“I’d never leave you Lacey, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you, if you’ll allow me to. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here. If that day never comes, that’s okay, too. But there’s nothing you can say that would ever turn me away. You’re stuck with me, baby.” I try to lighten the air around us, but she doesn’t respond.
“I think the doctor is releasing you today. She feels like you would be more comfortable in your own bed.” I’m trying to make small talk, but the truth is, I don’t know what to say to her. “Can I have Al get you anything to make you more comfortable, or is there anything special you’d like for him to cook for you? Greta is on vacation, but Al is just as good of a cook. They’ve been so worried and would probably jump at any chance to help you,” I state with full honesty. It’s not just my heart she’s won over. This girl lights up the room with her presence, you can’t help but fall in love with her.
“I’d give anything to just be able to forget. Why me? Is on a constant loop in my mind. What did I ever do to deserve the hand I’ve been dealt?” She raises her head and looks me in the eyes. There’s still a fire burning behind those warm brown eyes, though it’s dull. But for the first time since finding her, I feel hope start to blossom in my chest. Hope that he didn’t completely break her. Hope that, with time, she’s going to be okay. That we are going to be okay.
Three Days Later
Lying here, looking at the ceiling, is likely the most boring thing I have ever been subjected to in my life. Both Cory and Amber are at work, and I’m bed-ridden for the next few days.
I was released from the hospital the day after being admitted. The kind doctor thought I would feel better away from all the white walls and sterile smells. She wasn’t entirely wrong, but a small part of me would rather be there than to continue going through the constant loneliness I’m forced to endure.
It’s not Cory’s fault, I understand that. I know he thinks he’s doing what’s best for me. But he’s tearing me apart. It doesn’t help that my nightmares are back with full force. You’d think I’d be used to them, having had them most of my life. But these aren’t like those. No, my nightmares are now on a constant repeat of a night I’m apparently doomed to remember for the rest of my life.
First arriving back at the house, I had breathed a huge sigh of relief. The normalcy of life seeping into my bones. Oddly, that’s the night they started back up. Cory informed me that he had a guest room setup for me and Amber. He said he figured being around a female, and one I’m familiar with, might help me to recover mentally. He didn’t want to trigger anything and hinder any progress I might make.
Ha! A lot of good that idea did. While I love being around Amber, she’s a bright light in my dim world, but she’s not Cory. When I’m around him, a sense of calm settles over me. Something in my gut says it’s not my mental health that’s separated us. Maybe it’s his. I’ll give him a little time, I’m almost positive he’s the one needing the distance. He’s got me close, yet not too close and it’s easy to push it off on me as the one who needs the space. So, I’ll allow him this time for now. But soon, he’s going to have to let me in. I’m the one suffering here and I need him. I just don’t understand why he would be pushing me away. He claimed he wasn’t going anywhere and that I was stuck with him, yet I haven’t even been able to get him to so much as glance in my direction when he comes home.
He’ll either hole himself up in his office or he’s out at the club, all hours of the night. I haven’t seen him since being dumped into this room three days ago. My only interaction with reality is when Amber is here, doing everything she can to distract me. She filled me in on the new position Cory put her in and I couldn’t be happier for her. I’m glad he got out of his own head long enough to see her potential.
She’s also told me that he’s become reclusive. Completely shutting in on himself. He’s not talking to anyone, not even Alex. He’s thrown himself feet first into his work, working thirteen to eighteen hour days just to come home and sleep a few hours and do it all over again.
I’m not sure what’s going on with him, or why he’s shutting everyone out, especially me. But what I do know is that his brother is graduating from high school in just three days, so he better pull his shit together by then, because this Cory is being an absolute jerk. Broken bones or not, I don’t mind giving him a swift kick to the nuts if that’s what it’ll take to wake him up.
I mean, for fuck’s sake, I was raped, beaten, shamed and humiliated, but I would give anything to curl up in his arms, lay my head on his chest, and just cry it all out. Instead, he thinks I’m broken. He thinks having him around is only going to cause triggers. Well fuck you very much, asshole. I’m not weak. And he certainly didn’t fucking break me. So, I’ll give him a few more days, but that’s all he’s getting to decide his next move. I’m not going to sit idly by while he walks on eggshells all around me.
Two Days Later
Slamming my feet down hard, I try to keep pace with the treadmill. There’s still so much pent up anger coursing through me that I haven’t known what to do with it. With Aaron being gone, I can’t exactly hunt the fucker down to kill him again. But I must do something before I go fucking insane. For now, this is what calms me down, I am better able to function when I can just let everything else around me fade out for a little while. So, I throw everything I am into it. For a moment of time, I’m able to make everything go away. It’s just me pounding away as the treadmill inclines and the speed starts to increase, slowly at first.
I feel the sweat begin to pour down my face and the center of my spine; my heart rate begins to accelerate. But I don’t care, it only inspires me to push forward, to run faster.
Five days. That’s how long it’s been since Lacey was released from the hospital. I feel like a coward, pushing her into a room with Amber and avoiding her at almost all costs. I’m at a loss for what to do. I’m terrified of triggering a reaction out of her if I get too close. She needs time to heal, and I thought it’d be best that she distances herself from anything that can cause her pain.
But, what if I am causing her pain? That very thought alone has my feet slamming even harder against the belt beneath me.
“Any harder and you’re going to drive that thing right into the ground,” Alex calls from across the room. I quickly steady myself so I don’t lose my balance. The fucker scared the shit out of me. Damn, I’m on edge and that doesn’t sit well with me.
Slowing my pace, I set the treadmill's incline back to zero and slowly descend. Once it comes to a full stop, I hop off and accept the towel and bottle of water Alex hands over to me.
“What are you doing here?” I question. He’s been hanging around the house a lot more lately. He claims it’s for added security, but I’m not stupid. I’ve seen the stolen glances between he and Amber. I wish he would just get out of his own way already and make a move. It’s clear as day those two are meant for each other.
“Dude, with the way you’re laying rubber in here, I can hear you on the other side of the house. Just wanted to make sure you were okay, and I figured you’d need refreshments.”
“Thank you,” I say on a sigh, rubbing the towel through my sweat soaked hair. I take a seat on the bench beside the dumbbells I have in the corner. I haven't used this set-up in a while, been way too busy.
Alex takes a seat beside me and for a few moments, we both sit in comfortable silence. That is, until he shatters it.
“Wanna talk about it man?” I’ve never been one for guy talk, but I’ve known Alex for a long time. I know there’s no judgements coming from him. But do I really want to lay all my inner turmoil at his feet? Maybe not all of it.
“I don’t know, Alex,” I begin, “I just feel lost.”
“Why don’t you start from the beginning?” He suggests.
“I don’t know what to do for her. She’s been through so much and I feel like I’m only going to add to her pain.”
He just stares at me, a little t
oo long for my liking. So, I continue as if he’s not making this even more awkward for me.
“I’m trying to give her space. But fuck if I don’t find myself wanting to get out of bed every night and drag her to me. How selfish is that. I want her close, but I don’t want to damage any progress she’s made, so I stay away. But fuck if it’s not killing me.”
“Did she ask for you to stay away?” He finally speaks.
“No, but she didn’t have to.”
“Then you’re an idiot,” he states bluntly.
“Excuse me?” What the fuck?!
“Cory, you’re my boss and I respect you. But this is coming from your friend and not your employee. That girl fuckin’ needs you, man. She doesn’t need for you to stay away, she needs you there holding her hand and assuring her everything is going to be okay.”
I take a moment to let his words sink in.
What the fuck have I done? Have I been going about this the wrong way? Pushing her away under the guise that it’s for her own good, when it was for mine? I really am a coward.
“What am I going to do?” I ask him, feeling defeated. She must hate me.
“I don’t know, man. But you’ve fucked up. I would’ve thought for sure that I’d be dealing with a super macho, alpha male once you finally got her home. I wasn’t expecting you to hide away.”
I can hear the anger laced in his words, and they cut me deep. I can’t say that I blame him. My original plan was to lock her in my room and never let her out of my sight again. And while I do know where she is at all times, seeing her the way I did in that hospital bed broke something inside of me. I don’t want her suffering anymore, yet it seems that’s the only thing I’m good at causing her.
I hear Alex grunt before he rises to his feet. “You can fix this, Cory. Pull your head out of your ass and go show her you care.” Without another word, he storms out the door.
Leave it to Alex to really put things into perspective for me, even when I don’t like being wrong.
Now, I just need to figure out how I’m going to fix this. But first, my brother's graduation is coming up and I haven’t even asked Lacey if she'd still like to go. Can’t much blame her if she doesn’t want to.
“This really hot guy came into the club last night. He oozed sex and money, but something about him felt off,” Amber says from the closet across the room. I’m only vaguely paying her any attention. Not trying to be rude, there’s just too much on my mind right now.
“Hello? Am I boring you over there?” She says lightly, but she can’t hide the slight sting of rejection from her face.
“I’m sorry, Amber. You know it’s not personal. You’ve got my undivided attention now. Why did mister hot money bags feel off to you?” She gives me a look, before we both burst out laughing. The pain in my ribs is almost instant, stealing my breath and almost immediately silencing my laughs.
Amber rushes over to me and wraps her arm around my back. She gently rubs circles, careful enough not to cause me any further pain.
“Are you okay, sweetie?” She questions with concern etched into her features. I give her a brief glance before I recover from my laughing fit, and stand. “I’m okay,” I mumble under my breath. “You were saying?” I look at her with hopes that she’ll just continue her story. I don’t think I can handle her being that close right now.
She pauses for a moment, before she begins sharing her experience with the strange man at the club.
“At first, he just sat there. I was nice and attempted to get a drink order, but he said he wasn’t having anything. I left it alone, figuring he would order something later, you know?” Amber shrugs before continuing with her story. “But then I noticed he was just staring at me and being all creepy. I was getting ready to call security to have him removed, when the guy abruptly stands up, looks me dead in the face with malice in his eyes, then turns to walk away. That’s when I noticed that this fucker, with the plain clothes on, was carrying and his badge was situated on his hip. So, please tell me, what the fuck an undercover cop is doing at Cory’s club, and why didn’t the asshole tell me about this?” Amber is fuming, and I can’t say I blame her much.
“That may be because this is the first I’m hearing about this,” Cory says from the doorway, startling me and silencing anything I might have said to Amber in return. My heart quickens its pace. No matter how much I might be pissed at this man, and despite everything I’ve been through, he still manages to get my blood flowing in all the right places.
“Why wasn’t I immediately made aware of this?” But before she can answer, I chime in, “What are you even doing here? Don’t you have other things to be doing, other than eavesdropping in on our private conversation?”
Cory’s head snaps back to my direction. Is that fire in his eyes? Yep, he’s angry. Well, he can just get over it. He has no reason to be upset. If anyone does, it’s me. He can just kiss my ass for all I care.
I give him a glare to rival the one he likely feels should have me cowering by now. Lacey no longer exists, it’s just the two of us in the middle of an angry stare down. I will no longer bow down to any man; not even Cory.
He doesn’t say anything, but there’s a subtle change in the air. A zap of electricity that's almost tangible. I wonder, if I reach my hand out, would I be able to feel the charge?
Being so lost in thought, I didn’t even notice Amber making her quiet retreat, or the fact that Cory is now looming over me. His stance looks relaxed, but gauging from the amount of tension in the air, he’s anything but.
Aiming for indifference, I climb off the bed, needing to move my stiff muscles, and square up with him, “You didn’t have to run her out, Cory. Unlike you, she’s welcome in this room.” Ouch! I didn’t mean to bite that out so hard, but damn, this man spends days without having any kind of communication with me, then just shows up, making the one person who’s helped me to feel even a sliver of normal, leave.
“I guess I deserve that.”
“Yea, you do.” My anger rises by the minute, and he doesn’t seem to be fazed one bit.
“What do you want?” I finally ask so he can get back to ignoring me. Why I ever thought anything would go back to the way they were, is beyond me. Now, I just want to get better so I’m not dependent on anyone. Then I’ll find my own place.
Out of nowhere, a sharp shooting pain radiates across the lower part of my stomach. It’s so painful, I’m doubled over, clutching at my stomach, all other injuries forgotten.
“What the fuck, Lacey? What’s going on? Are you okay?” I hear him say this right by my ear, but I’m barely paying attention. I’m just riding out the waves as they roll in, one after the other, each stronger than the last. It feels as if it’s going to subside, only to pull back as if to say not this time, before I’m hit with another pain so sharp, it takes my breath. What the fuck? What is this shit?
Finally, after a minute of being bent in one position, with the stabbing pain radiating through, I’m able to stand, almost to my full height. Those cramps, the only word I have to compare it to, damn near crippled me.
“Lacey!” I hear Cory yell, right beside me.
“What!? Why are you being so loud?”
“I’ve been saying your name for almost five minutes. Are you alright?” He begins to rub slow circles into my back. Oh God, how I would love to just sit here and accept his comfort, but I just can’t. I’ve needed him so many times since stepping foot back on his property and he was nowhere to be seen, I don’t need his comfort now.
I jerk away from his touch, backing up a few feet to put more distance between us.
“Come on, Lacey, I’ve made a mistake, okay. Please, at least let me try to make it right,” he pleads, something he never does. Must be hard for him, well tough shit.
“You want to make everything right? Well let's see, I was kidnapped, I was beaten on more than one occasion, and then...” I break off, feeling the sting of the tears that are now tainting my vision. I pull myself together and t
rudge on, “I... I was fucking raped. And not by some stranger. No, it had to be Aaron, the one person who helped get me through so many rough nights. But then I wake up in a strange place, only to find out he’s dead. Part of me is sad over that news, but a bigger part is so relieved that I can stop looking over my shoulder. But, do you want to know the worst part, out of all of this?” I give him a second to reply, when I see the subtle nod of his head, I take that as my cue to keep going, “The worst part, is coming back to this big ol’ house, and being alone. I’ve grown to love Amber, as a friend and sister, but she’s not you. You are the one I needed and you abandoned me. Why?!” I nearly scream at him, clutching my now aching ribs. “Why haven’t you been here, Cory? I’ve needed you, and you were nowhere to be found.” I trail off, all the adrenaline I had now gone and I’m left feeling a bone deep exhaustion. One that’s both physical and mental.
“Lacey, baby, I have been here. I was just trying to give you your space, I thou–”
“My space? You were trying to give me my fuckin’ space?! That’s a cop out and you damn well know it, Cory.” I hated interrupting him, but I can’t let him keep on with the utter bullshit talk of space.
“I don’t know what you want from me, Lacey. I fucked up, I see that now. All I can do is try to fix my own mistakes. I can’t fix others. Will you at least allow me to try?”
I just look at him, not giving him an answer. I don’t even know what to say to him right now. Before all of this, I had a bond with Cory. I fell in love with him and I fell hard. But it seems, like everything else in my life, he let me down. Yes, he got there to save me just in time, I might be dead right now if it weren’t for him, who knows what Aaron would’ve done. But being back here with him, I thought I was going to be able to rely on him. I thought he was solid, a rock I could lean on, yet a soft pillow when I needed to let it all out. But instead, all I have gotten out of him is silence.
Finding Strength: A Club Dark Novel Page 10