Grace heard him draw in a deep breath. He glanced across at her. "I was thinking about all the things I still haven't told you," he said evenly. "About what happened in Wyoming."
"There's plenty of time for that," Grace said. "We're only just starting to catch up."
He seemed pleased with those words, the corner of his mouth creasing with the hint of a smile. "Okay," he said and shrugged. "But, I still owe you an explanation for why I left."
Grace shook her head. "You don't need to say anything about that, Josh. I think I understand. It's all in the past."
Josh shook his head. "No. It's important to me that you know why I left so suddenly." Josh thought for a long moment. "It was my pa that made my mind up to leave."
"Your father?"
Josh nodded and sighed heavily. "He and I argued. Too much." Josh's brows furrowed. "Seemed like there was hardly a day went by when he wouldn't find some fault with the way I was working on the ranch. Or how I was going about my life. He was always comparing me and Wyatt. And not in a good way. I think my pa preferred Wyatt." Josh tilted his head. "I guess that's how it has always been." Grace heard sadness in Josh's voice.
Grace gasped. "You don't know that, for sure, Josh."
Josh nodded. "I think I do. The day I left, pa and I had a huge argument. He said I was a disappointment to him. That I had turned out bad. That my mother would have been ashamed of me." Josh's voice cracked with emotion.
Grace felt her throat tighten. "Oh, Josh. How could he say such a thing to you? That can't be true. Your mother would have been so proud of you."
Josh lifted a skeptical brow. "You think so, Grace?"
Grace nodded. "Look at what you're doing for Ryan."
Josh's mouth turned downward. "I suppose you might be right." To Grace's ears, Josh didn't sound convinced. He sighed. "Still, when my pa said those words to me, something changed inside me. Something bad that I couldn't control." Josh grimaced. "It was like a feeling took hold of me. All I could think of was getting away. Of running." Josh's voice rose slightly, emotion filled and bitter with the memory. "All I wanted to do was get as far away from here as I could."
"Didn't you pray to God for guidance?" Grace asked him.
She saw the real pain on his face. Josh shook his head. "For some reason, I just couldn't," he groaned. "It was like some kind of evil had gotten into me. Blocking me from turning to God."
Grace found it hard to imagine not being able to turn to God in her darkest hour. He had always been there for her. Always listened to her. Always guided her, no matter how difficult the circumstances. Whatever had happened between Josh and his father must have been really bad, she reflected.
"I just had to go, Grace," Josh said. "It seemed like there was nothing else I could do."
Grace didn't want to ask if she had figured in his thoughts when he'd made that fateful decision. She wanted to believe that the thought of her might have made him hesitate. That the prospect of losing her may have stopped him from being overtaken by rage and anger at his father. But, the last three years were proof that her presence in his life hadn't held him back. If only he had come to her on that day, everything might have turned out differently.
"So I ran," Josh stated bluntly. He gazed across at Grace. She saw a seriousness of purpose in that gaze. "And I'm truly sorry that I did," he added.
Grace's heart filled with emotion. Her breathing was suddenly tight. "I'm sure your pa regretted saying what he did."
Josh shook his head. "Wyatt told me my pa held to that opinion. All the way to his dying breath." Josh sighed. "I never did get a chance to fix things between him and me. I figured on bringing Ryan back with me. So they could know each other. But my pa died before I could do that."
Grace leaned forward. She felt the impulse to reach across and take hold of Josh's hand. Reassure him that all those wounds would be healed. That God would find a way to reconcile the past. "Your pa would have been proud of you being a father to Ryan. He'd have been pleased with the way you acted with honor. Keeping your word to your friend."
"I guess you're right, Grace." Josh frowned. "But, I never got the chance to show him what I'd done." Josh peered across at Grace. "For all I know he died still disappointed in me."
There was nothing Grace could say to calm the storm of emotion raging inside Josh. Movement caught her eye beyond Josh's shoulder. The falling snow had become heavier and was now swirling like a thick cloud. Seeing her looking out the window, Josh turned. He rose and walked to the window, peering out.
Grace went over to his side. "It's falling so heavily," she exclaimed. She could see her buckboard in the yard where Emma had parked it after returning from the Buchanan ranch. The buckboard was covered in snow. At the wheels, the snow looked inches thick on the ground.
"How are Emma and I going to get home?" Grace asked abruptly.
Josh examined the situation for a few long moments and then shook his head. "You'll both have to stay overnight."
Grace glanced, wide-eyed at Josh. "You're not serious."
Josh nodded. "I can't have you both going out in that. You saw what happened when we met on the trail. Your buckboard could get stuck." He peered out the window and shook his head. "It's too dangerous."
The prospect of staying over at the Munro ranch panicked Grace. She turned and faced him. "We can't possibly impose on you like that."
"We've got the room. You and Emma can share the spare bedroom." Josh squinted at Grace. "I'll get Miriam to get it ready."
Instinctively, Grace took hold of Josh's arm. Once again, she sensed the strength in his muscles. Josh glanced down at Grace's hand and then lifted his gaze, peering softly into her eyes. A long moment passed. Grace's heartbeat quickened. She saw a sudden determination in Josh's eyes. His chin lowered slightly and he lifted a hand up to Grace's chin, placing the tips of his fingers beneath it. He lifted her chin, positioning her mouth for what she could see were his clear intentions. She didn't even think about turning away from him. It had all happened in an instant.
"You're not going to go running away from me, are you Grace?" he murmured.
Before she could shake her head, or even say a word, his head dipped and his lips claimed a kiss. Emotion swept through her body as she felt Josh's arm slide around her waist, drawing her closer to him. She sank into Josh's arms. His lips were sweet and his kiss was tender. Grace moaned slightly. That sound seemed to increase Josh's ardor. For a brief moment, his kiss strengthened with desire.
Then, Grace heard footsteps in the hallway. Josh's head lifted and she gasped as he quickly released her. Turning to face the parlor door, she saw Wyatt arriving there. She was sure he hadn't witnessed the kiss by the window, but Wyatt's expression hinted that he had his own opinions about seeing Grace and Josh standing so close together.
Grace fixed a loose hair behind her ear and smiled at Wyatt. "How is Ryan?" she asked. The emotion left over from Josh's kiss made her voice crack slightly.
"He's still sleeping," Wyatt said walking into the parlor. He gazed out the window. "Snow's getting heavy," he observed.
"Grace and Emma are staying over," Josh declared.
Wyatt's brows rose and he glanced at Grace. "Is that right?"
Grace nodded. "It might be the prudent thing to do," she said.
Wyatt nodded slowly, saying nothing. She could see him considering the news, but she couldn't figure out whether he was pleased or not. After all, the ranch belonged to him and to Josh. "You don't mind, do you. Wyatt?" Grace asked, just to be sure.
Wyatt shook his head. "Of course not," he reassured Grace. "Ryan will be pleased to have the extra attention," he added with a smile. He looked at Josh. "I'll go tell Miriam," he said and left the room.
Grace looked out the window. The snow was getting even heavier now. She couldn't see the corral on the other side of the yard. Josh was right. It would be dangerous to go out there, especially since it was getting dark. Even a short journey back to the Buchanan ranch could be hazardous.
>
For a moment, her gaze met Josh's eyes. He looked like he was about to say something. But, she wasn't sure she was ready to talk about what had happened. They'd kissed for the first time in three years, and her entire being had been awakened. Her mind was a jumble of confusing thoughts. She reached out and took Josh by the arm. "Let's get back to Ryan," she said.
She was relieved when he nodded without saying anything. And then she let go his arm and started toward the parlor door.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
When Josh emerged from his bedroom the following morning, he looked out the parlor window and saw that the snow had stopped falling. It was a beautiful morning. Josh went down the hallway and opened the front door. Stepping out onto the porch, he felt the chill of the day wrap itself around him. The sky was azure blue and the air felt crisp and fresh. The ground was thickly covered with loose-lying snow.
There would be no work done at the ranch today, he reflected. And, it would still be difficult for the Grace and Emma to leave the Munro ranch. At least until some of the snow had cleared. And that could take most of the day. He could get some of the ranch hands to clear a path out to the trail. But, even once that was done, he'd still insist on accompanying Grace and Emma back to their home.
Josh checked in on Ryan and found Miriam seated by the bedside with Emma and Grace on the other chairs. Ryan was still sleeping. Grace glanced up at Josh. He smiled back at her and he was pleased to see her face flush pink. Since leaving Ryan a few hours before, it seemed his temperature had lowered. It was good news and exactly the kind of start he wanted for the day. Miriam told Josh there was food waiting for him in the kitchen, which was Miriam's special way of telling Josh to leave them to do their job.
As he chewed on his breakfast in the kitchen, Josh thought about the night which had just passed. He'd spent most of the night with Ryan, sitting in his usual place by the bedside with Grace opposite him. Sometime after midnight, she had began to look tired and Josh had insisted that Grace get some sleep. She had resisted, determined to spend as much time as possible with Ryan. However, eventually, she had given in and had gone with Emma to the room which Miriam had prepared.
Josh's mind drifted to the kiss he and Grace had shared. It had been exquisite. Beautiful. Unforgettable. The memory of that kiss had kept him awake once he'd managed to make it to his own bed. Holding Grace in his arms was just about the sweetest sensation Josh could imagine. And, judging by her reaction to him, the way she'd settled into his embrace, the moment had been special for her, too.
So, what did that all mean for him and Grace? Right now, he still wasn't sure. Had it just been a brief moment of weakness for him and for Grace? Were they just reliving their past, now that they'd been temporarily thrown together? Or was there more to it than that? Something more profound. He couldn't make his mind up. But, one thing was for sure. Today would be a chance for him to find out.
Hopefully, Ryan's progress would continue. And, with Grace by his side to help him, Josh was eager to find out more about where he and Grace stood with each other.
Josh went to Ryan's room. Miriam and Emma left the room. Sitting across from Grace, Josh was glad he'd been given some time with her. "When did you get up this morning?" he asked.
"About six," Grace revealed. Seeing his brows rise, she added: "Emma and I are both early risers back at the ranch."
"So I see," Josh commented. "And Ryan?"
Grace nodded. "He's much better. Looks like the soup did its work."
Josh glanced upwards. "And with a little bit of help from our prayers."
Grace smiled. "Of course."
Josh knew that Grace had prayed for Ryan's recovery. He'd heard her quietly spoken words during the night. He'd always known her faith to be strong. Ever since the first time he'd seen her at the church three years ago, he'd seen plenty of evidence of the strength of her love for God. He was central to Grace's life. The foundation of everything for her. Josh wondered if she could understand how, three years ago, he'd felt so bad that even turning to God had proven to be impossible. Ever since he'd settled in Wyoming, and taken up work as a sheriff's deputy, Josh had asked himself many times how he'd temporarily turned his back on God. Luckily, Jeb had been a man of faith and had brought Josh back to his senses. That had been one reason why Josh and Jeb had been so close. Faith was a great binding force.
Glancing across at Ryan, Josh told himself that maybe God was beginning to show him the reason why he had been led away from Inspiration. Had it been to save the life of this precious child? Had that been what God had had in mind for him all along?
Ryan shifted and opened his eyes. Josh smiled at Ryan. "Hey, there. Good morning."
Ryan smiled at Josh and then looked at Grace. To Josh, it seemed as if Ryan was mightily pleased to see his father and Grace in the same room together.
"How do you feel, Ryan?" Grace asked. "Better?"
Ryan nodded. "It doesn't hurt so much."
Grace glanced across at Josh. "I think the fever made his muscles sore. It's good that has passed."
"Can I get up out of bed?" Ryan asked, trying to push himself up.
Josh reached across and shifted some loose hairs away from Ryan's forehead and then laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I think it's too soon for that, Ryan. Maybe tomorrow. We'll see how you're doing."
Ryan's bottom lip extended and he frowned. He glanced sharply at Grace. "Can't I get up. Miss Buchanan? Just for a while?"
Grace smiled and shook her head. "Your pa is right, Ryan. You need a little more rest. You've had a difficult couple of days." Grace glanced across at Josh. "Best to do what your pa tells you. He's only thinking what's good for you."
For some reason, that seemed to satisfy Ryan. Was the boy already considering Grace as some kind of mother figure? Josh realized that Ryan hadn't really had a proper mother. His real mother had passed while giving birth to him. Did that explain the reason for Ryan's sudden allegiance to Grace? He wondered how Grace would react to that. For the moment, she seemed to be taking it in her stride.
Realizing that Ryan had more energy this morning, Josh thought about what he could do to keep the boy occupied while he was confined to bed.
There was a knock at the door and Miriam entered. "I thought I heard voices," she said, advancing toward Ryan's bed. "How are you, young man?"
Wide-eyed, Ryan gazed up at the housekeeper. "Pa and Grace think I'm better," he said tentatively. "Don't you?" Ryan asked Josh. He nodded and smiled at Miriam. Ever since arriving at the Munro ranch, Ryan had seemed slightly intimated by the powerful presence of the ranch housekeeper.
Miriam nodded. "If that's what they say, then I'm sure it's true," Miriam agreed. "Are you hungry?" she asked Ryan. He nodded. "Well, then. I'll bring in some breakfast for you," she said and left the room.
"What's the trail like, this morning," Grace asked Josh.
"There's a heavy covering of snow," he replied.
Grace frowned. "My mother will be worried about us. She'll be wondering why Emma and I didn't come home last night."
"I'm sending one of the ranch hands over to let her know you and Emma are both safe," he explained.
Ryan's brows lifted. "Did you stay at our ranch, last night Miss Buchanan?"
The Rancher’s Christmas Miracle Page 10