I see Cathy in my favourite spare room, dusting to her hearts content while singing Valarie. She brings a small smile to my face. Shutting the bedroom door softly behind me, I go and brush my teeth. I’ll go to work. I’m not hanging around the tower all day like a spare part and my back feels all right, if I don’t make too many sudden movements. I will just be under Cathy’s feet, and I would rather face Patrick and his certain questioning with regards to mine and Jesse’s relationship.
I flick through the rails and rails of new dresses and settle on one of my old ones. I get changed and slip my heels on before presenting myself to the mirror to put some make up on.
The bedroom door opens. ‘Where are you going?’ he asks, with a hint of apprehension in his voice. That would be the separation under his terms rule that I’m breaking.
‘I’m going to work.’
‘No you’re not.’
‘Yes, I am.’ I carry on with my make-up, ignoring his imposing body behind me. The no touching will be killing him, especially now when he wants to restrain me.
‘How’s your back?’
I flick my eyes to his. ‘Sore.’ I reply, loading my voice with warning. I take my attention back to the mirror and weep on the inside for the man stood behind me, who really doesn’t know what to do with himself. His ways of dealing with me are off limits. He’s truly stumped.
I finish up with my make-up and start putting my bag together. ‘Where’s my phone?’ I ask as he lingers behind me.
‘It’s charging in my office.’
I’m surprised he volunteered that information. ‘Thank you.’ I pick my bag up and walk to the door but jump back when Jesse lands in front of me, blocking my path.
‘Let’s talk.’ he spits the words out like they are garbage in his mouth. ‘Please, don’t go. I’ll talk.’
‘You want to talk?’
He shrugs sheepishly. ‘Well, I can’t fuck any sense into you, so I guess I’ll have to talk some into you.’ he grumbles.
‘That is the conventional way of dealing with things, Jesse.’
‘Yes, but my way is much more fun.’ He gives me that roguish grin, and I fight to keep the smile twitching the corners of my lips. I need to keep this serious. He takes my hand and moves into me. ‘I’ve never had to explain my life to anyone, Ava. It’s not something I relish the thought of talking about.’
‘I’m not marrying someone who refuses to open up. You keep holding information back and then we end up in a huge mess.’
‘I didn’t tell you things because I was scared you would run.’
‘Jesse, I’ve found out some pretty shocking stuff and I’m still here.’
‘I know.’ he sighs. ‘Ava, you know more about me than any other living soul. I’ve never been close to anyone, not like you. You don’t tend to get caught up in conversation and life stories when you’re just fucking someone.’
I wince at the reminder of his dabbling days that have only recently ended. ‘Don’t say things like that.’ I warn.
He tugs me towards the bed. ‘Sit.’ he orders, pulling me down. He takes a steadying breath. ‘The last time I saw my parents it didn’t go particularly well. My sister was a bit underhanded and set us up to meet. My father had a rant, my mother got upset and I got very drunk, so you can imagine how it ended.’
Oh? Jesse drunk? I don’t envy anyone who’s had to endure a round of abuse from a drunken Jesse. ‘So your sister obviously wants you to make amends.’ My voice is small but hopeful.
‘Amalie is a bit stubborn,’ he sighs, and I laugh on the inside. Like brother like sister! ‘She won’t accept that too much has happened, too many harsh words exchanged over the years.’ He looks up at me and I see anguish in his eyes. ‘It’s not fixable, Ava.’
‘But they’re your parents.’ I can’t imagine my life without my Mum and Dad. ‘You’re their son.’
He offers me a half smile, a smile that suggests I just don’t get it, which is fine because I absolutely don’t. Everything is fixable.
He sighs. ‘That invitation only arrived because my sister sent it behind my parent’s backs. They don’t want me there. Their address was scrubbed off and replaced with Amalie’s.’
‘But Amalie obviously wants you there. Don’t you want to see her get married?’
‘I would love to see my little sister get married, but I also don’t want her wedding ruined. If I go, it will end only one way. Trust me.’
‘What happened to make it like this?’
His shoulders drop spectacularly and he starts circling his thumbs over my hands. I can see this is painful for him which makes it all the more frustrating to me because it shows that he does care.
‘You already know that Carmichael left me The Manor when he died. Of course, when I told you that, you thought it was a hotel.’ He raises his eyebrows in a semi amused gesture. I roll my eyes. Okay, so I was blind as a bat. I want to point out that it was his fault I was walking around completely oblivious, but I don’t. I let him continue. ‘Things were already strained after they moved to Spain and I chose to stay with Carmichael. I was eighteen, living at The Manor and I understand that it was any parent’s worst nightmare.’ He laughs lightly. I can imagine too. ‘I slipped into a playboy lifestyle and fell harder when Carmichael died. If it wasn’t for John, there probably wouldn’t be a Manor. He practically ran it while I gorged on too much drink and too many women.’
‘Oh.’ I whisper. He gorged? I prefer dabbled.
‘I calmed it down, but my parents offered me an ultimatum; The Manor or them. I chose The Manor. Carmichael was my hero, I couldn’t sell up.’ He finishes his little speech with utter finality.
‘Your parents knew you were carrying on…’ I clear my dry throat. ‘Well, like you were.’ I can’t say it. It makes me feel sick.
‘Yes and they predicted it, so you see, they were right and they’ve never let me forget it. I’ve lived a pretty sordid lifestyle, I admit that. Carmichael was the family black sheep. No one spoke to him and the family disowned him. They were embarrassed of him and then he died and I filled the shoes of the black sheep. My parents are ashamed of me. That’s it.’
I recoil at the last part. ‘They shouldn’t be ashamed of you.’ That kind of makes me mad.
‘It’s just the way it is.’ He shrugs.
‘So you’ve known John a long time?’ If he helped run The Manor in the early days, we’re talking sixteen-ish years.
‘Yes, a long time.’ he smiles fondly. ‘He was great friends with Carmichael.’
‘How old is he?’
He looks up and frowns. ‘Fifty-ish, I think.’
‘Well, how old was Carmichael?’ I ask.
‘When he died? Thirty one.’
‘That young?’ I blurt. I imagined him to be a long silver haired, tanned, smarmy type.
He laughs at my stunned face. ‘There were ten years between my father and Carmichael. He was an afterthought on my grandparent’s part.’
‘Oh,’ I do a quick mental calculation. ‘So, there was only ten years between you and Carmichael too.’
‘He was more like a brother.’
‘How did he die?’ I’m probably pushing my luck now, but I’m intrigued. I’m beginning to build a picture of Jesse’s history, and now I’m like a dog with a bone.
Sadness washes over Jesse’s face. ‘In a car accident.’
‘Oh.’ I whisper, but then realisation dawns. My eyes drift down his stomach and linger in the area where I know his scar to be. Jesse was in the car with Carmichael. Oh God. All of those times I’ve probed him and badgered him about it, he said it was too painful to talk about and it really is. My one million piece Jesse jigsaw puzzle is all starting to fit together. His Mum and Dad moved to a different country, he refused to go because he wanted to stay with his uncle, who was more like a brother – I will disregard the fucking about part – and then three years later, he lost Carmichael in a tragic accident that caused major injuries to him too. It’s no wonder he fe
ll deeper into the pit of drink and sex afterwards. It all makes perfect sense now. I feel like a huge weight has just been lifted from my shoulders. Of course there is a reason for why he is like he is.
‘Don’t go to work.’ He pulls me over onto his lap with care and nuzzles my nose with his. ‘Stay at home and let me love you. I want to take you out for dinner this evening. I owe you some special time.’
I melt all over him. My new found knowledge, coupled with his reasonableness, refuses to let me say no. ‘I go back to work tomorrow.’ I say assertively. I need to sort out some seriously troubling issues at work. Namely…Mikael Van Der Haus. I can’t even begin to imagine what Patrick is going to say.
‘Fine,’ He rolls his eyes. ‘Right, I’m going for a run to alleviate some of the pressure that my challenging temptress presents me with, and then we snuggle all afternoon and go out for dinner. Deal?’
‘Deal, but I challenge the middle part of that statement and trump it with a deluded God.’
He gives me his smile, reserved only for me, and falls back onto the bed cautiously. ‘Kiss me, now.’ he demands, and I dive straight in with an appreciation kiss. He’s opened up and I feel so much better. Basking on Central Jesse cloud nine has resumed.
Chapter 33
‘Good morning, baby.’
I open my eyes wide in alarm. Morning? ‘It’s not, is it?’
‘No, it’s five o’clock. You’ve been asleep all afternoon. How does your back feel?’ He crawls up the bed, completely naked, until he is lying flush with me. I marvel at the beads of water glimmering on his firm shoulders and chest. He’s shaved. He smells divine.
I wriggle a little. ‘It feels okay.’ It’s not massively uncomfortable, but that’s not to say I would like to go through it again. ‘I’m a lazy arse, wallowing in bed all afternoon on a work day.’ I turn into his chest and get my fix of pure fresh water and mint.
‘Just think, if you gave up work, you could do this every day. How perfect would that be?’
‘For you,’ I grumble. ‘Perfect for you because you’ll know where I am all the time.’ I push my lips into his chest, contemplating that he might just get his way. I know Patrick well, but not well enough to be confident that he would send Mikael packing when I tell him what’s going on.
‘Exactly.’ He threads his fingers through my hair. ‘You could come to work with me and we would never have to be apart.’
‘You would get sick of me.’
‘Not possible. Are you going to let me take you out for dinner?’
‘Or we could just stay right here.’ I slide my hand over his stomach and brush over his scar.
‘Nothing would please me more, but I would like to take you out. Do you mind?’ he asks, rather reasonably.
That’s not like him at all. And him turning down the opportunity to keep me in bed? I’m suspicious.
‘But then again,’ he whispers, ‘I’ve not been inside you for way too long. That is not acceptable.’ He eases me over onto my back gently. ‘Baby, sleepy sex is off the menu for a while, so I’m just going to fuck you. Any objections?’ He rests his body half on mine, his eyes instantly smoking out. That, mixed with his lurid words, has me whipped into a lustful frenzy. But he’s even asking me if I mind him taking me, which, not surprisingly, I don’t, but I prefer dominant Jesse taking what he wants.
‘You’re asking if you can fuck me?’ I’m full of suspicion and you can tell.
His eyes dance with mischief as he kisses the corner of my mouth and then the other corner. ‘Watch your mouth. I’m trying to be reasonable.’ He circles his groin and hits just the right spot.
‘Don’t be!’ I blurt.
He pulls back, his perfect frown line perfectly in place. He ponders my demand for a few seconds. ‘You don’t want me to be reasonable?’
‘No.’ I’m getting a little breathy. He knows exactly what he’s doing.
‘So, let me clarify this. I’m a little confused.’ He rolls his hips into me, unearthing a persistent thump in my groin. ‘You really don’t want me to be reasonable?’ he asks.
Thrust!
‘No!’
‘I see.’ He slip’s his finger into the edge of my knickers and skims my tight bud of nerves lightly, sending me through the roof. ‘Carte Blanche?’ he asks.
‘Yes!’
‘Well, now you’re just giving me mixed signals.’ he says, all controlled as he slips his thumb across my flesh. ‘I love how wet you are for me.’
‘Please, Jesse!’ My back arches and all discomfort has been replaced with sexual anticipation. I’m bubbling.
He inserts one long finger and pushes up on the front wall of my entrance. ‘Soft, hot and made just for me.’ He yanks the cup of my bra down with his spare hand and flicks my already stiff nipple into a bullet. ‘My mark is fading.’ he muses to himself as he latches onto to my breast, biting and sucking. ‘We don’t want you forgetting who you belong to, do we?’
I moan as he replaces one finger with two. ‘Ohhhhhh!’
‘Do we, Ava?’
‘No.’ I breathe.
He clamps down on my nipple and scrapes his teeth over the end, sending shots of pleasure straight down to my core. ‘I love how receptive you are to my touch. It gives me the power.’ Two fingers turn into three, and with his back in such a mess, I resort to grasping the sheets. ‘Does that feel good?’ He works his fingers in and out of me, circling and thrusting as he watches me undulate under him.
‘So good.’ My voice is shaky. I really need this.
‘Open your eyes, Ava. Let me see them when you come for me.’
I peel my eyes open and locate his gaze as he continues to work me up into a despairing mess. ‘Kiss me.’ I order, my hips meeting his hand thrusts. I’m going to fall apart and I need his mouth on me,
‘Who has the power, Ava?’ he asks under half hooded eyes. ‘Tell me who has the power.’
‘You do.’
‘Good girl.’ He lifts up and smashes his lips to mine, circling his thumb on my tight knot of nerves, prompting my hands to fly to his hair and grab on for dear life as he kisses me hard, working me to climax. His tongue rolls around my mouth, firm but slow, harsh but worshipfully.
He’s making me remember.
His firm chest pressed into my side, his wonderful mouth all over mine and his long, talented fingers working me, has my body solidifying, my mind going blank and my soul reinstated. I’m complete again. A long rippling wave whips through me, and I gasp into his mouth, my body shaking uncontrollably as I hit my climax.
‘Only for me.’ He growls the words I know he absolutely means, his carnal possession of my body making me weak with lust. ‘Only ever for me, do you understand?’
‘Yes.’ I sigh and go lax beneath him, the roaring blood starting to clear from my ears.
‘Up you get.’ He links my arms around his neck. ‘Get those fabulous legs around my waist.’
I conform and wrap myself around him, letting him lift me from the bed. He strides towards the bedroom door. ‘Where are we going?’ I ask, hope blossoming at the potential of a Jesse style row.
‘My office.’
Oh? ‘Wait!’ I shout abruptly.
He halts instantly. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Take me to the wardrobe.’
‘Why?’
‘Because we need a condom.’
‘What?’ He’s shocked.
‘We need a condom.’ I repeat, even though I know damn well he heard me right.
‘I don’t have any.’ he spits the words out.
Oh, he’s so guilty. ‘You do. In the wardrobe.’ I should be flying off the handle at him; his tense body suggests he is fully expecting it. He knows that I know.
‘Ava, I don’t do condoms with you.’
‘Then we don’t have sex.’ I shrug against him. He is so digging himself a hole.
‘Excuse me?’ He pulls back and hits me with a disgusted look.
I’m fighting to maintain a straight
face when I should be furious at the potential of him hiding my pills, but I can’t be. He’s a fucking enigma, I don’t think I’ll ever work him out. ‘You heard.’ I say casually.
His disgusted look transforms into a mighty scowl. ‘For fuck sake.’ He makes for the wardrobe with me in his tight clinch, releasing one arm from me and immediately locating the condoms he claimed he didn’t have while grumbling the whole time. He really does want me pregnant. I’ll be fighting him hard on that matter, although it may already be too late. What will I do? I can’t even think about it. All I can do is quietly hope.
‘You know, my mark is fading too.’ I say, looking down at his pec as he takes us from the bedroom.
His scowl disappears and he smirks at me ‘It is?’
‘It needs freshening up.’ I raise my eyebrows and watch in lustful delight as his eyes darken further.
‘My girl is possessive. Knock yourself out, baby.’
I grin and sink my teeth into his pec, a small moan escaping his lips as I’m carted downstairs and straight into his office.
‘I want to take you right here so whenever I have to work, I will see you spread naked on my desk.’ He lowers me onto his big wooden desk and chucks the box of condoms down before sinking himself into his leather office chair. It’s all tidy in here too. Cathy must be wondering what’s gone on.
He’s completely naked and hard as steel, and my eyes are thrilled as I drag my stare down the full length of him. His fingers hook into the top of my knickers and I brace myself on the edge of the desk to lift my bum so he can draw them down my legs. He opens the top drawer of his desk and drops them in before shutting it again and returning his eyes to mine.
‘You’ve just come all over them.’ He rests his palms on my thighs. ‘I want to be able to smell you too. Spread your legs.’
Oh good Lord!
I pull my thighs apart as far as I can, completely exposing myself to him. It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before, a million times, but like this, I feel completely laid bare. The chair rolls forward and he reaches behind me, gently unclasping my bra strap and pulling it down my arms. My breathing has quickened, I’m ready to go again, but I can tell from his mood and approach that this will be on his terms. He has the power and sat in that chair, entirely naked, his abdominals tight, his mammoth erection resting on his lower stomach, he looks mighty powerful too.
Beneath This Man (This Man Trilogy) Page 52