“Mom, why do you always side with Jane?” I expected it to be more difficult to confront my Mother.
“I don’t think we want to talk about Jane.” She’s kneeling over a plant but not collecting seeds or taking any action. I can see that her eyes are closed.
“So before, when the world was normal you told me I could talk to you about anything. Now that we’ve survived the apocalypse you want me to keep things bottled up inside?” Even I didn’t realize this was my issue before the words were out of my mouth.
“Seamus,” she pauses and breathes deeply “I did what it took to keep my family alive.”
“I don’t even know what that means! You got us in the vaccination program, before everything went down you never met Jane. That’s what you keep telling us. If it’s true we owe her nothing but you keep taking her side.” My voice cracks on the edge of tears.
“How can you think I would lie to you?” She she can’t look at me.
“Because you did, about the vaccine. You didn’t even tell Dad?” I did not expect things to work out like this.
“If I told anyone they would have taken you out of the program and killed me.” She is regaining her composure. “Jane was never a part of it. I swear to you that I didn’t meet her until after everyone got sick. She’s never lied to us.”
“Remember when I overloaded the transformer and it exploded?” This happened when I was ten. I wouldn’t exactly call it a mistake, but the experiment I was working on certainly did not go as I expected.
“Yes. Your father sure had to dance his way out of that fix with the insurance company. If those repair costs had come out of our pockets you still wouldn’t be allowed in the lab.” Mom has a slight smile at the memory.
“Well no one ever asked me if I was responsible for it.” I’m sure they assumed, but I never offered commentary. “But you took away lab privileges for a week for lying. Even though I never said anything untruthful. You called it a lie of omission.”
“Fine. Do you want to hear that in order to get Jane to share the rest of the vaccine with us, to keep us alive, I had to promise you would help them until their project was complete?” She is angry and sad.
“If that’s the truth.” I’m surprised at how cold I feel.
“It is the truth. Do you think it’s coincidence that Jane has maintained control of the vaccine? She swore to me that she would use it to kill us off one by one if you don’t help her.” Mom is afraid.
“Then lets stop taking the vaccine. ” I could have understood a deal like this in the past but in the present deference to Jane is still puzzling.
“And die from the killer cold? I made the deal when it was obvious that life as we knew it was coming to an end. I thought for sure she would reconsider once the dust settled and we became focused on survival.” Her head is shaking.
“We need to force her hand. Now that she knows us there’s no way she would follow through on her threat to kill someone over a pet project. I’m going to stop working with her today.” I am decisive and confident.
“Not yet. I think she would surprise you with her ruthlessness and there is no one here I am ready to lose over a science experiment.” Moms face has turned to stone.
“Then when?” I don’t feel like this is something to be left open ended.
“When I figure out what she is so busy working on.” Mom has hardened her gaze, sadness and grief turning to steely resolve.
“Ha! I can tell you what she’s working on, but it’s the why that is so puzzling.” I feel like together, Mom and I can get to the bottom of the secrets I perceive.
“If we knew what all the scientists who were supposed to survive were experts in I feel like we could piece it together.” She is thinking of a puzzle she’s been trying to solve for a while.
“I’m afraid it’s related to the virus.” I can’t look at mom when I make this speculation out loud. “Every time I ask about their drive they seem to look at the calendar.”
I reflect upon the survivors in our makeshift compound outside of San Francisco, those who were strategically vaccinated to survive a biological threat and sustain the world. We have Randy the materials science engineer from Louisiana, and William the meteorologist from Houston. When we told Jane about Chicago and Pittsburgh being in the path of the fire she almost lost it. She admitted that there were other scientists there that had been vaccinated and survived, but she didn’t allude to what their specialties were. They have not been active on the communication network and Dad flat-out refused to go back into that wasteland on a random hunt for two people without at least breadcrumbs on where they might be.
It was Dad’s refusal to search for survivors in Chicago and Pittsburgh that put Jane and Cassandra off the rails. Right after we completed the reactor she begged him to try Chicago before heading to Louisiana. The rest of us agreed with his stance that a guaranteed survivor was more important than a potential survivor. Until we had contact with someone there would be no rescue mission. The next day began Jane’s unrelenting pursuit of something related to solar sail technology and traveling faster than light.
I wish a psychologist had survived. We could all use some therapy. I’m not sure we can have post-traumatic stress disorder because we are not post the trauma yet. We will probably never get beyond the trauma. There is a general “why me” feeling in terms of our survival. Personally I also have flashbacks to the fire and witnessing the heads explode on those two men that Dad shot.
“Mom I know you didn’t want to talk about it, but I’m glad we did.” It feels good to have cleared the air with her. Things are not all the way back to normal but they are much better than when I woke up this morning.
“I’m glad we did too. I hope you know that I love you so much. It’s hard for me to adjust to not having to protect you.” She is hugging me so tight I can barely breathe. But it’s the first real hug I have gotten from her since she left home for the airport on a regular old business trip all those months ago before the world fell apart.
Annihilation (The Seamus Chronicles Book 1) Page 20