A man yelled out, "America's on fire!"
Coolly Celeste remarked, "Perhaps."
"I don't know about America, but Louise Hunsenmeir is sure going up in smoke," Ramelle noted.
Juts, blind as a bat, crawled over the last set of waves, feeling her way, and then slid off the edge of the float, followed quickly by the other crying tugboats. Juts ran through the crowd, bumping people and leaving pandemonium in her wake.
Cora bellowed, "Orrie, catch that devil!"
Orrie tore off in the opposite direction, wanting no part of the debacle. A slowed Juts parted the crowd, ramming people with her prow.
Smelling fire, the mule shot off without warning. Louise, already on her bottom, bounced off like an old pear. Prongs bent all over her head, she was bawling to beat the band. Cora hurried to fetch her as fast as her dress shoes would allow.
Lawrence Villcher atop the white engine spied the blaze. "Turn her around, boys. Float's afire." Not to be left behind, Increase wheeled his beasts and Old Dixie raced Villcher to the blaze. The Irish band, caught in the middle, jumped for the sidewalks. The instruments they had left strewn all over the road were flattened in the rush. The water stopped both the fire and the mule. That blast of water cleaned every tick right off the terrified animal.
Cora had Louise firmly in hand. Celeste hurried over to offer assistance between peals of laughter.
"Cora, which girl started this mess?" Increase hollered at her.
"Six of one, half dozen of the other," came the reply.
The other was being towed over toward the fire chief by a stocky, powerfully built man with a bristling mustache. He handed Juts to Cora, saying, "I believe this sinking ship belongs to you."
"Julia Ellen, what got into you, girl?" Increase was amazed.
"Toot! Toot!"
Cora rapped the sorry smokestack. "Juts, take that damn thing off your head and answer the man."
Juts wriggled out of her smokestack.
"Well?" Cora demanded.
"It was Louise's fault."
"Liar, liar!" Louise took a roundhouse swing and missed. Cora grabbed an ear apiece. "Simmer down, young ladies. I've had just about enough of this. As far as I can see, you're both party to it. Now apologize to Chief Martin and Chief Villcher."
"I'm sorry," Juts whispered.
"I apologize for both myself and my ratty sister," Wheezie offered.
"Louise." Cora squeezed her ear, then let both of them go. "You two stay right here until you get this pile cleaned up, you hear? When you're done, I'll b« at the pavilion." She turned her back on them. Louise leapt for Julia's throat. A hand caught her by the back of her costume and held her suspended.
"Louise, revenge is a dish best eaten cold." Celeste deposited her on the ground again.
Louise had time to ponder her meaning as she picked up broken waves, a splintered tablet and squashed trumpets.
Juts' catcher stood off to the side. As Cora headed for the pavilion, he took his cap off and walked beside her.
Cora turned to him. "Thank you, sir, for fetching my girl. I was so wrought up before, I forgot my manners."
"I enjoyed it. It isn't every day I get to chase a tugboat." He laughed, then he put out his hand. "I'm Aimes Rankin."
"Cora Hunsenmeir."
"May I accompany you to the pavilion?" The man tried not to hold his breath.
"I'd be pleased if you would."
September 13, 1914
Ev Most's head was smothered in tiny brown curls. Her merry eyes darted around the street. Julia Ellen, too, carried a spark of devilment in her eyes. To look at the two of them, you knew they were up to no good. Juts carried the Runnymede Clarion to Celeste Chalfonte's. "German Line Retires, Hotly Pursued," blared the headline. "Report Kaiser's Son, Prince Eitel Friedrich, Killed" was squeezed in underneath a story about a French aviator performing heroic feats over Troyes. Juts paid no attention to the front page. She and Ev tried to look at the movie announcement without smudging Celeste's paper.
Although it was Sunday, Celeste pressed Louise into service. Louise played "By the Light of the Silvery Moon" while Celeste, Ramelle, Fairy Thatcher and Fannie Jump Creighton languished in boredom. Celeste's two Persians, Madame de Stael and Madame Recamier, sprawled underneath the piano, enjoying the vibrations. Cora and Aimes were back up on Bumblebee Hill, tending the garden. Aimes had been living there nearly two years.
"Louise, that's lovely," Ramelle praised her.
"Here's your paper, Miss Chalfonte." Juts and Ev burst through the door.
"Thank you, Julia Ellen." Celeste opened the folded paper and read the headline. "According to this, the Germans will collapse anytime now."
"That's not what the Runnymede Trumpet said," Fannie avowed.
"I know. That's why I had Julia Ellen and Ev run over to the north side of the square and get the Clarion."
"I wish Grace Pettibone and half our friends weren't in France," Fairy moaned.
"What does Spotty say?" Ramelle brushed back a lock of hair.
"Yes, what does your brother think of all this? He's a military man." Fannie's gin voice scratched.
"Spotty hopes we escape the pull of the maelstrom. He writes that we have barely two hundred thousand men in the armed forces."
"What makes a war?" asked Juts, all of nine years old.
Ramelle noticed the other women hesitate a moment, so she tried. "Have you ever seen two boys at school fight over marbles?"
Louise piped up, "Juts smashed Rupert Speicher smack in the jaw Friday over a clearie. Orrie told me."
"Shut up, Wheeze." Juts glowered.
"Julia Ellen, can't you conduct yourself like a lady?"
Louise spoke with the wisdom of thirteen years, fortified by long, feminine curls.
"Then you know what war is about," Ramelle concluded.
"Only it's on a larger scale." Fairy thoughtfully amended the conversation.
"I feel vaguely frightened," Fannie said.
"Why?" Celeste's voice sharpened. "Since the French Revolution we have all become habitues of terror."
Louise struck up "In the Good Old Summertime."
"Wonderful, Louise," Fannie called to her. "Yes, let's forget this whole thing. After all, there is an ocean between us. Celeste, how about some magnolia droppings?"
"Spirits on the Sabbath?" Celeste mocked her.
"Communion's wine, is it not?" Fannie persisted.
Louise stopped playing and became solemn. "Communion is a sacrament, Mrs. Creighton. That's w Mrs. Van Dusen says. Take, eat, this is my body—"
Celeste interrupted. "Thank you, Louise, but we needn't hear of cannibalism on such a radiant day."
Ramelle returned from the pantry, balancing a tray. Fannie leapt for it and poured herself a drink before Ramelle could place the tray on a table.
"Ah, I'm ready to face the Hun."
"He can't be any worse than Creighton." Celeste couldn't resist.
"Miss Chalfonte, may I be excused? Orrie and I have a social engagement," Louise asked.
"Social engagement, ha! You are going to use Orrie's curling iron." Juts couldn't believe her sister wanted to fry her hair.
"At least I don't show myself in public all strubbly."
"I comb my hair."
"With a pitchfork," Louise sniffed.
"You two." Ramelle sighed. "You may go, dear, and thank you very much for the concert."
Louise scooted out the door. Juts and Ev eyed the glasses.
"Mrs. Creighton, may I have a sip?" Ev put her hands behind her back.
"Well..."
"She has to learn sometime."
"You've got a point there, Celeste." Fannie's eyebrows furrowed. "Here, Ev, one little sip. Let it go down very slowly."
Ev's mouth puckered. "Ohh, it's bitter."
Juts grabbed the glass. "Gimme some." Before anyone could stop her she gulped down the contents.
"Ack!"
"Here, child, quick drink this water." Ramelle handed her a
glass. "There, doesn't that feel better?"
Ev, not to be outdone by Juts' boldness, picked up the lovely crystal decanter and swallowed a healthy mouthful of gin. Tears came to her eyes, but she couldn't cough. Juts snatched the bottle from Ev, but before she could challenge her friend's bravery Celeste plucked it from her hand.
"Young ladies."
"The girls have the right idea, Celeste, honey. Let's get stewed," Fannie urged them all.
"On Sunday?" Fairy was incredulous.
"Fannie, my ally against normality, a deliberate eccentric." Celeste poured herself a glass and toasted a beaming Fannie.
Juts and Ev sat down to better calm the fire in their throats. The four women downed two toasts in quick succession.
Fannie twinkled. "Girls, I have it."
"Go to your doctor, not us." Celeste smirked.
"Celeste, really." Fannie feigned an indignant expression, took a breath, then stepped out before her comrades like a speaker. "A perfect Sunday afternoon. Just listen to me. We'll ride into the country. I know there's a fortune in antiques stashed in those farmers' houses. They don't even know their doodads are worth anything. So we ride out and tell them we're the Mission Sisters. Then we espy the houses for goods and ask them to donate this spinning wheel to the mission and that musket to the relief of the unfortunate. You see?"
"Fannie, that's pirating." Fairy helped herself to another swig.
"Caveat emptor." Fannie flourished her glass grandly-
"We're not buying anything." Ramelle laughed.
"You know what I mean," Fannie insisted. "If they don't know the value of what they own, why shouldn't they be relieved of it?"
"Are you sure you aren't from the Rife family?" Celeste asked her.
“Oh, come on. Just for fun. We can give all our treasures back the next day." Fannie's voice rose. "Come on. All this war news be damned. Let's have some fun."
"Why not?" Celeste sailed gracefully out of the room.
"Now where's she going?" Fannie wondered.
Her question was answered a few minutes later whet a horn honked. Celeste sat in the front of her beautiful Hispano-Suiza. The grownups raced for the door. Juts and Ev followed.
"Can we go? Can we go? Please, Miss Chalfonte?"
Fannie peered at them shrewdly, then put her foot on the running board, much in the manner of a man at a bar. "Children will provide our cloak of innocence."
Ramelle laughed behind her hand, while Fairy sputtered. Celeste motioned to the children to come near her. "Do you promise never to reveal this afternoon to anyone?"
"Yes, yes," they agreed.
"All right then, climb in. You are now Mission Sisters."
Fannie, ever mindful of her priorities, concealed the gin decanter in the folds of her expensive dress, As the car headed for the countryside, safe from townspeople's eyes, she passed her booty around the car. Two miles down the Frederick road, a lovely farmhouse came into view.
"Shall we try it?" Fannie eagerly asked.
"No. Bumba Duckworth's. He'd never believe us." Ramelle leaned backward and shouted, so Fannie could hear above the motor's roar and the gin.
Celeste passed the farmhouse and pulled over to the side of the road amid honeysuckles.
"Celeste, what are you doing?" Fairy asked.
"It occurred to me that we'd better practice our routine."
"Good idea." Fannie nearly fell off the running board.
Ev and Juts skipped around the car, grabbing honeysuckles to suck the syrup out of them.
"Julia Ellen, Ev, you stand here." Celeste positioned them in front of the grownups. "Good. Now, Fannie, Ramelle and Fairy, you stand behind them. Try putting your hands on their shoulders. Hmm. Girls, fold your hands. Very good. Does everyone know 'Love Lifted Me'?"
"Let's try it." Ramelle was enjoying this whole ridiculous scene.
The impromptu choir did quite well. Celeste ran them through it three times. "Good. Forward."
They scrambled back in the car. A few miles down the road, their first victims appeared. Two old people dozed on their porch. Celeste stopped her cream-colored car, adjusted her riding bonnet, cleared her throat and whispered in a low voice, "Ready?"
Julia Ellen and Ev got out first. They folded their hands and waited to feel the adults' hands on their shoulders. Celeste stood in front of them, hummed the right note. They started in unison, "I was sinking deep in sin," while they approached the porch. Julia started to giggle but Fannie pinched her. That stopped that.
As their hymn faded, Celeste said in the kindest voice imaginable, "Good Sabbath, sister and brother. We are the Mission Sisters, come to bring you the Word. Won't you let us in your hearts on this the Lord's day?"
The old man looked at the old woman. She spotted Celeste right away. "Celeste Chalfonte, what in the hell are you up to now?"
"I don't believe I have the pleasure of your acquaintance," Celeste intoned, unruffled..
"Hell, no." The old lady was tough. "You're too rich for my blood."
Juts, hands still folded, tried to rescue the cause. "You don't know me. Can I go in your house and look for antiques?"
Fairy raced back for the car, chicken-hearted.
Fannie, looped, called out, "Goddammit, Fairy, hold your ground."
Ramelle laughed out loud and Celeste started to laugh, too. The old lady didn't think it was so funny.
"You just be on your way, all of you. Coming out here to make a fool of me."
Unceremoniously, the Mission Sisters bounded into the car. Celeste turned around and headed for home.
Fannie squeezed Fairy's elbow until it hurt. "Fairy, degenerate coward—how could you?"
Ramelle, in the front seat, couldn't stop laughing. The entire affair was absurd, but you have to be absurd sometimes. Nothing is more deadly than routine rationality, she thought.
Juts and Ev started up on "Love Lifted Me" between giggles.
"How did they know me?" Celeste pondered the failure of their mission.
"Dearest, how many people in Maryland own a Hispano-Suiza?" Ramelle said.
"Hadn't thought of that."
"Celeste, can you pull over? I must relieve myself." Fairy wiggled uncomfortably.
One more time the car came to a halt. Fairy got out to survey the territory. A large locust tree stood by the side of the road. The rest was deep-green pasture.
"Go behind the tree," Fannie told her.
Fairy walked behind the tree, waited a moment, then came out the other side. "I can't."
"You can't what?" Celeste stared at her.
"Are you going to get sick? You simply have no capacity," complained Fannie.
"No, I'm not sick. I must answer nature's call."
"Do it then," Fannie bellowed.
Fairy Thatcher once more disappeared behind a tree. Juts and Ev strained to catch sight of her bottom. Visibly upset, she came out again. "I can't."
"Can't what, Fairy? We haven't got all day," Fannie rumbled.
"I can't unburden myself behind that tree."
"Would you like us to ride down the road to see if you can find a more suitable place?" Ramelle asked her.
"I can't wait that long."
Fannie jumped out of the car. "Do you want me to stand guard?"
The thought of anyone observing her in this state horrified her. "No!"
"Good Lord, Fairy, pull your underpinnings down and just... go." Fannie put her hands on her hips.
"Julia Ellen, will you empty the contents of my purse into your lap?" Fairy requested. Julia Ellen did as she was told.
"Fannie, bring me my bag—please."
"Fairy, I don't understand you. I don't understand you at all. Here's your purse." Fannie handed it to her.
Fairy disappeared behind the tree and shit in her pocketbook. She closed it and came back to the car. Celeste started up. They rode through the beautiful September sunshine.
"Fairy, what stinks?" Fannie asked her.
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