by Lily Kate
“Boxer—”
I stop in the doorway, then turn to face her. I spy my shirt on the floor and realize I probably need that before I hit the streets. I wait for her to speak as I retrieve the shirt and slip it over my head. She doesn’t.
“Joss, you know how I feel about you,” I say into the silence. Her eyes flash crystalline blue at me. “You know how badly I want you. If you change your mind, or your policies, come find me. Please.”
“And in the meantime?”
I give her a tight smile. “I’ll see you around.”
I let myself out of the apartment, closing the door behind me before jogging to the car. I’m aching inside to turn around, to go back to her, but Charli needs me now. I only wish Jocelyn would follow.
I navigate home, turn into the driveway, and climb upstairs only to find my pink-cheeked girl smiling and faking sick. I let out a sigh of relief. I tuck her into bed and read her a story, which was her whole plan from the start. She could be an evil genius, I’m convinced.
However, once she’s sleeping soundly, the threat of illness dispelled, I swing downstairs to find the bag of supplies on the counter. Charli’s birthday party is this Saturday.
My heart soars. I just might be more excited about this party than Charli, which is ridiculous. But Jocelyn Jones strikes me as a woman of her word. And if that’s the case, I’ll be seeing her sooner than I imagined.
After all, she volunteered for cake duty.
Chapter 22
Jocelyn
“Look, if it’s not that big of a deal, then accept the date for lunch.” Lindsay wipes sweat off of her brow. “Seriously, boss. He’s a great guy. I swear on it.”
It’s barely six a.m. on Saturday, and Lindsay and I are just hopping off bikes at Spin Class. I don’t particularly love sitting in one place and letting my legs pedal a hundred miles an hour to go nowhere, but Lindsay told me I’ve been uptight all week and needed to destress. Everyone knows how ineffective yoga is for my breathing routine, so we settled on bicycles instead.
“I’m not ready to date,” I tell her. “This just happened.”
“What, a kiss with Boxer?”
“More than a kiss. It was a full-on make out session, and almost more.”
“You made out with a guy you found attractive. So what? You’re almost thirty! You’re allowed to do that whenever you like. Seriously, it’s no big deal.”
“It is when he’s supposed to be my ringer client for the year.”
“So what? You don’t need him on your roster.”
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Because.” I shrug, knowing I’ve backed myself into a corner. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, I don’t believe you. Prove it to me.”
“How?”
“Accept this lunch date.”
“No.”
“You promised you’d go on one date per month—and if you’re not counting your lunch with Boxer as a date, then you owe me, girlfriend.”
“I don’t owe you, I just—”
“You promised. Don’t break your promise.”
“Speaking of promises, I have to pick up Charli’s cake. I ordered it from Nadia’s.”
“Pulling out all the stops for this six-year-old, eh?”
“Nadia’s is the best. I only buy from the best. It will change their lives.”
“Sure. It’ll also give you an excuse to see Boxer again.”
“That’s not why I’m doing it.”
“Keep lying to yourself, boss.”
“I made a promise, and I keep my promises.”
“That’s just what I wanted to hear.” Lindsay gives me a smug smile as she wipes down her bike. “Keep your promise to me, then. Prove you’re not interested in Boxer by going on a date with another guy. You don’t have to kiss this dude, or bring him home. Just meet him.”
“Fine,” I say, a challenge in my voice. “But after I’m done setting up for the party. Make it a late lunch, we’ll say two p.m.”
“I will let him know,” Lindsay says. “Two p.m. it is. I’ll let him pick the place.”
Despite winning this battle, she doesn’t sound at all elated. It’s almost as if she wanted me to turn her down flat. I’ve lost this sparring war, and I don’t feel good about it, either.
I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me to admit what I want out of all this, but I can’t seem to voice my thoughts. Maybe it’s because they’re not clear. Maybe it’s because I don’t truly know what I want. Maybe it’s because I know exactly what I want, and it’s that which I’m most afraid to admit.
We head toward the showers, rinsing off in near silence. My head is crowded with thoughts for the upcoming day: the cake, the party, the date. Only one part of it seems exciting, and that’s the notion that I’ll be seeing Boxer before the day is over.
My skin tingles with anticipation, my heart skipping beats until I have to shut off the shower and sit on the bench, breathing slowly to calm my nerves. Seeing Boxer. That’s what has me twisted in knots.
“What do I say to him?” I ask Lindsay. The question comes out of the blue, but she must be thinking about it, too, because she fires back an instant response.
“What do you want to tell him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Come on, boss. For once, can you just be honest with me about how you feel?” Lindsay cranks her shower off. “I mean, seriously. It’s obvious you have feelings for the guy. Why lie to me about it?”
“I’m not trying to. I’m still figuring things out.”
“It’s simple. If you don’t want to be with him, fine—I get it. Then tell me that and be honest about it. We’re not teenage girls; we are adult women. Just tell me how you feel. This guessing game is getting exhausting. What do you expect to come from all of this?”
Her tone is wildly out of character. Normally, she has miles of endless patience for me, but I must have used it all up. It makes me sit up a bit and pay attention.
Wrapping myself in a towel, I wait for Lindsay to do the same as we make our way toward the changing area. Where she’s a free spirit in all her nakedness, I’m a bit more reserved, and I turn away as I slip into my undergarments.
“I like him,” I say finally. “Because he makes me feel things I haven’t felt in years.”
“There’s a start.” Lindsay turns to face me, her towel resting on the bench. She fiddles around for her clothes, and not for the first time, I wish for half of her confidence. “Now keep going. Why do you like him? What things does he make you feel?”
“I don’t know.”
“Think about it.”
“Safe,” I say automatically. “Like he’d never say a word to hurt my feelings.”
“That’s good. A healthy thing for a relationship.”
“I know, and I’m not used to it.”
She makes a clucking sound under her breath, sliding a shirt over her head. “I know, and that’s sad. But you have a type, and frankly, it’s not a nice type.”
“But it fits me. I’m not particularly nice.”
“Sure you are!”
“No, I’m not. Look what I did to Andi and Ryan. Look how I run my business.”
“That’s business. You’re smart and strong, and that’s different than being mean.”
“Andi and Ryan?”
“A mistake, and if you’ll let me set you up with a stupid phone call, you can apologize. A mistake doesn’t define you, just learn from it and move along. Ryan and Andi made it through, and I don’t think they’re sitting there thinking about it right this very second. Get back to the question. What does Boxer make you feel besides safe?”
“Happy.” It’s another automatic response, but as soon as it’s out there on the table, I realize it’s true. “He makes me laugh, makes me slow down and appreciate things like ice cream cones and cakes and sandwiches.”
“That’s all food, but it’s a good start. And when you kissed? Was it good?”
I can’t help the sigh. It comes out in a whoosh, so I just let it happen, my head falling back as I lean into the lockers. “So good. It’s like he enjoys everything. Every little touch, every kiss. The whole thing was special. Like it wasn’t some routine or checklist, or... I don’t know.”
“Boss, that’s—” Lindsay shakes her head, wiggling into her jeans. “That’s how it should be. If men are doing sex like a checklist, you run away just as fast as you can. Got it? That’s not right.”
“I just hadn’t realized what I was missing.”
“Now that you know you’re missing it...”
“I want more of it,” I whisper softly.
Lindsay nods, a look of sympathy scrawled on her face. “Yes, and it’s impossible not to blame you for it. Sounds like you’ve finally got a man who likes you for the right reasons, and you’re pushing him away just as hard as you can.”
“Shit.”
“Yep.”
“What can I do? How can I fix it?”
“Well, are you willing to let business take a backseat in this relationship? Because it’s probably a must.”
I hesitate, knowing the answer on the inside, but finding it more difficult to admit than I should.
“Well, I can see the answer in your eyes, so I’ll give you a pass on that. You’re going to see him today, right?”
I nod.
“Make it clear how you feel.”
“Clear how I feel,” I echo. “I think I understand.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
“Great.” Lindsay smiles. “Then don’t be shy. Tell him how you feel. I’m guessing he’s dying to hear it.”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
“When the time is right, you’ll just know.”
We walk down the hallway, each lost in our own thoughts. Someone Lindsay knows waves to her, and she tells me goodbye before heading in the opposite direction to chat with her girlfriend.
“Remember what we talked about,” she says. “Be honest.”
I wave goodbye, and it’s not until I’m halfway to Nadia’s Cakes that I realize I’ve forgotten to cancel the date with Lindsay’s friend. I make a note to text her later once I arrive.
But when I step into the cake shop, I find a series of errors waiting for me.
First, the cake features a horse instead of a unicorn.
Second, they’ve spelled her name wrong. I know, I asked Boxer to double check.
“Sorry, but where is the rainbow tail?” I ask the guy behind the counter. “And the sparkles? We need sprinkles that shine—glitter or whatever. And Charli is spelled with an i, no e. I hate to be rude, but I wrote it quite clearly on the form.”
The poor kid behind the counter is barely sixteen years old, but I can’t bring Charli a cake with a horse and her name spelled wrong. So, when he offers to redo it correctly, I agree and tell him I’ll wait.
Thirty minutes later, the cake comes back as bright as a pile of unicorn vomit. I smile, tell him it looks very nice, and pay.
An hour later, I’m showered, changed, and on my way with the cake in hand—fresh out of the freezer—to see Boxer.
Charli. Charli, I correct myself. I’m going to see Charli.
Chapter 23
Boxer
“You came.” My voice sounds higher pitched than normal, so I clear my throat to try again. “You showed up.”
Jocelyn, looking as beautiful as ever, tilts her head up, surprise glinting from her eyes. She’s holding a cake, and underneath, I catch the edges of a sheaf of paper. “Of course I did! It’s not a party without the cake.”
As if to prove her point, she extends a box toward me. I leap to attention, retrieving the box and pulling it close. The familiar scent of sugary sweetness fills the air, and I’m tempted to believe it’s coming from Jocelyn, rather than the cake in my hands. I wait to see if she’ll hand over the papers, too, but instead she’s tucking them out of the way in her purse.
I’d rather be holding Jocelyn, pulling her against my chest, but since that’s not an option, I glance down and make some comments on the rainbow of a cake that’s sure to make the girls hyper with energy.
“Come inside,” I offer, standing back. “If you still have time.”
“Of course I do.”
She moves a little stiffer than normal, as if she’s not quite comfortable here. Which is only natural, seeing how the last time we were together, I barged into her home and carried her off to the bedroom like a beast. I close my eyes for a moment, cringing internally with the memory.
It’s been playing over and over again in my head, and it’s damn close to the only thing I’ve been thinking about since it happened. If anything, the memories get clearer: my embarrassment, the inappropriateness of the action, the amazing way she felt underneath my hands. As much as I wish I hadn’t made her uncomfortable—pushed her too far beyond her comfort zone—I’m not sorry she knows how I feel.
I care about her, truly, and if she doesn’t want to get involved romantically, maybe we can make something work from a business standpoint. The way she’s acting today, it’s like she’s walking on eggshells. It’s probably best to let her take the lead on which direction she wants this to go.
“Where’s Charli?” she asks, glancing around. “Is she here? I can get her braided up while you put the cake in the freezer and bring out all of the decorations.”
“Charli,” I echo, annoyed at myself for nearly forgetting the main reason Jocelyn’s here in the first place. To make my daughter’s birthday party a special one. “She’s upstairs, let me call her.”
It takes a few tries, but eventually, she hurtles downstairs, curly hair bouncing wildly out of control.
“Joss!” she squeals. “You’re here!”
“Joss?” Jocelyn repeats, descending to her knees in order to catch Charli in a leaping hug. “I like the nickname. That’s what my dad called me when I was little.”
She giggles. “That’s funny. It’s what my dad calls you, too.”
My cheeks are probably red, so I turn away and mutter something about melting unicorns, leaving the two ladies to snicker with each other. I hadn’t realized the nickname I’d inadvertently given her—another notch in the personal column, a black mark in the business column. I’d never heard anyone call her Joss before, not even her assistant.
“Are you here on business?” Charli asks her. “Just like last time when we went to Monica’s and then the park? That was fun.”
I am being a major creeper, but I can’t resist. I move so that I’m standing just behind the doorway, listening with unrivaled intensity for Jocelyn’s response. When she speaks, it’s quiet, and I have to lean forward to make out her words.
“Yes,” she says. “Just business, I promise. I’m going to get you all set up for your party, and then I’ll head out.”
“You don’t want to stay?”
“I have a lunch...meeting.”
“Oh. With a friend?”
“Yes.”
Jocelyn’s voice is thin, and I sense she’s uncomfortable. I should stop Charli before she turns all Spanish Inquisition on Jocelyn, so I round the corner and force a smile on my face. Either I’m making up things, or Jocelyn’s expression is strained.
“Hey, what’s all the jabbering about? Why don’t you go put on your dress, Charli?” I say. “We’ve got some work to do down here.”
“Okay!” Charli twirls around and sprints up the stairs.
“We bought a princess dress,” I tell Jocelyn. “It’s pink.”
“I’m sure it’ll look great on her.” She stands, stepping toward me with a hesitant look in her eyes. “Boxer, I was meaning to talk to you about—”
“We don’t have to talk about it.” I raise a hand, giving her the pass she most likely wants. I hadn’t realized it when I’d been eavesdropping on their conversation, but now everything is clear. Jocelyn’s lunch meeting isn’t a meeting—it’s a date. That must be the reason
she’s uncomfortable. She didn’t know how to tell me. “Let’s leave it in the past. Forget it happened.”
“Forget it happened?” She sounds surprised.
“Absolutely.” I nod, though it kills me to dismiss the moment like this. I’m still convinced there’s something special, but it has to be a two-way street. If Jocelyn isn’t interested, I have to let her go. “Business partners?”
“Business,” she says, giving a somewhat bewildered nod. “Sure.”
“Great.” My voice rings hollow. “Thank you again for coming today. Instruct me around, direct me, whatever you need me to do.”
“Why don’t you...” She trails off, as if distracted. It takes a long second for her eyes to focus on the bags of streamers, party favors, and poppers I’ve unearthed from the closet. “Right. Streamers. Can you hang this from the ceiling? Drape them something like this.”
She takes a roll of pink crepe paper and weaves her way through the kitchen until she finds the dining room. I follow, watching as she leans up to hook the roll of paper over the light fixture.
I may be a man, but I know how to hang a damn streamer. I don’t tell her this, however, because the view I have is too good to pass up. It’s not every day I get to admire the curve of her body as she leans on her tiptoes, her long legs peeking out from underneath a uniform of black.
Today her legs are bare instead of covered by the usual nylons she wears. This discovery has me so distracted I completely miss her question the first time around.
Her face turns pink as I flinch and ask her to repeat the question. She tugs her dress down. Clearly, she’s caught me staring. “I said, does that make sense?”
“Yeah, um. Yeah.”
Had I not just decided that we’d be business partners? Now less than a minute later, I’m staring at her thighs, imagining a hand sliding underneath to feel her soft skin, the brush of my fingers against her satin undergarments, and ... Shit. I’m doing it again.
“Sorry, what?” I ask.
“I said, can you hang these so I can take care of Charli’s hair?”
“Sure.”
She tosses me the roll, and I miss it completely. It thunks against my chest and drops through my arms to the floor where I’m stuck staring at it like a moron.