by Peter Rix
The revelation gave Jim the opportunity to move about a bit and ease the pain in his legs, still a bit shaky after the morning’s long swim. When was it?
Oh, soon after we’d arrived.
What, six years ago?
Jeremy laughed. A hopeless optimist, do you think? I’ll probably never see it again, but I come down here anyway. It’s become a kind of obligation.
Really? Well, good luck with it.
Jim started back up the path. The doctor must have had enough too and caught up to Jim as he reached the road. Above them, through the tree canopy, a patch of watery blue hinted that the day might clear after all. The doctor patted his pockets for keys.
Good luck with your work here, too, Jim said. I wonder if you’ll get a different perspective when you’re back in the city?
How do you mean?
You know, the … issues … How to really break the cycle with people like … well, you’d know better than me.
Jeremy Farmer examined the car keys in his hand. Ah, yes, there’s always the cycle, isn’t there?
Sorry, it’s none of my business, Jim said, but you know what I mean. Sometimes, you need to step back to see the big picture.
The doctor worried away at his fringe. They’ve tried plenty of those, you know, he said. Big picture’s a thriving industry. The problem with it, though, is it lets us avoid all the untidy little pictures, like communities, families, individual people.
The Volvo didn’t kick over at first, but Farmer waved away an offer of assistance. No worries. She always takes a couple of goes.
He chugged by as Jim was walking back up the slope – the car’s engine could have done with a tune-up. Then he was gone, leaving a silence in the bush that made Jim quicken his step. His leather soles slipped on the loose gravel and a flurry of stones skittered off into the undergrowth like tiny bush creatures. The sound of his footsteps on the shoulder and the cold, damp air from the gully on his face didn’t help. It rankled to be hurrying again without knowing why. He slowed only when he hit the warmer layer of air up the hill.
It was reassuring to be back inside the car. That old clunker, though – surely a doctor could afford something better? Jim started the engine, and immediately the vision came of his big four-wheel drive looming up behind the Volvo. A few minutes would make no difference. He sat there. The doctor had accepted his uninvited appearance down there without question. Tom was like that. You could never really surprise him, either. Turn up unexpectedly to some function or for the pick-up duties and he’d be over the moon, but to him it was the most natural thing in the world for you to be there.
Hey, here’s my favourite dad.
There’d even been once in London. It had been a rough flight, a series of difficult meetings. The call came at three in the morning.
Dad. Mum’s at yoga, but there’s a spider in my room.
I’m in London, Tom. It’s the middle of the night here.
I know you’re in London, Dad. I’m not stupid. But you’re the only one I’ve got in London who can deal with spiders.
Jim set off towards Wassford. The mists were burnt off now, but the light hung uncertainly as if the day could still go either way. For years, they tried to teach Tom the concepts of time and distance. They ran out of energy eventually, even Fran.
I’m starting to see it his way, anyhow, she said once. The rest of us slice our lives into hours, years, kilometres. We compartmentalise everything, like chapters in a book. The boundaries don’t fit how Tom sees the world, so he just dispenses with them. This time, that time, here, there. Everything is everywhere, always. No border even between what’s real and what’s fantasy.
It’s crazy, Jim had said. Something is real or it isn’t, that’s all there is.
Maybe, she admitted, but your real, or mine, isn’t the one Tom has to deal with, is it? What’s he supposed to do, sit in a corner smiling, like Jumbo Parkes suggested? Besides, no boundaries – I quite like the sound of it.
That was it. Tom’s reality was that whatever he needed would be wherever he was and just at the right time. Like his dad about to appear at the meeting place from around the corner. Who knows? Maybe he took comfort from it. Everything is everywhere, all of the time.
In London, but still able to deal with the spider in his bedroom.
In the shadows under the bridge.
Seventeen
Saturday morning. That meant no work for all the friends because it was a weekend. Except for Amit, who worked in his mum’s shop and sometimes on Saturday, but not this one. The friends didn’t go to work yesterday either, but that was a different one. That was a day off. Tom lay in his tent, looking through the flap, where Amit had just climbed out.
He heard Kaylee telling Amit, It’s Saturday. You don’t have to go to work.
Mum gets me up at six o’clock?
He heard Amit going through the grass to Russell’s tent, then the sound of the zip opening. Is it rude to open the zip on people’s tents? Like going into your brother’s bedroom without knocking when he’s wanking in there because his girlfriend won’t do sex with him?
Russell said, Hey, Amit. Six o’clock. Time we were up.
You could just see Russell’s head poking out of his sleeping bag like a caterpillar. Amit sat down suddenly on the grass when Russell poked his head out, but he still said, Six o’clock?
Morning time. Everybody except Newton got up when Russell made Amit sit down quickly on the grass. Russell stretched his arms wide, then he bent over and touched his toes. Russell did exercises because he was a sport person.
Man, this is special, Russell said.
All the grasses had little lights on their tips from the sun. It looked like Russell was standing in the middle of hundreds of the tiny lights doing his exercises. That made Tom remember all the times he had been camping with his family, but his mum and dad and brother weren’t here now, so it was best not to think about that. It would be better to jump up and do some exercises like Russell.
Hey, cool: where people had walked from the fire to the tents, and from the tents to the trees, the long grass was squashed flat so that it made patterns in the field of little lights. You could see the path Tom followed in the night to have a pee. Russell knelt by the fire and stirred the ashes with a stick. Other people had built fires in the clearing too. Tom sat by one near his tent and looked for a stick to stir it with. There was an old log in the fire, only half-burnt-up, and the smell made him remember about camping again. He stared at the fire, and his eyes looked hard at the pieces of silver foil, the old, blackened beer cans and some pieces of eggshell.
You have to clean up your fire properly, that’s what my dad says.
Then he had to wipe the stupid tear away before anyone else saw him blubbering like a little kid who doesn’t know how to be away from his family. It was better to be with Russell at the top of the riverbank.
Russell put his arm on Tom’s shoulder. See up there. That’s a rapid.
There were lots of rocks in the river where Russell was pointing, and the water was white and bumpy.
And below this pool, that’s called a pebble race, Russell said. See how the river gets fast again there, like it’s had a rest here under the willow trees and now it’s in a hurry to get going? Sometimes Russell said it like he was telling a story.
It’s best for swimming here where it’s deep, Tom said. So you don’t break your spine.
Russell’s hand squeezed Tom’s shoulder. Your dad’s taught you a lot about the water, hasn’t he?
My dad knows everything about water.
They walked back to the fire, and Kaylee gave Russell a mug of coffee. Russell stood with his coffee in both hands to get warm, just like Tom’s dad did.
A mug of hot coffee, the sun on your face, fire at your back, Kaylee said. We are very privileged.
Tom sat on a river rock. They watched Amit walk down to the water’s edge.
Russell said to Kaylee, I’ve camped here a few times, but being
with these guys it’s somehow even more special. Anything seems possible. Well done, you.
Kaylee did a little laugh. Tell me that back at the meeting place on Sunday night.
Russell spoke to the group while they were having breakfast. I’ve had a look at the river. It’s very low. That’s why there are no other paddlers up here. It’ll be fine for us. We might just have to pull the raft over a few rocks.
I’ll pull us over.
We’ll all have a go, Tom. Let’s get the raft off the van roof, so we can practise getting in and out and paddling. Then we’ll go down the river.
Lizzie’s brain could do proper thinking sometimes. She asked, How will we get back to our tents?
Good question, Ninety-Nine. Kaylee’s going to take the van and meet us downstream, Russell told her. Remember the river that flows through the town? That’s this same river. Kaylee will meet us at the bridge we crossed. Tom’s dad will be here later today, and then we’ll have two vehicles, which will make it easier.
I’ll stay with Kaylee, Virginia said quickly.
Me too. I won’t go down the river. I don’t have to go down the river?
That was Amit.
It’s up to you, guys. Tomorrow, Kaylee’s going to take the raft down with Mr Campion, so you can come with me today, or them tomorrow, or not at all. It might be a shame to come all this way and not have a go.
Amit said, Mmm? Virginia did her smile and took Kaylee’s hand.
There were lots of clothes in white-water rafting; in the surf, it’s just your boardies. Even Lizzie got the hang of climbing in and out of the raft in wetsuits and life jackets and helmets and sneakers. Kaylee showed them how to float through a rapid on their backs.
Feet first, guys, in case you hit a rock.
Head first is best, Kaylee, on your tummy. That’s how we do it in the surf.
This is different, Tom, Russell said. Just listen and learn.
Take my advice, Russell, Tom said. My father can teach me. He knows all about the water. He’ll be here in a minute or an hour.
I know he taught you the most important water lesson of all.
What lesson? Tom’s brain did remembering. Yes, he did teach me. If you go right under the water, don’t panic. You have to stay calm even if people have their feet on top of your head.
I’m not sure about the feet part, Russell said, but Tom’s right, guys. There’s no problem if you fall out in a rapid. Just come through by yourself and meet up with the raft when the water gets deeper. He pointed to the river.
See how slow it is? That’s because the river is wide here. Even when the river is higher, it’s still great for swimming in this section.
Kaylee told them, Even with the river this low, we have to follow the rules. So have fun, guys, and be safe. You’ll have some great stories to tell your families.
Russell told Kaylee how he had chosen this part of the river for safety. They spread the map out on the picnic rug. Tom’s dad liked to look at maps, so Tom pushed between them to see.
There are long stretches to practise paddling, Russell said, then some low-grade rapids. Just enough to get the raft bouncing a bit. If the river was higher, I’d grab one of the local guides to come along. Between here and the bridge, there’s only one big fall: the Devil’s Stairway. Three drops, technically fairly tough. We’ll portage it. That means carry the raft around it, Tom.
Take my advice, Russell, Tom scoffed. My dad knows about it. He’s going to teach me when he comes.
After the friends had practised, Russell, Lizzie, Tom and Newton did rafting on the river all the way to the bridge at Wassford. Virginia, Amit and Kaylee bumped the van along the track to pick up the supplies that were forgotten after the trouble under the huge big tree at the oval, then to wait for the rafters.
Paddling the raft was easy, except when they wanted to go in a straight line. Tom jumped out to drag them off the rocks. Russell showed him how to judge the river before hopping over the side when the raft bottomed out. Tom and Lizzie learnt how to choose the best path to drag the raft through the shallow water. Lizzie didn’t limp when she was in the river; maybe it was only a limp for walking on the dry ground. Newton stayed in the raft like he was a special passenger.
Russell told him, We don’t have passengers in this raft, Newton. This is your side. If we hit on this side, you push us off. All right?
I have to push us off the boulders. On this side.
Newton had nice words, but when the raft got stuck on a rock he sat looking along the river like he was watching TV.
Newton, we’re stuck on this boulder. What are you going to do?
We’re stuck on the boulder. I’m going to push us off.
But he didn’t do any pushing off at all. Russell just stared back at Newton. Nobody did anything at all to help him. Lizzie played with one of the bow ropes. Tom wanted to push them off, but he looked at Russell then sat still. The river made the raft do little bounces in the water. Then Newton moved to the edge of his seat. He leant out and hauled the raft along the boulder. The river pushed on the raft, and they floated free.
We’re off. Newton is the man! Russell said. Devil’s Stairway coming up. The third step of the Stairway, that’s the biggie. It would be more like a freefall with the river this low.
Russell was looking for the take-out point on the bank, so he didn’t see the boulder until very late. Or maybe he was just doing another experiment.
Newton, here’s a boulder, on your side.
Here’s a boulder, on my side, said Newton, and he pushed the raft past without anybody doing anything.
Russell punched the air. Yes, sir!
Tom laughed. Hey, Russell, that’s my trick.
It was hard work pulling the raft up the bank to get past the big rapid. The friends had a rest then. Tom climbed out on the rocks to the highest part and called to the others, Look at me. I’m going to do a big dive like I did from the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Tom took off his life jacket and helmet and his birthday watch to get ready.
Lizzie shouted, Be careful, Tom. You might drown or break your neck.
But Tom laughed and showed them how to do a swan dive into the pool at the bottom of the rapid like his big brother James did at the Stamford House swimming carnival.
Make sure you tell Virginia about my dive, Tom told Lizzie and Newton.
I’ll tell Virginia about your dive, Newton said. But then he said, I will tell her that diving from the rock would be very dangerous.
Me too, Lizzie said, but Tom just laughed because girlfriends like boys who do dangerous things.
These river-runners did great work today, Russell told Kaylee when they were all back at the camping place in the afternoon. He told about Tom and Lizzie helping on the river, and he told about Newton doing his job without anybody saying, and he told about pulling the raft around the rapid. But he didn’t tell about Tom’s special dive.
Tell about my dive, Tom said.
Russell looked at Tom across the fire, and he looked at the others. I’m sorry, mate. I didn’t actually see it.
I didn’t see it either, Newton said. Not with my eyes.
Lizzie was sitting beside Tom. I saw it, she said. I always see Tom. He tells me and then I see it. My mum says I can see it because Tom has such a vivid imagination.
I’m not stupid, Lizzie, Tom said. I can do anything, especially in the water, because my dad and I are the same.
It’s true, Lizzie told the group. When my mum drives us across the Harbour Bridge, I always see Tom standing up on the top. When I was Elizabeth, I saw lots of things in my head, but now I only see them with Tom.
I don’t think Tom dived off the Harbour Bridge or the rapid, Virginia said quietly. He only tells those stories to prove he’s not scared.
Tom was angry then. You don’t know, Virginia, because you’re scared of everything, he said loudly.
Virginia stood up then and walked to the other end of the clearing to sit under a tree. No one said anything to Tom about
being brave or scared or diving. Tom looked over to where Virginia was sitting, and the funny feeling came back into his stomach. He walked over and sat next to her.
I’m sorry, he said.
Virginia said, You’re mean sometimes.
Tom wanted to say nice words like James said to his girlfriend when Tom was hiding behind the swimming-pool fence, but no nice words would come out of his mouth.
I am frightened of lots of things, Virginia said. I don’t want to be, but I am.
Tom moved closer to her. That’s why I have to be brave and do tricks and stories, he said.
It would be better if we weren’t Down Syndrome, Virginia said. But then she smiled. I like it sometimes when you do them.
I know, Tom said. And then he told Virginia that it was okay to be Down Syndrome.
She asked, Why?
Easy, Tom grinned, because I can do anything.
It is okay, Virginia said, but we have to help each other, that’s what my mum says.
Tom watched her playing with the long grass, curling it around her fingers to make a ring.
Do you like me? Virginia asked Tom.
I like you a lot.
I want you to love me and not anyone else, Virginia said, and the words rushed out of her mouth.
Tom’s mouth opened too, but no words wanted to come out.
I want you to love me like a proper boyfriend, Virginia said.
Okay, said Tom, but his voice sounded funny.
I mean it, Tom. Don’t love anyone else.
Like who?
Like Maisie, Virginia said.
Tom thought hard. Okay, he said finally. I’ll take her picture off my bedroom door.
Then Virginia leant her head on Tom’s shoulder, and the funny feeling was very strong in his stomach.
Kaylee called to them from across the clearing. Tom, Virginia, come and help with dinner.
They stood up, and Virginia came in front of Tom and kissed him. She took his hand and made it touch her and held it there until Tom said, I think I have to sit down, and Virginia left him and walked over to help Kaylee.