by LAURA HARNER
“Yes, I felt his heart stop just after I lay down. But it started back up almost immediately, I’m sure he’s going to be okay.”
Brigid was a powerful Druid, skilled in healing and when she felt Faolan step into the void, her grief knew no bounds. A Druid healer could start a stalled heart, cure fevers, and heal many wounds. Once someone stepped into the void, however, there was no power on earth that could bring him back.
As Elena was getting into place under the covers with Faolan, Brigid had felt him go. His spirit gave up on this world, the world he believed he would have to endure without Elena. When Elena put her arms around him, she had felt the last of his heartbeats, but his spirit had already gone.
“Help him, help me,” Elena had cried. Brigid felt a power such as she had never known surge through the room, carried on Elena’s cries. This was not a Druid power, it was the pure energy of light, to the degree that it cleansed all emotions and consumed every shadow.
The sisterhood appeared to help Elena, responding to her pleas, but Brigid knew it was not their light that called Faolan. Their light was feeble compared to the illumination Elena had called forth with her pleas. Brigid had long known Elena was Faolan’s light. She had read it in the tealeaves, sensed it whene’r they were together. However, the light Brigid had sensed then was pale compared to the radiance Elena had called forth to bring Faolan back from the void. Brigid had to turn her eyes away, least she be blinded by the brightness.
It appeared from her comment, Elena did not realize his spirit had gone, nor that it was she who had brought his spirit back. She knew only that his heart had restarted.
What was the lass? They had thought she was of Druid descent; mayhap there was more to her story. She needed to find Earnan, as soon as he returned from getting Red and Lilly. For now, ‘twas important that Elena stay with Faolan. Brigid needed to think.
“Aye, lass, I believe he will recover in time now.”
“Brigid, I don’t understand, how are all of you alive?”
“Lass, I doona’ understand why you thought we were dead, we will talk it out when Faolan recovers, however, ‘tis important you know, he never stopped loving you. Not for one moment. I need to go help Earnan when he returns with Lilly and Red. Will it be all right to leave you here with Faolan? You willna leave him?”
“I won’t leave him,” Elena replied through gritted teeth, as Brigid left the room.
Elena rolled Faolan onto his back and checked his wounds. The largest wound now appeared as pink scar tissue, still healing, but no longer a danger to his life. Brigid had sent up a meal so Faolan could eat and drink when he woke. Elena poured a little of the water into his unresponsive mouth. Even if his skin was healing, he’d lost a lot of blood; he needed liquid.
His mind felt very far away to her, not like when she felt him leaving earlier, but like he was hiding, not quite ready to come out. She wondered if she had felt that way to him when she was recovering from her dehydration. She needed him to come back to her, needed him to explain how he was alive, to make everything okay again.
Emptying the bowl of fruit on the tray, Elena filled it with warm water and began to clean Faolan’s body. Although she’d cleaned the wounds previously, she cleaned them again, before moving on to the other parts of his body with the dried flecks of blood. She refilled the bowl of water frequently and kept working until the water remained clear. Once the water was clear, she started again.
It was impossible not to think about the magnificence of the naked man, or of the ways he’d made love to her. As she gently wiped his face, she touched her lips to his, softly, lovingly, tasting him. She moved to his chest, running the warm, damp sponge over every chiseled muscle, remembering how he had jumped when she’d scraped her nails over his nipples. She washed the broad expanse of his pectorals and followed the washboard ripples of his stomach.
She tore her eyes away from his flaccid manhood, knowing he was well and truly far from her, she had never seen him when he wasn’t at least semi-erect. Ceding his privacy, she draped the towel across his hips, feeling a little bit dirty from having such thoughts while he was unconscious.
She moved to his legs, working first on his lower legs and feet before moving up to his thighs. She began to feel his consciousness, it fluttered against hers, fragile. He was much farther away from the void now, and beginning to make his way back. She sensed despair, loneliness, heartbreak. And she sensed the beginnings of desire. Glancing up to his towel, she saw the telltale signs of his returning arousal.
Desperate to bring him back to her, she reached under the towel, knowing she was violating him, yet positive he needed her. He swelled at her touch, his breathing changed, but still he didn’t waken. Fighting a losing battle with her morality, Elena began to stroke him, murmuring his name with her mind, while her lips wrapped around him. Faolan threaded his fingers into her hair and moaned.
When she had taken all he had to give, she looked up, fearful of what she would see. She had violated him, taken advantage of him while he was unconscious. He had wanted her to believe he was dead. Dear God what did I do?
His hands slipped from her hair, and fell to his sides, and he lay there, breathing fast, but otherwise motionless. She looked at his face, his eyes were closed tight, and Elena was stunned to see a single tear, slip out, and disappear into his hair. Then he gave an anguished moan, his chest heaved as he fought the urge to sob, and more tears spilled from his eyes.
Elena was scared. She had never seen Faolan lose control of his emotions like this. This was an anguish equivalent to hers on the floor of the kitchen, when she’d finally accepted his death. His grief was overwhelming him and threatened to pull Elena with it. She didn’t know the source of this heartache, but if her being here caused him this pain, she needed to get away, to leave him in peace.
Shielding her heart, she crawled up alongside of him, cradled him in her arms, and crooned nonsense words, promising to go, telling him everything was okay. When he calmed, she climbed from the bed, pulling the covers over him, and slipped on her jeans. She turned to find him staring at her, an unfathomable expression on his face.
“Elena?” he croaked.
“Yes, Faolan, I’m here, but don’t worry, once you’re healed—” Elena’s face twisted, and she couldn’t say the words. She would leave. It was what he wanted.
At her words, he turned his head away. A knock sounded at the door and Elena opened it to find Brigid and Earnan. Stepping back to let them in, she reinforced her shield. With so many powerful Druids in the room, she felt inadequate and vulnerable. These three had lied to her in the worst possible way imaginable.
She had felt the loss of Faolan with the intensity of losing a limb. In her dreams, she was whole. Every morning she would wake, and just for a minute, he was still alive. Then reality would wash over her, cover her with loss. The grief, the sense of loss, they were her constant companions. All of them had let her mourn. No, she would not be putting her shield down in here. She used her anger to make herself strong.
Brigid went to Faolan, and pulled his covers back far enough to check on the wound in his side. Satisfying herself that he was nearly healed, she reached with a mother’s loving touch to brush his hair back from his face.
“How are you feeling, lad?”
He turned his head toward the wall, and didn’t answer.
Brigid’s nostrils flared, and she turned toward Elena.
Elena braced herself for the recriminations and armed herself with righteous anger. Yes, she had fired the weapon that injured Faolan. She shouldn’t have been out there trying to kill a man. She wouldn’t have been out there if they had told her Faolan lived. She knew they must have thought she would never let him go, but she would rather have watched him walk away, than ever think he was dead.
In the time since she’d followed the unknown wolf through the stones until this moment, she had realized the truth of the matter. No one could have kept him from her if he had wanted to be there. Faolan
had made the decision to let Elena believe he’d died.
Brigid said, “You brought him around much more quickly than I anticipated, lass, thank you.”
“I’ll wait downstairs, while you all visit. Then one of you can return me.”
Faolan started to shake, and Brigid spoke softly to him, a calming spell. Earnan gave a rather dramatic sigh, cleared his throat, and began to speak.
“It is clear to me that we are all operating on differing levels of understanding here. No one leaves,” he looked pointedly at Elena, “until we talk and clear the air. Now bring a chair over and sit.”
Earnan pulled a chair to the side of the bed, and looked at Elena expectantly. She knew she was being childish, but she didn’t move, debating whether to wait downstairs despite Earnan’s words. He pulled a chair over next to his and exchanged a glance with Brigid.
“Elena, sit in this chair so we can talk,” he said, adding a touch of Druid compulsion.
Elena turned away, and walked toward the bathroom, then leaned against the door jam.
“I will hear you out. Or, let me rephrase that, I’ll listen, as long as I can stand it, but I can’t take much more right now. I’m warning you… don’t lie to me. My senses are stronger than they used to be. While I’m in this room with you, I’ll know if you lie.”
She didn’t miss the look that passed between Brigid and Earnan. Faolan covered his eyes with his arm, but still said nothing.
“Are you sure this is the best time? He’s been through a lot,” Elena asked Brigid.
“You and he both need to hear this, and we must talk it out now. Your lives may depend upon it. You have each saved the other, but some force is working to keep you apart. Nay, not some force, someone, and we must have the answers.”
Elena blinked, but said nothing, Faolan kept his eyes hidden, so Earnan took up the tale.
“Since I expect it is useless to ask you to go first, my dear,” he inclined his head to Elena, “I will start, but this is mostly Faolan’s tale. We’ll go over it briefly at first and come back to answer questions later, since I expect you will need time to digest what I am about to say.
“On the eve of Beltane, Red was in a right panic when he got to the marina and you and Lilly weren’t there. He hoped it might only be car trouble, but he couldna reach either of you by cell phone. He tried to reach us here, but we were out gathering and preparing for the ceremony, we did not bring a phone.
“Red drove as fast as he could to the farm, and discovered you hadna been there. The hotel said you checked out the previous evening, but Red had spoken to Lilly the previous evening and knew you had not. He drove to Edinburgh, went to the hotel, and insisted they check the rooms, but they were empty.
“He called the satellite phone and let it ring until it was answered and demanded to speak to Faolan. Old Sheila, the housekeeper, had been told under no circumstances was she to interrupt the ceremony, and Red fought with her for all he was worth. He told Sheila that your life was in danger and you would die if he didna speak to Faolan, right away.”
He looked at Elena apologetically, “Although we were expecting all of you to arrive by boat earlier in the day, we had no reason to think something was wrong, and so we had gone ahead and started the ceremony. Someone would have had to start even if we had known you were in trouble. Sheila took a big chance and came out to the stones to find us in the middle of our ceremony.
“Brigid and I were performing the ritual, and Faolan was watching, when he sensed Sheila’s approach. He left the circle and she told him of Red’s threats and handed him the phone. Red was outside a restaurant called The Saucy Sorcerer, because that was the last place Lilly had called him from to say you and she were going out for dinner.
“Red could sense a compulsion enchantment, although it didna call to him, and after walking around the building, he believed there was a Ceremony of Beltane happening in the basement.”
Earnan rose from his seat and poured himself a glass of water from the tray. He seemed to be waiting for something, and Elena noticed his eyes stray to Faolan. Faolan had uncovered his eyes, and was looking at Earnan with a pleading expression. Elena sensed their wordless conversation. Whatever was coming next was what Faolan had been dreading.
Brigid looked at Faolan lovingly, patted his shoulder, and said, “You must tell her, son.” Then she moved from the bed to the other chair.
Elena crossed her arms, as if she could protect herself from whatever it was Faolan feared.
Without meeting Elena’s eyes, Faolan took up the tale, his voice low and bleak. “I had learned some new magick while you were gone. I can shape shift into a falcon and fly. I can use the standing stones to travel to the standing stones on the farm. I know you didna know of the stones before tonight. They have an enchantment, much like the door in the chamber. Only some can see them or sense them.
“I dared not tell you about them because I am bound to keep them hidden, and I was afraid Worthington had somehow learned of them. I thought perhaps ‘twas why he wanted the farm so badly.” His voice grew faint and lost all inflection as he continued. “I used the stones and the falcon to reach Red, and arrived in time to see you being dragged from the building by a man, and he had Lilly over his shoulder. The compulsion of the building was strong upon me; I struggled to return to my human form, but only managed the wolf at first. A man followed you out the door, and was taking aim. I couldna shift. God forgive me, I leapt at him, just as he fired.”
His voice changed to a harsh whisper, “I saw you collapse, your blood was everywhere.”
“By the time I got far enough away from the building that I could shift back to human, the ambulance had already taken you to the hospital. Red had gotten Lilly out of the man’s car, put her in the truck, and was looking for me. I helped him get Lilly into a nearby hotel and left for the hospital.
“The doctor who came out to meet me was shaking, she was so angry. She told me that you were on a ventilator with a breathing tube, that you had lost enough blood it would be touch and go for the next few days, and that you had lost the baby. I begged to see you, but she said you were in critical care, and needed to be left in peace. The doctor said the police told her you had been shot when a large dog jumped at the man with the gun, and caused it to fire.
“She said you couldna have visitors for at least two days and to go home, she would call me as soon as I could visit you. I didna leave, I stayed waiting for you to wake, for any sign you could forgive me. After the third day, the doctor came to me and said you had been moved to a new facility and were being placed under a protective order at your own request. You didna want to see me or anyone else. The doctor knew things only you could have told her. She said ever since you had known me, someone was always trying to kill you. You told her you’d nearly died three times, and now this last one had cost you your baby. She said you didna want to see me again.
“At first I thought she was being sympathetic, she said sometimes these feelings of blame lessened over time. I left a number, in case you changed your mind. The doctor said it sometimes took six months or more for the emotional healing necessary, but it would be very dangerous for your mental health if I tried to see you.
“A week later, the doctor called me to come to the hospital, she had your note.” He stopped, as though he thought he’d reached the end of the story.
Elena waited for him to continue, and when he didn’t, she prompted him, “What note?”
“You said you never wanted to see me again, that you blamed me for the loss of our baby. I was to get whatever items I needed from the farm before you were released from the hospital.
“The doctor was very clear that you had written the note and were of clear thought. She said you had told her I was responsible for your getting shot, and in her opinion, I should be arrested, but that you just wanted me gone.” The last part came out in a rush, delivered without inflection while he looked out the window.
Faolan had directed Lilly, Red, and Brig
id to help him secure the farm. They packed up all the belongings, the books, even the cats and taken most of it to Beauly. Then he and Brigid had placed the protective wards around the farm and they all returned to the island.
“Och, lass, I realize you are better off without me in your life, you had nearly been murdered twice before this, and now by my own hand, I nearly took your life. It cost us our child, it cost us everything. I understand why you couldna’ look at me, I canna even look at myself.”
Chapter Forty-five
Elena kept her shield tight around her, she couldn’t go through the grief of losing him again, and she didn’t yet know whether to trust what she was being told. It didn’t make any sense. Could Brigid or Earnan have something to do with all of this?
Then Brigid spoke, “Lass, you have the most powerful shield I have ever encountered. You must lower it a bit so you can sense Faolan… sense all of us. I know you must wish to protect yourself, ‘tis plain you have been hurt badly, but we doona’ yet know how. You have heard Faolan’s story, and you sensed my anger at you when you arrived. Does it not make sense to you lass, that I would be angry? You have my word we will not intrude, but you canna know if we tell you the truth unless you lower your shield.”
Elena looked Brigid then Earnan in the eye, before turning to Faolan. He would not meet her gaze. She lowered her shield slightly, trying to taste the atmosphere, sense the lies. Faolan’s despair washed over her, a flood of emotion, of loss. His grief was palpable, his self-loathing knew no bounds. Elena gasped with the pain of it.
She turned to Brigid and Earnan again, and sensed their love for Faolan, for her. Brigid said, “He has been that way since he returned to the island without you. Is it any wonder he turned toward the void today?”
“Turned toward the void, what do you mean?”
“Aye, lass, just before you lay with him, I felt him slip into the void. When you put your hand on his chest you felt his last heartbeat, but his spirit had already gone. Before I could warn you, you cried out with such power as I had never heard before. I know of no Druid power that can bring a man back from the void. Lass, I doona’ know exactly what you are, aye, we have all sensed Druid, but there is more to you than that.