She lifted both her eyebrows. “Fun? We may have to get you out of here sooner rather than later. There is no such thing as that in here. Just endless days of wasting time in between pain.”
A warm breeze touched her face like a caress. We need to figure out what you have to say, what you have to do, to get out of here. And then have you do or say it.
“That’s the problem. I’m not here like you are to get better from something that was done to me, something I can get better from. I’m here because this is where people like me belong.”
She pushed away from this strange, private moment in the hall. When she closed the door behind her, she decided the next day she wouldn’t come out. Doors kept people out and she was better if she did that. Vulnerable didn’t make anything better.
That night she didn’t dream.
She sipped her ginger ale and stared out the window while the doctor spoke to her. “Although it was out of sync with the group, I was glad to hear that you spoke yesterday about your mother’s death.”
“That’s me, out of sync.”
He tapped his pen on the wall as it flew around the room. It always amazed her that people could have so much power that they could use it unconsciously. The doctor was trying to feed her positive energy, question her past, and was absentmindedly banging his pen on the wall while it floated about.
She could shuffle cards.
There was a big power differential in this room.
“That wasn’t my point. I am complimenting you. The more you open up, the more we can feed you healing magic, the better you will get.”
She leaned forward. “I pretty much hate you. All of you. I want you to know that. It’s not a small amount of hate. It’s a large amount. I. Hate. You. And I want to throw you out of my room. How does that make you feel?”
His eyes widened. “Well, this is a dramatic…”
She interrupted. “Shift, right? You’re going to say shift? And then you’re going to compliment me on expressing myself when what I really, really want is for you to get out of my room and go away.”
He nodded, his gaze still kind. “Sometimes the day after a breakthrough, people need a break. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
A breakthrough? What in the hell was the matter with this man? He left, and she got on her bed, rolling over to bury her face in her pillow. She wanted to sulk, and she was doing it.
A low knock sounded and the door opened. Mitchell poked his head in before pushing it wider and entering. He closed it behind him.
“We’re not supposed to be in each other’s rooms.”
He lifted his eyebrows. “What are they going to do? Kick me out? I’ll leave if you want, but I’d rather you scoot over and let me lie down with you. Sulking goes better when you have someone with you to see it.”
She considered throwing him out for half a second and then changed her mind. “I may have taken two steps back with the doctor.”
Eleanor made room for Mitchell, who joined her on the bed, above the covers. “I actually don’t think the world revolves around me, but I can’t get over the idea that this is because I pushed you in group? I was playing. I shouldn’t have…”
She rolled onto her side, leaning against him, knowing she was a glutton for punishment. He smelled so good. They all used the same soap and shampoo here unless they spelled themselves clean. She couldn’t do that and he clearly didn’t mind the act of showering because he had the scent of the soap on him. Still, it was different on Mitchell.
“Do you know how I promised I wouldn’t fall in love with you? Well, I haven’t done that, but I may have fallen into a little crush on you. I… I got all worked up because the reality of my life hit me all at once. Not for the first time and now I’ve spiraled into this. The door is right there if you want to go.”
He put a calm hand on her arm. “This place… it’s not real, you know? It’s a break from out there, but in so many ways it’s harder. In the real world, a woman, for example you, says that to me? Well, honestly, I’m not sure what I’d do because I haven’t been single since I was fourteen. But hypothetically, I’m all over her because it’s hot, the way that you talk to me, the things you say. I’m not going to do that in here. We’re vulnerable in here. You may not know what you want at all. I have to be sure we’re both really thinking. I…” His voice faded off. “But the friendship I feel with you is real. The kinship, I know it. So I’m not going to go for the door because I want to be here with you while you work this out. I’m also going to resist putting my hands where they want to go on you because this isn’t the time or the place.”
She lifted her head. His words made sense, and were even noble. “This is my only time and place. I don’t have other ones.”
“Sometimes you do get out, right? Why dismiss what I said yesterday? Why not push to be released? Do whatever they want?”
She closed her eyes. He wanted to go through this again? “I belong here. I’m not well.”
“I don’t think that’s true. There’s nothing about you that is triggering any kind of feeling in me that says you’re… not well.”
She smiled, keeping her eyes closed. “I’m a great liar. Every time I pretend to be normal, to be funny, to be anything other than completely off my rocker, I’m lying.”
“You’re not that good of a liar. You have a lousy poker face. I let you win at cards, and the only time you’re lying is when you say things like that.”
Her eyes flew open. “You did not. You’re the one with the lousy poker face, Mr. Eyebrows.”
He touched them, quickly. “What about my eyebrows?”
“They show every thought you have.”
Mitchell rubbed at them. “Really?”
“Yep. Stop that, you’ll hurt yourself, make them all red.” She swatted his hand away, and he twisted his face up for a second.
“Eleanor, everyone knows you’re lying. So it’s not like you’re getting away with it. You might as well fess up.”
She would if such a thing were possible. “I can’t do that. Besides, what kind of life could I have if I ever got out of here? I’m the crazy, half-witch St. Vincent girl. I never finished high school. I’m just…” She didn’t know what word she wanted to use because she had so many of them with which to denigrate herself. How on Earth would she pick?
“Well, then the first thing I’d do, if it were me, is finish school. You’re obviously very smart. You’re how old, again? I know you told me, but all I could think about was kissing you and once it was over twenty-one I cataloged it as fine and moved on. This time I’ll remember. How old? ”
She could talk to him all day, and if she couldn’t talk to him, she’d love simply listening to him. “Twenty-four.”
“You could finish high school and college before you’re thirty. I’m twenty-six by the way.” She hadn’t asked, but she’d have guessed somewhere around there. “Get out of here, do whatever they want, get better with their help, work at it, and then your whole life doesn’t have to be behind these walls.”
She lay flat on her back. Was he right? Could she just… do that? Could she finally, after all this time, speak her truth and maybe see if they were correct when they told her it would stop the blacking out?
Eleanor… Her mother’s shout echoed in her mind. No, probably not.
“What you said to me yesterday, about this being something that was done to me? That it wasn’t who I was, I mean. You’re right, but you’re also wrong.”
His words caught her attention. “How am I wrong?”
The sun coming out from behind a cloud stroked his face through the window, and she could see he had dark circles under his eyes. Had he not slept?
“Look, I went through some things that’s for sure. I was hexed every day, which the healers tell me is because I was strong and powerful. I might have resisted it if she hadn’t reapplied it each day. I had a year with this woman. I did things with her I’d only ever done with one woman in my life. I know, that’s not consensual.
Her jail sentence reflected the rape.” He winced. “Hate that word in relation to me, but there you go. Saying it and owning it has been part of the journey here for the past year. Yes, that happened.”
She nodded. “And you bear no responsibility for that. V is for victim.”
“That’s true. But what I’ve been trying to get my head around for the last few weeks, and what I may be getting close to living with is that I had no idea that someone could want to hex me. I mean, shouldn’t I have had some clue that I lived in a world that someone might come and try and take from me? We’re the richest family in our town. Why didn’t I take means to protect myself?”
Eleanor took his hand in hers. They weren’t soft fingers. Whatever rich, academic life he’d been living, he had still built up calluses on his fingertips. “Realistically, how does anyone prevent that? There are anti-hex charms. But who knows if they work? And were you going to take them every time you left the house?”
“If I had known what would happen, I sure would have. Believe you me.”
She did. He’d lost everything. The love of his life married someone else. It wasn’t like that could be undone. Sadness wafted through her, and she tugged him closer. “I’m sorry.”
“It sucks.” He winked at her. “I didn’t want you to think that I don’t get how it is to feel… like you did something wrong. Like you missed something entirely that you should have been aware of and now it’s past the point of no return.”
Eleanor poked him in the side. “Sorry, but blaming yourself for not taking anti-hexing charms is not the same as being downright nuts. And you don’t want to be one of those old men walking around smelling like herbs. Right? Those really stinky guys that you know every time they come into the area because they…”
He laughed, throwing his head back in a real burst of joy. That was what she’d wanted. She’d hold onto this memory someday, a moment of happiness between two people who had to work hard to find any.
Mitchell ran his hand over her wrist. “Why did your mom pick this symbol?”
She stared at the ink. “Oh, this whole becoming my friend thing has been just to ask me that?”
He nodded solemnly. “Yes, you caught me. I cannot go on another day without knowing. I would create this whole façade of becoming your friend simply to know your mother’s motivations.”
She loved his sarcasm. Her memories of that time were blurry. “I don’t know, really. It was right before she died, and I’ve lost time in my head. Her death was the trauma that started the rest of this mess. I might have brain damage or something. I remember she said it was an important symbol she wanted me to have for the rest of my life. I looked it up. It’s the goddess symbol from ancient Alurmia. She offers protection to travelers. We were always someplace new. Maybe that’s why? I just don’t…”
Mitchell’s eyebrows sloped down. “She’s a protective symbol, that’s for sure. I mean, my expertise is Germanic. That’s the whole professor of runes thing. But I’ve spent some time on ancient Alurmia. One of many goddesses. She was a friendly one. Always on the side of the people.”
She lifted her wrist. “My first tattoo and she’s come to represent my mom to me.”
“You have others?”
“I do, but not anywhere I’m going to show you. We’re just friends. And I’m crushing on you. Showing you the places on my body I keep covered that have ink on them would probably cross a line and be sort of torture.”
Mitchell swung his arm over his eyes. “Groan. Okay. Now I have all of this imagery in my head. Guesses about exactly where you are inked.”
Good. Let him suffer a little. “I’m pierced, too.”
“Fuck.” He shook his head and dropped his arm. “We’ll go see ancient symbols on walls together when we both get out of here. I’m not necessarily going back to gainful employment. I may have to become one of those guys who lives off his family’s name and money. Lots of time to travel.”
“Mitchell.” She sat up. They needed to get out of her bed. She was starting to feel achy, like she needed something. Though she’d never had sex, she’d have to be an idiot to not know that being this close to a guy she was this attracted to was not going to help her get over her fixation. “We aren’t going to see each other again after you leave.”
His face fell. “What? Why not?”
“You’re going back home. They’d be crazy not to hire you back. I bet you were a really good professor; the students were probably all half in love with you as well as learning important stuff. And I’m going to be here and then maybe eventually back with my family.”
He took her hand back. “I’m going to visit you while you’re still here and then we can see each other when you get out.”
She was going to address that second part first. “There will come a time when you won’t want to remember this place and how it was here. The life out there will be the one that matters. This will be a blip. And…” She sighed. “Listen, don’t come see me here. Okay? Once you’re gone. Don’t ever come back. Right now, we’re both in these stupid outfits. We’re both here. Once you come back, it’ll be different. You’ll be a person from out there visiting a person here. I don’t want to see the pity in your eyes. I want to remember you from here.”
The warm energy from the night before brushed against her, but this time it was a hand, touching the side of her cheek with a gentle squeeze. “You act like I’m so much more important or better than I am. When I come to see you, I’ll be coming as your friend.”
She shook her head. He needed to understand. “Don’t.”
Chapter 4
Eleanor had never known time to move quickly in these places, but with Mitchell to see every day, the hours and days flew. There were movies to watch at night, and her appetite returned. Soon, they had a bit of a routine going that she really liked. As long as she was with him, the doctors were okay with her walking around outside, so they’d do that in the morning. Next was Group where no one asked her to share but neither did they kick her out. He continued to see the beautiful soul healer and much as she hated herself for being so petty, Eleanor continued to shoot daggers at her whenever they went off to meditate.
Then there were books to read in the afternoon, entertainment during the evening—she’d never enjoyed before, but now looked forward to—and her dreams were mostly pleasant at night. Dr. Ruttan had even told her that her color was better and that he liked to see her laughing so much.
“I don’t remember my mother dying,” she launched at the doctor when he came in for their private session, even before he’d sat down. “That’s weird right?”
The wrinkle that always appeared in between his eyes when he spoke to her appeared and a gust of healing energy touched her. She had to give him credit; he never stopped trying to help her.
“Trauma can do all kinds of things to the brain, but it’s possible using our magic we can unlock it.”
“Even though I’m a half-witch?” There was always that problem.
He brightened up. “We can use this magic on humans to help them with memory loss. We can certainly start to do it for you, and it will work, eventually. Then we can take it from there. Thanks for telling me that.”
“I woke up this morning and I just wanted to be better.”
He nodded, fast. “Your friendship with Mr. Sharpe has been a very good one. For both of you. He brightened up, too. His doctor is so pleased. We’ll start tomorrow. I am feeling very enthusiastic today, Ms. St. Vincent. Very enthusiastic.”
So was she, which made for a nice change.
He left her, and she rose from the bed, stopping abruptly when two drawn faces appeared in front of her. A smiley face or a sad face. Mitchell. She shook her head. He’d taken to doing this after her sessions. Was she happy or sad? She touched happy and it popped, changing into confetti before it faded out like it had never been there at all.
“How do you do that?” she’d asked on one of their morning walks when he cupped her hand in his and didn�
��t rush her out of the sun. “I’ve never seen that before.”
He tapped at his head. “I’m mad powerful, Eleanor. You better be careful around me.”
She’d laughed and hadn’t forgotten that he’d still not answered her question. The man avoided when he wanted.
She strolled out to the main room to find him for their walk and plopped down on the couch, observing the others around her. She’d not really interacted with other people, but they seemed twitchy today. Lots of shouting, lots of rocking back and forth. She shook her head. There were days like this in these places, and she’d always hated to see people suffer.
Empathic, her mother had said of her once. What magic she had moved toward alleviating other people’s pain…
Wow, it had been years since she’d thought about that.
Today was a day for memories.
Mitchell strolled out, staring at his feet when he walked, and she grinned. He did get lost in thought. He’d told her that he spent most of his time alone in the library, even when he was with Ava, his ex. She must have been a woman who never worried about her fiancé not being home at night. Of course, maybe she should have worried, considering what happened.
And how had she ever moved on from him?
“Hi.” She waited until he sat down next to her to speak. “How did your daily roundup with your doctor go?”
He chewed on his lower lip. “I’m being released. Today.”
Her whole body went cold except for the warm tears that pooled in her eyes. She’d known this was coming, but it looked like she’d been pulling a serious case of denial about it.
“Ellie.” It was the first time he’d called her that. No one ever nicknamed her. It was kind of cute.
She held up her hand. “Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to miss you. Of course I am.” She rose quickly. “It’s been such a gift getting to know you, and I am so happy for you that you get to go home. How lucky for the world that you are returning to it. And that sounds snarky, but I mean it.”
Curse Reversed Page 4