“I guess it didn’t occur to you that that’s exactly what you should be wishing for. If that really were to happen, you’d be free from this Contract and, of course, free from my unworldly presence as well.”
“And I guess it didn’t occur to you that I do not wish to get rid of you!” I replied in the same exact tone as him, and we were silent again ... until he sighed.
“And that’s precisely what I was talking about,” he grumbled, but there was a soft smile on his face. “Your existence, in its unpredictability, is extremely attractive, to the point of making me want to stay just to enjoy your presence. Near you, my long, boring existence is much more interesting.”
I smiled with an almost childish happiness and took a deep breath.
“There’s no problem then.”
“Oh, but there is,” he countered immediately, and his expression became serious again, almost dark. “There’s no point in me staying if my presence will end up destroying you.”
“That won’t happen,” I declared with conviction as he smiled.
“Yes it will. Because I cannot change. My being is ever expansive and it devours all that surrounds me. Destroying is part of my nature, even if I don’t want to. It’s like asking a leopard to restrain from hunting its prey with it standing right there beside him. I’ll end up smothering you, like before, driving you insane. Or do you think that things will be any different if I stay? l won’t resist the temptation of trying to manipulate you, trying to break your will, transform you into an obedient, predictable doll, just to show you I’m stronger than your unpredictable nature. And, when that happens, you won’t be Mariane anymore. And I’d just destroyed something that I really cared about, that somehow made me feel good. I don’t want to have to feel the pain of having broken something irreplaceable.”
I was at a loss for words, my heart hammering painfully against my chest. I made my mind pass over all the possible and implicit meanings of what he’d just said, and faced him with the same self-confidence he always showed.
“And so you would rather leave because if you do, I’ll remain the Mariane you know,” I concluded and his silence was confirmation enough. “Only because you’re not here to see it! The Mariane you know only exists because you’re here!”
“And so you’re telling me to stay when I already decided that I’d leave for your own good.”
“I already told you! I’m not that frail!” I insisted, deciding not to let him out that easily. “And tell me how to release the rest of your power! Enemy or not, there’s not really much I can do against you, there never was. So more or less power doesn’t really make any difference to me, but it’s obvious that it’s important to you.”
Gabriel watched me for a moment. “True that the ability to heal kind of makes a difference and I wouldn’t mind having it back. But I do not wish to recover my other gifts. So, since I can’t just free one of them, I’d rather leave them all where they are.”
“Why? They belong to you, right? They are a part of you, right?”
“Sure. But in the situation I’m in right now, I wouldn’t be able to resist and eventually use them. I’d end up reading your mind, and controlling the will of people like Stephanie or Michael ... and you wouldn’t like it. I wouldn’t like it either, probably. In truth, these are powers I rarely use and that normally produce more negative results than otherwise. Listening to what others think can be truly ... devastating, a thousand times worse than a small scratch like this,” he added, referring to the white scar across his chest and I could almost swear I could see a shadow lingering in his eyes. I wondered what he’d heard in the minds he had invaded.
I had no way to counter that, although I really wished I could return his healing powers to him. He smiled, noticing my inner struggle, and I ended up sighing in defeat.
“Fine. But, in return, you have to fulfill my wish,” I quickly negotiated and the sound of a small bell echoed from the stairs. Lea had finally returned and his expectant face turned towards the door. That really frustrated me! Once more he was going to run from things. He wasn’t going to give me a straight answer. “Nyx!” I called him and his gaze was immediately on me, blinking almost as if he felt dizzy at the sound of his name. “It’s what I wish ... and my request.”
Lea shot through the door, happily jumping towards him and hugged his legs. And yet he didn’t look away, his eyes still locked on mine.
“What? What is it? What happened?” Lea asked, looking from him to me and back again, and Gabriel finally placed a gentle hand over his head.
“What do you say if we stay for a few more days?” he asked and Lea’s face seemed to come alive, his silver eyes even brighter.
“Really!” he asked and turned to me with a huge smile. “Really, really?” I smiled at his clear happiness and nodded. He jumped again and ran towards me, and I leaned forward wanting to pick him up, but immediately gave up the second I put my arms around him. Pain shot through my ribs and I tried as hard as possible to keep it at that and not let it show on my face. I’d completely forgotten about it and scolded myself. I placed a kiss on his soft hair, and slowly sat on the bed, pulling his small body to my lap. Lea’s fleeting serious expression told me that he’d noticed something, but as I smiled, his excitement won over him again. “Yay! This is great!” He went on hugging my neck almost too tight, and I returned his hug as if he really was the child he appeared to be. I’d missed him so much!
Now that Gabriel had given in to my request, I could stop lying to myself and, with a sigh of relief, honestly accept how hard it would have been to bear their absence again.
When I looked up to thank him I was irremediably lost in his smile. His expression was, as always, impressively beautiful, but also gentle and soft, even though there was a shadow of sadness in his eyes.
I had the feeling I’d finally been able to understand his point of view. However, I couldn’t stop thinking I was doing exactly what Steph had accused me of. I felt guilty for using him so that I could feel a bit more like everyone else. And so I decided right there and then that I’d never allow him to break me, that I’d be strong and that I wouldn’t be the cause of that pain he seemed to fear so much. That was the least I could do, the only way to repay him for his condescendence. I’d show him just how determined I could be, just how much I was able to bear! I’d resist him with all my strength and I wasn’t going to let him destroy the Mariane whose presence he apparently seemed to appreciate so much.
“What took you so long?” he finally asked and Lea perked up his head to look at him.
“Nothing much. I just walked around for a bit, trying to feel his presence, but nothing.”
Gabriel nodded and I quickly tried to catch up. I didn’t want to be left out.
“His presence? The Deiwos that escaped?” I asked and they both looked at me at the same time, which was rather intimidating.
“Yes,” Gabriel confirmed with a resigned expression. “Since when we returned I was in no condition to open a passage through the barrier, Lea had to break it down for an instant. Unfortunately, that was enough, and we were followed. This is also why I decided we should leave again, as soon as possible. If we stay you’ll never be safe,” he added and my eyes dropped to the ribbon around my wrist.
Lea stirred in my lap, as if my silence was making him restless, and I smiled, running a hand through is ever-unruly hair.
“But, with you around, there’s no way I won’t be safe, right?” I asked and Lea nodded immediately, hugging me again, obviously relieved with my answer.
“Mariane!” Gabriel’s critical tone only made me even surer of my decision.
Suddenly, from the moment I’d been able to choose a determined line of action, everything had become easier. Now, all I had to do was keep myself loyal to my own choice and follow it wherever it might lead me.
“No Deiwos alive can change my decision!” I told him firmly. “And I’m not about to allow you to use this as an excuse to go back on your word!”
>
My tone seemed to displease him and a new crease marked his forehead as he looked towards the door.
“Fine! The decision was yours! Just be sure to keep up with the consequences!”
“Fine! You don’t need to worry! That’s exactly what I’ll do!” I replied, just as dryly as he’d talked at me.
“Get some rest, now,” he told me, again in that soft voice, and I smiled noticing he’d ended the subject and that I’d won. I could almost laugh in pure glee. That was a first, I noted proudly. And it felt really good! His upset expression, slightly embarrassed, was just perfect.
However, my more practical, much more Human side talked louder and immediately filled my head with numerous tasks that needed to be performed before I could obey his command.
“I have to make us something to eat. Jonathan will be waking up soon. And I have to call the school. I’m ditching classes since morning, and since they know my mom is away, if I don’t give them an excuse, they’ll probably end up showing up at my doorstep just to know what’s going on.”
“I already called school,” he informed me in his usual velvet murmur.
“You did?”
“Early in the morning, while you were still sleeping. I told them I was a neighbor and family friend. And that you had a cold and I was taking care of you at your mother’s request. As for the rest ...” He didn’t look at me even once, and folded his arms back to that defensive posture of his. I’d never noticed before how he often struggled with some words and concepts. I smiled, slightly amused, while he searched for the right words. “I’ll take care of it,” he finally added and I had to try hard to contain my laughter.
“You?”
“Why? It almost sounds like I’ve never done it before!”
And it wasn’t as if I could argue with that, I told myself, remembering the baked fish he’d made to impress my mom.
“No ... I mean, I know you’re quite capable. In fact, what can’t you do?” I teased and he walked to the door in three surprising fast steps. To me, it almost looked like he’d run, although it clearly wasn’t the case.
“So, just do as I say!” he firmly restated in that tone that was practically impossible to disobey. “Lea?”
“I’ll be there in a minute,” the boy replied and only then did I notice his mischievous, amused smile.
Chapter Twenty-Two
ZIP
– Malkuth - The Pure Virgin. The reward of the Magister Templi. 1 –
“My selfishness is like an incandescent, sharp storm that, ruthlessly, won’t be stopped by anyone.
Once awake, this burning monster opens paths never seen before,
demanding a world of his own, a world I know that doesn’t belong to me.
Even so, the impulse that drives it forth is pure and, like such, irresistible ...
This is the true voice of my heart.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I
n a silent agreement we waited until he left, to be sure we could talk without being overheard.
Lea smiled happily and hugged me again.
“Thank you, Mari! Thank you so much!”
“What for?” I asked, holding his small, apparently frail body against my chest and he looked up at me, his eyes looking even brighter.
Once more I remembered how much I’d missed him. How much I’d missed the smell of wet earth after the rain of his hair, or his mischievous smile. I didn’t know for sure how many times I’d hallucinated, hearing the sound of his golden bell echoing all over the house, or even his fast running footsteps on the stairs.
“For letting us stay.”
“You have nothing to thank me for. To tell you the truth, I’m being very selfish right now,” I confessed and smiled at his puzzled expression. “I’m doing this for me. Because I don’t want to be left alone, again,” I admitted and he looked at me with a serious expression. And I knew if anyone could understand the true meaning of my words, that person was Lea.
“You won’t be alone anymore, I promise! And you don’t have to worry about anything. We’ll protect you!”
The absolute confidence in his voice made me slightly embarrassed and I tussled his hair as if that could maintain the image of the small child I so much tried to hold on to.
“I know that! And I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll probably end up making everything much more difficult for you all. And that you would all have it easier if you would leave. But even so, I don’t want you to go! I know I’ll never forgive myself if anything happens to any of you because I’m being stubborn. But still, I can’t make it weigh enough to change my decision.” Lea seemed to seriously ponder my words for a moment.
“It’s not really like that,” he said. “Although I might not have liked it all that much in the beginning, and sometimes I still struggle against it, the truth is that your presence has a big influence on all of us. These last few days were ... very difficult. Master was always in a bad mood, hardly speaking to us unless to talk about ways to destroy our enemies, even though he never wanted anything to do with this war before. He never smiled and rarely slept. All he did was give orders to everyone,” he lamented with a sorrowful expression. “I missed being here a lot.”
I recalled the letters Steph had given me and smiled.
“But he never stopped thinking about you, not even for a moment. He knew you missed me,” I told him.
“Even so, he kept telling us we were never coming back,” Lea said with a sigh. “Even when he was hurt. He forbade me to bring him here, and I waited for him to get better, hiding him while Alexander distracted our enemy. But he didn’t get better at all! And I didn’t know what else to do. And I thought that if I disobeyed him he’d get mad and punish me, that he probably wouldn’t want me anymore.” The anguish in his voice told me exactly how hard it had been for him to make that decision. “But I just couldn’t watch him suffer any longer. And so I decided I didn’t care what would happen afterwards, if it meant he’d get better. Not even if he decided to kill me. But then ... everything changed. He didn’t get mad at all, or even punish me for disobeying. He began smiling again and playing with me. I think he’s also much happier here. I guess Master also missed you very much, but of course, he’d never say anything like that,” he added, lowering his voice to a whisper as if he were afraid someone other than me might hear him, and I couldn’t help laughing at his secretive expression.
“I guess it’s hard for him, dealing with things like feelings,” I supposed after our previous talk and Lea nodded.
“I suppose. Because Master rarely deals with other people and he’s kind of indifferent to everyone around him.”
“Except you.” Lea smiled at that, his eyes alight with pride.
“What about you, Mari? Did you miss us?”
“I almost died from missing you so much!” I confessed. “I guess I don’t know how to live without you anymore. Which is probably no good at all. But I don’t really want to think about it right now. I was also really, really happy to see you all again. Even though you scared me to death!” I scolded him and Lea smiled.
“I knew you would help him!”
“I didn’t do anything special. I’m quite sure that if he’d been Human, he’d be dead without a doubt.”
“Even so, you did help him!” he insisted and his expression became more serious. “And by the way, let’s see it.”
“See?” I asked unable to understand and Lea poked his small finger at my ribs, making me cringe in pain as I tried to avoid his touch.
“You were hurt yesterday when Master threw you across the room.”
“It’s fine. It’s nothing, really,” I told him, but still placed a protective hand over the area that hurt, so that he wouldn’t poke at it again just for the sake of argument.
“Let me see.”
“Really, Lea. It’s fine.”
Lea folded his arms and gave me a threatening look, but still I wouldn’t capitulate.
“Fine then! I’ll just t
ell Master to come and take a look,” he decided, nimbly jumping from my lap, and I hardly had enough time to catch hold of him, stopping him from walking away.
“Wait! Fine! I’ll let you see,” I conceded and took a deep breath, pulling my pajama top up.
I looked down at the area that had been hurting since last night. I still hadn’t had the chance to do it myself, and couldn’t help feeling impressed by the large purple area that covered the skin over my ribs. No wonder it hurt so much, I mused as I noticed it had even spread to my back. Lea’s grave expression made me smile and pull my top down again.
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” I assured him. “We Humans bruise easily.”
“But it’s so big.”
“It’ll be fine in a couple of days,” I insisted and he looked unconvinced. “You can’t tell him about this, Lea. He’ll be angry and he’ll use this as another excuse to go away. And you don’t want that, right?” I urgently added and he shook his head. “So please,” I pleaded once more, knowing he never hid anything from Gabriel, hoping that the idea of having to leave would be enough to make him keep one small secret, and Lea sighed.
“I won’t tell,” he promised me, but his expression remained grave. “But now you have to take care of yourself, Mari. Ok?” I nodded trying to reassure him and he sighed again. “I better go and see what Master is doing. You get some rest. I’ll come and call you when lunch is ready.”
“Ok.” I decided it best to play the good girl, wondering if a lunch at four o’clock could still be called a lunch, and Lea gave me a last worried look before leaving me alone.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I stretched, composing the old, blue cotton tracksuit I’d put on, and followed Lea down to the kitchen. Halfway down the stairs I could already sense the delicious smell of roasted meat, which unconsciously made me speed my pace. The hunger that up till then I’d been successfully ignoring, suddenly roared in my stomach like a wild beast, leaving me with mouth-watering.
Blood of the Pure (Gaea) Page 52