“Master! Look what Mari gave me!” Lea announced, absolutely radiant as he raised his book, and his small, childish voice brought me some measure of comfort.
“Good for you, Lea,” he commended and I almost dropped the pies. I couldn’t resist taking a peak at him, knowing beforehand what I’d find. And, once more, I was completely lost in his warm, soft smile that perfectly matched his tone. He only showed that expression to that child, and I felt angry at myself for allowing it to soothe the loathing and resentment I usually felt for him.
I placed the pies on the table, stealing his attention, and his smile disappeared immediately as his expression returned to that cold stone indifference.
I turned my back on him, to fetch the salad, and Gabriel took his usual place, slowly dragging his chair before sitting down. My hopes of a peaceful dinner were completely shattered and I mentally prepared myself to survive the next hour or so.
I took my place, trying to avoid unnecessary silent and awkward moments, and asked for Lea’s plate, since his arms were too small to reach the center of the table. Gabriel followed my lead and took two hot fuming pies. Lea stared at the food before him with bright eyes and, grabbing his fork and knife, ravenously dug in.
I smiled at his happiness, at his amazed, delighted eyes as he took the first bite, and thanked his presence from the bottom of my heart. Right then, that small boy with black hair and bright eyes was my real savior.
Lea was the only one who spoke during the entire dinner, sharing with enthusiasm the common, everyday things he’d seen. Like how our neighbor had walked his dog early in the morning. Or how the boy next door had fallen from his bike.
I just smiled, understanding that those little things made up his whole world. Lea rarely left the house and, when he did, he did it as a cat, not as a boy. And the world he saw through his feline eyes was the world of cats, not the Human world.
Gabriel listened attentively, sometimes asking for details, between exclamations of surprise and disbelief, almost as if those insignificant things really interested him.
And so, thanks to Lea, dinner went by quicker than I’d dreaded. When we finished he stood up as slowly as he’d sat down and called Lea, taking him with him as he left. The slowness of his every move irked me once again. I hated the feeling of him giving me any favors!
I quickly tidied the kitchen and stood before the sink, trying to gather enough courage to face him yet one more time that evening. There was something I still needed to clarify, although I’d much rather run up to my room and call it a night.
Gabriel sat on the same armchair as that afternoon, holding Lea’s book with a surprisingly interested expression. I looked around the room, but didn’t find the boy anywhere, which made my heart beat even more wildly; and which was plainly stupid, I frowned. It was almost as if in my mind Lea’s presence could, somehow, protect me from him. When I knew all too well that Lea would never oppose him, much less in my defense.
“Where’s Lea?” I still found myself asking, although my voice broke down half way. Now I knew I must have been insane, going there on my own, when I could stay safely in my room.
“He’ll be right back,” he told me, apparently too engrossed in his reading to raise his head. I might as well not waste the effort of having to stand there and ask what I went there to ask, I thought.
“I have a question,” I announced, and wished he wasn’t in the mood to answer, which would give me the chance to leave earlier than expected. As always, my hopes were all in vain, and I almost forgot how to breathe when he put down the book, raising his head to face me.
“Yes?”
“What you said yesterday, about the time limit,” I tried to sort through my chaotic, increasingly panicking thoughts. “You said it all depended on me.”
“True.”
“Which means that ... if I can’t make it, this situation will be dragged on forever,” I concluded, making sure I breathed in and out at equal intervals, and he seemed to ponder for a moment.
“Until you’re able to do it? Sure.”
“But what if I could do it now! How could you fulfill your part?” I questioned and his dark eyes widened as he watched me in surprise. “It’s not like you could do it, right? At least not without having to break our Contract.”
He laughed lightly and I felt my anger start to boil. Now he was clearly making fun of me. Again! Which made me wonder if he was taking any of that seriously, or if it all were some kind of joke to him.
“What does it matter? I know you can’t do it,” he stated with such a smug grin that I couldn’t help frown.
“Why? It’s not like I’ve never done it before, right?” I asked in my defense. “That mark, on your chest!” He placed a hand over the exact place and smiled briefly.
“That’s right. Why don’t you do it again then. I give you my word I won’t move an inch, just like before,” he challenged me, still mocking me, and I swallowed hard.
“Even if I do it, you still won’t be able to keep your part without hurting Steph!” I accused and he smiled coldly.
“Don’t worry. I’ll keep my part. Let me worry about that,” he said and his voice dropped to a deep, velvet murmur. “Come ... come to me.”
I squeezed my hands into two tight balls and clenched my teeth, keeping my breathing under control. I told myself that there was no reason why I shouldn’t be able to do this! Besides the time I’d kissed his cold, soft skin, in the last few weeks I’d walked beside him more than once, close enough to fulfill his present demand.
However, just like that day near the tree where we’d sealed our Contract, my feet dragged unwilling through the wooden floor, my knees trembling. He smiled ironically as I took my first step and kept watching me, unmoving and silent. It took me a few minutes to manage to take another step forward and, by then, my heart drummed painfully against my ears, leaving me deaf and gasping for air, as if I carried a ton of leather inside my chest.
“Do you want to know the difference?” he asked, sounding disappointed, and I wanted to cry out in frustration when my foot terminally refused to take another step forward. “In all the other times, my will took over yours. Not completely, sure, but enough. You’ll never be able to overcome your fear of me without my help.” He stated it without the shadow of a doubt and I focused all my strength and willpower on moving just one foot, but to no avail. “You must be the smartest Human Being I’ve ever known. You instinctively know what’s best for you. Unfortunately, that displeases me greatly,” he added, lowering his voice, and the air became heavier as his eyes gleamed menacingly. In a split second I quickly stepped back the two steps I’d so painstakingly managed to take, and then some more, as I made the mistake of forgetting to keep my breathing under control.
“Good night, Mari,” I heard him wish in a tone that sounded more like a veiled threat, and all I could do was spin on my heels and run away from there as fast as I could.
Chapter Thirteen
ZEN
– Tiphereth. - The King’s Chamber.
The Vision of the holy Guardian Angel.
The Instruction concerning the Obtaining of the Vision and the Voice of the Thirty Aethyrs.
The Preparation of the Candidate. 1 –
“And so, slowly, something dies inside me every night, and something new is born every morning.
And although I remain the same, everything changes.
Just like an intense scent that fills the air but, as one gets use to it, becomes undetectable.
And yet, the scent that in the beginning wasn’t there, now clearly fills the air ...”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I
n the following days a new routine was established, one that managed to make my life considerably more hellish than before, if that could even be possible.
Stephanie’s cold shoulder and Joanne’s silent treatment went on till the end of the week, making classes even more boring than they used to be.
The critical comme
nts about Michael and me kept following me everywhere I went and I tried as hard as I could to ignore them, in the hope they’d be gone during the weekend.
Steph and Gabriel hung out together every recess, talking in secret and laughing, as if they existed in a world only of their own. It was hard to believe that, for him, all those smiles were nothing but a well-performed act, and seeing them together annoyed me deeply.
The only relaxing moments I enjoyed were during lunchtime when I sat with Joe and the others in the cafeteria. When I was with them, there were no critical expressions nor under the breath muttered insults, and, since Gabriel wasn’t present, no tensions nor fears. Even so, those moments were too short. The other half of my lunchtime was reserved for Michael.
With increasing sadness, I noticed that the happiness I’d felt in his presence, in the beginning, was now practically gone. Besides the dark, ugly stain that was the secret of the Contract I’d accepted, now there was this new agreement that forced me to weave lie after lie. It was as if, somehow, I was betraying his trust, and the constant excuses and plots to escape him were beginning to wear me out. His understanding smile, even when it was obvious he knew I’d just lied to him, made me feel even guiltier. My constant refusals to go out, or even spend any amount of time alone, with him made me feel like I was the worst girl on the face of the Earth. It was as if I had wanted him and, now that he was almost mine, had changed my mind. Above all, I didn’t want to hurt him; not Michael, who had already been through so much and, in an act of trust, allowed me to penetrate his defenses.
My emotions were in constant conflict, as I frequently had to choose between what I really wanted and what had to be done. Quickly enough Lea became my only sanctuary and, when I finally became aware of that, I couldn’t help laugh at myself like a deranged woman. Surely, I was going insane, if my only safe port keeping me from completely losing my mind was a demon.
By Friday I was faced with another of those decisions — what to do on the weekend. Going once more against my will, I’d told Gabriel we’d spend it together, which suspiciously enough had left a pleased smile on his perfect face.
That night I hardly got any sleep, even though Lea was sleeping peaceful beside me. I ransacked my mind in search of something that might keep him busy for two whole days, knowing that failing would mean him leaving in search of other ... diversions.
Lea, beside me, turned in his sleep and wrapped his small arms around my arm, snuggling happily, and then I recalled what he’d told me.
My world was full of things they didn’t know. If that was the case, maybe I didn’t need to try and come up with anything too amazing. Lea had been fascinated with our neighbor’s everyday activities. And so I decided I wouldn’t kill my mind over it any longer and that when morning came, I’d simply organize a small tour around London.
That morning when I shared my plans for the trip with Gabriel, he didn’t seem that enthusiastic about it, which left me apprehensive. But then Lea was jumping excitedly up and down on his chair, since he’d obviously been included in my tour day, and he finally ended up agreeing.
We left after breakfast and I guided them towards the bus stop, aware that I was the only one who actually needed that kind of transport. Gabriel kept his distance all the way, his white hands tucked inside his jacket. Lea wore a pair of small sunglasses with colorful designs on the frames to hide his silver eyes. He walked beside me, holding my hand, his curious head turning here and there as he watched everything with exaggerated wonder and interest.
When our bus finally arrived, I had to explain to him everything his eyes gawked upon, be it inside or outside the bus, and soon enough people around us were eyeing him with amused expressions, as he constantly pointed his little finger, excitedly asking ‘What’s that?’ or ‘What does it do?’
I practically thanked the heavens when we finally reached North Greenwich. His never ending curiosity had embarrassed me more than once, especially when his small finger shot straight up at someone’s face, asking out loud about the things people wore. However, my peace was short lived since next was the subway. More than once I saw Gabriel muffle a laugh or listen attentively to one of my explanations, and I painfully started to wonder if that tour had really been such a good idea.
Lea kept me successfully occupied during the whole trip and when we finally arrived at Trafalgar Square, I was already dead tired even though my day had hardly begun.
“Now what? Where are we going?” Lea asked, anxiously looking around, and I smiled at his sunglasses reflecting my own image.
“Now we walk,” I answered. “We’ll go to St. James’s Park and then down toward the river, so we can see Big Ben.” I dared to look at Gabriel, who kept his distance from us. His face showed neither displeasure nor boredom, which made me feel more confident about my plan as I guided them through downtown’s old streets.
Lately I’d been noticing that my ability to control and ignore my physical reactions to his presence had slightly increased. I still remembered quite painfully that, in the beginning, I could hardly even talk to him. Now, as long as I kept a safe distance, I could easily strike up what could be seen as a normal conversation. Even so, and although I persistently tried every night, I still hadn’t been able to take more than four steps towards him, I recalled bitterly. With a great deal of disgust, I saw myself having to consider the probability he might be right, and that I’d never be able to do it unless he imposed his will over mine.
My idea of crossing St James’s Park seemed right. Lea was absolutely ecstatic, running in front of us, smelling flowers, trees and grass alike. Maybe it was because we were surrounded by green, and the air was cold and clean, but I noticed I was feeling more at ease as part of the anxiety that constantly left me in a grueling state of alert started to dwindle.
Gabriel kept his wide, slow pace, hands tucked in his pockets. Sometimes Lea would run up to him, pulling him towards a tree or plant that, incomprehensibly, he’d considered worthy of a special attention. Gabriel always followed him, smiling patiently, gladly listening to what the boy had to say. Almost like father and son, I thought, and shuddered at the notion that suddenly, amongst all that green, he looked almost Human.
When we reached the other side of the park, I turned east down Great George Street. We took a small detour north and, after a few more steps, were standing before the stunning architecture of the Westminster Cathedral.
Lea stopped with his mouth wide open as he tilted his head backwards to look up at the tall tower, and I couldn’t help laugh, running a hand through his soft hair.
“You’ve never come here?” I wondered, as it was kind of hard to believe, and he shook his head, still staring upward.
“This is the first time I’ve ever been to this city and I still hadn’t left Lewisham,” he confessed and I peaked at Gabriel sideways. He too seemed to be captivated by the imposing neo-Byzantine construction.
“Want to go inside?” I asked, smiling, and Lea finally straightened his head to look up at me through his mirrored sunglasses.
“Inside? I’d like to, but can’t,” he answered and I stared back at him, unable to understand until it suddenly made sense.
“Because it’s a church?” I inquired in bewilderment. Things like that, which reminded me of his true nature, always left a bitter taste on my mouth.
“Not quite.” It was Gabriel’s deep, velvet-like voice that responded, launching a shiver down my spine, and I raised my head to face him. He was contemplating the cathedral, his dark gaze carefully going over every detail of the intricate stone patterns around the doors and windows. “At least not because of the reasons crossing your mind. It’s not because it’s the House of God, or because we fear some kind of divine punishment. If forces like that were really present in this world, and if things were as you think they are, we’d all been extinct by now.” He had a sarcastic smile as he slowly turned his eyes towards me. “When Lea says he can’t go inside, it only means that it’s best if he doesn’t.
Although God isn’t actually living inside those walls, it’s not inconsequentially that you Humans consider these kinds of places as places inhabited by good. And that’s because many of these temples and churches of yours are actually meeting places for the beings you like to call angels.”
I couldn’t help staring at him in disbelief. He’d actually taken the time to try and explain something, instead of telling me it didn’t concern me. More importantly, I’d just heard him say the word angels! And the existence of those celestial beings was something that just recently had come to my attention when speaking with that strange store’s owner and when Lea had told me about how angels could fall from grace, becoming Mazzikin. Both times the subject had almost sounded like fantasy to me, making it hard to accept as real. Thus, the possibility of an angel actually being somewhere inside that huge church was simply staggering. And then it hit to me! That amid everything that had happened lately I’d practically forgotten my main objective — getting rid of him! And how an angel could probably be able to defeat him and send him away for good!
He smiled all-knowingly, as if he’d just listen to my thoughts, and turned towards the arched entrance.
“Going inside and meeting one of them would probably turn out rather messy,” he added, now almost threateningly, and I recalled what Lea had told me about him belonging to the most powerful caste among the Deiwos. “But you may go if you wish. And who knows? Maybe one of them might actually listen to your prayers and decide to help you.” His voice was now dark and cold, and Lea looked up at me, apprehensively.
Hot, molting anger flowed through my veins and I held Lea’s hand, raising my head to face Gabriel.
“That’s not why I came!” I declared. “I can do that when and wherever I want to! There are plenty of churches lying around!” I declared, wanting him to understand that I didn’t need his permission to do as I pleased; not knowing why his cold remark had bothered me so. And so I deliberately walked away with a thundering step from what might had been my salvation, taking Lea by his hand.
Blood of the Pure (Gaea) Page 30