“From my experience, Human Beings tend to eat sweet things when they’re feeling down, especially young girls like you,” he answered, his tone so clinical that I couldn’t help laugh. It was almost as if he’d just recited a rule from some book on how to deal with Humans.
“You really know a lot about us, unlike Gabriel or Lea,” I observed, picking up the small fork and cutting a piece from my dark-brown cake. Sure enough, the sweetness that filled my mouth erased the bitterness that covered my throat like a cloak, lifting my mood.
“Because, unlike them, I spent many years among you. Izrail rarely leaves his dark hole. Even now, he only came to your world because he had to.”
“The war?” I asked, cutting another small piece of cake, and Alexander smiled, looking happy that I was enjoying his gift.
“Yes. A hundred years of war for a thousand years of leadership. That’s how it’s decided who will rule our world in the next thousand years. Nine hundred years after a Supreme Ruler is chosen the command is given for the start of the One-hundred-year War. To participate in that, and thus have a shot at being the next Supreme Ruler, all the clans send to the Human world their best and most powerful Deiwos. Izrail’s clan, which through his interference became mine too, is currently also the Supreme Ruler’s clan. That means that our leader is the Supreme Ruler of all and I can guarantee you that he does not wish to give up his position. And so, Izrail and I, and many others, were sent here to battle among ourselves, until there’s only one left.”
“So, does that mean that whoever wins the war is the next, hum, Supreme Ruler?” I asked, looking for the right words and he shook his head.
“Not necessarily. It means the leader of the wining clan will be the ruler. For example, if I were to win the war, the leader of our clan would get to keep his current position. In order for me to be the Supreme Ruler, I’d first have to challenge him personally and win, of course.”
“And you’re forced to fight in this war?” I asked and he laughed, scrapping the bottom of his, now empty, chocolate mousse bowl.
“Being able to refuse means being able to choose in the first place. And that is something we never possessed to begin with.”
“So, how long has this war been going on for?
“Ninety-six years.”
“Ninety-six! You’ve been in our world for ninety-six years?” I asked in disbelief, eyes wide opened, and his silence was all the answer I needed. “Then, he was Sealed during this war,” I concluded after some mental calculations.
“Izrail’s Brothers Sealed him in order to lower the competition, since trying to kill him would be too dangerous. In any case, I guess that from his perspective, you freed him too soon, Mari. I think he’d much rather stay where he was, surrounded by nothingness and darkness for a few more years than have anything to do with this war. I, on the other hand, am eternally grateful to you for freeing him when you did. Without his help I’d have very little chance of ever surviving till the end. After all, no matter how strong a Mazzikin is, he’ll never be a Shedim.”
“Because he agreed to protect you,” I pointed out and Alexander pulled the plate with chocolate cake back to him, determined to finish what I’d started and seemed unwilling to finish.
“To tell you the truth, I knew he’d never refuse me. Izrail has a bad temper and, most of the times, I can hardly understand what he’s thinking, but in the end, he’d never be able to refuse helping someone weaker than him. All that talk about agreements and exchanges was only a way to make him accept me sticking around, without having to argue with him any further, or ending up hurting his pride. Because even though he may not have any interest in this war, Izrail hates losing, and so he won’t hesitate for a second before destroying anyone who dares attack him. Besides, since he’s stuck on this piece of land, he’ll become an even easier target and he’ll need all the help he can get.”
“From what you say, he’s extremely powerful. Surely he won’t have any trouble defeating whoever comes at him,” I mused, trying to reassure myself regarding my decision to trust him with my safety, and Alexander practically stuck what was left of the cake in his mouth.
“I do not doubt his power. No one does. But believe it when I say it. We will all be much better off if we’re able to solve things without having to resort to it. That’s why his Brothers decided to Seal him. Izrail would never accept defeat and he’d end up taking the battle to its last consequences. After that, all that would probably be left around him would be a huge extension of desert land. For me, just to be able to sit here talking to you, I have to Seal most of my powers. If I didn’t my wings would appear and, even though everything else would apparently remain the same, the air around me would change, making Humans uncomfortable, feeling unsafe, even if they were somehow able to deal with the black wings part. For Izrail that’s also true, but in a way that’s almost frightening to the rest of us. He’s already Sealing his powers as I do, and his presence, and his energy. And, to keep up with that humanly acceptable appearance, he has to Seal himself all over again. They’re Seals, over Seals, over Seals. In combat he has to be very careful to release only the parts of him that are strictly necessary. For that reason, directly threatening his life is far from being the smartest of options. He’d probably react according to his primal instincts of survival, the same that were drilled into him time and time again during his childhood. I fear that nothing would be left of his adversaries, but the same can be said of the nearest town or piece of land.”
I swallowed hard. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what it would really mean to wield such an immense power.
“And so you decided to stay to keep him in check,” I concluded and felt internally grateful for that. He laughed.
“He’d hate hearing you say something like that,” he joked, signaling the waiter to bring us the check.
“And even knowing how powerful he is, how dangerous, you still don’t fear him,” I observed with admiration. I, in contrast, almost fell to pieces every time he came closer than a dozen steps to me.
“Oh, no. Everyone in his right mind fears him,” he denied with a smile, as if that was a worldwide accepted fact.
“But you’re still willing to stay beside him. Even last night. The way you faced him,” I countered and he averted his gaze looking disturbed.
“Yesterday was an entire different matter. I would have never challenged him like that if that stupid cat hadn’t pointed his claws at Jonathan,” he grumbled, sounding annoyed at the memory. “Since I know Suileabhan only obeys his voice, I had no other choice than to do that.”
His heavy expression opened up with a polite smile as soon as our waiter returned. To my amazement, Alexander gave him what very much looked like a credit card, and the man walked away happily.
“Jonathan. He’s really Human?” I asked and he smiled once again.
“He is. And it’s my duty to protect him,” he declared without the shadow of a doubt.
“And you are his Guardian.”
“I was. Now I can no longer take that position.”
“But you still protect him,” I noted and couldn’t help feeling slightly depressed. While Alexander stood by Jonathan’s side, even when that wasn’t his duty any longer, my Guardian had chosen to run away to some dream world. And suddenly my mind made the connection. “So Jonathan is like me?” I asked, still not convinced.
Alexander accepted his card back, standing up to leave. Our waiter thanked him more than once for our patronage, insisting that we return soon, and I picked up my books, following him towards the door. “Is he?” I insisted as I caught up with him and he nodded, hiding his face from me as he pulled up the collar of his coat. However, I couldn’t stop smiling. Suddenly I was no longer alone. Not alone in being a freak. And not alone in being a Human who had to deal with demons and angels for breakfast. I ran a few steps to catch up with him and peered up at him, excited with my new discovery. “You were his Guardian! What happened? How can you stay beside him when you’re
not one anymore?” I went on, clueless, until his expression became surprisingly hard and cold.
“Jonathan only has one Guardian. And that’s me!” he stated dryly. “Whether I’m a Deiwos or a Merifri.”
The excitement drained out of me immediately and, for the first time, I felt intimidated near him. Could he contradict himself any more obviously? The idea I’d built about him, of someone cheerful and carefree, was suddenly, and quite effectively, completely shattered. The hard expression that had remained on his face with just that one question, after so gladly having replied to so many others, baffled me. And, above all, it clearly told me that that wasn’t a topic he wanted to discuss, and so I thought it better and let it drop.
“Mari, do you fear me?” His sudden question made me raise my head to face him. He was still serious, but his expression had grown smoother, almost pained.
I pondered carefully for a moment. I wanted to be as honest as possible with my answer. It was the least I could do to repay him all the patience he had had with me and all the things he had taught me.
“No,” I finally replied and smiled lightly at his surprised expression. “I guess, right now, I’m not afraid of any of you, although I’m quite aware that the humanly proper thing to do would be to run around screaming in terror,” I added and he half smiled at my sarcasm. “I did fear Gabriel for a long time, though. Not for what he appeared to be, because, ever since that first night, he never did anything that might make me feel that way. I feared him based on what I irrationally feel when I’m near him. It’s a kind of pure physical terror that I can’t control, dragging my mind with it. Rationally speaking, I know all too well that I have nothing to fear, that he needs me alive in order to reach his goal. But when he’s near, my mind goes completely blank. As for Lea, I guess I was never really afraid of him, even after he tried to kill me.”
Alexander opened his eyes wide and I couldn’t help laugh at his expression of disbelief.
“It was nothing special,” I pointed out. “Now we are practically best friends. As for you, well, maybe if you’d shown up last month, I’d probably have been very much afraid. Now, I’ve seen and heard so many things that I guess I just got used to it. Just last Saturday we were attacked by one of your kind. Sure there was a moment, in the middle of all this, that I really thought I’d end up losing my mind. Sometimes I still feel like that, but I learned to control the down spiraling thoughts that constantly cross my mind. Since you know us so well, I’m sure you understand. It’s as you said. It’s not easy being around Gabriel and he is seriously lacking in communication skills. And Lea, Lea obeys his every word. Gabriel only told me what he decided I needed to know, which is basically limited to the terms of our Contract. But who would ever be happy with just that? And so, after many struggles, mainly against myself, and after almost going insane once or twice a week, I finally developed a way of thinking that, somehow, allows me to move forward. I guess it was kind of a surviving instinct.”
“And what way of thinking is that?” he asked in a tone of genuine curiosity, gently bending his head to be closer to my height, and I took a deep breath, raising my head to look forward towards the path ahead.
“Nothing special, really,” I assured. “I just decided that I’ll trust him as far as I can. Because if he wanted to kill me, he could’ve already done it more than dozen times. That doesn’t mean, of course, that I agree with the things he does, or that I’ll do whatever he wants. To tell you the truth, up till now, the way I’ve been looking at things has been much as that of a chess player looking over a game board. He is my opponent. And that’s why ... why knowing that this is all a mere curiosity for him ...” My voice faltered and I had to take a deep breath before I could go on. “I just can’t help wondering what was I so intent on fighting for. If the game was rigged from the beginning, and a winner has already been chosen, then what’s the point of keep playing. I do know that the chances of me winning are slim to say the least, but, even so, I’m willing to go on. But if I never had any chances to begin with, then why postpone the inevitable? It will only bring more pain.”
“Mari, you’re not seeing things how they really are,” he said. I stared up at him and his gaze asked me for patience.
“It’s what you say. The way you see it,” I pointed out and noted we were almost home. “I trust you because he trusted you. This is where my trust in him stands. Because I found out I’m not able to live if I don’t have some kind of firm base to hold on to.
“And you chose him as your base.”
“What else could I do? I didn’t have enough information to build one of my own. I couldn’t go on rumbling about life, always lost, always afraid, unable to think or even interact with the people around me.” I frowned. I knew all too well that was my biggest weakness and I wasn’t all that pleased to have to talk about it.
“But now that I’ve told you all this ...”
“Yes. I guess now things are a bit different,” I conceded. “And although I ended up hearing things I’d probably rather not hear, I’m kind of happy with myself right now, almost proud. Looking back, I do not regret any of the choices I made, from the few moments when I was allowed to choose. Unless this is all another charade,” I added and stopped by my front door, looking for the keys inside my huge handbag.
“I can swear it to you, by Jonathan’s Soul, that it is not a charade!” he said with such intensity in his voice, carefully articulating each word with absolute precision, that I couldn’t help look back at him. “Maybe later you’ll end up reaching this same conclusion all by yourself. There are still many other truths you don’t know about.”
Chapter Eighteen
ZIM
– The Garden of Nemo. The Work of the Magister Templi. 1 –
“Why can’t Human Beings learn their lesson, like all the other creatures of the Earth?
And the cycles repeat themselves, day after day, year after year, life after life....
In truth we can only perceive the treasure that we held when, too late, we see it sink in eternal seas of life.
And then all that’s left is pain, sorrow and silence...”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
T
o my surprise, as soon as we set foot inside the house, we were received by an extremely worried Lea and one clearly bad-humored Gabriel; all because Alexander had decided to kidnap me without any kind of previous warning.
“Where have you been?” He demanded in a menacing tone and Alexander threw is arm over my shoulders, pulling me and making me stumble against his warm body. We were both standing by the living room’s door, where we’d sopped to face Gabriel’s angry expression, and I couldn’t help notice that, as expected, everything was miraculously back to normal.
I looked up at Alexander, an angry protest in my lips, but the air around us was suddenly so heavy and charged with that frightening energy that it made me shuddered.
“Come on...” Alexander sighed as if talking to a child, keeping his hold around me, even though I tried to free myself, and a broad smile took over his lips. “Really? Are you going to throw a tantrum over just a lunch out?” He asked, making me shiver, and my panicking gaze turned towards Gabriel, towards his cold hard expression, his menacing black eyes intently set upon that arm that crushed me against his warm body. Oh my God!, I thought, my heart hammering against my chest, that stupid black angel did have a death wish!
“I told you to bring her straight home.”Gabriel practically hissed and I tried once more to stand up straight but that arm kept me in place with iron strength.
“You told me to watch over her. And I did. But Mari needed some time off. And since you’re so poorly socially skilled I thought it best to take matters in my own hands.” He replied and my eyes shot up back at him, at his... amused expression. He was doing it on propose!, I concluded with sheer terror. And using me! To make him mad. Which was working surprisingly well, I easily gathered, as my hands and legs started shaking and the mark on my wrist burn
t painfully.
As I shoved him once again, the fear that washed over me must have given me extra strength, or maybe Alexander decided to finally let me go. I stumbled away from him and urgently turned towards the origin of that silent dark threat.
“Just stop it!” I demanded, surprisingly more angry than afraid, and his eyes widened as surprise washed over his face; an expression that almost made me gasp in disbelief. That the perfect statue could make an expression like that was truly unbelievable. And yet it worked immediately, I mused as the air became lighter and easier to breathe. Which only made me feel much more self-confidant as I faced him. “You have such an ill temper!” I criticized and now he seemed abash, staring at me as he I were alien, or something like that. “So what? We had lunch together! What is it to you, anyway? I’m free to have lunch with whoever I choose!” I added and, for an instant, feared I’d gone too far. Gabriel pressed his lips together into a thin line, looking as if he was trying to keep himself under control, and then suddenly relaxed, back to his usual cold and indifferent self, that made me silently sigh in relief.
“Go with Lea. He found signs of activity North from here.” He told Alexander, as if nothing had happened, and Alexander nodded, still smiling mischievously, winking at me before turning to leave. I heard the soft sound of Lea’s bell towards the kitchen and then silence... and I knew I was alone with him.
He was standing by the table, where he’d been since we’d arrived. Not a new table that looked like the old one, I noticed, but the exact same table, down to the smallest detail, scratches and stains included. It was strange seeing him stand, I thought, when I’d almost taken for granted that I’d always find him sitting on the armchair.
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