“Gavin Durnst made a financial arrangement with Ford to marry me. Mr. Blunt thinks he has some claim on me though I have given him no encouragement. And Lord Devonrose thinks he can order everyone about.” She wished she could take the last back. It was weak even to her own ear.
“He is the viscount and this is his home. Did he renew his wish to marry you?” Honoria sat forward.
Phoebe’s heart ached. “No. He only told the others that they should go, as I was not interested in their attentions.”
“So, he was protecting you?”
“Yes. No. I do not know. He doesn’t want me, so why should he protect me?” The dull ache in her chest spread until she longed to go to her bed, roll into a ball, and weep for a few days.
“He said he would marry you. Do you find his lordship to be a dishonest man?” The door opened and Honoria held up her hand, stopping anything Phoebe might have said.
Katy brought the tea, set it on the table, curtsied, and left the room.
When the door was closed, Honoria asked, “Do you?”
The truth was torturous. “He only said what he said because he is a gentleman and you caught us alone together.”
“Sleeping. It is not common to sleep with a man whom you are not romantically attached to, Phoebe. And I doubt his lordship would have said he would marry you if it was not something he wanted.”
“He is the husband of my dear friend. He still loves Emma. I am beneath him since Ford has disowned me. Even though Ford seems to have forgotten his decree, it would be a scandalous match. Perhaps when Papa was still alive, but certainly not now. Nothing will change any of those things. Most of all, I cannot love Emma’s husband. The idea of it rips me in two.” Phoebe dropped her head into her hands and prayed the entire situation would disappear. She could go pack her things and return to London. Maybe Lady Jane would let her hide in her room for a few weeks until it all blew over.
Honoria sat next to her and took her hand, forcing Phoebe to sit up and look at her. “First, Markus Flammel is not anyone’s husband. He is a widower and has been for two years.”
Phoebe opened her mouth to push the second point forward, but Honoria shushed her.
“Second, he does love Emma and he always will. That fact will not change and should not. It does not mean that he has no room in his heart for another. He clearly is attracted to you, and you like him. Neither one of you can sleep but you managed to look quite comfortable on the couch together. There must be some level of friendship and trust to have found rest together. As to your third, it is not relevant. You are the daughter of a viscount and a gentleman and he is a viscount and a gentleman. There is nothing keeping you or him from acting on your desires. As to your feelings, you must work that out for yourself. He is an eligible man and you might be happy together. Life does not give us that many opportunities for happiness, my dear. Keep that in mind when you toss one away.”
“I had no idea you made speeches, Honoria.” Phoebe pulled her hand away and poured the tea.
“I am not finished.” Honoria took the offered tea and sipped. “All of that being said, you do not have to marry anyone. You are an Everton lady. You can refuse all three offers of marriage and stay with the Everton Domestic Society. You can one day take on the role of an Everton Dowager and travel with younger women as they do their jobs. It is not a bad life. I quite enjoy it.”
“But you do not have to do it, Honoria, dear friend. You have the means and an estate where you could go if you wished.” Phoebe sipped her tea.
“True, and you do not have to, either. You could apologize to you mother and brother and go home, or you could accept one of your proposals and become Mrs. Someone. It is entirely up to you. How wonderful for a young lady to have so many choices.”
Phoebe was torn between her desire to stay with Markus, her duty as an Everton lady, and her loyalty to Emma. “I think we should find a nanny for Elizabeth, then return to London.”
Sadness shone in Honoria’s eyes. “Then that is what we will do.”
* * * *
Phoebe kissed Elizabeth goodnight and went down to dinner.
Markus stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting. “You look lovely, Phoebe.”
The dark blue satin had been a whim. If she was to take control of her own life, she would do it looking her best. At least that was what she told herself when looking at the daring neckline in the glass. “Thank you. Why are you waiting here? Is something wrong?”
“Must my attentions to you always indicate a problem?” He frowned and offered his arm.
“It is not so much that they must, as that they always have.” Taking his arm, she thrilled at the warmth that light touch brought.
“Perhaps a change is in order. I used to be quite self-sufficient, you know. I managed my lands and my father’s for many years before things fell apart.” He led her into the study where Honoria, dressed in lavender and white lace, waited already with a drink in hand.
“I am aware of that, my lord.” She dropped her hand away from his arm. “Honoria, what are you drinking?”
“Champagne, my dear. I recommend you have a glass. It is very fine.”
A new footman, whose name Phoebe couldn’t remember, poured her a flute of the bubbly liquid. “Thank you.”
“Nothing for me, Peter,” Markus said. “I have some news, ladies.”
A surge of pride swelled in Phoebe. Here was an opportunity for him to break his promise without guilt, but he didn’t. She put the champagne back on the tray. “What news?”
Turning, he leaned on the desk. “A letter arrived from my sister an hour ago. It seems she, my brother-in-law, and my mother will be arriving tomorrow. They are anxious to see me, and Tom was able to wrap up some business earlier than expected.”
“How nice. You will be happy to see them, and Elizabeth will get to know them better.”
“I will be happy for them to get to know you ladies as well.” He included Honoria, but his gaze never left Phoebe.
Lord, what was she doing? “It might be best if we returned to London and gave you time with your family, Markus.”
“I see no reason why you cannot continue in your capacity as my assistant while my family is here. There is still the matter of finding a suitable nanny for Elizabeth.” Where he gripped the desk, his knuckles turned white.
She searched for some reason to leave other than she was unsuitable for him to court. Since they weren’t courting, she couldn’t use that. She was assisting him at his mother’s request. She would continue as any Everton lady would. “As you wish, my lord.”
Honoria smiled and finished her champagne. “What a lovely idea the champagne was, my lord. I thank you very much.”
“Feel free to have as much as you like, my lady.” His smile was devastating.
Phoebe felt its effects down to her toes.
“Oh no. One glass is enough.”
“Dinner is served,” Watson said from the door.
Markus offered Honoria his arm. “Oh that I could stop at one, my lady. It would be nice to have that control.”
She patted his hand. “What is important, my lord, is that you recognize that you cannot and have taken the necessary steps to regain your life.”
“That is kind of you to say.” He led her to her chair and held it for her until she was seated.
Watson held Phoebe’s chair, and she sat across from Honoria.
The table setting was very fine compared to the weeks prior. Phoebe ran her finger along the delicate flowers painted around the edge of the plate. “Is this a special meal? I have not seen this china before.”
Sitting, Markus grinned. “It seems the staff, including our new cook, have decided they need a proper run-through of a formal meal if they are to serve my mother tomorrow.”
“That is a fine idea.” Phoebe was glad the staff she’d helped h
ire was thoughtful and caring. It wouldn’t do to have them misstep with her ladyship under the roof.
“Or they might be concerned that I will take one look at Mother and begin drinking again. It is hard to say.”
Honoria tutted through her teeth. “I doubt that is the case, my lord. Has Miss Elizabeth gone to bed?”
Frowning, he sighed. “Yes. It seems having her at the table is not done. However, I won the battle to keep her at breakfast and luncheon. Supper is to be an adult affair. When I checked on her earlier, she was laughing and eating without concern for my absence.”
“The situation is improving daily,” Phoebe said. Her heart broke and she had to give herself an internal shake. This was what she wanted. It was her job to get Markus and his household back to a happy place where Elizabeth might have a good life. Then why did the fact that she had nearly accomplished her goals make her so sad?
The first course arrived. By the time the trifle arrived, Phoebe was completely stuffed. “I do not remember the last time I ate quite so much. Do you think your mother will be impressed, Markus?”
He wiped his mouth and placed his napkin next to his plate. “I have never seen my mother impressed by anything. Perhaps she will appreciate the quality of Becca’s cooking. I am certain Dorothea and Thomas will be delighted.”
“I understand your valet has resumed his post, my lord.” Honoria ate a spoonful of creamy trifle and closed her eyes savoring the delight.
“Blakely was kind enough to forgive my transgressions. I am relieved to have him back.”
Honoria removed her napkin from her lap and allowed the footman to remove her plate. “Then all that is left for us to do is make sure you have a proper nanny and Phoebe and I can return to Everton’s. I must say, I will miss it here. I like this house and the countryside very much. Perhaps I will buy a small estate here.”
“You already have two homes, Honoria. Why would you buy another?” Phoebe’s heart was in her throat. She longed to depart, yet losing Markus’s friendship would leave her desolate. Even if he did say he would marry her, she could not risk that kind of attachment again. She had not loved Gavin, yet his abandonment had hurt. When Markus abandoned her, she would not recover in her lifetime. What a situation. The best thing would be to get as far away from Markus as her feet could take her.
They got up from the table. “Would you ladies care to join me in the library? I would be happy to read for you, or perhaps Phoebe would play the pianoforte for us?”
Wanting to cry, Phoebe cringed at the idea of more time pretending her feelings for Markus didn’t exist. “I think I will go to bed, but thank you for the invitation.”
“Are you unwell, Phoebe?” Markus asked.
“I am quite well. Just tired. I will see you both tomorrow.” Running up the steps, she didn’t give Honoria or Markus time to ask her anything more. She needed to get away from him and find a way to stifle her feelings. Falling in love with Emma’s husband was not an option.
The moment she was in her room with the door shut tight, she slumped against the wall. “Oh, Emma, what you must think of me.”
The log in the fireplace popped.
Phoebe’s heart jumped, and she had to catch her breath.
Arwen tapped at the door, forcing Phoebe to move away and stand near the fire.
“Miss, do you want me to help you out of the gown?”
“Yes, please.”
Setting about untying the back of the gown, Arwen hummed.
“I think we will return to London in a few days.” Phoebe rested a hand on the bedpost.
“Huh, I thought perhaps we would stay at Rosefield.” The last lace undone, the gown fell to the floor.
Soon her knuckles ached from gripping the wood too tightly. Phoebe stepped out of the puddle of blue fabric. “No. We do not belong here. This is not our home, only an assignment.”
“It’s a funny thing about where one calls home. It can be almost anywhere.” She untied the corset and removed Phoebe’s stockings before helping her into her nightgown.
Anywhere but here. Phoebe dashed a tear and watched Arwen gather the clothes and leave the room. Being alone with her own desires did not help her situation. Her room was warm, so she opened the window, allowing the cool air to distract her for the moment. The garden was lit by a full moon. Most of the wilderness of the unkempt garden had been trimmed away and put in order.
Things were looking more and more like when Emma was alive. The roses out front had been cut down so they could grow again in the spring. Markus’s family would arrive tomorrow, and his mother would see that Phoebe’s work here was nearly done. The signs were all around her.
She closed the window and climbed into bed, but sleep would not come. Without Markus’s strong arm around her, all she could do was stare up at the ceiling and think of the life she would never have.
It would be so much easier if she could like Jared Blunt. He was smart and had good employment. He did not live as a gentleman, but why should that matter? He could support her, and Miles would force Ford to supply a dowry despite his claims to have disinherited her. That would give them a good start. If they had children, they would be kept quiet and out of sight of their intolerant father. Phoebe could live with that.
Gavin Durnst had broken her heart. No. That wasn’t true. He had said things that had hurt her feelings, but she had never loved Gavin. He was a wealthy gentleman who had asked to marry her and she had said yes because she was afraid of becoming an old maid. He was only in England now because Ford had promised him a prize for marrying her. Maybe Ford wanted to wipe away the embarrassment of having a sister in service or maybe he had other reasons. Ford rarely did anything where his own gain was not the goal.
Markus. She sighed. The clock in the hallway chimed two o’clock. Pushing the covers away, she slipped into her shoes, grabbed her wrap, and headed for the kitchen. After the huge supper, she couldn’t imagine eating anything else, but she went anyway.
One candle illuminated the long table. Markus sat at the far end and lifted his gaze to hers. “Hello, Phoebe. Are you all right?”
“How long have you been here?” She stood across the table from him.
“Awhile. I wanted to make sure you were well.”
“I am fine as I told you before.”
“You seem distracted.” He pulled a biscuit out of the jar and offered it to her.
Taking it, she sat and ate it. “I have a lot on my mind. The last few days have been hectic, and I must plan for my return to London. I am sure I will have news about a nanny any day.”
“Why did you not send Durnst away the moment he arrived?”
“What do you mean?”
“You were engaged to him and he ended that agreement. He is no gentleman. He hurt you. Yet you did not toss him from the house the moment he arrived. I wonder why that is. Are you in love with him?”
“No,” She said. “I was never in love with him.”
“He hurt you, though.”
“He injured me, but I do not see how that is any business of yours.”
Markus stood and walked to the window overlooking the kitchen garden. “It is not my business. What did he say that hurt you? Why did he end your engagement?”
Her brain screamed at her to say nothing and walk out of the room, run up the stairs, and have Arwen pack their bags for a quick departure in the morning. To do that, she’d have to ask Markus to loan them his carriage. She would write to Lady Jane and ask her to send a carriage as was expected.
He faced her. “You will not answer?”
“I do not see why you want to know.”
He marched over, forcing her to stand. With only an inch separating them, he stopped. “I wish to understand why any man who had been lucky enough to secure your hand in marriage would be foolish enough to betray that agreement. And more than that, I long to un
derstand why you would consider rekindling any relationship with that cad.”
Heart pounding like thunder, she stared into the green depths of his eyes. Captured by him, she couldn’t look away. “He did not feel that I was marrying him for the right reasons. He thought my heart was cold and incapable of love or tenderness, and my only reason for agreeing to the marriage was to keep order and please my mother. At least, that is what he said. Thinking back on it now, it was quite out of character for him to give emotions so much value.”
A slow smile spread across Markus’s face.
“You think it is funny?”
“No. I think Gavin Durnst is an ass. Why didn’t you toss him from Rosefield, Phoebe?”
“I suppose some part of me is still afraid of breaking the rules of society. It would not be terrible to make my mother happy in some small way after all the disappointment I have caused her.” Saying it out loud was sickening. She would never marry Gavin and live with his disdain every day.
Markus sighed, lifted her hand to his lips, and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. “You may have agreed to the marriage to please your mother and you just said you did not love him, but to say that you are incapable of love is ridiculous.”
“Why do you say that?”
He brushed her hair away from her cheek and his fingers left a trail of heat in their wake. “Look at how good you are to Lady Chervil or how you have cared for my daughter.”
“It is my job to care for Elizabeth.”
“Not in the loving way you have. It is your job to keep her safe and see that she has all that she needs. Do you love Elizabeth?”
“Of course I do, but that has nothing to do with having tender feelings toward a man.” He was too close, and she stepped back from him. “Gavin claimed I had no passion in me and he was right. I am not like other women, and it makes perfect sense that I have ended an old maid.” So why did saying it aloud leave her aching to throw herself into Markus’s arms and weep until the pain went away?
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