Be in the Real

by Denise Mathew

  “Fine, you’re crazy, but it still doesn’t give you the right to hurt people. You hurt Clary bad. You can’t do that. Saying you’re crazy isn’t an excuse to do those kinds of things Kaila.”

  Confused, Kaila gripped the sides of her head. Her fingers tangled in her curls that felt uncharacteristically matted and unkempt. She couldn’t remember the last time she had brushed her hair.

  “Where’s my bag I need to shower and brush my teeth and…”

  Derrick’s stance relaxed. He rubbed his neck with his long fingers.

  “Trey, get her bag and show her where the bathroom is,” Derrick threw over his shoulder. The fat guy stiffened at the sound of his name. His eyes grew huge, even so he moved closer to Derrick.

  “What if she tries to kill me?” he said in a voice that was just above a whisper.

  “I won’t kill you,” Kaila said.

  Trey leapt back as if he had been poked with a cow prod.

  “How did you hear what I said,” Trey said, his voice quavering.

  “Like she said, she’s crazy, but she’s not deaf.”

  Derrick shook his head. In a move that implied that the matter was already settled, he turned his attention back to Clary. Kaila was relieved to see that the fairy appeared to be coming back to life. Trey searched the hallway, looking for an exit point. Upon finding no escape hatch, he faced the direction of the room that Kaila had woken up in. He marched like he was being perp-walked down the hall. When he reached the door and realized that Kaila hadn’t moved from her position, he motioned with his pudgy hand.

  “C’mon, I’ll show you around.”

  Uncertainty still threaded through his voice, but it wasn’t as obvious as it had been before. Kaila stepped around Derrick who was still leaning over the broken fairy. The fairy suddenly began coughing violently. She opened her eyes at the exact moment that Kaila was walking past her. A shriek, like the sound of a cat that had had its tail pulled, momentarily replaced her hacking.

  “Good to hear that you still have vocal cords,” Derrick said.

  Before Kaila had reached the room that Trey had disappeared inside, he had re-emerged with her bag. Kaila pounced forward, eager to have her belongings again. Trey released a very undignified sound, much like the one Clary had made only his was more high-pitched. He promptly dropped the bag.

  “Where’s my computer,” Kaila asked as soon as she had plucked her bag from the floor.

  Trey seemed only too happy to get away from Kaila and once again vanished inside the room. He returned with her silver tone laptop moments later. He pushed it toward her in a swift move that left no doubt that he wanted to be as far away from both Kaila and her belongings as possible.

  Even before she had her computer back in her grasp, Kaila felt Trillian surge forward, willing and ready to purge her mind with a new blog entry. Kaila ignored Trillian’s enthusiasm. She needed to change her clothes and groom herself before Trillian got her way.

  “This way,” Trey said, snapping Kaila back to the present moment.

  He moved farther down the hall. The rolls of his fat that drooped over the top of his pants bobbled with every step he took. Kaila closed the distance between them. Before Trey had realized that she had gained on him, she had grabbed a handful of his bulging skin. She squeezed it, as if she was checking a cantaloupe at a supermarket. Trey released another girly squeal at the contact and flew forward and away from her. It didn’t matter much because Kaila had already answered the query that had popped into her mind, Trey’s fat felt much like the pouch of flesh that protruded above her own pubis area; female and male fat for all intents and purposes was the same to the touch.

  Kaila filed away this new information. She hadn’t planned on grabbing Trey again, but he acted as if she might clutch another part of his physique at any given moment. Kaila had already moved on, now, seeing Trey’s naked body to determine if it matched her predicted image, took precedence over all else.

  Kaila smiled, knowing that this was just the beginning of her adventure, one that would be the largest information gathering expedition of all time. It would all culminate with her saving Pauline. What happened after that was beyond her predictive skills.

  CHAPTER 27

  Kaila entered the bathroom and began unpacking her bag. She quickly realized that someone had divested her of all the food supplies that she had stuffed inside for later use. She despised the idea that someone had sifted through her belongings and was thorough in her examination of the remaining contents. Kaila was relieved when she discovered that all her things were present and accounted for. Her clothes and toiletries didn’t hold the same importance as her laptop computer, but they were still of value. To protect her laptop, that she was abhor to part with in this strange place, she tugged out most of her clothes then rested the slim frame inside the bag. She then covered the laptop with her clothes so no water might damage it and zipped it closed.

  Before she cleaned up, she surveyed the room. The white porcelain toilet and pedestal sink were ancient, but other than a few globs of turquoise blue toothpaste in the basin and streaks of crap in the toilet bowl, it was fairly clean. The tub was cast iron, painted white with a few dings that showed the black beneath. It was backed by more white tile separated by grey grout. A white shower curtain was suspended from a circular shower pole attached to the ceiling. A relatively modern showerhead had been added at some point above the bathtub, making it necessary to stand in the bathtub while she showered. Though there were various half-filled bottles of shampoo, conditioner and body wash, Kaila used all her own supplies, unwilling to use something that wasn’t hers.

  She was eager to leave the space as soon as possible since all the white reminded her too much of the White Room. The smell was another factor that played into her hasty exit, since it reeked of mold with an undercurrent of urine. It smelled very similar to the rest room at the store that she and Derrick had broken in to.

  Having no indicators other than her watch that stated it was 3:00 o’clock at present, Kaila didn’t know how long she had been in the bathroom since she hadn’t bothered to check the time when she had entered. When she exited, she noticed that everyone had cleared the space. Hunger gnawed at her stomach, reminding her that since she had left Wildwind she hadn’t eaten anything other than the potato chips at the convenience store.

  With her hair still dripping rivulets of shower water onto her shoulders and back, she walked down the length of the hall. She was still sock feet since she hadn’t found her runners yet. This time she made it to the stairs unimpeded. Every board that connected with her foot creaked as if it required an oiling. Much like the hall had been, the steps were scuffed and worn. The staircase was constructed in a spiral design that hid the downstairs from view until she had reached the bottom.

  The lower floor was as aged as the upper, but here it seemed that there were more personal touches added to the area. Many of these personal accompaniments were infinity symbols in various mediums. There was a brass infinity plaque mounted to the space above a door that led to another room. As well as a painting of a brilliant yellow infinity symbol on a background of ocean blue, there were several posters, of what she recognized were cards of the Rider-Waite Tarot deck. Each poster featured a tarot card that contained the infinity symbol. The two of Pentacles was her favorite of them, where a man juggled two coins in the shape of an infinity symbol. The Magician card, and the card for Strength, which detailed a lion and a woman, on its face were also there. Kaila gasped at the sight of it all. She carefully counted every single symbol until she had reached the magic number eleven once again.

  “Stupendous,” she said in awe.

  So struck by the sheer number of symbols in one space and all the mystical meaning that Trillian would discover, Kaila didn’t see Derrick approach her until he was right in front of her. It felt almost like magic.

  “Feeling calmer?” he asked then released an extended sigh.

  “I’m feeling cleaner,” she said. Sh
e glided past him for a closer study of all the infinity symbols.

  “We have to go see someone.”

  Derrick was beside her once again. At first Kaila wanted him to be gone. She was still mad at him for denying her seeing Pauline, the very reason for their escape.

  “Yes, we have to go to Pauline,” she said then spun around to face him.

  Kaila was irritated at being pulled away from the beauty of the infinity, but Trillian reasoned that time couldn’t be frittered away; Pauline’s fate was in their hands.

  Derrick shook his head.

  “Not Pauline…” he started to say. On seeing Kaila’s irritated expression he paused. “I mean not yet, we still have time, I want you to meet Franco, he wants to meet Tril…”

  He abruptly clamped his lips shut as if he had inadvertently said something he shouldn’t have. Kaila tried to stay the frustration that was building in response to his unwelcome words.

  “I want to see Pauline,” she said through tight lips.

  Derrick threw a hand up, sensing her mounting ire.

  “As soon as you meet Franco we’ll go right to Pauline’s place. I’ve found her address, it’s actually just a couple hours drive from here.”

  Kaila drew in a long breath then closed her eyes. Just knowing that Pauline was so close made the blood sing in her veins. Though she didn’t want to speak to this Franco person, she also didn’t want to waste time arguing with Derrick. With Trillian’s encouragement, Kaila nodded her approval. Derrick appeared relieved at her acquiescence and visibly relaxed, the taut muscles of his jawline uncoiled.

  “He’ll be free to see you around 5:00 o’clock, he’s out on business, but will be back here…”

  “Where is here?” Kaila queried before Derrick had finished his thought.

  “I’ll show you,” he said, keeping in time with Kaila and her habit of shifting from one subject to another without any obvious segway. He moved toward the heavily curtained window inset in the wall farthest from them. Kaila followed his moves, watching as he pulled the thick ruby-colored curtain along the top-mounted wrought iron railing. Bright sunlight lit the room, revealing just how exceedingly dark it had been up until that instant.

  The window that appeared was the largest that Kaila had ever seen, taking up almost half of the wall it was housed in. With the added light she noticed in each corner of the room a standing fan whirred out cool air. Kaila imagined all the air flowing to the center of the room, swirling into a vortex of wind.

  The daylight also revealed a hodge-podge of furniture where nothing matched. An overstuffed sofa in what looked like red velvet sat next to a white plastic lawn chair. An area rug in a deep forest green with blue and gold stripe accents was threadbare in spots with a few scattered holes. There were several black metal chairs stacked atop one another, leaving the center of the room barren. The crystal chandelier that hung at the center of the white-stucco ceiling, dripped with teardrop-shaped ornaments that glittered in the newly added light. Kaila couldn’t help but stare at it, and the way it cast rainbows and prisms of light on the floor below. When she finally managed to tug her attention from the light display, she raced forward, intrigued at what the world outside would look like.

  Kaila gazed outside in wonder. Unlike the vast expanses of fields and meadows that surrounded Wildwind, this place was a virtual hive of activity, where everything seemed to be in perpetual motion. Too many houses had been wedged into a space where it seemed only a few should have existed. Other than a couple of narrow alleyways between the brownstones, everything was so impossibly close together that no one would have believed it could be done unless they had witnessed it for themselves.

  Trees, with leaves of emerald green, grew and towered from flowerpot-sized holes in the concrete sidewalks. Kaila marveled that they could be there in what some might call an unfavorable environment. Yet the trees didn’t just grow, they flourished. Green patches of fine grass managed to sprout through the latticework of cracked concrete that edged the sidewalk. Massive black permanent planter pots, spilled with pink petunias, and yellow star-shaped coreopsis. The heart-shaped leaves of the ipomoea vines trailed from the top to the bottom of the pots then crept for a few more feet. Everything was alive and vibrant and so very amazing.

  And there were so many people walking on the streets. No two beings were the same, they came in all matter of shapes and sizes. There were business men and women, dressed in crisp navy and black suits, pencil skirts and formal attire despite the oppressive heat. They clutched shiny leather brief cases or purses. Rosy-faced laughing couples held hands; love was written all over them. Teen girls in short-shorts and colorful tank tops held phones tight as they tapped furiously on the screens and mingled with boys on skateboards with hoodies and droopy boarder shorts. Mothers pushed bouncing babies who were all cheeks and eyes in strollers. The babies sat like kings and queens in their portable thrones. Miraculously the throngs of people parted to allow the strollers passage. There were indigent men and women, wearing too many clothes for the hot weather. They all shoved shopping carts that contained all their belongings down the sidewalk. And though all the people were so different, dark-skinned and light, and many in between, they all seemed to know the rules, the code, like an ant colony, organized by instinct.

  Kaila raised her eyes up and over the highest trees where a few spaces were open in the lush canopy. She spotted the bluest sky that she had ever seen with not a hint of a cloud in sight. She staggered away from the window, because it was all so overwhelming. Her mind worked furiously to process all the real. She was no longer in the virtual world. Now just a thin pane of glass separated her from it all, she was in the real.

  “Are you okay?”

  Derrick was beside her, painfully close. Once again he seemed to move through space and time undetected.

  “It’s all real, this is real. I want to go out. I want to smell it, taste it, I want…” Kaila’s gaze fell back to the street and a feeling of glee seemed to begin at the tips of her toes and travel up her spine until it had filled her entire body with bubbles of delight.

  “I’m not sure Kaila, there are so many people out there now…why don’t we wait until it quiets down a little. Besides, it’s hotter than hell outside now.”

  Kaila shook her head. She didn’t like Derrick’s idea at all. She longed to be out in the fracas, experiencing the world, the real world, a place that she hadn’t seen since she had been too young to care or appreciate it.

  “I want to go now,” Kaila said petulantly.

  Trillian wholeheartedly agreed, and in fact couldn’t wait to get outside amongst the crowd.

  Derrick shook his head, but there was less conviction in his eyes now.

  Kaila spun on her heel. She glanced down at her feet and realized that she still didn’t have her runners.

  “I need my shoes,” she ordered.

  Derrick sighed hugely then shrugged. Judging by his expression of resignation she had won the battle.

  “Fine, we’ll go out, but you have to take the medication that I give you, otherwise we don’t go.”

  Kaila stared at Derrick. In that moment he was a man not a man-boy, and for that reason she decided to listen to him. She nodded and opened her mouth just like she had before. Derrick hesitated for a minute, clearly he hadn’t expected for her to agree so easily. He dug into the pocket of his jeans, retrieving what looked very much like the pill that the fairy had tried to give her. Instead of putting it into her mouth, Derrick flattened his palm so she could pluck the pill from his hand. In a swift move she skimmed her fingers across his hand, snatched it then tossed it into her mouth. She swallowed it down before he could react.

  “I’m not sure if it’s something you already take, but I hope it will take the edge off everything,” Derrick said.

  “What happened to the fairy?” Kaila asked, cocking an eyebrow.

  Derrick looked at her strangely.

  “What happened to Clary?” Kaila amended.

 
She was surprised that he hadn’t recognized who she had been referring to.

  Derrick tipped his chin forward at the name. “Yeah, she’s pretty shaken up and she has some bruising, but she’ll be okay.”

  His statement was quite bland and emotionless, as if he didn’t much care what happened to the fairy.

  “Why do you call her the fairy?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

  A lock of his hair, longer than the rest, fell over his left eye. Up close and with no distractions, Kaila noticed that he was so much less suave than he had once been. It was that part of him, the less coifed him, that made him more man and less man-boy. She liked it, liked him, more than she should have.

  Before now only Norm had awakened those strange emotions in her. Now Derrick was doing something similar, but not exactly the same. It wasn’t like she wanted to have sex with him, but more like she wanted to be near him, more than was typical for her. Derrick was somehow filling a slot that she hadn’t known required filling.

  “Because she looks like a fairy of course.”

  He took a minute to absorb her comment then nodded.

  “I guess that makes sense,” he said.

  He brought his gaze to the window, staring at the activity below, much as Kaila had just done.

  “What do you see that I can’t? What makes you so eager to get out there in that mess of bodies?”

  He didn’t turn to look at her. His face was so close to the window that a fog from his breath appeared on the glass.

  “Everything and nothing, beauty in the mundane, the world in snapshots and all of it equating life,” Trillian said through Kaila’s mouth.

  CHAPTER 28

  The pill made Kaila forget about the outside world and all the treasures it held. It locked her in its pharmaceutical arms like a prisoner. Only when it had worked through her system and away, did she awaken again. And in the haze that came with the medication, the world was foggy and colorless, the scents of life less intense, as if a blanket of grey had been pulled over her eyes. Yet Trillian thrived, met with people, ate, drank, and saw things that Kaila had only dreamed of. Kaila was too lost to be found. When all was said and done, a full day had passed, leaving one less to save Pauline.