I Just Wanna Be Yours

by Lucinda John

  Once that minute was up, I gently grabbed his thumb and positioned it over the button to unlock it using his fingerprint. Jerecho was a hard sleeper, so I had time to position his finger correctly so that it would unlock. When I finally got the phone unlocked, I took it with me to the closet and took a seat on the floor.

  The first thing I did was click on the text messages. Besides the three text messages that popped up, everything else was either from me, his sister, his mom, or his homeboys. Clicking on the unknown number, my heart started beating fast as the phone became sweaty in my hand.

  “Damn, Daddy. This pussy miss you already, and you were just in it last night. I’m so mad you have to go out of town, but just know, Ms. Wet-Wet will be ready when you return.”

  The message said, making me sick to my stomach. The next two messages were pussy and ass shots of the unknown bitch he was fucking with. I went to his photo gallery to find any evidence of this hoe but found none. Checking his call log, there wasn’t any trace of him calling her which lead me to believe that he deleted everything before coming home.

  I thought back to last night at how he urgently had to leave in the middle of watching Straight Outta Compton with me. He told me he had to go over some things with his business partner to ensure their trip ran smoothly. When he came in the house at three in the morning, sleepy, and asking me if I could finish packing his bag for him, I didn’t even give it a thought that he was out fucking around on me.

  Tears burned my eyes, as I sat with me knees to my chest trying my best to stop the achy feeling in my heart. Rocking back and forth, I allowed the tears to fall as images of the of that bitch’s pussy were stamped in my head. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I get Jerecho to treat me right? I was hoping for a full body picture of this girl, so I could compare and see what she had that I didn’t

  The alarm blaring through Jerecho’s phone was what snapped me out of my trance. I quickly got up and dashed towards the nightstand, putting his phone back where I found it. I went into the kitchen and sat at the island in an attempt to get my thoughts together. I was going to be good a fiancé and make him some breakfast before his trip, but I decided against it. At that point, I was numb, and I didn’t want to argue or hear his stupid excuses or sorry’s. I just wanted him to get up, grab his things, and leave, so that I could have this time alone to myself.

  “Baby, did you finish packing my bags?” Jerecho asked, walking towards the kitchen wearing a pair of Nike sweats with the matching sweatshirt.

  “Yup.” I replied, with my eyes glued to the counter.

  “You good?”

  “Yup.”

  “Man, here you go. I told you I would be back. I’m not going to be fucking with no bitches if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “I hear you.”

  “I’mma miss my flight fucking around with you.” He sucked his teeth, making his way back inside the room.

  Ten minutes later, a car horn blew letting me know his ride to the airport was here. With his duffle bag thrown over his shoulder, he walked into Tyreek’s room to check in on him before walking out. He came over to me, stood between my legs, and started kissing me on the lips.

  “Be a good girl while daddy is gone, ok?” He said, running his fingers through my now wild hair.

  “Ok.” I whispered.

  “I love you, baby. Daddy will be home before you know it.”

  “Love you, too.” I replied, wishing he would hurry and go.

  He gave me one last kiss on the lips before leaving. The moment the door closed, I placed my head on the counter and cried my eyes out. It was as if nothing I did would ever be enough for Jerecho. If this was what life would be like being his wife, then I needed to rethink things. I was starting to become a prisoner to the emotional damage Jerecho was causing to me.

  “Mommy, are you ok?” Tyreek’s soft voice asked.

  “Yes, I’m fine. Guess what?” I sniffled, trying my best to discreetly wipe the tears from my eyes

  “What?” He asked.

  “We’re going to Ms. Chelly’s house.”

  “Yay!” He screamed, jumping up and down.

  Aside from Jerecho’s mom, Chelly was the only grandmother Tyreek knew. It was unfortunate that my own mother didn’t want to be a part of his life, but that’s where Chelly came in. Since Tyreek was a baby, she’s been a blessing to us, and I valued the strong bond they shared.

  “Ok, let’s go pack your bags, because she wants to have sa sleepover.”

  “Can I pack my Spider-Man jam-jams?” He asked, referring to his pajamas.

  “You sure can little man. Lead the way.” I replied following behind him

  Once Tyreek was packed up and done with breakfast, I cleaned him off and dressed him for the day. He was looking super cute in his jumper set Naria bought him, so I snapped a few pictures of him and sent them to her. In the car, instead of listening to my normal music, I decided to go to the children’s station on Pandora’s, and listened to Tyreek as he sang his little heart out to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

  * * *

  “Hey, babies!” Chelly exclaimed, as she opened the door for us.

  “Mommy said we’re having a sleepover.” Tyreek said, wrapping his little arms around Chelly’s leg.

  “We sure are! I’ve invited a few boys your age from the church, and we are going to have us some fun.”

  “Yay!” He beamed.

  “Go put your bag in the back and grab a few books we can read. It’s nice out, and I want to sit in the hammock.”

  “Ok.” He replied running off.

  “Are you ok?” She asked, the moment Tyreek left the room.

  “Yes. Why?”

  “I can feel it. Something is wrong. Plus, your eyes still look puffy like you’ve been crying.” Chelly said.

  “Same mess, different day.” I replied with a sigh. “I feel so stupid for loving him the way I do.” I cried.

  “Shhhhh, honey, stop it with all that nonsense. As women, we all fall victim to men that we know means us no good, but we love them too much to realize it. When you get sick and tired of Jerecho and his mess, you will know. It’s only so much a woman can take before she reaches her breaking point. Never put yourself down for loving the wrong man; it sometimes takes us loving the wrong one to appreciate the right one.” She lectured.

  “Ugh, why he just can’t get it right?”

  “I will never tell you to leave your man, but sometimes God will make you go through hell with a man to show you he’s not for you. As women, we often like to ignore the signs and try to fix things ourselves, but the more you try to fix things with Jerecho, the worse it’ll get. Sometimes, we have to learn how to let things go, and if it’s meant to be, it’ll come back. If not, use it as a lesson learned; however, all of that is easier said than done, so don’t beat yourself up about it.” Chelly replied.

  “Thank you, Chelly, for never judging me.”

  “Listen, baby. I know everything about what you’re going through before I met Benny. Norris, Naria’s father, used to put me through it. The cheating, lying, STD’s, black eyes, you name it, I got it, but my love for him wouldn’t allow me to leave. I guess as time went on, I grew sick and tired of the same shit. I packed me and Naria up and walked out the house never looking back. Yes, it was a struggle at first, but once you detox yourself from a fuck boy, you’ll be good as new.”

  “Ms. Chelly!”

  “Oh child, I listen to Trina. I know all about fuck boys.” She chuckled.

  “You are too much.”

  “I know; go out and hang out with Naria. I’m sure she’ll keep you entertained. Don’t worry about Tyreek; I got him.”

  “Thank you, again.”

  “Anytime, baby girl.”

  “Call me if you need me.” I said.

  “Oh, please. You know Tyreek will be fine. Take care of yourself and remember you can’t love someo
ne more than you love yourself.” She replied.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Instead of heading back home, I decided to crash at Naria’s house. I was happy Jordynn went back home to visit her baby for a few weeks, because I really didn’t feel like dealing with her ass. I knew Naria was with Sage, so I decided to use my key to let myself in.

  Making my way to the kitchen, I looked for something to cook, but it looked as if Naria hadn’t seen a grocery store in weeks. Grabbing the last pack of chicken breasts I spotted in the freezer, I sat it in hot water to thaw. I was able to find a bag of green beans and some mac and cheese, so I decided to cook those as sides.

  When the chicken breasts defrosted, I sat them in a bowl and seasoned them. Placing a sheet of foil over the seasoned chicken, I allowed it to marinate while I cooked the sides. Once the mac and cheese was bubbling in the oven, and the green beans were nice and tender, I grabbed some bread crumbs and corn starch and used it to bread the chicken before frying them.

  Once I was done cooking lunch, I made me a plate and sat outside on the patio to eat. Before digging in my food, I pulled out the pre-rolled blunt I had in my bag and sparked it up. I wasn’t too big on smoking, but I was in need that day. After finishing off the blunt, I said grace over my food, covered my chicken in hot sauce, and began digging in.

  “I fucked this shit up.” I chuckled to myself as I looked down at my empty plate.

  Bringing the plate of food inside, I washed the dishes and cleaned up the mess I made. Walking over to Naria’s bar area, I picked up a Cognac glass, grabbed a bottle of Pure White Hennessy, then made my way to Naria’s bedroom. Turning the TV on, I placed Black Ink Crew on mute while I sat on the bed Indian-style drinking my pain away. With each glass I drank, the better I started to feel, so I kept drinking until I started feeling tipsy.

  “Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!” I woke up to Naria jumping on the bed smacking me on the bed.

  “Naria, chill. I was sleeping.” I groaned.

  “No your drunk ass was drinking and passed out, and you was in here drinking my good shit.”

  “I needed it.”

  “Hmm, what that nigga do now?” She asked, plopping down on the bed.

  “Same ol shit” I replied.

  “Girl, you gon’ learn.”

  “I will, so let me.” I spat.

  “Calm down, girl. Shit, I’m just saying.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. How was your date with Sage?”

  “Girl, I wasn’t with Sage. I was with Heli.”

  “Heli? You still talk to him? I thought you and Sage were rocking now.”

  “We are, but I’m just coolin’ it, ya know. Shit between us is good, but I ain’t tryna get too comfortable.”

  “Naria, you can’t keep running away from relationships.” I stressed.

  “I’m not running; I’m skipping in a field of sunflowers and having fun.” She chuckled.

  “It’s not right what you’re doing?”

  “Why not?” She quizzed. “Niggas do it all the time.”

  “You’re right, but be careful.”

  “I will.” She replied. “So you rolling with me to Sage’s kick back?”

  “Wait, wasn’t you just with Heli?”

  “Yup, and now I want to chill with Sage. That lil’ nigga’s head game is serious.” She said, causing me to gag.

  “TMI.”

  “I’m sorry, bestie, but damn.” She said, straddling a pillow and riding it.

  “Nasty ass.” I scoffed.

  “I know, so you rolling, or nah?”

  “Do I have a choice?” I asked.

  “Nah, so you might as well finish up that nap so we can go. Hell, I’m about to lay down and take one with you.” She said, laying her body down next to mine.

  Chapter 13

  Saire

  “You got my money?” I asked, walking into the warehouse.

  “You got my guns?” The buyer countered.

  “Yes. Uno, show him.” I nodded to one of my men.

  I watched as Uno walked over to the back of the van and opened the door. He then removed the bottom part of the van showing off the display of guns that my buyer was interested in purchasing. The buyer looked over at the guns with a twinkle in his eyes as he ran his fingers across the barrel of each gun.

  “Jon, show him the money.” The buyer said to one of his men, who brought out three suitcases and laid them on the ground.

  Jon opened all three of the suitcases and moved back giving me space to inspect the money.

  “It’s all there.” The buyer said.

  He was right; being in the business as long as I have, you had to learn how to count money with your eyes. Motherfuckers would try to get over on you by stacking the money a certain way to make it look as if it is all there, then you take it with you and when you count it, you realized you’re short a few grands. I wasn’t going to lie, when I was in my learning stages, this happened to me a few times, but now shit like that was hard to get pass me.

  “Nice doing business with you.” I nodded at Uno to pick up the suitcases.

  “Ouch!” Uno yelled, as he was hit with a single bullet.

  Ducking for cover, I pulled out my gun and started blasting back. The niggas that were shooting at me were trying to distract me from the nigga that was trying to drive off with the van filled with guns. Aiming my gun at the car, I let off one perfect shot that had the dude slumped over against the steering wheel. I then hit the green button on the side of the warehouse door letting the snipers know that their services were needed.

  Like dominoes, bodies started dropping the moment my trained shooters started taking these niggas out one by one. I always kept my snipers on deck for moments like this; especially, dealing with new clients which was something I rarely did. The only reason I decided to fuck with this nigga was because Ambi recommended him.

  Grabbing the money, I helped Uno in the van before pulling off. Instead of taking him to a hospital, I took him to this old timer, named Doc, who was trained to deal with street emergencies. When we made it to Doc’s house, I made sure Uno was straight before taking the van and driving it to where I kept all my shipments of guns.

  “I got set the fuck up!” I yelled, into the phone at Abraham.

  “Woah. What happened?” He asked.

  “The men your father sent to me ended up trying to take me out and rob me.” I replied.

  “Are you serious?”

  “All them motherfuckers lying dead in the warehouse as we speak if you think I’m lying.”

  “Wow, those men have been doing business with us for years.”

  “Snake ass niggas tried to pull a fast one over on me.” I huffed.

  “I’m sorry, man. I will have a word with my father about this.”

  “Yeah, handle that.”

  “I will.” He replied before hanging up the phone.

  After making sure all of the guns were in their designated spot, and securely locked up, I closed the vault and used my handprint to lock the door. Making my way to the second vault that held my money, I used my hand to open it, and stacked the quick, one hundred and twenty-seven grand I just made inside. These guns that I was selling were top of the line, which meant, I wasn’t getting paid anything lower than forty grand for a purchase.

  Once I was finished, I parked the van down the street at the car lot Uno owned, then hopped in my original car to go check in on him. When I made it back to Doc’s house, Uno was doing well. He was real lucky the bullet didn’t pierce an organ that could have resulted in his death.

  Today was starting off long; I just wanted to go home and fall back until it was time for my brother’s kick back. When I got out my car and headed towards my condo, I noticed Xandy leaning on my gate. I was now starting to regret the day I told her to come to my house to borrow one of my cars so she could have transportation to and from work.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, not reall
y wanting to deal with her ass.

  “I came to tell you the windshield wipers on the Lexus aren’t properly working.

  “You came all the way over here to tell me that?” I quizzed.

  “Yes, because I thought it was going to rain.

  “It didn’t rain, right? Now, take your ass home.”

  “Why have you been mean to me lately?” She asked. “Lately, you’ve been treating me weird like I did something wrong to you.” She lectured.

  “You’ve done a lot to me.” I replied.

  “Like what?”

  “I’m not about to sit here and have this talk with you man.”

  “No, I need to hear this.” She firmly said. “I want the truth now!”

  “You fucked me up in the head, Xandy. I tried everything in my power to help you, but you wouldn’t stop. Numerous of times, I signed you up for different high-end programs, but you repay me by bringing your other addict friends in my house and stealing from me. Even after all of that, I still loved you. I still waited for you when you would disappear. I was never ashamed of you when you were walking in the streets naked and shit looking crazy. I would come get you, clean you up, and beg you to get clean. You made me feel less of a man… like I wasn’t worth you changing your ways for. I felt like you were cheating on me with this drug, and that shit won over me!” I vented.

  “I’m sorry; I had that monkey on my back bad, and it was hard for me to shake.” She cried.

  “I understand that, but my baby.” I stopped, because I felt myself getting choked up. “My baby wasn’t worth you changing. You were pregnant with my child and still using drugs! I didn’t even know until you lost my baby. Even after the miscarriage, you still ran back to the drugs, leaving me to go through that painful experience alone.” I angrily replied.

  “I’m sorry, Saire.”

  “Fuck your sorries, man! You know what drugs did to my family. I told you everything, but still you chose to cause me the same pain.” I cried.

  I was far from a bitch ass nigga, but this conversation struck an emotional nerve. This issue with my father, mother, and unborn child bothered me and it still ate at me. I was harboring those feelings for so long, and now that they were coming out, I started feeling a bunch of emotions that I tried to run away from.