“Yeah, that’d be right,” Liam said. “Emma has got a few strange ideas in that pretty head of hers.”
“Can you explain what she means?” Kate asked.
“Well I suppose Joel should be the one to tell you this, but since you asked, I’ll try to explain it.” Liam took a deep breath. “Joel doesn’t tell many people about his drinking problem because it came when he was in a really dark place.”
“After Rebecca died,” Kate confirmed. “I know that. He’s told me all about this.”
“Yeah. You know the story I suppose. He was drinking way too much and one day Emma flipped out when she couldn’t get hold of him. Well, when I arrived, he was unconscious on the floor. It had taken me ten hours to reach him. I have no idea how long he’d been like that. If he hadn’t rolled onto his side when he fell down, he would have killed himself with his own vomit. It wasn’t pretty. I got him cleaned up and he promised to get help. He moved back here and joined AA.”
“Alcoholics Anonymous,” Kate said. “Again, none of this is news to me.”
“Yep. And to be fair, he hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol since, and he’s completely turned his whole life around.”
“But he’s clearly not as fundamental as Emma is about not drinking alcohol,” Kate stated. Although as she thought about it, she recalled that she’d never seen him drink alcohol when they were together.
“Oh, he’s fundamental all right. He’s just not in-your-face about it like Emma is,” Liam replied.
“So, he doesn’t drink at all?”
“Never.”
“And this whole thing about not wanting to be around me if I drink alcohol – he would agree with that?” Kate asked.
“Look, Kate,” Liam said, “I really don’t know. You’d have to ask him, but honestly, I doubt it. It’s probably something Emma’s just got in her head. You’ve got to remember, she’s pretty young. She had only just turned eighteen when Rebecca died and it shook her up really bad. She’s pretty protective of Joel nowadays.”
“More like overbearing,” Kate said under her breath.
The two of them sat in silence again. Kate continued to pick at individual blades of grass and let them fall through her fingers as her thoughts swam through her head.
“You know the court case is coming up soon. It’s got everyone in the family a bit on edge.”
“Court case?” She looked up at him.
“Yeah, the guy that drove into the girls that night and killed Rebecca. The trial starts next week. No one’s talking about it with Joel, but I guarantee it’s on his mind.”
“So that’s why Emma is so scared,” Kate said, almost to herself.
It explained so much. The stress of the upcoming trial would be weighing heavily on him. No wonder Emma thought he might have been drinking again before he fell sick. It probably also explained why he had been keeping his distance from her. He might think he’d forgiven the driver and moved on, but it was clear to Kate that he hadn’t.
If only she knew how she could help him.
Chapter 33
Kate spent the next few weeks trying to ignore the ache in her heart. She missed Joel. She hadn’t seen or spoken to him since he’d been discharged from hospital almost three weeks earlier. She had tried once, calling into the Bean Counter, but a “closed” sign hung forlornly on the door. She was still annoyed that their last conversation had been interrupted by Liam and she dreaded what Joel must be thinking. She should have called him, but what she had to say needed to be said face to face, not via text. She wanted to be able to look into his eyes. The problem was, now that so much time had passed since she’d seen him, it was getting awkward. She sighed miserably. As much as she hated to admit it, the time had come for her to confront her fear of conflict and sort things out.
On Saturday morning she woke to another perfect spring day. She laced her running shoes and headed outside. There was a light breeze causing fluffy white clouds to dance and skitter across the sky, every now and again blocking the sun. The herd of Murray Grey cows in the paddock next door had doubled in size as the mothers bore calves, and they eyed her curiously as she ran past. The sheep over the road had been recently shorn and lambs pranced around, their tails wiggling with joy in the sunshine.
With the change in season had come vivid changes to the landscape. When Kate had arrived in Birrangulla she’d expected to see dry brown paddocks and red dirt. Instead she’d found green paddocks as far as her eye could see. Now, as the warmer months had arrived, the grass had dried off and crops had replaced much of the surrounding countryside. From her house she had looked out across the hills and seen square patches of different colors. Her favorites had been the canola crops – the bright yellow standing out against the deep green and brown of other paddocks.
After running for nearly an hour, Kate turned around for home. Overhead, more clouds had gathered and in the distance it looked like rain. When she arrived back at her front gate, she checked the timer on her watch and was pleased to see she had clocked nineteen kilometers. She was right on target with her training, even without Joel urging her along.
She retrieved the newspaper from her letterbox and as she unwrapped the plastic cover, shock rippled through her. Joel’s unsmiling face was on the front page beside an article about Rebecca’s death and the court case. Even though Liam had warned her about it, seeing it make front page news still stunned her. She’d tried hard to bury her head in the sand and ignore the news, but everyone in town had been talking about it. Once again she was annoyed with herself. She should have reached out to Joel as a friend, but she’d held back, knowing that if he had wanted her at his side, he would have asked. And if he needed her, he knew where to find her. At least that’s what she kept trying to convince herself.
She read the words of the article in horror. Joel had told her what had happened to Rebecca, and she drove past the accident scene every day, but somehow reading it for herself made it so much more real.
The man responsible for ending a young woman’s life on the eve of her wedding in a shocking hit-run has had his day in court. The trial, which was expected to run for up to three weeks, concluded today with his conviction. A date for the sentencing hearing has not yet been set.
On November 18th three years ago, bride-to-be Rebecca Donaghy was killed and three of her bridesmaids were injured after celebrating the woman’s hens’ night at the nearby Diggers Arms Hotel just outside of Birrangulla. They were walking back into town when the accident occurred.
Bernard O’Toole lost control of his speeding car on the dark road, plowing into the group of girls, killing the twenty-year-old instantly. Donaghy was engaged to local Joel O’Connor who is well known to many in town and owns and operates the popular Bean Counter café.
O’Connor had been celebrating his bucks’ night and did not hear of the accident that killed his fiancée until the next morning. His sister Emma was injured in the accident but was released from hospital shortly afterward with non-life-threatening injuries.
Today Joel’s father Sean O’Connor read a statement on behalf of the O’Connor and Donaghy families. “Three years ago we lost a beautiful woman overnight. In a moment of time our lives were changed forever. No words will ever describe what we have gone through.”
It was found that O’Toole drank extensively throughout the day before driving speeds of up to 120 kilometers per hour along the stretch of road leading from the Diggers Arms Hotel back into Birrangulla before hitting the girls. O’Toole fled the scene in his vehicle and it was later found parked out the front of his house. He was still asleep in the driver’s seat when police arrived, and when woken, said he had thought he had hit a kangaroo.
When the O’Connor family was contacted today after the findings were handed down, Joel O’Connor refused to be interviewed. His mother Lorraine stated that the court case had been a reminder of the tragic night. “It was like one final kick in the guts. It threw us all back into turmoil again,” she said. “Now it’s ov
er and we just want to get on with our lives.”
Kate closed the paper and hurried down the driveway. She was worried. She needed to see Joel. The court case might be the one thing that tipped him over the edge if he really was as close as Emma seemed to think.
Kate took a quick shower while she worked up the courage to call him. She tried three times but there was no answer on his phone. She wondered if he’d seen her number and was ignoring the call. She tried yet again and there was still no answer. He spent most Saturday afternoons on his farm but she’d never visited and didn’t even know exactly where it was. On the other hand, perhaps he was sitting in his apartment in town, alone, replaying the outcome of the case in his mind. Surely he would be happy the man was convicted.
The more she thought about it, the more worry began to bubble up within her. She tried a fifth time and the phone went to voicemail again. Surely he wouldn’t ignore her that many times in a row if he saw her number on his screen. A sinking feeling landed in the bottom of her gut and she knew without a doubt that something was wrong.
She had to find him.
*
Two hours later they were sitting side by side on a straw bale. He had been laying the straw around the berry bushes he had planted and hadn’t looked overly pleased to see her pull up. Kate had finally managed to track him down through Emma who had given her directions to his farm. She was surprised how close it was – as Joel had said, they were almost neighbors.
It was the first time she’d seen him since his illness. Dark circles stood out against his pale skin. His blue eyes were dull and unreadable, his Akubra pulled low over his brow. The collar of his shirt was up and it gave Kate the impression that he was trying to hide himself. She didn’t know what to say and it was clear that he didn’t either.
She was glad she’d brought Baxter with her. Joel sat throwing a tennis ball to the dog who continually brought it back and dropped it at Joel’s feet, clearly loving all the attention. They remained side by side in silence for the longest time.
Overhead an eagle flew, searching for food. It dipped and soared and Kate watched it until it eventually flew from her line of sight. The sky was now overcast with heavy clouds threatening rain. The sun had completely disappeared.
She looked into Joel’s eyes but all she saw was the reflection of the clouds. For a brief second, the man beside her felt like a stranger.
“I read the paper.” She decided to plunge straight in. There was no point beating around the bush – he clearly wasn’t in the mood to play games.
He stared into the distance and let out a loud sigh. “It was a disaster.”
“What was?” She was confused, not expecting that response.
“Nothing.”
As if it’s nothing, Kate thought, remaining quiet.
He looked away and she had to strain to hear his next words.
“The whole trial was. It was bloody awful. The timing of it. The fact they held it here in town.” He sighed heavily. “All I wanted was for it all to go away so I could move on. Sitting in court was like reliving that day Beck died all over again.”
Kate nodded, looking at him. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how painful it must have been and she wished she’d been there to support him. His eyes remained downcast.
“When you said I had to forgive Marcus, you told me I had to do it for my own good, not for his. You told me you knew what you were talking about. Was this what you meant?”
“This?”
“This man who killed Rebecca. Is he the one you forgave?”
Joel snorted. “I thought I had.”
“But?”
“Now I’m not so sure.”
“Why?”
“Because every time I saw him sitting there in court all dressed up in his suit and tie looking contrite, I wanted to get my hands on his scrawny neck and choke him.” Joel let out a sharp burst of air. “I just hope he gets jailed for life. He deserves it.”
Kate remained quiet, mulling over his words. Her heart ached for him. The words might have surprised Kate, but not the emotions behind them. She imagined she would have wanted to do the same thing. For a while she wanted to do the same thing to Marcus after she’d lost the baby. She racked her brain to remember what Joel had said about forgiveness. At first she came up blank but then recalled the words he’d once spoken to her.
“Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting.”
Joel turned his head sharply to look at Kate. Clearly he remembered his own advice. “I know that,” he snapped.
“So what’s the problem?” She instantly regretted her words, knowing how insensitive they must have sounded, but she needed to get him to open up to her.
“I failed,” he answered softly.
“What do you mean?”
“I let people down. I let myself down.”
“I’m not following.”
“I stuffed up. I got drunk.” She heard the resentment in his voice and she understood what he was trying to say. He’d failed himself. “After the jury foreman gave his verdict, I walked out of the courtroom and went out and got totally smashed.” Shame washed across his face. “Then I drove home. Drunk. Jeez Kate, what if I’d hit someone? That makes me no better than him.” He ran his fingers through his hair.
“Oh Joel.” She wished she could find the right words to comfort him. “So what does that mean? You get back on the wagon? Back on the horse? Is that what they say?” She shrugged her shoulders. She had absolutely no idea what else she was supposed to say.
“Something like that.” Joel’s eyes remained downcast. She wanted to lift his chin and turn his face toward hers but resisted. It was obvious he wasn’t in the mood and she didn’t want to push him further away from her.
“So what do you need? What can I do to help?”
“I don’t know.”
She’d never heard him sound this dejected. “I’ve really missed you.” He looked up at her and she gained confidence, continuing to speak. “I’m here for you if you need me.”
“But what if I fall again? I thought I’d beaten these demons and all it took was one moment to stuff up again.”
“If you fall, I’ll help you pick yourself up again.” She rolled her eyes as soon as she said the words. They sounded like the lyrics of some cheesy song. She tried again. “I’m here for you, Joel.”
“But will you always be here, Kate?”
“Yes!”
“And what about Liam?” Joel asked.
“What about Liam?” Kate responded, looking at him, challenging him with her eyes. She was finally prepared for this conversation, and was glad he was the one who had brought the topic up. The timing sucked, but she was ready.
“Where are things up to with you two?” he asked. He couldn’t even bring himself to look her in the eye.
“There’s nothing between Liam and me. There never has been and there never will be. I’m totally not interested in Liam, and he knows that.”
“But you two went out for dinner when I was in ICU. I saw the way he draped his arm around you afterward,” Joel said, a frown creasing his brow. “You were looking very cozy and friendly.”
“What you saw is not how it is,” Kate said. “I’m not together with Liam. Yes, we went out for dinner – once – and yes, he told me he was interested in pursuing a relationship with me.” Kate paused and made sure she had his full attention. “But I said no.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m interested in someone else.”
“Oh.” His eyes dropped and his head bowed down slightly.
Kate slid across the prickly straw toward him until her hip was touching his. Kate felt him flinch slightly but she pressed in further toward him until their legs were touching. Then she rested her hand on his thigh.
“I’m interested in you, Joel,” she said quietly.
Joel turned his head sharply to look at her. “But Kate, I can’t!” he said.
“Because of Beck?”
He shook his
head. “No.”
“Because of the stupid code,” Kate confirmed.
He looked at her, surprised. “You know about that?”
“Liam told me. And to be completely honest, I think it’s ridiculous. For heaven’s sake, you’re not teenagers in high school anymore, Joel. You have Liam’s full blessing to ask me out.” She paused, knowing her face was bright red. She’d promised herself she wasn’t going to be the one to make the first move but desperate measures were called for. “If you’re still interested that is.”
Kate watched the expression on Joel’s face change as desire flooded his eyes. She recognized it as the same look he’d given her in hospital when he’d been about to kiss her. Joel looked down at her hand on his thigh and slowly rested his own hand on top of hers, gently squeezing it. She turned her hand over and slowly entwined her fingers through his, watching his face at the same time. Her breathing rate accelerated as she waited for his reply. Or maybe even his kiss.
“I’m very interested,” he answered softly. He pulled her toward him until her head rested against his chest. She sensed his warmth and felt the brush of his lips on her hair. The familiar lemon scent flooded her senses. “I’ll be very happy to forget all about the code,” Joel said, “’cause if I get the girl, I still win!”
Kate laughed and Joel joined her. The somber mood that had descended on them both had finally broken.
Everything was going to be all right.
Chapter 34
Kate was sitting at the desk in the central nurses’ station a few weeks later, tuning in and out of the activity around her. Her mind was elsewhere, thinking back over the past couple of months at work and the subtle changes in her colleagues’ attitudes toward her. She knew the upcoming fun run had a lot to do with it. Everyone seemed genuinely amazed that she’d had so much money pledged and that she was prepared to attempt to run the whole distance.
She also couldn’t stop thinking about Joel. They had been spending most evenings together at her place, but Kate was becoming increasingly frustrated by his lack of intimacy. Even a kiss on the lips would be better than what she was currently getting, which was nothing. Her own body was sending signals that she could no longer deny, but so far he wasn’t responding to her in the way she would have liked.
Intensive Care: Escape to the Country Page 26