Blood of the Pure (Gaea)

by Sophia CarPerSanti

  For a moment he slowly looked around, as if searching for something, and it took me a while to notice that his expression looked bothered.

  “I’m... sorry... for loosing control like that...” He ended up muttering and his obvious embarrassment left me dumbfounded. I couldn’t deny he had reacted poorly to my tardiness, which had deeply annoyed. But, even so, I’d never expected in my wildest dreams, ever hearing him apologize. Above all, I wasn’t used to seeing so many foreign expressions flashing across his perfect, stony face. As I didn’t answer he went on, avoiding meeting my gaze. “If you had lunch together I imagine he... he talked about me?” He finally asked, cutting straight to the point, and I nodded, still by the door, as if ready to run away at any moment. “What did he tell you? “

  “He...” I muttered, swallowing as I tried to unstuck my voice. Being alone with him was so much more intimidating... even knowing, as I now knew, that neither Alexander nor Lea would have been able to protect me from him, even if they wanted to. “He told me you are very powerful... and that everyone fears you...” I managed to say after quickly trying to ascertain what would be the safest thing to share. I did not wished to anger him again, specially not now that there wasn’t anyone else around, but his bitter expression told me that I had just failed in my attempt to please him.

  “Feared... yes...” He confirmed. “What else did he tell you?”

  “He told me about this war.” I replied, more firmly now, as I regained my confidence. “He told me that neither one of you desired to be a part of it, but that you had no other choice.”

  “We never have a choice...”

  “Yes, he told about that too.” I confirmed.

  “Did he tell you about us? About our way of living? Of how we met?” I quickly considered if I’d be able to get away with a lie. After all, I was obviously getting better at that day by day. Still, and against my better judgment, I ended up nodding, which made him look away in a mix of anger and disgust.

  “Would you rather I didn’t know?” I asked and saw as his fists curl up into two tight pale balls.

  “I’d rather you didn’t know anything. That you wouldn’t get yourself involved with things that are none of your concern. You do not belong in our world.” He plainly stated in his low, velvet voice and, somehow, the way he did it sent a unexpected jab into my chest.

  “I guess you’re right about that.” I conceded, feeling strangely calm as I stood there, talking to him. “But what I did, that placed us both in this situation, nullifies all that.” I stated and he glared at me, once more in disbelief. I took a deep breath, allowing myself a quick moment to ponder my present situation, and decided to go on. After all, if what I wanted was the truth then it only made sense that I should start by being honest myself. Anyway, what good could possible come from trying to hide my thoughts from him? That was exactly what I’d been doing so far, with no success whatsoever. I reminded what Alexander had told me just a few moments ago. If I couldn’t win by fighting head on then I’d search for a way around. Sharing was my first new strategy; giving in hopes of receiving something in return. And who knew... Maybe by learning a bit more about him, and him about me, we could end up better understanding each other... “I may not belong in your world, and I certainly do not wish to, but right now there’s really no other way. This Contract binds me to you, but it also bids you to me. Maybe if this war didn’t exist... maybe we could’ve just focused on this Contract’s terms, as you wish. In that point, Alexander is right. If it was my destiny to free you, I might as well have done it a few years later.”

  He sighed, running a hand across his face, looking suddenly tiered.

  “It’s as you say. I do not wish to have anything to do with this war.”

  “And yet there’s nothing you can do to keep out of it.”

  “I will not involve you in this! I swear!” He claimed with such intensify that the air vibrated around us, making a shiver.

  “How can you swear something like that? The Contract that bids us involves me automatically!” I countered and he averted his gaze as if I’d scolded him. “You know, just this morning I was willing to give you whatever it is you want from me.” I confessed and he faced me alarmed, as if I’d just said the most terrifying thing, which made me smile briefly... More expressions, I thought, and this one so human-like. “You see... I’m really tiered...” I justified. “But, even tiered, I’ve been fighting to keep my sanity, to understand the situation as best as I can, to deal with this daily routine so different from my previous life. Although I frequently blame you for all of this, deep down I’ve always known that doing so was just a way to appease my despairing mind. If I’m not to blame, neither are you, and we both are who we are. The difficult thing is knowing how to deal with this. I also recognize, although I may not show it, that you’ve always tried to control your... true nature. And it’s been holding on to these certainties that I’ve been able to keep on living, waking up every morning, without any further explanations. But yesterday night... you told Alexander that you’d spared me because you felt... curious. Because I’m somehow different from other Human Beings. Which means that, in the end, this Contract is worthless. That once you’ve satisfied your curiosity you’ll simply destroy me, as you should have done that night. If I look at things this way then, all I’ve done trying to deal with all this, it’s been all for nothing... My life is worthless... And so I may as well give you whatever you want and be done with it!” I concluded and made a brief pause to take a deep breath. He stood completely still, is black eyes locked on me, his face apparently indifferent. Only the slight glow of his gaze told me that he listened and that my words reached him. “Alexander says I’m wrong and, although giving up sounded much easier, I decided to believe in his words. Ironically enough, I found out that I’m not really the giving up type.” I added with a smile. “And, because I chose to believe his words, I came back to battle, even though I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it... Or if I should even be fighting ... If there’s a meaning to all of this...” I added in a low voice and straitened my back to face him. “So I need to know... what is it you really want. If this is all a curiosity to you, then tell me what you want from me. I’ll tell you anything, do anything, and then you can just destroy me and be done with it. If all you want is my first night with a man, then I’m yours right now. I’m too tired of fighting for things that mean nothing to you. That you can simply take, whenever you choose to. So... just tell me...”

  I felt a knot tighten around my throat and the threads incarcerating my heart became dangerously cutting as I waited for his answer. The few seconds of silence seemed like an eternity.

  “I... need... want... wish... you to keep fighting.” He finally told me, still facing me, and, for the first time, I felt warm inside at the sound of his deep velvet voice. “That you may survive my presence... that you end up winning this battle... and that you may remain yourself, as you were before our paths crossed, once I’ve left.” My heart jumped, beating faster, and I waited for the trembling that surely would follow... but nothing happened. Gabriel took a deep breath and seemed disturbed, once again. “However, as much as I’d like to tell you that I no longer wish this Contract, that’s not true either. I admit that what I wish for is no longer the price I imposed on you... not anymore... but, as you’ve said it yourself, this is the only thing binding us together. If, on one hand, this Contract implies an obligation that does not please me, on the other hand without it I’d have no place in your life.” I clenched my coat’s flaps over my chest that strangely hurt and told myself I did not understand what he meant. He seemed to notice my distress and frowned, averting his gaze, looking annoyed. “You asked me what I wanted.” He pointed out, defensively.

  “Yes...” I admitted but was immediately at a loss for words. “Because... I want to understand...”

  “The same way you wish your life would return to what it was, I also wish my life would be as it was before I came to this world... It was all
so much easier, then... so much clear, so much obvious. You ask me what I want, but what I want contradicts itself constantly. I wish you to be happy, but I do not wish for many of the things that would make you happy to happen. So, if you’re able to smile when the things I do make you smile, and keep fighting when the things I do make you cry...” He was suddenly silent and I had to blink to force myself to react. My heart was beating so fast I could swear he could hear it, keen as his auditory senses were. But beyond that I felt numb, my mind completely blank, as if I’d been shocked to death.

  “Until when...?” I managed to ask and he smiled glumly, leaving me breathless.

  “Until you’re able to get rid of me, or until someone appears, able to destroy me.” He answered me and suddenly raised his head, as if someone had called him from far away. “I have to go.” He simply told me, his tone abruptly hard, and disappeared just like that, within a magical rain of small dark sparks, leaving my room unexpectedly empty.

  It took me some time until I was able to react and, when I finally did, I dragged myself upstairs, still half numb. Undressing my coat, that I dropped on the bed, I went towards the PC and turned it on.

  As expected a new message entered my inbox and I felt disappointment wash over me in anticipation, knowing that it was probably from Rachel, telling me that she couldn’t make it for Easter. I opened it, uninterested, only as an excuse not to think about all he had just told me, and kept myself busy by reading what she said. My eyes stared blankly at the strange numbers and letters on the screen, unable to give them any meaning, and it was only a few moments later that I understood what I’d just read. Suddenly wide awake, I urgently went back and read again. And then gain!, just to make sure I was reading well, and finally my laughter echoed all over the now empty house. Without knowing how, and against all expectations, my mother was arriving in London on the seventh, at 5 pm.

  * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  The next day I woke up at dawn, freezing and stiff from having fallen asleep sitting at the kitchen table. I looked around, as I rubbed the icy skin on my arms. I remembered I’d come downstairs to make dinner, thinking how much Lea would like to have something to eat waiting for him when he returned, and had sat there to wait... to wait for him... to wait for them. The food remained untouched on the pan left over the oven, the plates I’d set around the table clean. I stumbled towards the living room, still shivering from the morning cold but no one was there, either. Not even silent, empty eyed Jonathan that always seemed to be left behind, obediently sitting wherever Alexander chose to leave him.

  With I sigh I knew I was alone but, even so, went upstairs to search the bedrooms, ending up back in the kitchen.

  I decided to clear the table and put the pan in the fridge, since it was already freezing cold. I grabbed an apple as I closed the fridge and nibbled at it, absorbed in my own thoughts.

  So much had happened all of the sudden...! Still I knew that I should be used to it, by now. Since Gabriel and Lea had arrived, my life had became a roller coast, constantly going up and down. And I had the feeling that the wave brought upon by Alexander’s presence was even bigger than all the previous ones. At least, this time around, I hadn’t been the only one feeling her world shaking to the ground... Gabriel had also felt it, and the words we’d exchanged, the day before were a clear proof of that.

  I felt my cheeks blush and dropped the half eaten apple before going up to my room.

  If I could believe his words... I’d have to believe he had changed plans, once again. I’d have to believe that, right now, all he wanted was to remain by my side and to live that human-like life for as long as possible, something that only I could offer. If I believed that I could almost understand him, I thought. After all, compared to his life of loneliness, silence and darkness, life in the human world was much more colorful, warm, and filled with new things every day. It was only natural that he’d wish to stay for as long as possible... I knew I’d wish that to, if our roles were reversed. And the only way to make this possible was living as Gabriel, Mari’s cousin. In the end I was like a bridge, connecting him to the human world while allowing him some moments of peace when he could freely be himself. If this was so, then what he’d told me also made every sense. He wanted the Contract, but didn’t want it to be fulfilled. Since fulfilling it would mean the end of his time here.

  I put on my pajamas and slid under my quilt. Closing my eyes, I commanded my mind to fall asleep, but spent all morning wide awake, words and expressions dancing beneath my shut eyelids, refusing to let me rest.

  If I could... If I could see him as I Lea did, to answer his wish as he’d answer Lea’s, maybe he’d set me free...

  I got up, giving up on the idea of falling asleep, and decided to take a shower in hopes of figuring out how I should face him the next time I saw him. After all we’d said to one another I just couldn’t imagine how to react around him.

  However, he didn’t return.

  Neither him, nor Lea, nor Alexander or Jonathan. And the week-end slowly went by.

  After almost two days home alone the silence around me started to become so heavy and oppressing as the air that surrounded him when he was angry. I did my best to keep busy, cleaning and tidying the house, focusing my attention in the fact that my mom would be arriving soon. Even so, I started to often find myself just standing there, my mind completely blank, as if my mind had simply shut down. At night I’d woke up frequently, certain I’d heard footsteps coming from below. I’d jump to my feet and run downstairs straight to the living room. And then to the kitchen. But no one was there. It was almost as if they’d completely vanished...

  To my relief, and although I’d doubted it possible up to the last minute, Rachel arrived Monday afternoon, just as planned.

  The yearning I’d felt for her bright smile and familiar face seemed to double as soon as I saw her standing in the door way, and I ran to hug her, fearing I might be seeing an illusion, or something like that.

  “Mom!”

  Her arms wrapped around me instantly and her perfume filled the air around me, leaving a content smile in my lips.

  “Hi, dear! How have you been? Let me look at you!” She asked, holding me by the shoulders, pushing me away just enough to look at me from head to toes, and that familiar smile was back. “New clothes, I see!” She noticed immediately, and I hugged her again.

  “Really! Only you to pay attention to that sort of thing! I missed you!” I confessed and she laughed lightly.

  “Me too, dear. But let me get in, ok? We’ll have more than enough time to catch up.”

  I nodded but even so refused to release her, which made it rather difficult walking through the door and down the corridor. We both collapsed on the couch, her laughter filling the room, and my eyes fell immediately on the empty armchair, Gabriel’s usual place.

  “I know that Gabriel has already returned home for the holidays.” She told me, practically reading my mind, and I looked up at her in disbelief.

  “You know? How?” I demanded urgently and she tried to straighten my hair, which we both knew to be useless.

  “He sent me a message last week, to make me know when he’d be leaving and to wish me a pleasant trip.”

  “Last week?!” I repeated, completely taken aback. How? If he himself had told me it was best if my mom didn’t come visit? If he’d really sent that message, then his absence had been planed! And if that was how it was, why not tell me? And did that meant he wasn’t returning till the end of holidays...?

  “How have you two been getting along, here, all by yourselves?” She asked, sounding worried, and I was forced back to reality.

  “Oh, everything’s been fine. Did he tell you when he’s coming back?” I asked.

  “Hum... I don’t believe he did. But it sounded as if he was only going away for a few days. To be with his family, I suppose. I remember his message said that we’d see each other soon, before I have to return to Paris. But why? Didn’t he tell you?” She asked, now
sounding suspicious, and I made myself smile, shaking my head.

  “He didn’t tell me exactly when he’s returning. That’s why I asked.” I half lied and Rachel put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against her soft, warm body. Before she would had certainly noticed my lack of honesty, but by now I was so used to making up lies and stories to justify his presence that they dropped out of my mouth with the same conviction as the purest of truths.

  “Boys!” She snorted. “You know how they are. He’s probably with his friends.” She justified the lack of information and took a deep breath. “But what about you? What have you been doing? Tell me everything!” I laughed and snuggled against her chest.

  “How can I possibly have anything new to tell you when we write each other almost every day? Besides, my life here is pretty much the always as same - home, school, school, home, too much study and the occasional stroll down the park. You’re the one with all the news!” I protested and she placed a warm kiss on my head, stretching towards her small travel bag so she wouldn’t have to release me.

  “I guess you’re right. And I brought you a bunch of things, too.” She announced, excitedly, and I raised my head curious about the gifts that my scatterbrained of a mother had managed to by for me.

  Between dozes of pictures, postcards, small decorative objects and some pieces of clothes, the living room was plunged into chaos in just a couple of hours. Rachel spent the rest of the afternoon telling me about her life in Paris, the way she did it almost making it sound like some fantastic adventure, her eyes glowing with enthusiasm as she described all the places she’d been to and all the people she’d met. As it got dark outside I went to the kitchen, to turn on the stove and make some last minute improvements on the dinner I’d prepared to welcome her home. She seemed pleasantly impressed, complimenting me all through the meal, almost as much as Lea would have, and I asked her about the project she was developing.