by K. C. Mills
“Fuck.” I mumbled to myself before I walked over to the counter, removed my watch and clothes, leaving on just my boxers.
I stepped into the shower and sat on the side of the tub, letting my hand glide across her cheek until I reached her neck. This wasn't about sex; it was about making sure my shorty was good. I lifted Kizzie off the floor into my lap and just held her. She still had blood all over her body, which meant that she had been sitting there since I left her.
“Kiz, I need you to get it together for me, shorty. I know you’re scared, and I know that’s some crazy shit that you just went through, but I need to get you out of here, ma. And I can't do that until you get cleaned up, okay?”
She lifted her head and nodded, but didn't move, so I leaned forward enough to lift her wash cloth off the side rail and her body wash. If she couldn't do it, I was gon’ do that shit for her.
After I got Kizzie cleaned up and dried off, I wrapped a towel around her and carried her to her guest room. She buried her face in my chest when we walked through her room so that she wouldn't have to see Red's body. Even though it was covered, she knew it was there.
“Stay here, I’ll get you some clothes.”
Kizzie sat on the edge of the bed in her guest room and nodded at me. I knew shit was complicated for her, but no matter what it took, she was gon’ be good. I would make sure of that.
Kizzie
I lay balled up in the bed of my guest room, hugging my pillow while I listened to Jock barking out orders to whoever was in my house. I hadn't left my guest room since Jock carried me from my bathroom to it. He instructed me to stay put, while he handled things. There was a lot going on, and I was trying to shut it out, but every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Red’s body. The way his head damn near exploded right before my eyes, and blood flying everywhere.
I couldn't get that out of my head. My body was sore from where he laid hands on me and forced his way between my legs, like I was some random fuck. The way he drilled into me was like who I was didn't matter. He wanted to hurt me, he wanted me to feel pain, and I did. I felt tears sliding down my cheek to the pillow that my head rested on, and I didn't even bother wiping them. I just lay there listening and staring at the wall while I waited for Jock to return.
“Kiz, you okay, baby girl?”
My eyes moved to the door where Siah was standing like he was afraid to come near me. I could see it all over his face. There was pity in his eyes, and that made things worse. I wasn't weak. I never have been, and I didn't want people to see me as weak now, so I nodded and he inhaled, letting it out slow before he entered the room and sat on the bed next to me.
“You gon’ be good, Kiz. Don't let this shit fuck with you, okay?” Siah’s hand touched my shoulder and then moved down my back. He scooted closer to me before he leaned down and hugged me as best he could because of the position that I was lying in, and then he kissed me on the cheek.
“So much shit is going on right now, Kiz. Niggas are just acting up and being disrespectful. I feel like I’m losing control of everything. I know this shit don't have anything to do with what’s going on in our world right now, but still, it's fucking with me. You and Nonie, man, I don't even know how to explain that shit, but I feel responsible for both or you. Jock feels responsible for both of you, and when we can't keep you safe, when niggas get to you, it's like a bullet right to the chest.”
I watched as Siah propped his elbows up on his thighs and then lowered his head into his hands. I sat up, moved to him, and he lifted his head enough to glance a me before he lowered it again. He was stressed, and I knew it was more about Nonie than me. Not that Siah didn't care about me, because he did. He would give his life for me just like Jock would. I was family, hell we all were family. But right now, with this whole Laken thing, he was stressed. Knowing what had just happened to me had him thinking about what could happen to Nonie.
“I swear you're selfish as hell, Siah,” I told him, playfully leaning into his shoulder.
He looked at me confused, so I explained. “How you get here and make this about you? You’re selfish as fuck, Siah.”
His goofy ass laughed so deep that it made me laugh too. I needed it. After what had just went down, I needed something to make me smile.
“My bad, Kiz, I swear I’m on some fuck shit right now, ain't I? It just everything is happening at once, and it got me thinking. Shit is out of control, but I’m ’bout to get a handle on that. But for real though, you good?”
Siah lifted his arm and draped it around my shoulder, pulling me into his side.
“I’m good.”
After a kiss on my forehead, Siah looked at me with a big ass grin. “So you gon’ stop playing with my boy now? I mean, that nigga got a body because of you, Kiz. That ain't nothing to play with, shorty.”
“Ain't nobody worried about Jock,” I snapped, but Siah and I both knew that what I was saying was a lie.
Jock made me feel safe. He had killed for me without a second thought, and I knew that if the situation came up, he’d do it again. How could I deny that or him? I’d have to be a fool to do so.
Siah chuckled. “Yeah, aight, let him hear you say that shit.”
He paused for a minute and looked at me like he was conflicted about something heavy.
“I fucked up Kiz, I think your girl might be done with me for a minute.” Siah admitted.
I knocked his arm off me and grilled him hard as hell. “What did you do?”
“I did some dumb shit.” He paused again and I watched his face. I could tell he was thinking, so I waited.
When he started back, he explained what happened at breakfast, and that he left her at the restaurant. I punched the shit out of him and cussed him out, but he told me that she was home, that he had one of his guys make sure she was good, but still I knew she was beyond pissed. I needed to see my girl. We hadn't talked all day, which I assumed was because she was caught up with him, but now I know that it was because she was in her feelings about him.
“You're a fucking idiot, Yosiah. How could you do something so childish? Wait, never mind, you are childish. I swear you need to get your shit together. You’re worried about me playing with Jock, how about you stop playing with Nonie? She’s gonna leave you, Siah. There’s only so much a girl can take, trust me I know, and you are pushing really hard. She loves your stupid ass. I don't know why, but she does—”
“The fuck you mean you don't know why?” he asked defensively, but he shut up quick with the look I gave him.
“I’m not playing with you, Yosiah. Do you love her?”
He just stared at me blankly, and I could tell he was thinking again. “Kiz, I don't even know what love is. I don't want her to be with anybody else. I want her to be safe, but most of all, I want her to be happy. I’ll do whatever I can to make that happen, but I don't know shit about love. You know me.”
“So you’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy?” I asked, looking right into his eyes.
“Yeah, you already know that.”
“Even let her be with someone who does know what love is?”
Before Siah could answer, Jock entered the room looking stressed and started rattling off commands. “Aye, let’s go. Grab what you need out your room real quick. Don't worry about packing a bunch of shit. My guys gon’ pack your things and bring them to my house later, so just take what you need for right now. Siah, let me holla at you for a minute.”
Siah chuckled and stood like Jock didn't just tell me; not ask, but tell me that I was staying with him.
“Your house? I’m not staying with you, Jock,” I said as the two of them started a conversation on the way out my guest room.
Jock turned to face me when he heard my voice. “Where the fuck you gon stay, Kiz? You can't stay here.”
I looked from Jock to Siah. Jock’s face was all balled up, like I was annoying him, and Siah was wearing a goofy ass grin that basically said ‘I told you so.’
“I can stay wit
h Nonie.”
“No hell! You can stay with Jock, Kiz. Besides, Nonie might be at my spot anyway.”
“Really, Siah?” I folded my arms and glared at him.
“Kizzie, I’m not about to argue with you. You been real flip lately and I let that shit slide, but on the real, I’m tired of that bullshit. Get what the fuck you need so that we can go, or leave all that shit and I’ll buy you what you need. I’m tired as fuck, I have to go pick up Hari, and I’m ready to wrap this shit up, so make some moves, shorty.”
He walked out and Siah stayed just long enough to smirk and then offer his two cents. “I guess you heard that shit.”
“Fuck you, Yosiah, you and Jock.”
Siah chuckled and then shook his head before leaving. I stood there for a minute, like I really had to think about what I was going to do before I let out a frustrated breath and then headed toward my room. When I got there, I pushed the door open and peeked inside. My bed was gone and the room was cleaned out.
From the looks of everything, I would have never known what had happened in there if I hadn't been right in the middle of it all. It still felt strange being in there, almost eerie. I knew I couldn't sleep there tonight. Hell, maybe not ever again. The bad thing was that I couldn't really just run out and buy a new house. I had a little money saved, but not like that.
I moved to my closet and grabbed a few things before looking around. A chill moved through my body as the memory of Red attacking me swept through my mind. I had to get out of there. I slid my feet into my Roshe Runs and hurried out without looking back. I guess I was officially living with Jock. I didn't know how that was going to work out, but apparently I didn't have a say in the matter.
****
“Come on,” Jock said after he parked in a random driveway and shut off his car. My eyes went to the house and then were on him.
“Who’s house is this?” I had been to Jock’s house more times that I could remember, and this damn sure wasn't it.
“Anj’s. I told you had I pick up Hari.” Jock gave me an annoyed look and then got out his car.
I sat there with my arms folded. I hoped this negro didn't think I was about to go deal with his baby mama. I was tired, sore, and looked a hot mess, wearing leggings, a Pink hoodie and a pair of Nikes. My hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail behind my head. I mean, I still looked cute, because I always did, but I wasn't slayed like usual.
Noticing that I wasn't behind him, Jock stopped and moved to the passenger side of the car and pulled the door open.
“Yo, please don't be on no bullshit about this situation, Kiz. I already told you I ain't fucking her and the only dealings I have with Anj are about Jahari, so bring your ass on.”
He stood back and waited. If the whole Red situation hadn't just gone down, I could tell from the look on his face that he would have just snatched me out the car, but he was trying to be patient.
I inhaled and let it out slowly before climbing out. I flinched because my body was sore and Jock’s face softened. Once I was on my feet, he stepped to me and closed me in his arms.
“Fuck, Kiz, I’m sorry all this shit is going down, but you’re good from now on. I put my life on that. His lips connected with mine before he looked down at me. “Can you just work with me on this? Let's get our son and then we can go home.”
“Our son?” I felt the frown form on my face and Jock grinned.
“Hell yeah, you’re his stepmom, so he’s yours too.”
I couldn't even respond to this idiot. He took my hand and we moved to the front of the house. Jock used his key to get in, which didn't really sit well with me, but I understood.
“Yo, where you at Anj. I hope you got him ready. I told you I was on my way,” he yelled down the hallway.
Jock and I both stood in the foyer waiting. A few minutes later, this trick came down the hall with no baby, but dressed in a short ass silk robe, wide open, exposing her body. I was mad as hell for the stunt she pulled, but even more pissed that the trick’s body was banging. Shit, I see why Jahari was here.
“See, this exactly why I brought her in here with me. You always on that bullshit. Go put some got damn clothes on.” Jock yelled, so loud it made me jump. His jaw was tight and his fists were clenched.
Her eyes met mine and a smirk formed. “Oh, my bad, I didn't know you would be bringing her with you.” She grabbed the belt to the robe and tied it loosely, not really covering anything, and then peered at Jock. “What you do on your time is your business, but don't bring your women to my house, Jock.”
I laughed because I knew her petty ass feelings were hurt. He could have still been fucking her for all I knew, but in that moment, he was with me and looking at her like he wanted to slap the stupid out of her.
“Yo, you dumb as fuck. I pay the bills here. The fuck you think this is? If I want to bring her here and stay overnight in your muthafucking bed and a make your ass sleep on the couch, I’ll do that shit, now try me. You childish as hell for this shit too. I’m not fucking you ever again, and you know that, so you just played yourself. This her dick now, and if she ain't willing to share then it ain't being shared.”
Again, I laughed because Jock’s stupid ass would say anything. He just didn't care.
“You’re not taking my—”
“Man, don't even fix your face to say no dumb shit like that. We already been over this shit too many times. Go get my son, Anj, and hurry the fuck up.”
She stood there glaring at him and then she looked at me. Her damn face was scrunched up and her lips were poked out, but she did as she was told and returned a few minutes later with Hari in her arms. After kissing him a few times, she tried to hand him to Jock, but he nodded to me. I knew he was just being petty, but I played along because I didn't like the hoe.
“Nah, give him to Kiz. I need to get his bag.” Jock’s words were like a sword to the heart.
She sucked her teeth and handed Jahari to me. Once I had him in my arms, I kissed his little face and nuzzled mine in his neck. He smiled and reached for my hoop earrings, while I turned my back to her and moved to the door.
“I swear, I can't wait until you give me one, Kiz. That shit is sexy as fuck,” I heard Jock say from behind me before he addressed his baby mama.
“Look, you keep up with this dumb shit, and I promise I’ll take my son and you won't see him. I don't want you, so next time I show up, you better have some got damn clothes on and act like you have some damn sense. Are we clear?”
“Fuck you, Jock. Get out, you and that bi—”
“Say that shit so I can fuck you up.”
I turned just in time to see his finger in her face.
“You ain't shit,” she yelled and then turned to walk away.
I snickered a little, even though I kind of felt bad for her. She wanted something she couldn't have, and I knew that feeling, but oh well. We live and we learn. Jock and I left with Hari and headed to his house. I didn't know what was about to happen with this whole living with him thing, but it was happening, even if it was temporary, so I had better get with it.
Laken
I released my mother’s hand and stood from her bedside. I had been sitting with her for hours. We talked for a while, not really about anything important, but she lived for shit like that. Each day that she survived was like a small victory, and hearing my voice was like a reward. My mother loved me more than anything, especially since I was pretty much all she had in this world.
After delivering a kiss to her forehead, I stepped outside her room to answer my phone. My father had called me four times since I’d been there, and since my mom had gone to sleep, I decided to go ahead and deal with him. All he wanted was an update on how things were going. I really didn't have shit to tell him right now, but I knew I needed to tell him something so that he would leave me the fuck alone.
“What?” I answered with an attitude.
“Son, don't talk to me like I’m just some nigga in the streets,” my father spat to me
angrily.
“I’m busy right now.”
“Doing what, fucking things up?”
“I’m with my mother. Don't come at me like that. When is the last time you bothered coming by to see your wife?”
He was quiet all of a sudden, just like I expected. My mother was dying of cancer and all he cared about was taking shit from my uncle. I could get with that, but nothing was going to take precedence over me being there for my mother. I didn't know how much time she had left, and at this point, I was just happy as fuck that she was still here.
The doctors had written her off months ago, but for some reason she was hanging on. I was selfish about it too, because I had a feeling that she wasn't letting go because of me, but I didn't care. It was my mother, and I wasn't ready for her to leave me. That shit broke me down. As strong as I was, knowing that she was about to leave me had my grown ass in tears every time I laid eyes on her.
“I’m sorry. I’m just stressed, Laken. There’s a lot going on right now. How is she?”
“Why don't you come by and see for your damn self?” I knew it was hard for my father because he loved my mother, but it was hard for me too. I was her son and he was her husband. If I could get my shit together enough to be here for her, then he needed to as well.
When they told my father that she only had months to live, and her cancer had returned and aggressively, he lost it. He got real distant and was hardly around. It broke my mother’s heart, but I stepped up and made sure she knew that she was loved. I was her son. She was the first woman I ever loved, hell the only woman that I had ever loved, so with or without him, she was gon’ be good.
“You know I can't do that, Laken. It's too much, but tell her I love her.”
“Whatever, why the fuck you blowing up my phone?”
“I just called to see how things are going. You won't tell me your plans, so I can't help you with any of this,” my father said.