by Rob Ashman
Kray took a deep breath and turned her face to the sky. Her bluster and bravado melted away and tears began rolling down her cheeks.
‘There is something else I need to tell you.’ She wiped them away with her sleeve. ‘It’s about Chris, well, erm, I like him and I think he likes me, and it’s difficult for me to let go. When I’m with him, half of me is with you, half of me is here talking to a lump of marble and I can’t do that anymore.’ Kray sunk to her knees, placing her hands on top of the gravestone. ‘I love you and will always love you, but you’re dead and I’m not.’ Her tears dripped from her face into her lap. ‘I know you would want me to be happy, and I think I can be with Chris, but not if half of me is on this hillside with you.’
Kray rummaged in her bag and drew out a chef’s knife. ‘The last time I brought this here I wanted to slice my wrists open and you said no. You gave me the strength to put the knife down and now I want you to give me the strength to move on.’
She dug the blade into the grass and began to hack at the soil. Using both hands she carved away a square of earth.
Kray dropped the knife and licked the third finger on her left hand, easing the wedding ring over her knuckle.
‘Every time I see this I think of you, every time I feel it, I think of you. If I keep it in a drawer at home one day I will find it and I will be right back here again. I can’t do that, I can’t risk that.’ Kray held the ring to her lips, then placed it into the hole, covering it with the square of grass and pressing it flat.
‘I’ll still come to see you, but I can’t go on living my life with one foot in the land of the living and the other in the land of the dead. I know you’ll understand.’
Kray put the knife back in her bag, stood up and wiped her face, emotional exhaustion washing over her.
She meandered back to her car, wondering what the traffic would be like between here and Chis Millican’s place. Reaching into her bag she pulled out a white plastic object, it was four inches long with a small window in the side. She turned it over and over in her hand.
Across the window were two blue lines. She tossed it into the glove compartment. There had been enough revelations for one day. That one could keep.
Acknowledgments
I want to thank all those who have made this book possible – My family, Karen, Gemma, Holly and Maureen for their encouragement and endless patience. Plus, my magnificent BetaReaders, Nicki, Jackie and Simon, who didn’t hold back with their comments and feedback. I’m a lucky boy to have them in my corner.
I would also like to thank my wider circle of family and friends for their fantastic support and endless supply of helpful suggestions. The majority of which are not suitable to repeat here.