by Peter Rix
Why? How much further is it?
The old man was on his feet. Too far. Tomorra, eh?
He turned and was absorbed into the scrub.
Jim lowered himself onto the rock, breathing hard. He tried the mobile. He’d promised Tom he’d be with them by mid-afternoon. By the time he hiked back and drove up the mountain road, he’d be lucky to get there before they went to bed.
Kaylee’s phone was switched off or out of range.
Nineteen
Even when it became dark night in the clearing, Tom was still angry because his dad was late and no one would say about his dive. But then some lights came over the hill and down the track towards the camp.
My dad! Tom yelled.
They heard an engine, but not a good engine; it sounded like the engine on James’s car when he drove it without checking the oil like their dad told him a thousand times. Maybe it was James’s car that drove into the clearing, because it was a hooning ute just like his was, but this one was red not black and had lots of dents. Russell told all the friends to come near the fire. Virginia and Lizzie went beside Kaylee. Amit and Newton left their river rocks and stood behind Russell, who wasn’t scared of anything. He did kickboxing.
You and I can kickbox them, Russell, Tom said. Like you showed me.
Settle down, Tom, was all Russell said.
Tom had to show them he wasn’t afraid of anything. He wasn’t scared of diving from rocks and Harbour Bridges and he wasn’t scared of people in hooning utes, even when it was dark. He put his hands in his pockets to go and look. Everybody at the fire put their hands up to their eyes because of the headlights until they were switched off, and then it was dark again except for the fire. A shadow slipped from the driver’s door. Tom kept his hands pushed deep in the pockets of his special cargo pants like his brother did when he was checking out a hooning ute.
Cool ute, dude, Tom said. Do you know my brother?
The shadow stood just out of the light of the fire with his head pulled down into his shoulders like he thought Russell might kickbox him. The shadow looked at the others from under the hood of his jacket. Amit began to hop. The shadow pulled his head even further down into his jacket, but his eyes were looking all around the clearing like the possum that climbed down the chimney one night and Tom’s dad had to get it out of the lounge room with a broom before it completely wrecked the place, and … Now will you stop feeding them, Tom? But then James said it was him who was feeding them, even though they both were.
The shadow said, All right then, eh?
He looked up into the night sky, which was black as inside a witch’s knickers, and that was James’s joke.
Uncle reckons y’ might get wet, the shadow man said. The birds give ’im the nod, eh. Can’t tell how bad, Uncle says, but maybe a storm up on top. He jerked his thumb towards the tents. Be all right up here. Just gotta watch the river, eh. Stay put.
Yes, we heard that back in town, Kaylee said. Nothing on the forecast. Local knowledge, I guess.
Yeah. Uncle Doug usually gets it right, y’ know, the shadow man told her.
Hey, well, thanks, Kaylee said. Thanks for coming out to tell us.
The shadow was already turning away, so they could hardly hear his quiet voice. It was her wanted me to, he said. Aunty Dorrie, y’ know. Under the tree.
The shadow man got back into his hooning ute, and the ute coughed its guts up like James’s when he didn’t put in the oil, and it blew smoke and roared away.
My favourite father! Tom shouted an hour later, and this time it was his dad’s big car that drove into the clearing with its bright lights and the horn.
Tom’s dad put up his little tent that was really James’s old one for his backpacking trips, and he put his sleeping bag inside and then he came to the fire and asked all the friends how they were enjoying the river rafting.
Tell about my great dive, Tom said to Lizzie, because she was the only one who saw.
But Tom’s dad didn’t like the story about the dive.
It’s okay, Dad, Tom said to him so he wouldn’t get mad. I took my special watch off so it wouldn’t get broken.
Tom held up his arm to show his dad, and there was no watch there at all on Tom’s wrist, just skin.
My watch!
And then Tom couldn’t stop all the tears coming out, because he had left his watch on the rock near the rapid and it was his birthday watch, it was the watch just exactly the same as his dad’s watch. Then Tom’s dad got mad because of the watch and the crying and said, How many times, Tom?
Tom yelled at his dad. I’ve had that watch since last year ago when I turned eighteen!
And Tom stood in front of his dad and punched and punched into his dad’s chest. He yelled at his dad, When I was born as a baby, I had to wait all my life to be the same. And now it’s gone!
Then Tom’s dad picked Tom up like he was just a kid and carried him down to the riverbank away from the fire and away from the others who were staring at him, and his dad sat down in the long grass and held Tom’s arms so he couldn’t punch any more and held on tight until Tom stopped yelling and crying. And then he let Tom go and he sat beside his dad.
You don’t know, Dad, Tom cried. You don’t know what it’s like for me in my life.
Tom’s dad didn’t say anything; he just sat beside Tom and looked at the dark water in the river, and Tom could hear the sound of his dad breathing and he had never seen his dad cry ever since he was alive. And then Tom climbed into his dad’s lap like he really was just a little kid, and they sat like that for a long time.
First thing tomorrow morning, his dad said, I’ll drive back down to the rapid and look for your watch, okay?
I’ll come and show you. Then we can be the same again, Tom said.
I’ll try, Tom. I don’t know. It might not still be there. I’ll go early. It’ll be quicker if you stay here with the others. If I can’t find it, we can get another one.
It won’t be the same, though, will it? Tom said. Not exactly.
After the friends had all gone to bed, Kaylee and Russell and Tom’s dad sat up next to the fire. Kaylee told about the shadow man.
I’d like to meet her, Tom’s dad told Kaylee.
The old lady from under the tree, he meant. His voice sounded very tired, like when he used to say it felt like he’d been hit by a ten-ton truck because of his job in the office, and that’s when Tom would give him his best hug. But not tonight, because he didn’t want to make his dad mad again. Then Tom heard Kaylee and Russell telling his dad about all the good things Tom did, and his dad said about good things too, and about being very proud of his special son. But Tom was so tired after their big day he fell asleep, and all the good things he could do to make his dad proud were in his dream.
In the middle of the night, Tom was woken up by thunder and climbed out of the tent to have a pee. He thought the shadow man had come back, but it was just Russell moving firewood to underneath the van.
Everything all right, muscles? Remember what I said about the rain? Just stay put.
Tom grinned and did a kickbox. Muscles!
On Sunday morning, Tom woke up when he heard his dad’s car start, but by the time he climbed out of his tent his dad was gone. Tom wanted to go with him to show the place where he’d left the watch, but he didn’t do crying or get angry; he just walked down the bank to be with Russell at the river.
Tom asked him, What’s that stick for?
You’re up, mate, good one. I’m using the stick to measure the river level. See? I pushed it into the ground last night, just at the water’s edge. Now the water has come all this way up the stick, so we know the river has risen that much. There must have been some rain up on the mountain. Did you hear the thunder just before it got light? We’ll check with the locals before we head downstream today.
Tom pulled the stick from the mud.
My dad knows all about water but he doesn’t know about sticks. I’ll show him this one when he gets back.
Hey, Amit, it’s well past six. You had a sleep in. Good one.
Six o’clock, Amit said, but not like he was asking a question.
That’s what weekends are for, Russell said. The others will be up soon, and we can cook breakfast. It looks like a great day. Three beauties in a row. We must be on a lucky streak.
My dad says we make our own luck, Tom said.
Yeah, some people say that. I’m never sure if they mean the bad luck as well.
It started out as a lucky day. Russell cracked eggs over the campfire. Tom and Amit helped until Russell said they had probably helped enough now. It was great to watch Virginia and Lizzie doing girl stuff in the morning. Tom offered to come into the girls’ tent to brush Virginia’s hair with his very strong arm muscles, but she gave him a funny smile and kept doing it herself. So then Russell said it was Tom and Amit’s turn to collect firewood to show how independent they were.
Eight big pieces each, Russell said. Then we’ll have enough to cook a barbecue lunch.
I’ll race you, Amit, Tom yelled, but Amit didn’t do racing for firewood because he had to get his Discman hooked onto his belt and put on his Abba CD, because that’s what Amit did every morning. Tom had his eight pieces of firewood very quickly, because he found one big, long branch and broke it into pieces like his dad always did when they went camping.
I beat Amit easily, Tom said when he came back into the clearing.
Everybody was up now except for Newton. Newton was late up. Newton liked to sleep in when he was on an outing because he couldn’t go to the shop to buy his Sydney newspapers. He climbed out of his tent, fully dressed with all his clothes on, and walked over to the fire. Except he didn’t reach the fire because of the river rock.
When Newton tripped and fell headfirst onto the river rock, everyone looked up, because it sounded like Russell had broken one big, giant egg on the edge of the frypan. Tom heard the crack of Newton’s head hitting on the river rock, but then everything in the clearing went quiet like watching a scary movie, and you couldn’t hear any insects buzzing or the water in the rapids or the friends’ voices. It was like the clearing went Oh! and caught its breath, and then it waited to hear if Tom would say one of his funny things.
Newton fell onto the rock that the friends had pulled up to sit on for dinner, but Kaylee said that didn’t matter, it could have been any rock, and she was right because there were lots of river rocks in the clearing for Newton to hit his head on. Newton should have put his hands out so he wouldn’t hit his head. Most people put their hands out, but not all people, not all the time. James put his hands out when he fell off his skateboard, and his arm broke clean through instead of his head. The river rock for sitting might have been any river rock, that’s what Kaylee said. Newton groaned once then lay very still, because that’s how you have to do it when you’re dead.
No, he’s not dead, Tom, Russell said.
Virginia could be quick when she wasn’t smiling; by the time Kaylee got to the clearing, Virginia had brought the first-aid kit from the van.
Russell told Kaylee, He’s knocked himself out. There’s a large contusion. Is there a doctor in Wassford?
Kaylee and Russell knew about emergencies because it was their job. Kaylee tried to ring for the ambulance on her phone, but she couldn’t get any reception.
There is a doctor, Kaylee said. I checked when we came through. Bring the van closer. We’ll rig a neck collar and strap him across the back seat with the seat belts. You drive. I’ll keep his head on my lap.
Everyone in, guys, Russell yelled, and all the friends got into the van. And then Russell said, Shit, Amit!
Russell ran into the bush, calling out for Amit to come quickly, but no Amit came quickly because he was looking for eight pieces of firewood and Amit would keep walking until he found them and he wouldn’t hear Russell calling because the river was louder now and because of Abba. Russell ran back into the clearing.
No sign, he said.
Kaylee looked at the friends. You could tell she was trying to make a tough decision like Tom’s dad said you have to sometimes and there’s just no point putting it off.
I can stay here and wait for Amit, Tom said. Me and Amit did camping together with my family. We’ve stayed in the camp lots of times when my mum and dad and brother went hiking. We know how to do it by ourselves.
He’s right, Kaylee, Russell said.
Then Russell tried to ring Tom’s dad with his phone, but it had no reception either. Russell and Kaylee carried Newton onto the van, and you could hear Newton groaning like a sick person. Kaylee ran into the bushes and called for Amit again.
When she came back, Russell said, Tom’s right, you know. Jim left at dawn. He said he’d be back for breakfast. Got to be soon.
We’ll have to wait for him, Kaylee said to Russell. We can’t leave them here.
Tom and Amit, she meant, but Russell said, It’s your call. Leaving them here’s a risk but so is waiting.
Okay. Kaylee said. If we strap him really securely onto the back seat with a pillow for his head, I’ll stay here and you …
Then Newton started shaking all over his body, and Russell said, Shit, he’s convulsing! He could be in big trouble here, Kaylee. Look, we’ve got no choice. If he’s got a neck problem or haemorrhaging in there, we have to keep him really still. Bumpy track out …
Then Kaylee looked at Tom and the van and the bush where Amit had gone and said, Fuck, which is a very rude word you should never say unless everything has gone wrong.
All right, she said to Russell, but she still shouted for Amit and tried again on her mobile phone and looked up the track where Tom’s dad should be coming back. You could tell Kaylee was trying to stay calm and do good thinking. She explained to Tom, even though he already knew. Adults always explain again and again like you’re stupid, so Tom said he and Amit could barbecue the sausages for lunch to be helpful.
Kaylee looked at him. Listen, Tom, this is really serious.
I’m just tricking.
Well, don’t. This is an emergency. You don’t move from that rock until Amit gets back, then you stay here together to wait for your dad. I mean right here. In the clearing. Don’t wander off, leave the fire alone, no swimming. I mean it. I’m relying on you.
Russell was still yelling for Amit.
Got it, Tom? Kaylee said. You sit right here and read books or listen to your music. That’s it. Nothing else.
Tom kicked at a stone. I’m nineteen, Kaylee, going on twenty.
He watched the stone bounce off into the long grass. Russell was climbing back into the van. Let’s move, Kaylee.
Coming. Sorry, Tom, what was that?
Tom knew it was serious because of Kaylee’s rude word and giving orders and Russell yelling and yelling and Amit not coming back, and Tom’s eyes tried to cry even though his brain said they shouldn’t. I’m not stupid. Take my advice, Kaylee. That’s what I said.
Kaylee punched him on the arm. I know you’re not, mate. You’re only one letter off a champion!
That was the joke about his name. Kaylee didn’t say it like a joke because of the emergency, but Tom felt better anyway. Kaylee ran to the van, but Tom called out to her, Hey, Kaylee, tell me what time you’ll be back so I can tell Amit and then he won’t go crazy.
Good thinking, mate. It’s seven-fifteen now. Your dad will be back soon, but one of us will be back by nine-thirty. Nine-three-zero. Here, you keep my watch so you can tell.
Tom looked at his wrist where his own special watch should be. It would be better with my watch, he thought in his brain, but I’ve still got the numbers on Kaylee’s watch, so that could be Amit’s job when he comes back with his eight pieces. Amit could do the numbers of the time the van will come back because he is good at remembering.
Kaylee was climbing into the van. We’ll probably get through to your dad with Russell’s phone when we get to the top of the ridge, she calle
d, but if we haven’t, you can tell him what’s happened. Be responsible, okay? Make your dad proud.
Twenty
Jim had stepped from the tent into a cool sepia dawn.
The previous night, he’d moved the vehicle away so as not to wake the others when he left. Although the rapid was downstream, the track from the campsite headed uphill and away from the river for a few hundred metres, gaining height quickly through a series of rises and switchbacks. When he reached the main fire trail at the top of the ridge, he pulled over to stand and look down the valley. The town must have been somewhere below him, but he could see no sign of buildings, just the darker line of trees marking the river’s path. Sunday. He imagined the place deserted, maybe a few sprawled forms beneath Tom and Amit’s tree. He turned away towards the coast and the morning, the air still as a painting. Heavy cumulus to the south threatened rain. Last night’s thunder must have meant a storm somewhere up on the peaks. The sun was not yet visible, but he knew how it would soon slip free of the horizon as the shapes and colours of the dawn worked their way inland.
Tom had been snoring when he’d left, probably would be for an hour or more. Jim leant back against a lone angophora, coppered trunk smooth and hard. Tom’s tantrum and then talking with Kaylee and Russell as the fire died meant Jim’s night in the tent had passed slowly and with little sleep. He breathed deeply, the air mountain-sharp in his nostrils. Once, he celebrated the sky at this time: surfing trips; camping holidays with the boys; that morning with Fran up on Barrenjoey. Look, Jim, the sky has slipped on ahead to see how things might turn out.
But this was also the time of his father’s death, Tom’s birth. He turned away from the view and stood before the angophora. It was mainly low scrub on the ridge apart from this one large tree. How long had it managed to survive up here? Of all the natives, Fran loved these best. For their density, she said, and he reached to lay his hands flat against the trunk as if he might actually feel the sap rising, the deep, stored hum of past seasons.