling Roger to stay away wouldn’t work either because he wanted the man close. The way Roger looked at him fed Grant's ego. He also liked the guy, and he was sexy as hell. His dark brown eyes were so full of heat and emotion that Grant had trouble not looking at him.
He turned to face Roger and wasn't prepared for the guy to be in his space. Roger didn't look like he'd expected Grant to turn around either. With only inches between them, he wanted to close the gap. Roger stepped back first, not giving him the opportunity to pull him close.
"You going out to do some chores?"
"Yeah, I thought I'd feed the horses and see what needed to be done."
"Care if I join you?"
Grant turned back to the coffee and poured both cups, sliding Roger's over so he could grab it. They were close again, Roger's hip bumping into his. "I like having you close."
"Really?" Roger asked.
"I'm not ready, so don't get excited, but yeah, I really like having you next to me. When we were in bed together last night, I really liked that."
He heard Roger blow out a quick breath, not quite a snort, more like a laugh. "So you want to have your cake, just not eat it yet?"
Grant had just drawn in a mouthful of coffee when Roger spoke, but he couldn’t swallow. Laughter bubbled up and the coffee came out, spraying to the floor. He coughed, trying to recover. Roger grabbed his mug from him, allowing him to reach for a napkin. He wiped his mouth then felt the pressure of Roger's hand on his shirt, wiping away the coffee dribbles, his other hand was on Grant's back, rubbing small circles.
They both looked up at the same time and heat exploded between them. Mouths mashed together as they grasped for each other. Grant's foot slipped on the spilled coffee, ending their kiss. Grant let go and backed away, reaching for a few napkins.
"Sorry," Grant mumbled.
"Don't be. Really, it's okay."
"No, it's not. I'm sending you mixed signals an
d it's wrong."
"I'm not pressing for more."
Roger helped him clean up the mess, tossing the used napkins in the trash. After they wiped the floor down again, they both took sips of their coffee and ended up staring at each other over the rim of their mugs. There was attraction, a lot of it. He liked the angle of Roger's jaw and the way his lips looked when he pressed them together and concentrated. He wondered how those lips would look when Roger was in the middle of an intense orgasm. But the Craig issue kept him from acting. No matter how devastated he was about the bad things Craig had done, he still had feelings for his ex. Before he got involved with anyone else, he needed let his emotions for Craig die, ending the infatuation and healing some of the hurt.
"Come on, let's get out there and get the work done."
Roger took another sip from his coffee. "Sounds good. I need a good workout, something to exhaust me." Grant bit his tongue, suppressing his laugh. Roger smiled and shook his head. "That's not what I meant."
"I know. Let's go work."
For a moment, Grant felt like he had when he and Craig were together. He'd been happy, excited to be in a relationship with the man, but it had all been fake. Depression hit, pulling him under. How could he have missed the truth? He'd been so sure Craig had loved him, really loved him, but he'd been wrong. Trusting love again would be almost impossible.
*~*~*
Marshal woke before Zander and dressed quietly. He headed to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. Someone had already made the first pot, and he gladly poured himself a cup. The dark brew was like heaven on his tongue. He closed his eyes and sipped as he thought about Zander. The man was beyond sexy. Being with another man was so much more exciting than he'd ever expected.
When his cup was half full, he refilled it, and headed to the porch. He found Grant sitting in one of the chairs. His first instinct was to head back inside, but Grant saw him.
"Hey, take a seat. We haven't talked in a while."
Marshal slowly moved to the chair and hesitantly sat. "Yeah. We've both been busy."
Grant lifted one brow and Marshal knew they were about to talk about a subject he didn't want to broach. It surprised him that Grant stayed silent as they both sipped their coffee. After a few minutes, Grant sighed.
"I guess I knew you were infatuated with me before I got together with Craig."
"What?" Marshal asked. The urge to rush away filled him but Grant's hand was on his arm.
"Don't leave. Just hear me out."
"Okay." Marshal took another sip of his coffee and tried to relax but it was difficult.
"I knew you had a thing for me, but I wanted Craig. He was out and you weren't. Hell, you still claim you're straight."
"I'm bi."
Grant blew out a huge breath. "Okay, at least now you admit it."
"I guess I've always been a bit bi."
"We wouldn’t have worked out."
"How can you say that?" Marshal had hurt so much after Grant paired up with Craig. It had devastated him, and hearing Grant tell him they wouldn’t have made it brought back those bad feelings and the ache.
"Marshal, think about how we've butted heads in the past. You're a great guy, but we really are too much alike."
"So all this time, all these years, you've known I had a thing for you?"
"Yes."
"And you never did anything? Didn't you think I was good enough?" Marshal asked.
Grant took Marshal's hand, squeezing twice. "You're too good for me. You deserve someone who can really love you. I'd never be able to love you deeply enough."
"I think you could have if you wanted to."
"No, Marshal, I would have been bad for you." Grant lifted Marshal's hand and kissed the knuckles. The door opened behind them and Marshal turned to see Zander with his mouth open, his eyes wide.
Dread filled Marshal. The one man whom he actually felt something for just saw him get kissed on the hand by Grant, the guy he admitted to having a thing for. The situation was so screwed up he wanted to scream.
Zander turned to leave and Marshal ripped his hand away from Grant. He jumped up and ran to his lover.
"Don't go." Marshal had to clamp Zander's shoulder to get him to stop. "I don't know what you're thinking, but it's not that."
Anger rolled off Zander and his shoulders began to shake. Marshal loosened his grip and started to rub Zander's back in small circles. Since Zander didn't take off, Marshal felt encouraged and moved to stand in front of him.
"Talk to me."
Zander's face screwed up in pain and he slammed his eyes closed. He shook his head once and bit his lip. He looked completely wrecked and Marshal felt like shit. He'd been the one to hesitate, not wanting to get involved because he feared he'd be hurt and here he was hurting Zander.
"You and Grant should be together. I know you've wanted him for longer than you've known me. Now he's free."
"It's not like that. I—"
Zander shrugged off Marshal's touch. It was almost if he grew a few inches as he puffed out his chest, anger flashing in his eyes. "What? He was fucking kissing you."
"Now wait a minute," Grant interjected.
Zander turned to him, and growled. "You fucking bastard. How dare you treat Marshal like this. He was wrecked when you got together with Craig. You don't deserve him."
Grant's brows shot up and his eyes grew wide. Zander threw up his hands and moved to leave but Marshal blocked him. "Don't go."
The first fist thrown was a shock to Marshal. Zander got him square in the jaw. His head snapped back and he stumbled, catching himself before he fell. Marshal saw the menace on Grant's face and held up both hands, hoping to forestall an all out fight.
"Don't."
Zander narrowed his gaze. "I'm done."
"Zander, don't leave," Grant spat out.
"Don't fuckin' tell me what to do."
"Please, don't leave. Talk to me," Marshal begged.
"You can fuckin' talk to Grant. That's who you care about, isn't it? You've wanted this for far too long and now he knows."
"You're wrong about that." Grant took another step closer and Marshal glared at him, shaking his head to warn him off.
Zander caught Marshal's move and turned to face Grant. He advanced on him. "You fucking jerk. He's so much better than Craig ever was and you hurt him. He's too good for you."
Grant flinched but didn't step back. "I know. I'm not good enough for him. You think I didn't know that. Don't ruin this thing between the two of you. He loves you and you'll be good for him."
Marshal felt the words slide through him, leaving him pleased and a little frightened. He was in love with Zander, but he didn't want that out yet. He couldn’t back off from love. Once he said it to Zander, it would be out there, binding them together or forcing them apart. Fear filled him and for a moment he wanted to deny what Grant had said, but he couldn’t. It would be a lie and he wouldn't lie to Zander.
"Please don't run out on me. I need you, Zander."
Two seconds ticked by then five. He couldn’t breathe or think as he waited for Zander to make his next move. He could see the fight go out of Zander as he deflated. Marshal didn't have time to take this slow, he had to make sure Zander knew how he felt. "Promise me you'll listen to what I have to say."
Zander nodded and closed his eyes. "Just say it."
"Grant is right, I am in love with you, but that's not all I want to say. I'm not going to use that to manipulate you into staying, so if you want to end this after what I say next, I'll understand." No one moved or said anything for a long moment. Finally, when Marshal thought he would lose his mind, Zander nodded.
"Talk."
"You're right, a year ago, hell, six months ago, I would have taken what Grant offered and been happy. Maybe we could have made it work, but I'm not sure. I fell in love with you, and nothing will change that. If Grant had asked me this morning to be with him, I would have said no. He wasn't kissing me to come on to me. I asked him a question. He
'd said we wouldn’t have worked, and I asked him if he thought I wasn't worthy the effort. He had just told me that I was, but he wouldn't have been good enough for me. I wasn't trying to get with him. He's not right for me and I know that. You're the guy for me."
Zander glared at Grant. "Don't fuck with Marshal. He's a great guy. I'll freaking be pissed if you mess with him, and you'll have to answer to me."
Instant relief filled Marshal, then Zander turned toward him and it was like a sucker punch to his gut. Trust and love wasn't shining in his eyes, instead hurt and restraint was directed his way.
"When I walked in and saw him kissing your hand, it fucking hurt."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not walking out on you."
Marshal took a step toward Zander, hope filling him for a moment. "Thank you."
"We need to work on a few things."
He closed the gap, placing one hand on Zander's waist, squeezing slightly. Marshal's heart thumped wildly in his chest and his lungs seemed to collapse on him though he was still breathing. His muscles went a little weak as he leaned in, trying to get just a little closer to Zander.
Zander lifted his other hand and ran his fingers over Marshal's cheek. "I swear I'll never walk out on you. I was mad, I really thought Grant was taking you away from me."
"No, never." Marshal pulled Zander close, burying his face in the soft skin at the nape of Zander's neck. "Never, I'm with you now."
Zander sighed and relaxed into Marshal's embrace. He'd known it would be a little difficult when they became a couple, but having Zander assume he and Grant would get together at the first chance bugged him. They had a long road to walk if they were going to make it.
"You two need to talk or something. I'll leave you alone."
"Hey," Zander called out. "This is private. No one else on the ranch needs to know. Keep your mouth closed about me and Marshal."
"I won't say anything," Grant said.
Marshal didn't turn to say bye, instead he kept his focus on Zander. He slid his lips over Zander's jaw to his mouth, sighing as they kissed. They needed to talk and they would need time to make everything right, but he felt that they had a chance to survive if they could just get over the few bumps and hiccups in their way.