Joel’s voice was barely more than a whisper. The damage to his vocal cords was only temporary but the effect of being intubated for over a week had left his voice shaky and soft. Even so, it was good to hear his voice again, with its familiar Irish lilt.
“Have you got enough pain relief?” She frowned in concern.
“Always the nurse, eh Kate! I’m fine, love. They’re taking excellent care of me.” She felt a warm flush come across her at the way he looked at her. For a split second she dared herself to believe he felt the same way about her as she did about him.
As she got closer to his bed, everything within her wanted to take his hand in hers, but suddenly she felt strangely awkward. It no longer felt natural to pick up his hand or smooth away the frown the way she had done when he had been sedated. Pulling up a chair beside the bed, she sat down and smiled at him instead, aware that she had been about to overstep an unmarked boundary.
“Thank you Kate,” Joel said when their eyes finally met again. She could read the warmth in his look.
“What for?” She feigned ignorance but her heart began to race at the way he was looking at her.
“For looking after me.”
“Oh, I can’t take any credit for it,” Kate brushed off his comment. “They wouldn’t let me look after you anyway. Conflict of interest apparently, although I don’t know why – we’re only friends.”
“I think you’re selling yourself short.”
“It’s the other nurses on the unit you will have to thank – they’re the ones that looked after you every day.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” Joel’s eyes bore deep into Kate’s and she returned his gaze steadily. “I couldn’t always see you, but I could always hear you talking to me. And every time I heard your voice I knew that everything was going to be okay. I knew I was going to get better.”
“Don’t go getting all corny on me, Joel.” She picked up his hand and squeezed it gently. This time he didn’t pull away and instead wrapped his fingers around hers. Her heart felt like it was about to explode with joy through her chest.
“Kate, can I ask you something?” He was so serious, despite her efforts to keep the mood light. His blue eyes stood out against his dark hair and pale skin and she realized he still looked unwell. It would be a while before he regained his usual strength and color.
“Sure.” Her heartbeat pounded in her ears.
“They say I’ll be out of here in the next few days.” He squeezed her fingers lightly. “It’s going to be a pretty slow recovery, and of course I can’t go running with you, but when I’m well enough, can we go out for dinner? As in, on a date?”
Blushing with delight, Kate replied, “I’d like that. I’d like that very much.”
She looked down at her small hand entwined in his. It looked like it belonged there and hope soared in her heart. He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand and slowly pulled her toward him. His eyes locked with hers and she felt caught in his gaze. She could read the desire in his eyes. Her pulse bounded even harder and she felt her face flush.
He’s going to kiss me!
“Joely me mate! Good to see you looking alive at last!”
A booming voice called out from the doorway and Kate dropped Joel’s hand in surprise as Liam walked into the room. The mood was instantly shattered.
“Liam!”
Joel’s face lit up with pleasure and Kate could easily see the relationship between the brothers was close. The two men shook hands in a complicated maneuver that was clearly well rehearsed and practiced over many years.
“Hi Katie.” Liam pulled her into a hug which she returned somewhat stiffly, while at the same time she tried to avoid the kiss he still managed to plant on her cheek. She didn’t like the way he spoke her name with such familiarity. “You’ve been avoiding me all weekend! What’s with that?”
“Well,” said Joel, raising his eyebrows as he watched them, “I see I don’t need to make the introductions.”
“Oh, we’ve met,” Liam said, turning to wink at Kate. “Lots has happened while you’ve been pretending to be Sleeping Beauty.”
Liam draped his arm across Kate’s shoulders and she saw the look Joel gave her. Was it surprise or disappointment? She tried to shrug Liam’s arm off, but he pulled her toward him again with a sense of ownership. Staring at Joel, Kate willed him to look at her but she couldn’t get his attention. His face had a closed-off look that she hadn’t seen before. But it looked like pure rejection.
“So, when are they letting you out of here?” Liam was either choosing to ignore the expression on his brother’s face or was oblivious to the tension he had just created by walking into the room.
“Hopefully by the end of the week.” Joel’s voice was flat and withdrawn.
Kate finally extricated herself from Liam’s grip and sat down again. The nerve of the guy! She knew that Joel had just gotten the totally wrong picture of the two of them and she needed to fix this new problem straight away. She tried to reach for Joel’s hand again but at the same time he reached for a glass of water from the bedside table, avoiding her touch.
“I can’t wait for you to come and play with Baxter.” Kate directed her comment to Joel, trying to engage him into a conversation. Her words tumbled over each other. “He’s the best dog. And wait ’til you see the chickens! You won’t recognize them with all their feathers on. They each have a personality. They’re so funny.”
For the next few minutes she tried desperately to lure him out from the place he had withdrawn to, chatting non-stop. Liam joined in, but Joel mostly remained silent, answering their questions in monosyllables. Kate could sense something had imperceptibly shifted, and not in the direction she wanted. Nor in the direction he had just hinted at. Dammit Liam, your timing sucks!
“Thanks for coming to see me, Kate,” Joel eventually said. “I guess you’ve got work to do so I’d better not keep you.” His words were polite, but his tone was icy, and Kate shivered involuntarily.
Looking up at the clock on the wall, she stood up to leave, not knowing what else to do. He was obviously dismissing her. “Yeah. I’d better get back to the unit I suppose.” She hesitated. “I’ll pop in again after work later today, is that okay?” Not waiting for his reply, Kate half turned to face Liam. “Good-bye, Liam.”
As she walked back to the unit Kate was furious at what had just transpired. How had Joel jumped to the wrong conclusion about her and Liam so easily? Why didn’t I correct him straight away? It was as though Joel had seen her with Liam and instantaneously changed his mind about going out for dinner and getting to know her better. She strode down the hallway, angry and confused, before stopping dead in her tracks as the revelation hit her.
“Oh jeez,” she said out loud.
An orderly was walking past her, pushing a trolley, and he looked at her with a mixture of curiosity and surprise. She ignored him and continued walking again. She had just figured it out. The boys’ stupid “code of conduct” meant that Joel thought she and Liam were a couple. She groaned, irritated at Liam all over again for putting her in this awkward situation. Now she was going to have to try to explain to Joel that she was not the least bit interested in his twin brother, even though it clearly wouldn’t have looked that way from his perspective.
Chapter 30
Later that night Kate sat on the back veranda with Baxter sitting contentedly at her feet. She rubbed his ears and sipped a glass of white wine as she watched dusk turn to darkness over the paddocks. The crickets began to sing, increasing in crescendo as it got darker. It had been unseasonably warm during the day and there was a hint of a storm approaching.
Mulling over the tangled web Liam had managed to spin, she wondered how she was going to get a chance to explain everything to Joel. After their conversation in the hospital before Liam had interrupted them, it was clear he had the same feelings for her as she did for him. Unfortunately Liam’s arrival on the scene had put a massive spanner in the works. What a guy!<
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“What am I going to do?”
Baxter shifted at her feet when she spoke before settling himself into a different position.
She was still trying to work out what to do when the first large drops of rain began to fall. Baxter got up and sniffed the air, his ears pricked up, listening. Kate looked around, wondering what the dog had heard. Suddenly lightning flashed overhead and Baxter cowered behind her legs.
“Silly dog!” She rubbed his soft ears. “I take it you’re scared of storms, eh?”
His ears pricked up again and this time he let out a low growl. Concerned that a fox was in the yard, Kate held on to his collar and stood up. As she moved toward the house to flick on the lights that would illuminate the backyard, another flash of lightning ripped across the sky, followed a few seconds later by the deep, low rumble of thunder. The sky lit up again with lightning and she saw a figure coming around the side of the house. Baxter pulled against Kate’s hand on his collar and he barked loudly.
“It’s just me,” a voice called out. “It’s Emma.”
“Oh god, Emma, you scared me half to death,” Kate said.
“Sorry. You didn’t answer the front door but I knew you were home ’cause I saw your car.”
Thunder rumbled in the distance again and Baxter, sensing that Emma was a friend, was now wagging his tail and trying to escape Kate’s grasp.
“Is this Baxter then?” Emma inquired. “Joel said he’s an amazing dog.”
Kate let the dog go and he promptly rolled over onto his back, his four legs splayed in the air as he begged Emma for a tummy rub.
“Yeah, he’s pretty amazing. Just not much of a guard dog if he does this when he meets someone for the first time,” Kate laughed. “I’ll have to have a word to Joel about that! He was supposed to find me the perfect dog.”
Emma squatted down and obliged by vigorously rubbing Baxter’s white belly.
“Can I get you something to drink?” Kate indicated her glass of wine.
“No thanks. I don’t drink.” Emma’s reply was instantly terse and Kate remembered the cause of Rebecca’s death. She winced.
“I’ve got Diet Coke.”
“Sure, that would be great.”
Kate walked inside, wondering what had brought Emma out for this impromptu visit. She hoped everything was all right with Joel. Adding ice cubes to a glass, she poured Emma some Diet Coke from the bottle in the fridge. She then grabbed a packet of M&M’s from the pantry and emptied them into a small glass bowl.
Kate took a sip of her wine and looked across at Emma. “Joel’s doing well.” It was a statement. “I hear he should be going home in the next few days.”
“Yeah, he’s doing great. We’re all so grateful for all you’ve done for him,” Emma answered.
“I’ve done nothing more than I would do for any of my patients.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” Emma fiddled with the sleeve of her shirt.
“So, what brings you out here, Emma?” Kate decided to get straight to the point. It seemed obvious she was here with something on her mind other than Joel’s recovery.
The rain was now steadily falling, bouncing off the tin roof of the veranda. Although the lightning continued intermittently, the thunder that followed indicated the storm was passing around them, some distance away. She wasn’t overly cold, but Emma’s arrival had brought an unexpected chill to the air. She rubbed her arms, feeling the goose bumps beneath her jumper.
Emma took a long drink from her glass before saying anything. “Well I wanted to say thank you for taking such good care of Joel and for being there for him this past week. And, also, I, um, I want to tell you that I’m sorry.”
Emma looked unsure how to continue so Kate waited without speaking, giving Emma a chance to explain without interruption.
“When I first saw you come into the café you didn’t see me. But every day I watched you and I watched Joel. Whenever you saw each other it was like sparks just went off. I wasn’t ready for it. I know Joel’s told you all about Beck and I know a few years have passed but, well, I just wasn’t expecting him to fall in love like that again. Like he did with Beck.”
“Joel’s not in love with me, Emma,” Kate interjected. “We’re just good friends.”
There was no way she was going to admit how she really felt, especially after what had just happened in the hospital. Her thoughts were already swirling in complete confusion without having to try to explain it to someone else, let alone Joel’s kid sister.
“Maybe you can’t see it, Kate. But I can. Mum and Dad can. We all saw the looks you’ve given him while he’s been in hospital. You love him. It’s obvious.”
Kate twirled her wine glass, deliberating her answer. “Honestly Emma, we are just friends. I didn’t know anyone when I moved here and I’ve really struggled to make friends. Joel has been the only person to make a real effort to get to know me.”
Here I go again, sounding like such a whinger.
“You can deny it all you want to, Kate, but believe me, you’ll realize soon enough that you really are in love with him.” Emma took a handful of M&M’s and popped one in her mouth. After a moment she spoke again. “But I don’t want him to get hurt again.”
Kate remained silent, wondering whether Emma was going to elaborate.
“Has Joel talked to you about his drinking problem?” Emma asked. The question seemed to come from left field.
“Um. No. Not really. Why?” Kate said, confusion causing her to frown again. Drinking problem?
“I didn’t think so.”
“I don’t get what you’re asking,” Kate said.
“Did you know that Joel is a recovering alcoholic?” Emma asked.
“Yes, I knew that. But that’s no big deal.”
“Actually Kate, it is a big deal,” Emma replied with the sort of intensity that comes from being young and passionate about something.
Kate wondered why she felt like she was getting ready for an argument. The same feelings she had whenever she argued with Marcus rose up inside her, and her defenses were on full alert. This conversation with Emma was not helping her to unwind and relax.
“Emma, I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. Joel told me he used to have a problem with drinking after Rebecca died but he’s worked through it. It’s finished.”
“No! That’s not right. You don’t get it. Joel will always have a drinking problem. He needs someone who understands that and doesn’t push him to drink again.” Emma pointed at the wine glass in Kate’s hands.
“That’s ridiculous,” Kate stated, her anger flaring, causing her face to flush. She lifted the glass and held it high. “You think that because I drink the occasional glass of wine in Joel’s company that that’s enough to make him want to drink again?”
“Clearly you don’t understand how serious his drinking problem is,” Emma retorted. “They say even little things like that might trigger him to slide again.”
Kate leaned forward in her chair, still frowning in bewilderment. She knew all about Joel’s problem with alcohol after Rebecca died, but it certainly didn’t appear to be an issue anymore. Not that he’d ever mentioned anything to her.
“What has all of this got to do with our friendship? I don’t see the link.”
“Surely you can,” Emma replied. “If you drink around him, Joel won’t stand a chance. He will want to drink again. I just know it. And besides, if you two break up and you go back to Sydney it would kill him.”
Kate ran her fingers through her hair in exasperation. “Break up? We’re not even going out together! Listen, to be honest, Emma, I don’t appreciate you coming here and giving me your opinions. Joel and I are adults and as such, we are completely able to form any sort of relationship we choose – whether that’s just as good friends or something more – time will tell.” Kate held her glass up again. “And you have absolutely no right to tell me whether I can or cannot drink!”
Emma stood up to leave. She jangled her car keys in
her hand, pursing her lips before she spoke. “I’m sorry if I offended you, Kate, but I guess I just wanted to let you know that Joel has probably been holding back from you because of this. I thought he had told you all about how hard this is and where he stands on this drinking issue.”
Kate stood as well. “Emma, I’m not easily offended but I honestly think you just need to mind your own business, okay? As I said before, and I repeat, your brother and I are just friends. Nothing more. I think you’re reading too much into this and all the stress of his illness is causing you to act a bit irrationally.”
“Maybe I am being irrational, but I love my brother and I’ve now watched him almost die twice. I just don’t want him to get hurt again.” Throwing her bag over her shoulder, Emma flounced off without a backward glance.
Baxter followed Emma for a few steps before returning to Kate when she called him back. As she stood watching Emma walk around the side of the house, she let out a frustrated sigh. Their conversation had completely annoyed her. What right did Emma have saying all those things? She was just a kid – what did she even know about relationships?
Kate sank down onto the back step and felt the cool hard concrete through her jeans. She shivered again. Stretching out her legs in front of her, she willed her body to relax. She took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of wet soil after the rain. Leaning back on her elbows, she looked up at the sky. The storm clouds had cleared and the stars were shining again in the inky black sky. Usually the very act of lying perfectly still under the vastness of the stars was something that helped her unwind. Tonight it didn’t seem to be working. Her conversation with Emma had upset her, fraying her edges.
Baxter stretched out on the damp grass at her feet, rolling around until he found his perfect spot. They sat quietly for a few minutes and Kate stroked his coat with her feet, hoping her anger would dissipate. She listened to the sounds of the crickets hiding in the grass and somewhere frogs croaked in the distance. The high-pitched singing of the insects was annoying and she wished they’d stop.
Intensive Care: Escape to the Country Page 24